Category: Humour

Keywords: Hermione Granger family

Spoilers: None

Rating: G- I guess...

Summary: A Granger story. Life before Hogwarts.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A Granger Story.

"A B C D E F G..." sang Mrs. Carmela and all the other kids in Sunshine Kindergarten for Toddlers in class 7Z (Children are our specialty!). All except one, that is...

'SHUT UP!!!' screamed Hermione in her head. 'I mean seriously, ABC? What are we? Babies?'

Mrs. Carmela shot a look at her and said in her sing-a-song voice. "You're not singing!"

Hermione gave a feeble smile and began to lip-sync the song while plotting revenge with a rusty butter knife and a three inch thick rope. It was just so easy to stay innocent. Well, for now...

"RRRRRRRRRRRRiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiWBRiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg!!!WBR"

"Mrs. Hattie! Yes! Gorgeous hat of yours, so you!" Mrs. Carmela said, practically bouncing.

BOUNCE

Gasping loudly, turning many heads, "Oh, Mrs. Kansas! I SO adore that cute outfit of yours! It's SOOO IN!"

BOUNCE

"Mrs. Lennenoire. Oh, Rainemarie has been the sweestest thing!" cried Mrs. Carmela.

BOUNCE

And finally... 'PleasenotagainPleasenotagainPleasenotagWBRain...'

"Mrs. Granger? May I speak to you for a moment, please?"

Hermione bit a lip in frustration as all the kids turned to look at her. She could hear it now. All over the kindergarten. "Hermione Granger? In trouble? Again? Isn't she the prissy No-Going-Against-The-Rules-Spoil-Sport?"WBR

"Geez!" she groaned.

"HERMIONE CLARISSA GRANGER!!!" roared through the house hold.

'Well, no use hiding now!' Hermione thought sadly.

Mrs. Granger stomped heavily into Hermione's room. (Almost tripping over a stack of encyclopedias)

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS???"

Hermione blinked. "The meaning of 'this' is actually not stated in the dictionary you bought for me that day; but it is a word similar to the word 'the' and is used to point out something that is..."

"I DON'T MEAN THE WORD 'THIS'! I MEANT THIS!" with her last sentence, Mrs. Granger opened an excercise book that belonged to Hermione. The whole book was full with writing.

"Umm... Is that my homework, mum?"

"Yes! Mrs. Carmela said to write a ten WORD sentence to describe your family. NOT a eighty page essay!" Mrs. Granger almost-growled.

"Uh... Whoops?" asked Hermione, smiling uncertainly.

"And this!" Mrs. Granger took out a picture of her family. Beautifully sketched and detailed lovingly.

"What's wrong with it?"

"You drew a picture of your family. When Mrs. Carmela clearly stated to draw a fan!"

"A fan?" gasped Hermione, shocked. "How was I supposed to know it was a fan I was supposed to draw? Her exact words were... "Fanny Felly!!!"

"It was baby talk! We ALL know you are not a baby, but you have to act like one! You are just seven years old. And some seven years old your age don't know the alphabet yet!"

"Alright, alright!" said Hermione, giving up. Suddenly something prickled her senses. "Dad's finally back." she added.

"What?" asked Mrs. Granger. "How did you know?" After casting one last suspicious look at Hermione she turned to look at the window and found that Hermione was right. And that was just the beggining.

Three years later...

"Hermione stop levitating the toast!" said Mr. Granger, good naturedly. "The neighbours will see!"

"I just still can't believe that I'm seeing this." commented Mrs. Granger. "But I should have known! You were special all this while! I can't believe I didn't expect you to be special in this way."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "Me? Special? You gotta be kidding me." said Hermione, rolling her eyes. "I mean- there's probably lots of kids that can do this too!"

"Well, there are..." began Mr. Granger.

"Huh?" asked both mother and daughter, shocked.

"How do you know?" asked Hermione.

"Hermione, I'm a squib."

"No way!"

"Yes way."

"Oh my goodness... That is just so cool!"

"No, it's not..."

"Umm... Anyone care to explain?" asked Mrs. Granger, clearly confused.

"Dad's a squib!"

"A squid?"

"A squiB!" said Hermione cried.

"Hermione, being a squib isn't something to be proud of. So keep your voice down!"

"I don't mean that! It's the theory that comes with it! I mean, there's m-"

"Would some CARE TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME? And I mean, NOW!" shouted Mrs. Granger, who could not stand to be kept in the dark for too long.

"Clarissa, tell me, do you believe in magic?"

Five minutes later....

THUNK

"Uh, dad? Mum fainted."

"I can see that, Hermione."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!" screamed Mrs. Granger.

The whole household rushed towards her.

"Are you ok???" Mr. Granger asked quickly.

"There's an OWL!!! With a LETTER!!!"

Mr. Granger began to chuckle. Hermione giggled.

"What's so funny?" demanded Mrs. Granger, frowning.

"Um.. Clarissa?"

"YES, PAUL." Mrs. Granger said, gritting her teeth.

"Never mind. I will tell you everything after we collect the our mail from the wizarding world first." said Mr. Granger. "I thought I lost contact with everyone in that world."

He took out a bronze coin we all know as a knut and slipped it into the owl's pocket. It hooted appreciatively and flew away.

TO: MS. HERMIONE CLARISSA GRANGER.

Needless to say, Clarissa Anette Resley-Granger fainted for the second time that day.

"This is the Leaky Cauldron???"

"Yes, Hermione. Although it looks tiny, it's kinda spacey inside."

"Oookaaay...."

Later...

"This is Diagon Alley? Wow! So many weird, idiotic, dumb looking mffmfff!!!" Hermione said with Mr. Granger's hand covering her mouth.

"Be careful! If anyone heard you say that, they would hex you to next Tuesday!" whispered Mr. Granger, removing his hand.

Later...

"This is Ollivanders? Cool!"

"Yes, Hermione."

Later...

"This is Flourish and Botts?"

"Yes...!"

Still later...

"This is platform 3/4??"

"YES HERMIONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Hey, don't need to repeat that so many times ok? Besides, don't shout! I can hear you perfectly!"

Mr. Granger sweatdropped. It was hard having a daughter like Hermione. Oh well, at least he wouldn't have to see her until next term. He would sure miss her. Mrs. Granger held Mr. Granger's hand tightly, his eyes full of tears. He was sure that his wife was crying too.

"Wow! Is that THE train???"

"YES!!!!!!!! HERMIONE!!!!!"

A/N: I know the ending is dumb but the first book will have to continue from here. Please review. I know the temptation of reviewing and the irritating internet connection probelm that sometimes occur to all us fans of fanfiction! If it happens to you, don't hestitate to e-mail me at belindablackfalconhotmail.com. Oh yeah, forgive me for this lousy story that shouldn't be posted in the first place so please don't flame me too much! And check out my other stories!

PS: It's a fiction! I know Hermione won't be like that, and it's so OOC BUT there is no other main character that's a muggle born female except Hermione Granger.