THOSE LEFT BEHIND
By Jules
Author Notes: I really don't know how this is going to sound - was crying even before I started writing this. I was trying to think how the crew would react to news like this. I hope this is taken as a tribute. Very short but I don't think I have the emotional energy to do something too long. Just too sad.
"Captain Bridger, I have an incoming communication from Admiral Noyce," Tim O'Neill stated, a little nervousness in his voice. "He says it's important and he wants to talk to you in private."
Tim omitted the part that Noyce had first mentioned about the crew needing to be as close to the Captain as possible afterwards. The communications officer didn't know why the Admiral thought it was necessary, but the emotion being played out in his voice, made him obey.
He had briefly whispered to Commander Ford and the rest of the senior crew after the Captain left to go to his quarters. Ford had looked confused at first, but seeing the intent gaze from O'Neill, they all headed towards the Captain's quarters and stood silently outside, to see what would be the result.
"We only just got back to the boat, Lucas isn't even here yet, I wonder what is so urgent all of a sudden?" Bridger said, his brows frowning slightly.
Up until now, Bridger had of course missed Lucas's presence, but wasn't overly concerned due to the young man informing him that he had something to do beforehand. What that something was, he didn't know. What he also didn't know was that the conversation that he was about to have with Admiral Noyce would have the most profound effect on the rest of his life.
Within a few moments, Bridger went to his quarters to take the call.
Admiral Noyce's face appeared on the video-link screen, but the man looked bothered and saddened. He had a piece of paper in his hands and was twisting it into knots and then tearing it into little pieces. In all of his 30 years of naval dedication, what he was about to tell his best friend Nathan was no doubt the hardest thing he had ever had to do.
"What's wrong Bill?" Nathan asked, sensing something different in his friend's demeanour today. "Cat got your tongue. Have you been taking care of yourself, you look as though you could use a good night's sleep."
"Nathan....," he started and then paused slightly. Damn, how was he ever going to get this said if he couldn't get past the first word?
It was at this point that the hairs on the back of Nathan's neck began to stand on end. There was something in Noyce's voice that sent out an invisible chill.
"Nathan.. I don't know how else to tell you this. I've tried and tried to think of the right way to do things, but at the end of the day there is just no right way to tell you." Noyce began once again.
"Lucas..," Bill said, choking back his own tears as he said the young man's name. "I am sorry Nathan, but I have some very bad news for you Nathan, concerning Lucas."
It was about this moment that the invisible chill Nathan felt, reached out and gripped his heart, squeezing it until it stopped. "What has happened, has there been an accident? Is Lucas hurt? Where is he, I will be at the hospital in an instant?" he said, thinking that bad news could only mean that some harm had come to Lucas.
"It's worse than that Nathan," Noyce said, his explanation seeming to be getting longer and longer rather than getting to the whole point.
"Worse, how can it possibly be worse?" Bridger said, not realising what he had said before he heard the words echo in his own head. Worse? But that could only mean..
"I am truly sorry Nathan, but Lucas passed away last night." Noyce said,
The Admiral buried his face and his hands, letting his own sorrow and grief play out. He hadn't wanted to break in front of his old friend. He was supposed to be there for Nathan. Giving the support that was going to be needed.
Passed Away Nathan said to himself. But that would mean that the person he cared for most in this world was ..... Surely Bill couldn't be trying to tell him that Lucas was dead. Was he?
Bill could see the realisation strike Nathan like a fist to the stomach. The man's features whitened, his mouth miming the words he wanted to say, but his voice completely consumed by the shock.
"How" Nathan had been trying to ask, the full extent of what he was being told, still not being understood.
"He .... took his own life," Bill said, not really wanting to go into the details. There would be plenty of time for that later on. There would be many questions that needed to be asked, but for now that could wait.
Then in a flash, the full brunt of emotion tide did hit Nathan, he found his voice, and everything seemed to fade away into oblivion as the mighty Captain Nathan Hale Bridger, sank to his knees, clenching his fists into thin air as if giving a gesture of hatred to the heavens above.
"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO", came the utterly animalistic cry of grief.
The crew on the other side of the door heard the cry and had never heard anything like it before in their life. In a heart beat, the crew entered the room without waiting for an invitation.
They saw Bridger, kneeling on the ground, his head sunken towards his knees and the most gut-wrenching sobs coming from the man. Bridger looked up at the sound of footsteps approaching, and he looked back at them with a tear-stained face that seemed to have aged twenty years in the few minutes since leaving the Bridge.
Kristen knelt beside Nathan, gently trying to coax him into telling her what happened. She could see and feel his pain, but didn't understand why.
The crew looked towards Noyce for an explanation and upon seeing that the Admiral was broken up and emotional as Bridger, they assumed that something horrid had happened. They were never prepared for what they were about to be told.
"Nathan....," Noyce said, trying to get permission to tell the others what he had just said. He didn't receive any reply but knew that Lucas's friends deserved the truth.
"Admiral, what has happened?" Ford asked on everyone's behalf.
"Lucas Wolenczak passed away last night......" was the brief sentence spoken.
Apart from Nathan, the room stood as if still in time, the silence was almost deafening. It was not incomprehensible what they were being told.
Ford's face was like a mask of stone. Lucas was barely beginning to live his life. So much potential in him, no matter what journey in life he chose. And now to be told that such a gentle and kind person was taken from them.
Miguel had slumped in a nearby chair and began whispering a prayer in his own tongue, continually being bombarded with images of Lucas's face. There were ones with him smiling and laughing along with the rest of them. But then there were ones where he was reminded of being a little distant from Lucas, or finding another reason for not being able to spend more time with him.
Tim O'Neill had removed his glasses and cried silently to himself. With all of his catholic religious beliefs and being taught that in the end, all of them would return to the one who created them.
But there was no Sunday school lesson that ever explained why those you cared about like family were taken from you without the chance to tell them exactly that. There was no reference in the bible to explain why others were granted life and others were taken from this earth. Who got to choose that? God? He just didn't understand.
Kristen now found herself sinking to sit beside Nathan, burying her head in his arms and against his chest as she cried whole-heartedly along with him. They had shared many times with Lucas together. Love, laughter, good times and no so good ones. Now they would share their sorrow and grief as though one. The profound sadness resinated through them both.
Later that night, Kristen and Nathan were sitting together in the Captain's quarters. The crew had gone to attend to other matters and deal with their own sense of loss and grief.
It was hard to walk these metal grilled corridors, in all this power and force at your command, and realise that you still couldn't help those when it mattered most. When they were in need of the most protection available. When all their own sense of self-worth and accomplishment had been worn down to a single thread, ready to snap with the burden they placed upon themselves.
All the technology of the science labs aboard, that cured every possible known disease to man-kind and brought about changes to the ecology of the planet. But the research that wasn't complete was to look inside the soul of a person and realise when it was being tormented and tortured. If they had looked a little closer in the microscope, would they have seen the signals that something was wrong... maybe...maybe not.
Kristen didn't speak unless Nathan wanted her too. She decided that the best way to help Nathan was just to be there for him. Using her own strength to hold him up when he didn't think he had anything left in himself to give.
At the moment, Kristen could believe that. In the few hours since hearing the news, Nathan looked as though he had aged 20 years. His face was lined and fatigued. He was nothing but a shell of his former self without Lucas.
It had been Lucas that had taught him so many things. Taught him how to feel protective but strong at the same time. Taught him how to love again after Robert and Carol and have meaning in life again. To have a sense of purpose that somebody out there deserved and needed his love and attention.
There were so many things that needed to be asked or said at this point in time. But he didn't have the words to ask or say any of them. He was just numb.
The next morning, Nathan Bridge found himself walking along the deserted beach, barefoot with mirrored sunglasses.
The sand was squelching between his toes, Lucas wouldn't be able to walk along here again and feel the breeze ruffle his blond hair. Never to see the waves rising up, only to crash back down in foam again and be one with nature.
At one point, with the sun reflecting off the water, Bridger was certain that he saw Lucas's face looking back at him through the waves. The image never sharpened and it was if Lucas's soul was being taken up to heaven by the angels, pausing to give him a last glimpse of what he had lost.
He couldn't help but think of what dark thoughts had entered the young man's mind and urged him to think that nobody cared enough or would be willing to help him. Lucas was a piece of him and he didn't know how long he could pretend to want to go on in this world without that one piece.
The pain that was the strongest to bear was the thought that he had never gotten to say goodbye to Lucas. Nobody had.
Bridger raised his arm in a farewell gesture, tearing stinging his face as the ghostly image faded between waves. "Goodbye Lucas." he whispered.
Returning to the boat, the place seemed void of any warmth or joy anymore. He trudged his way towards his quarters, not really knowing what to do next. He was so lost in body and soul and he didn't know which path to take without Lucas by his side.
As he entered the room, the first thing he noticed was the holographic machine in front of him. He had placed a photo of Carol in there from time to time, when he was feeling saddened about her loss and how much she had meant to him.
Bridger pulled out his wallet and pulled a small photo out of the pocket. He lifted the image capturer and put it face down, waiting for it to load. He closed the door so nobody else could see.
Within a few seconds, he was confronted with a laughing, smiling Lucas. A photo that had been taken months ago on a day that had been so full of fun and happiness.
His thoughts returned to the fact that he hadn't gotten the chance to say goodbye. He though that doing this might present that one opportunity, but as soon as he was looking back at Lucas, the only words that came to his mind were:
"I LOVE YOU LUCAS"
He switched off the machine and cried for the son and best friend he had lost.
JULES
Okay folks, this isn't very good, but I was crying all the way through it. Just my own way of saying goodbye to a character that I thought I had come to know quite a deal about through my writing.
When I think back now, maybe I didn't really understand much at all and probably will never understand why these things happen.
I didn't include every character from the series, but this was just too painful to write anyway.
By Jules
Author Notes: I really don't know how this is going to sound - was crying even before I started writing this. I was trying to think how the crew would react to news like this. I hope this is taken as a tribute. Very short but I don't think I have the emotional energy to do something too long. Just too sad.
"Captain Bridger, I have an incoming communication from Admiral Noyce," Tim O'Neill stated, a little nervousness in his voice. "He says it's important and he wants to talk to you in private."
Tim omitted the part that Noyce had first mentioned about the crew needing to be as close to the Captain as possible afterwards. The communications officer didn't know why the Admiral thought it was necessary, but the emotion being played out in his voice, made him obey.
He had briefly whispered to Commander Ford and the rest of the senior crew after the Captain left to go to his quarters. Ford had looked confused at first, but seeing the intent gaze from O'Neill, they all headed towards the Captain's quarters and stood silently outside, to see what would be the result.
"We only just got back to the boat, Lucas isn't even here yet, I wonder what is so urgent all of a sudden?" Bridger said, his brows frowning slightly.
Up until now, Bridger had of course missed Lucas's presence, but wasn't overly concerned due to the young man informing him that he had something to do beforehand. What that something was, he didn't know. What he also didn't know was that the conversation that he was about to have with Admiral Noyce would have the most profound effect on the rest of his life.
Within a few moments, Bridger went to his quarters to take the call.
Admiral Noyce's face appeared on the video-link screen, but the man looked bothered and saddened. He had a piece of paper in his hands and was twisting it into knots and then tearing it into little pieces. In all of his 30 years of naval dedication, what he was about to tell his best friend Nathan was no doubt the hardest thing he had ever had to do.
"What's wrong Bill?" Nathan asked, sensing something different in his friend's demeanour today. "Cat got your tongue. Have you been taking care of yourself, you look as though you could use a good night's sleep."
"Nathan....," he started and then paused slightly. Damn, how was he ever going to get this said if he couldn't get past the first word?
It was at this point that the hairs on the back of Nathan's neck began to stand on end. There was something in Noyce's voice that sent out an invisible chill.
"Nathan.. I don't know how else to tell you this. I've tried and tried to think of the right way to do things, but at the end of the day there is just no right way to tell you." Noyce began once again.
"Lucas..," Bill said, choking back his own tears as he said the young man's name. "I am sorry Nathan, but I have some very bad news for you Nathan, concerning Lucas."
It was about this moment that the invisible chill Nathan felt, reached out and gripped his heart, squeezing it until it stopped. "What has happened, has there been an accident? Is Lucas hurt? Where is he, I will be at the hospital in an instant?" he said, thinking that bad news could only mean that some harm had come to Lucas.
"It's worse than that Nathan," Noyce said, his explanation seeming to be getting longer and longer rather than getting to the whole point.
"Worse, how can it possibly be worse?" Bridger said, not realising what he had said before he heard the words echo in his own head. Worse? But that could only mean..
"I am truly sorry Nathan, but Lucas passed away last night." Noyce said,
The Admiral buried his face and his hands, letting his own sorrow and grief play out. He hadn't wanted to break in front of his old friend. He was supposed to be there for Nathan. Giving the support that was going to be needed.
Passed Away Nathan said to himself. But that would mean that the person he cared for most in this world was ..... Surely Bill couldn't be trying to tell him that Lucas was dead. Was he?
Bill could see the realisation strike Nathan like a fist to the stomach. The man's features whitened, his mouth miming the words he wanted to say, but his voice completely consumed by the shock.
"How" Nathan had been trying to ask, the full extent of what he was being told, still not being understood.
"He .... took his own life," Bill said, not really wanting to go into the details. There would be plenty of time for that later on. There would be many questions that needed to be asked, but for now that could wait.
Then in a flash, the full brunt of emotion tide did hit Nathan, he found his voice, and everything seemed to fade away into oblivion as the mighty Captain Nathan Hale Bridger, sank to his knees, clenching his fists into thin air as if giving a gesture of hatred to the heavens above.
"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO", came the utterly animalistic cry of grief.
The crew on the other side of the door heard the cry and had never heard anything like it before in their life. In a heart beat, the crew entered the room without waiting for an invitation.
They saw Bridger, kneeling on the ground, his head sunken towards his knees and the most gut-wrenching sobs coming from the man. Bridger looked up at the sound of footsteps approaching, and he looked back at them with a tear-stained face that seemed to have aged twenty years in the few minutes since leaving the Bridge.
Kristen knelt beside Nathan, gently trying to coax him into telling her what happened. She could see and feel his pain, but didn't understand why.
The crew looked towards Noyce for an explanation and upon seeing that the Admiral was broken up and emotional as Bridger, they assumed that something horrid had happened. They were never prepared for what they were about to be told.
"Nathan....," Noyce said, trying to get permission to tell the others what he had just said. He didn't receive any reply but knew that Lucas's friends deserved the truth.
"Admiral, what has happened?" Ford asked on everyone's behalf.
"Lucas Wolenczak passed away last night......" was the brief sentence spoken.
Apart from Nathan, the room stood as if still in time, the silence was almost deafening. It was not incomprehensible what they were being told.
Ford's face was like a mask of stone. Lucas was barely beginning to live his life. So much potential in him, no matter what journey in life he chose. And now to be told that such a gentle and kind person was taken from them.
Miguel had slumped in a nearby chair and began whispering a prayer in his own tongue, continually being bombarded with images of Lucas's face. There were ones with him smiling and laughing along with the rest of them. But then there were ones where he was reminded of being a little distant from Lucas, or finding another reason for not being able to spend more time with him.
Tim O'Neill had removed his glasses and cried silently to himself. With all of his catholic religious beliefs and being taught that in the end, all of them would return to the one who created them.
But there was no Sunday school lesson that ever explained why those you cared about like family were taken from you without the chance to tell them exactly that. There was no reference in the bible to explain why others were granted life and others were taken from this earth. Who got to choose that? God? He just didn't understand.
Kristen now found herself sinking to sit beside Nathan, burying her head in his arms and against his chest as she cried whole-heartedly along with him. They had shared many times with Lucas together. Love, laughter, good times and no so good ones. Now they would share their sorrow and grief as though one. The profound sadness resinated through them both.
Later that night, Kristen and Nathan were sitting together in the Captain's quarters. The crew had gone to attend to other matters and deal with their own sense of loss and grief.
It was hard to walk these metal grilled corridors, in all this power and force at your command, and realise that you still couldn't help those when it mattered most. When they were in need of the most protection available. When all their own sense of self-worth and accomplishment had been worn down to a single thread, ready to snap with the burden they placed upon themselves.
All the technology of the science labs aboard, that cured every possible known disease to man-kind and brought about changes to the ecology of the planet. But the research that wasn't complete was to look inside the soul of a person and realise when it was being tormented and tortured. If they had looked a little closer in the microscope, would they have seen the signals that something was wrong... maybe...maybe not.
Kristen didn't speak unless Nathan wanted her too. She decided that the best way to help Nathan was just to be there for him. Using her own strength to hold him up when he didn't think he had anything left in himself to give.
At the moment, Kristen could believe that. In the few hours since hearing the news, Nathan looked as though he had aged 20 years. His face was lined and fatigued. He was nothing but a shell of his former self without Lucas.
It had been Lucas that had taught him so many things. Taught him how to feel protective but strong at the same time. Taught him how to love again after Robert and Carol and have meaning in life again. To have a sense of purpose that somebody out there deserved and needed his love and attention.
There were so many things that needed to be asked or said at this point in time. But he didn't have the words to ask or say any of them. He was just numb.
The next morning, Nathan Bridge found himself walking along the deserted beach, barefoot with mirrored sunglasses.
The sand was squelching between his toes, Lucas wouldn't be able to walk along here again and feel the breeze ruffle his blond hair. Never to see the waves rising up, only to crash back down in foam again and be one with nature.
At one point, with the sun reflecting off the water, Bridger was certain that he saw Lucas's face looking back at him through the waves. The image never sharpened and it was if Lucas's soul was being taken up to heaven by the angels, pausing to give him a last glimpse of what he had lost.
He couldn't help but think of what dark thoughts had entered the young man's mind and urged him to think that nobody cared enough or would be willing to help him. Lucas was a piece of him and he didn't know how long he could pretend to want to go on in this world without that one piece.
The pain that was the strongest to bear was the thought that he had never gotten to say goodbye to Lucas. Nobody had.
Bridger raised his arm in a farewell gesture, tearing stinging his face as the ghostly image faded between waves. "Goodbye Lucas." he whispered.
Returning to the boat, the place seemed void of any warmth or joy anymore. He trudged his way towards his quarters, not really knowing what to do next. He was so lost in body and soul and he didn't know which path to take without Lucas by his side.
As he entered the room, the first thing he noticed was the holographic machine in front of him. He had placed a photo of Carol in there from time to time, when he was feeling saddened about her loss and how much she had meant to him.
Bridger pulled out his wallet and pulled a small photo out of the pocket. He lifted the image capturer and put it face down, waiting for it to load. He closed the door so nobody else could see.
Within a few seconds, he was confronted with a laughing, smiling Lucas. A photo that had been taken months ago on a day that had been so full of fun and happiness.
His thoughts returned to the fact that he hadn't gotten the chance to say goodbye. He though that doing this might present that one opportunity, but as soon as he was looking back at Lucas, the only words that came to his mind were:
"I LOVE YOU LUCAS"
He switched off the machine and cried for the son and best friend he had lost.
JULES
Okay folks, this isn't very good, but I was crying all the way through it. Just my own way of saying goodbye to a character that I thought I had come to know quite a deal about through my writing.
When I think back now, maybe I didn't really understand much at all and probably will never understand why these things happen.
I didn't include every character from the series, but this was just too painful to write anyway.