The Disgraced Jedi
By: The Disgraced Angel
Disclaimer: Again, all characters belong to George Lucas. I only stole his characters for an evil soap opera to entertain myself. And if you sue me, you'll make no profit, unless you live in a world where cream filled donuts are the currency.
A/N: I kept my promise and wrote a few more chapters. I will keep updating weekly, as this story is far from over. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Chapter 8: Family "Issues"
Hate is rape of the soul. Leia's head was screaming a million things at once. Her body was shaking, and suddenly, she found herself quoting a sentence from a childhood book. 'Hate is Rape of the Soul' and now, Leia felt as if all she had ever given, all the love and trust, had been thrown at her, and with a 200-pound weight attached to it.
Han couldn't believe what he was hearing. And judging by Leia's pained facial expression neither did she. They both just stood there, as if frozen in place, while Luke sat up, and faced them with a grim, yet unmistakable grin.
"L-Luke?" Leia gasped. "Luke?" Han said, wishing he could shake his old friend back. Luke kept smiling. His face was however, cunning, calculating, and dangerous. Han didn't want to remind himself of the fact that this Luke was also fully refreshed and unchained. And in the same room with them.
He could act. He could even act like all this was a joke, or their imagination. He could probably erase their memories if need be. The choices were all at his disposal. Everything he needed to do, he could. But a small factor kept him at bay. If he destroyed them, getting his son would be impossible. But when did he all the sudden care for Ben? All these things rushed in Luke's mind as he felt his fake smile freeze on his pallid face. His eyes were the only things that seemed to work; they focused on Leia, with her silent, pained expression, and them Han, who looked tired, and on the verge of blowing up. He wanted to kill them. To increase those hurtful woes. But patience would earn him his son. One thing he learned with C.O.T.E, was the virtue of patience. He would act. And then when they least expected it, strike the blow that would cripple the New Republic. And this time, he wouldn't fail.
Luke tried to find the old Luke again. It was buried in years of anguish and pain, and depression. It was tattered and weak, but still alive in him. Luke Skywalker decided to bring out the old him one last time, in hopes of finally destroying that weak part of him forever.
It was like being in hyperspace. Old emotions, new feelings, and the worst bout of pain came flooding to his brain, overpowering him. His mind was going a million miles an hour; He was choking, his brain was shutting down, and his heart was failing. All his body was out of control. Things rushed in front of his eyes, times and places, memories he had long forgotten. Friends that were dead, and mentors that were with him only in spirit. He let out a cry that was sharp and mournful. He suddenly fell to his knees, his weeping overcoming him. How could he do this to Han? To Leia! He deserved to die! Nothing could heal their pain! His hands flew to his hair, and he began tearing at it, tugging, and pulling. *I am the scum of the World* his head cried. And a little part of him, neatly tucked away for now, thought * Maybe it was not my best idea to bring the old me out* But now, it was too late. Ashamed and broken, Luke whispered hoarsely, "Just kill me Leia, I don't deserve to live anymore."
"Luke!" Leia cried. She watched horrified as she felt Luke's breathing stop, and his heart give way. An inner struggle seemed to be going on inside of him, and it seemed his bodies way of dealing with it was to shut down.
"Luke...buddy? You in there?" Han muttered, as he gently shook Luke. Leia was crying silently at his side, stroking his hair. The ten minutes since he has passed out seemed like 10 hours. Leia felt as if her own heart were giving way. And she knew Han could relate. "I can feel the inner conflict inside him, Han...I don't...think that he is dangerous to us." She whispered. She turned her face to Han's weary one. "Somehow, I don't either. He needs help. Our help." Han said, nodding at her. "When he gets up, we'll figure all this out. This is Luke we're talking about...we owe it to him to keep him alive." Leia said. She felt as if the time since Luke announced his presence had taken its toll of years instead of the few hours it took for their lives to change. "Is it just me, or did you notice how many life debts this guy seems to owe me?" Han joked. His laugh made things feel a little better. And maybe it was just Leia's bagged eyes, but it even seemed to put a slight smile on her brother's face.
******************************************************
"Leia...Leia...." Luke whispered. His eyes were blurry, and his room was pitch black. * A light * He thought. But his muscles were too tired and too weak to move. * The Force * But that part of him seemed too remote and timid to come forward. * And *, he thought, * wouldn't you know it, Leia and Han can't hear me, and my vocal cords have just taken a vacation. * "Leia? Han?" Luke croaked. His throat ached. What had happened to him? He searched his head for recent memories. Thoughts of Leia tear streaked face crying out to him surfaced, and Han's unmistakable surprise and hurt came, too. Why were they upset? Me he thought. * I did it* If he could have yelled, he would have. He was a horrible, evil creature! Worse than his father, the emperor! His loved ones! He damned them... *But they damned you! * His head screamed. Did they? His dark side was resurfacing...another memory came...their faced contorted with hate, Han hitting him! *They hate you, remember? You came here to get revenge...I can help you...only your anger, and hate can help you succeed in ridding the galaxy of the true criminals! * Luke shook his head, and effort that took tremendous strength. *Where have I heard that before? * Luke ignored the answer, and tried to think happy thoughts to rid himself of the voice, a technique, however juvenile, worked, for the time being. Soon, Luke felt the unauthorized anger leave him, and settled his face down further is his pillow. * I need to remember how I got this way * Luke thought. His head was aching, and his heart felt weak. He'd all but murdered his family. What had become of this Disgraced Jedi?
"Luke is up...should we go and see him?" Leia asked timidly. She and Han were sitting on the balcony, washed in the cool night, and bathing in the spectacular light display that couroscant was most famous for. "Yes. Yes lets go now." Han said, determined to face his brother-in-law and whatever he had in store for them. "Alright. And this time, no blasters. I have enough Jedi training to stop him if he tries to..." She said. Leia felt some of her recent confidence fade away. But, it was now or never. She got up, took her husbands hand, and led the way to Luke's room.
*They're coming * Luke thought. *How can I face them after what I just did? I let the dark side rule me! * He was frantic. * What if they hate me? Or they don't trust me? * He wanted to scream. *Then act. Act like you don't want to kill them. That's the plan * Luke shook his head. * What plan? I don't want to kill them! ...Or did I? * Luke was feeling more confused than ever, having to hear the darkness inside him duke it out with his light side. Would the inner battle never end? He felt like screaming, but such wouldn't be wise at the time. For Leia and Han had just opened the door.
Leia felt the emotions arise in him. But these were very different from the ones she felt earlier. Now, he felt shame, the deepest he had ever felt, sadness, and strangely, detachment. He was laying on his back, his eyes glowing with untold pain in the dark.
"Luke? Its us." Leia said. Of course he knew who it was. How could he not? "Leia?" A voice croaked. It was hoarse and pathetic, and wavered like a flag whipping in the wind. "Han?" It said. It was crying out, sad and stupidly. Luke was crying. Hard. And suddenly, instead of the usual confusion and racing thoughts she felt, Leia only felt sadness. For within this crying, broken man was another demon, waiting for the right moment to unveil itself. But this demon was her brother. Leia ran forward and threw herself on her brother. Han timidly stepped forward, and embraced the two.
"Leia...I'm so sorry. I should go...leave me! You don't deserve to have such a foolish, evil brother! I hated you...don't you understand!" Luke screamed. They still loved him. Still wanted to help. Why couldn't they just leave him to die? He wished he could be redeemed maybe, like his father, but that part of him seemed to have consumed most of his good side. Didn't they understand just how dangerous he was?
"Luke, we'll go on loving and caring about you no matter what! We just need you to tell us exactly what happened." Leia said. Never had it hurt so much to be strong. Her brother wasn't himself anymore. When Alderaan had been destroyed, a part of her was lost and dead. But now her brother was destroyed, and it felt as if half of her was missing. "Leia...Han...you don't understand. I came here to kill you! I loved you and...and the dark side...Oh, Leia, please don't keep me here! The dark side is growing stronger. It has me now. The Luke you knew is gone."
"Luke...ol' buddy. Listen. What happened? You can tell us. We can help." Han said. He looked at Luke, who was fighting the urge to cry, or get angry, and felt like shit. "When I left, I left you guys and Ben because of the dark side. It was growing. I don't know how. But I knew that once it had gotten me, I was done for. So I vowed to...to die." Luke took a shuddering breath. * Don't tell them you fool! * His mind screamed. Luke's vocal cords felt like mush. He tried to keep going. "And I...didn't. Something stopped me." He turned to Leia. She was biting her Lip, and blinking back tears. Luke wanted to touch her face, to comfort her. But he was too ashamed to do more than look at her. "You two. Your memory stopped me. I didn't die. I went to go and hide. I found a place. Then...one day....I felt it...the dark side. And..." He couldn't go on. "Luke...please." Leia said. She was tearing at a piece of paper, ripping it into little strips. * That's what I did to her heart * Luke thought. He continued. "So I thought about...stuff. I don't know why...or where it came from. But all the sudden I had hated you. I don't know why...because you Leia, Han, and the kids, mean more to me than anything! You have to know that! And so to end my pain, I came here, on a mission, to...to..." He turned his head. It was bowed. Just thinking of it made him cringe. He couldn't claim being crazy either. It was the dark side. He was evil. And now, he couldn't even face himself.
Leia and Han were crying. And hating themselves for it. Luke was sobbing, too. "Luke! It doesn't matter about that anymore! I love you, and now that you're back, I don't care what you felt. Its called unconditional love. And I love you. Han and me won't let you hurt any one or yourself. Ever." Leia cried. She stood up, and embraced Luke. She turned his head to face her, and he cringed. "I love you too, Leia." He whispered, and hugged her back. Then he fell back, crying. He hugged Han, and felt relieved. * They don't hate me! * His head screamed. Luke felt at peace, for the time being.
There were many things on his mind. Luke was going to have to figure out what to say and do to C.O.T.E, and what to tell the New Republic on his return. Then there was also the matter of seeing Ben...Ben, his son. And lastly, on the threat of the Dark Side. And that was the scariest thing he could think of. Because the rise of it was very connected to something he knew. Something that was oh so familiar to him. Luke was afraid. Because that only too familiar feeling was the one he felt when around his father and the emperor. And he knew that feeling like the back of his hand. * The Emperor and Darth Vader couldn't have returned! * His mind screamed. But the little darkness inside him laughed. * They have returned, Luke. And soon, you will be returning to the your old ways, and be serving the true master of the galaxy! *
A/N: So, what did ya think? Any comments, appraises, and flames welcome! Please review! I promise to have another chapter up in a week or so if you do!
By: The Disgraced Angel
Disclaimer: Again, all characters belong to George Lucas. I only stole his characters for an evil soap opera to entertain myself. And if you sue me, you'll make no profit, unless you live in a world where cream filled donuts are the currency.
A/N: I kept my promise and wrote a few more chapters. I will keep updating weekly, as this story is far from over. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Chapter 8: Family "Issues"
Hate is rape of the soul. Leia's head was screaming a million things at once. Her body was shaking, and suddenly, she found herself quoting a sentence from a childhood book. 'Hate is Rape of the Soul' and now, Leia felt as if all she had ever given, all the love and trust, had been thrown at her, and with a 200-pound weight attached to it.
Han couldn't believe what he was hearing. And judging by Leia's pained facial expression neither did she. They both just stood there, as if frozen in place, while Luke sat up, and faced them with a grim, yet unmistakable grin.
"L-Luke?" Leia gasped. "Luke?" Han said, wishing he could shake his old friend back. Luke kept smiling. His face was however, cunning, calculating, and dangerous. Han didn't want to remind himself of the fact that this Luke was also fully refreshed and unchained. And in the same room with them.
He could act. He could even act like all this was a joke, or their imagination. He could probably erase their memories if need be. The choices were all at his disposal. Everything he needed to do, he could. But a small factor kept him at bay. If he destroyed them, getting his son would be impossible. But when did he all the sudden care for Ben? All these things rushed in Luke's mind as he felt his fake smile freeze on his pallid face. His eyes were the only things that seemed to work; they focused on Leia, with her silent, pained expression, and them Han, who looked tired, and on the verge of blowing up. He wanted to kill them. To increase those hurtful woes. But patience would earn him his son. One thing he learned with C.O.T.E, was the virtue of patience. He would act. And then when they least expected it, strike the blow that would cripple the New Republic. And this time, he wouldn't fail.
Luke tried to find the old Luke again. It was buried in years of anguish and pain, and depression. It was tattered and weak, but still alive in him. Luke Skywalker decided to bring out the old him one last time, in hopes of finally destroying that weak part of him forever.
It was like being in hyperspace. Old emotions, new feelings, and the worst bout of pain came flooding to his brain, overpowering him. His mind was going a million miles an hour; He was choking, his brain was shutting down, and his heart was failing. All his body was out of control. Things rushed in front of his eyes, times and places, memories he had long forgotten. Friends that were dead, and mentors that were with him only in spirit. He let out a cry that was sharp and mournful. He suddenly fell to his knees, his weeping overcoming him. How could he do this to Han? To Leia! He deserved to die! Nothing could heal their pain! His hands flew to his hair, and he began tearing at it, tugging, and pulling. *I am the scum of the World* his head cried. And a little part of him, neatly tucked away for now, thought * Maybe it was not my best idea to bring the old me out* But now, it was too late. Ashamed and broken, Luke whispered hoarsely, "Just kill me Leia, I don't deserve to live anymore."
"Luke!" Leia cried. She watched horrified as she felt Luke's breathing stop, and his heart give way. An inner struggle seemed to be going on inside of him, and it seemed his bodies way of dealing with it was to shut down.
"Luke...buddy? You in there?" Han muttered, as he gently shook Luke. Leia was crying silently at his side, stroking his hair. The ten minutes since he has passed out seemed like 10 hours. Leia felt as if her own heart were giving way. And she knew Han could relate. "I can feel the inner conflict inside him, Han...I don't...think that he is dangerous to us." She whispered. She turned her face to Han's weary one. "Somehow, I don't either. He needs help. Our help." Han said, nodding at her. "When he gets up, we'll figure all this out. This is Luke we're talking about...we owe it to him to keep him alive." Leia said. She felt as if the time since Luke announced his presence had taken its toll of years instead of the few hours it took for their lives to change. "Is it just me, or did you notice how many life debts this guy seems to owe me?" Han joked. His laugh made things feel a little better. And maybe it was just Leia's bagged eyes, but it even seemed to put a slight smile on her brother's face.
******************************************************
"Leia...Leia...." Luke whispered. His eyes were blurry, and his room was pitch black. * A light * He thought. But his muscles were too tired and too weak to move. * The Force * But that part of him seemed too remote and timid to come forward. * And *, he thought, * wouldn't you know it, Leia and Han can't hear me, and my vocal cords have just taken a vacation. * "Leia? Han?" Luke croaked. His throat ached. What had happened to him? He searched his head for recent memories. Thoughts of Leia tear streaked face crying out to him surfaced, and Han's unmistakable surprise and hurt came, too. Why were they upset? Me he thought. * I did it* If he could have yelled, he would have. He was a horrible, evil creature! Worse than his father, the emperor! His loved ones! He damned them... *But they damned you! * His head screamed. Did they? His dark side was resurfacing...another memory came...their faced contorted with hate, Han hitting him! *They hate you, remember? You came here to get revenge...I can help you...only your anger, and hate can help you succeed in ridding the galaxy of the true criminals! * Luke shook his head, and effort that took tremendous strength. *Where have I heard that before? * Luke ignored the answer, and tried to think happy thoughts to rid himself of the voice, a technique, however juvenile, worked, for the time being. Soon, Luke felt the unauthorized anger leave him, and settled his face down further is his pillow. * I need to remember how I got this way * Luke thought. His head was aching, and his heart felt weak. He'd all but murdered his family. What had become of this Disgraced Jedi?
"Luke is up...should we go and see him?" Leia asked timidly. She and Han were sitting on the balcony, washed in the cool night, and bathing in the spectacular light display that couroscant was most famous for. "Yes. Yes lets go now." Han said, determined to face his brother-in-law and whatever he had in store for them. "Alright. And this time, no blasters. I have enough Jedi training to stop him if he tries to..." She said. Leia felt some of her recent confidence fade away. But, it was now or never. She got up, took her husbands hand, and led the way to Luke's room.
*They're coming * Luke thought. *How can I face them after what I just did? I let the dark side rule me! * He was frantic. * What if they hate me? Or they don't trust me? * He wanted to scream. *Then act. Act like you don't want to kill them. That's the plan * Luke shook his head. * What plan? I don't want to kill them! ...Or did I? * Luke was feeling more confused than ever, having to hear the darkness inside him duke it out with his light side. Would the inner battle never end? He felt like screaming, but such wouldn't be wise at the time. For Leia and Han had just opened the door.
Leia felt the emotions arise in him. But these were very different from the ones she felt earlier. Now, he felt shame, the deepest he had ever felt, sadness, and strangely, detachment. He was laying on his back, his eyes glowing with untold pain in the dark.
"Luke? Its us." Leia said. Of course he knew who it was. How could he not? "Leia?" A voice croaked. It was hoarse and pathetic, and wavered like a flag whipping in the wind. "Han?" It said. It was crying out, sad and stupidly. Luke was crying. Hard. And suddenly, instead of the usual confusion and racing thoughts she felt, Leia only felt sadness. For within this crying, broken man was another demon, waiting for the right moment to unveil itself. But this demon was her brother. Leia ran forward and threw herself on her brother. Han timidly stepped forward, and embraced the two.
"Leia...I'm so sorry. I should go...leave me! You don't deserve to have such a foolish, evil brother! I hated you...don't you understand!" Luke screamed. They still loved him. Still wanted to help. Why couldn't they just leave him to die? He wished he could be redeemed maybe, like his father, but that part of him seemed to have consumed most of his good side. Didn't they understand just how dangerous he was?
"Luke, we'll go on loving and caring about you no matter what! We just need you to tell us exactly what happened." Leia said. Never had it hurt so much to be strong. Her brother wasn't himself anymore. When Alderaan had been destroyed, a part of her was lost and dead. But now her brother was destroyed, and it felt as if half of her was missing. "Leia...Han...you don't understand. I came here to kill you! I loved you and...and the dark side...Oh, Leia, please don't keep me here! The dark side is growing stronger. It has me now. The Luke you knew is gone."
"Luke...ol' buddy. Listen. What happened? You can tell us. We can help." Han said. He looked at Luke, who was fighting the urge to cry, or get angry, and felt like shit. "When I left, I left you guys and Ben because of the dark side. It was growing. I don't know how. But I knew that once it had gotten me, I was done for. So I vowed to...to die." Luke took a shuddering breath. * Don't tell them you fool! * His mind screamed. Luke's vocal cords felt like mush. He tried to keep going. "And I...didn't. Something stopped me." He turned to Leia. She was biting her Lip, and blinking back tears. Luke wanted to touch her face, to comfort her. But he was too ashamed to do more than look at her. "You two. Your memory stopped me. I didn't die. I went to go and hide. I found a place. Then...one day....I felt it...the dark side. And..." He couldn't go on. "Luke...please." Leia said. She was tearing at a piece of paper, ripping it into little strips. * That's what I did to her heart * Luke thought. He continued. "So I thought about...stuff. I don't know why...or where it came from. But all the sudden I had hated you. I don't know why...because you Leia, Han, and the kids, mean more to me than anything! You have to know that! And so to end my pain, I came here, on a mission, to...to..." He turned his head. It was bowed. Just thinking of it made him cringe. He couldn't claim being crazy either. It was the dark side. He was evil. And now, he couldn't even face himself.
Leia and Han were crying. And hating themselves for it. Luke was sobbing, too. "Luke! It doesn't matter about that anymore! I love you, and now that you're back, I don't care what you felt. Its called unconditional love. And I love you. Han and me won't let you hurt any one or yourself. Ever." Leia cried. She stood up, and embraced Luke. She turned his head to face her, and he cringed. "I love you too, Leia." He whispered, and hugged her back. Then he fell back, crying. He hugged Han, and felt relieved. * They don't hate me! * His head screamed. Luke felt at peace, for the time being.
There were many things on his mind. Luke was going to have to figure out what to say and do to C.O.T.E, and what to tell the New Republic on his return. Then there was also the matter of seeing Ben...Ben, his son. And lastly, on the threat of the Dark Side. And that was the scariest thing he could think of. Because the rise of it was very connected to something he knew. Something that was oh so familiar to him. Luke was afraid. Because that only too familiar feeling was the one he felt when around his father and the emperor. And he knew that feeling like the back of his hand. * The Emperor and Darth Vader couldn't have returned! * His mind screamed. But the little darkness inside him laughed. * They have returned, Luke. And soon, you will be returning to the your old ways, and be serving the true master of the galaxy! *
A/N: So, what did ya think? Any comments, appraises, and flames welcome! Please review! I promise to have another chapter up in a week or so if you do!