Russian Blue
Author's Notes: Wow. Everyday, Fanfiction is becoming more and more bitchy. First, they take away the NC-17 rated stories, now, bye-bye little breaks in stories. They say we cannot use chapters as a break for the stories. Well, so much for freedom of speech, neeh? Anyway, I am very happy – finally got the Fake #4. YEY! Soooo cute!! I am having a bad manga affair with this manga and Demon Diary (I love Ranaef and Eclipse!! ^.^) Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Hey guys! You haven't been reviewing @.@ Please review! Your reviews lead me to good or bad decisions in the making of this fic! Thanxs for reading!
PS: Sorry about the bad grammar. But I'm working on it. Oh! And pleeease, go and check out "Sentimental Journey" at I assure you, this story will make you take a glimpse of Gaiev's life before he became the depressive nut he is today.
Disclaimer: Fake! Belongs to Sanami Matoh. All other characters and plots belong to me. The song, "Lullaby" is by Shawn Mullins. Enjoy.
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Christmas... New Years... They all went by as if it was just another day. Bringing down the Choir had been a tougher job than they had all expected, specially for Ryo, who had to keep working next to Dorian to keep all suspicions out of order. Something deep inside burned every time he saw that bastard walk down the corridor of the 27th precinct, and he was sure he wasn't the only one feeling that way, after all, the recordings of the December 25th enconter with Gaiev had been heard by almost everyone at the Investigations department.
"Tell me... tell me why you did it... why Dee? Are you going to do the same with me eventually?" Gaiev's voice panted between moans and heavy breaths.
"Dee is dead... because he wasn't fair... because he betrayed me... but you... you could never betray me, right? You're mine! I only let that idiotic pain Ryo borrow you for a while... you're mine... Ia tebya imeyu...(*)"
"Then... tell me you love me..."
"Zacroy svoy peesavati roat, sooka!(**)" he screamed before slapping him hard, "No one could ever love a bliad'(***)... Not even Ryo... Whatever he tells you – it's out of pitty..."
"Liar..."
"Past' zabej, padla jebanaja!(****)" another blow was heard over, then another, then another. Gaiev's painful muffles came through Dorian's voice, "It's not your place to speak, only to be fucked. So, shut your pretty little mouth or else your death will look like an accident..."
"Like... Like Dee's was?" Gaiev spoke with a broken voice.
Ryo stormed out of the conference room, outside. He needed air. He needed air. Oh, blessed air! He needed a cigarette. Goddammed Carol and her "living healthy" policy! He needad a cigarette, badly. He would kill for one. In fact, that hobo on the corner was smoking one – he could come up behind him, clobber him with the revolver and take the cigarette, no one would care; he was just a hobo, right? Right? Right?
"You alright?" a voice said. He turned around quikly. Drake was offering him a cigarette. Oh, blessed Drake and his perfect timing! Ryo took the offering with shaky hands and as he gave the first puff to the cigarette and it seemed Ryo puffed in half of it in one take, "I guess you're not alright," Drake said with a worried voice. Ryo giggled bitterly.
"Define 'fine', Drake"
"Forget it."
"I can't take this anymore. It's been weeks. Weeks! And that bastard still comes in and out everyday, as if nothing has happened, laughing in our faces, mocking us! And meanwhile, Gaiev gets the living shit beaten out of him every night!" Ryo said, exasperated, his jaw tenshing slightly as his eyes darken even more, "And I haven't been able to see him!! To speak to him!! Nothing!" he hit the wall with a closed fist, an action he later regreated as his hand swelled up almost twice its size. He leaned against the wall and slid down, hitting the floor a few seconds after.
"I know," Drake said, trying to confort Ryo as much as possible, o though he knew this was rather impossible, given the circumstances, "I imagine it must be though on you – both."
"Have you seen him?" Ryo muttered miserably. Drake sighed and nodded, leaning against the wall right next to where Ryo was sitting and slidding down himself, "Just this morning. Diana is going up there to check on him tomorrow night..."
"How is he?"
"Well... I won't lie to you Ryo, he's not good. But he does want to go on with this..."
"God!" Ryo sighed in desperation, "Why can't this go any faster?"
"We can't rush it or else we might tip off someone – mainly Dorian. But fear not, little Ryo," Drake sounded playful yet vendictive, "We're gonna get them. All of them. For Dee, for Gaiev, for everything; the evidence is pilling up and any day now, we're moving in. That has to count for something, right?"
"What if he ends-up dead before we can do anything about it?" Ryo's eyes glittered with tears. He'd thrown away what was left of the cigarette and was now resting his chin on his knees and hugging his legs close to his body. Drake threw an arm around him and leaned Ryo closer to him, in a very fatherly fashion.
"It'll be alright, Ryo. Don't you start thinking all these nasty thoughts, you hear me? It will be alright..."
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Water running. No sounds bu' those o' the radio coming out of the kitchen. Not too loud. We don't want to make noises, we don't want them to know we're `ere, alive an' well. Well, tha' 'well' is t' be taken lightly. We don't know if we're ok. We're probably not, since we're talkin' in a group basis, no' in a lonley "I" status. "I'm okay", "I'm `ere", "I'm alive". That just doesn't sound right, does it? Nothin' does. Nothin' ever sounds right if we're alone, if `e's not `ere with us. (laughs softly) We wonder what `e would say if `e could see us now. A pathetic remembrance of a someone we used t' be. D' you remember Alexei? Yeah, we do. `e used to sit on `is desk, `ours and `ours, just looking at pictures through `is little lens. `e used to do it at night, so no one would disturb `im – `e `ated to be disturbed at work. Ok, maybe th' only ones who could disturb him were us, because we used to pay-up that disturbance with sex. No, not jus' sex – love. Remember? There's a difference.
Alexei Balch. `e was a photographer. Micka was th' one who introduced us to `im. Remember Micka? Yes. We remember Micka. `e `ad blond hair an' gray eyes, right? `e was our best friend – up t' the very end. Why don't you call `im? What for? I said good-bye to `im t' save `is life, why should I endanger it once again? Call `im. `e might find it soothing t' find tha' you're still sort o' alive...
One ring-a-ding-ding...
Two ring-a-ding-ding...
Three ring-a-ding-ding...
"Allo?"
Allo, Micka..
" Allo?... gavarIte grOmche! (*****)"
It's been a long time, `asn't it?
"... Gaiev?"
[Click!]
Coward.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
You should quit this shit, Gaiev, it's only screwing with your mind.
Look at us. 'e really beat the crap out of us this time, neeh? `e left the bruices on the neck an' the arms t' make everyone know we're `is property. Shit! `e even left a bite mark!
An' that's why you're doing what you're doing? To forget?
Shhh... this is your song... see why is this your song?
Yeah.
Sing it t' me? Change th' lyrics so it can be my song, please?
'e grew up with the children of the stars
in th' moscow snowed hills an' th' boulevards
`is parents threw big parties, everyone was there
they hung out with folks like dennis hopper,
bob seeger, sonny and cher
You're dancing now?
Dance with me. Sing t' me an' dance with me? `old me close and dance with me?
`e still lives in that old place, just outside the city
down that street about a half a mile
an' all `is friends tell`im `e's so pretty
but `e'd be a whole lot prettier if `e smiled once in a while
`cause even `is smile looks like a frown
I've seen my share o' devils in this angelic town... Bu', everything's gonna be all right, right?
I told `im I ain't so sure about this place
it's 'ard t' play a gig in this town and keep a straight face
seems like everyone`ere's got a plan
it's kind o' like Nashville... with a tan...
Is everything going t' be alright?
You tell me.
... is not, is it? It's not going t' be okay, is it? What if I die now? Would it make a difference in the outcome? Would Ryo miss me? Would `e care at all?
Does `e love you?
Who?
`im. Ryo. Does `e love you?
I don't know... I don't know! I don't know anything anymore!
You know who you are... you know what you are... why should 'e love a thing like you? Why should 'e be in love with a filthy whore like you?
... I don't know...
[Knock, knock knock] "Gaiev?"
You left the door open...
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Diana Spacey entered with a bit of hessitation to Gaiev's house. The door was open and Gaiev was lying on the sofa, all streched out, his arms on top of his head. He had no shirt on and the heater wasn't on (translation = it was freezing cold) But Diana was more disturbed by the sight on the coffee table, where she found a needle and what was left of the heroin on a metal spoon and a lighter.
"Gaiev?!" she gasped, her eyes going wide. She heard the water running in the bathroom, the music in the kitchen, the sounds of television coming from the bedroom. She rushed to Gaiev's side, shaking him slightly, "Gaiev, are you high on this shit?"
"No' really," Gaiev replied groggily, "I still feel pain..."
"Shit! You're stinking high man!"
She walked in to the bathroom and turned off the water, made her way to the bedroom, turned off the TV and then came back to the livingroom, with a sweatshirt in her hand, throwing it to Gaiev, "Here! Put this on!" she said. She sounded upset. Gaiev started to obey, going slowly but surely to the goal of putting on the shirt as Diana turned on the heat in the room.
"Ryo's worried about you and you're doing this crap, how long have you been doing this, Gaiev?" Diana asked, sitting next to Gaiev and showing him the needle. Gaiev looked over, trying to remember.
"About a month now. I don't know. Could be longer. I can't really tell now. It seems time 'as forgotten this flat."
"Why?"
"Why?" Gaiev smirked bitterly as he got up and walked around the room, "Why? To feel no pain anymore!" he shouted, sounding melodramatic. He stopped next to the dinning table and taking everything in sight, he began to throw it against a wall, the sounds of broken glass crashing through the air as he screamed to the top of his lungs, "BECAUSE I WANT TO FEEL NOTHING!!! NOTHING!! BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS STUPID – EMPTY – HOLLOW FUCKING SPACE INSIDE ME!! BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FEEL DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF EVERY FUCKING SECOND OF EVERY FUCKING PASSING DAY!! BECAUSE EVERYBODY DIES!! EVERYBODY EVENTUALLY DIES!!! AND DIES!! AND DIES!!! BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING MORE TO ME BUT A WHORE!! A FILTHY, DISGUSTING, FUCKING WHORE!!"
He dropped to his knees, crying outloud while Diana just looked over the mess, feeling scared at first, but then getting hold of her emotions. She walked over to Gaiev, kneeling to one side of him and Gaiev, as if it was an automatic move, clenched over to her, crying wildly on to Diana's chest, feeling a strange confort by doing so, as if he was crying to Alexeyena... or his mother.
"Shhh... everything will be alright," Diana whispered, "We're ready for them now. This will soon be over – I promise. But you have to hang on too... for Ryo... for the both of you. Please... promise me you'll hold on a little longer, please?"
She stroke Gaiev's hair as she spoke, trying to calm him down, and it was actually working. Slowly, Gaiev stopped crying, making only strong sobs as he laid his head down on her lap, closing his eyes and beginning to drift to sleep, "Why is everything so screwed-up? Why couldn't it be normal? Why did it had to be like this? Why?"
"It'll be alright..." she whispered, "I promise you... it'll be alright..."
"Sure..." he whispered, sleepily, sounding unconvinced. He wanted to sleep. Because only in his sleep he could really forget everything – forget the pain.
Finale notes: Ok. Rough chapter to pull through. I hope you people are enjoying this. Oooh! What will happen when Ryo finds out about Gaiev's mingling with drugs? A-ah! The plot thickens! ^.^
Russian expressions
* = You're my bitch (I'm having you)
** = Shut your fucking mouth, bitch
*** = whore
**** = Shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch
***** = Hello? Speak up please!