You take the love out of lover
Tenchi chose, he chose, and as was everyone's guess it wasn't me. It wasn't the princess either. Nope, it was some dopey little girl who wears frumpy sweaters, pleated skirts, and glasses. They met at his college. She's sweet, nice, normal, and utterly boring.
Utterly boring.
Princess Ayeka went back to her planet with her sister and knights. She told me that if I ever needed a place to crash the royal palace would always be open to me. I smiled and thanked her. I doubt I'll ever take her up on the offer, but it was still a nice gesture.
I liked it better when we were fighting.
Kiyone and Mihoshi went back to fighting intergalactic crime. Last I heard Kiyone got her promotion and new partner. Mihoshi got married.
Washu is the only one left on Earth. She still lives in the closet and I laugh to think what would happen if Tenchi's beloved opened the door to her laboratory.
I took my spaceship to Jurai, sold it, and am now drinking the profits away. The bartender gives me a suspicious look, as if he recognizes me from somewhere. That's impossible of course; I grew my hair out and tied it back at my neck, and my eyes are now black thanks to Washu messing around with my DNA. Having the greatest scientific genius in the universe for a creator can come in handy.
There's a guy looking at me. He looks like that knight of Ayeka's.
Holy shit, it is that knight of Ayeka's. Our eyes meet and realization dawns on both of us as we just stare at each other for a few moments. Finally I raise my glass in greeting. "Never thought I'd run into you again."
He arches an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Really."
He finishes his drink and promptly orders another, making me arch my eyebrow. I wasn't aware Jurian knights drank. At least not in such quantities.
"So, what brings you here, Miss." He's smart and doesn't use my name.
"I wandered into town and thought I'd clean out a bar. You?"
"I got fired."
I choke on my beer. Fired? Ancient Jurian knights who have been revived from the dead to serve the Royal Family just aren't fired. He hands me a napkin and explains. "The King decided his daughters would be better protected by more.modern efforts. Azaka and I were given a nice little pension that will allow us to do anything we want in life, and a charming little pink slip." The last part is said bitterly. He slugs down the whole glass at once and I take the opportunity to give him the once-over.
The long braid of hair is gone, as is the goofy arrangement of bangs. Instead, the hair is shoulder length and held in a ponytail and the bangs are brushed over to frame his face. Guess I wasn't the only one trying to change how I looked.
"Where are you staying?"
"Eh?"
"Where are you staying?" He repeats.
"Not staying anywhere." I order another bottle and lay down the money. "You wanna help me find a place to stay?" By now we are both so drunk we can barely stand.
"I.might know a place." We stumble out of the bar, laughing at some imagined joke.
I wake up in a tangle of limbs and bed sheets. Blinking, I clutch my head and once again swear to never touch another alcoholic beverage.
I almost laugh at myself as I say that.
I hear a groan and look at the man lying next to me and as I do, all the memories of last night come back. I snort. I never thought I'd be screwing a knight of Jurai.
Excuse me, former knight of Jurai.
"Hey, Kamidake. Wake up." He grumbles and turns over. "C'mon Sleeping Beauty. I need to know where your coffee pot is." He starts to snore. Bastard. I run a hand through my hair and decide to skip the coffee and just take a shower.
Looking around the bathroom it's clear I'm in a bachelor's home. A comb, a bottle of shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, and deodorant, and nothing else. Not that I need anything else, but conditioner would be nice.
The water is hot and I sigh as it streaks down my back, washing away the scent of a man I barely know. The shampoo bottle is almost empty and I finish it off, if he wants to wash his hair he can go buy some more of the stuff.
I step out of the shower and as I do the door opens.
"Sorry." The door is closed again and his voice comes through it. "Towels are under the sink."
"Thanks." The towels are threadbare but they serve their purpose. I leave it on the floor and wander into the bedroom to find my clothes.
Kamidake is pulling on his shoes and when I enter he blushes and won't look at me, which I find amusing. After the stunts we pulled last night you wouldn't think he'd be shy about seeing my naked body.
My clothes are covered in whipped cream. I roll my eyes. I don't remember that part of the evening.
"If you need clothes I have some."
"Huh?"
"I have some clothes that shrunk in the wash." He shrugs. "I wasn't aware materials in this time could do that. Anyways, they should fit you."
They don't and looking at the shirt leads me to question his frame of mind but I don't say anything. What can you say to somebody about their clothes when they're cooking you breakfast?
I think it's eggs. Might be toast, but I really think it's eggs. I poke it with my chopstick and the end of it breaks off.
"Kamidake?"
"Yes Miss Ryoko?"
"You really need a woman."
"."
We eat in silence, he does the dishes and we go back to the bedroom for more sex.
We wake up a few hours later, hungry and exhausted. We dress quickly and head out for an early dinner in one of the cities' classier areas. The waiter balks at our dress, but a few well-placed coins and a significant look help clear up the matter.
The music is charming, the food is delicious (and abundant), and the atmosphere is utterly dull. I scarf down my food as well as some of Kamidake's, and he looks disinterested in everything but his glass of wine.
He pays the check and we leave. It's getting cold and he buys me a coat, which surprises me. We both go shopping, him paying me back for last night, me paying him back for dinner. Then it's back to his apartment for more sex.
Afterwards I try cuddling up to him, licking his ear and playing with his hair.
"Miss Ryoko, what are you doing?"
"What lovers do."
"We aren't lovers."
"Oh?"
"Lovers love each other. We're just sex partners."
"Well, since we're being so informal, stop calling me 'Miss'."
"Very well." He never calls me that again.
He's right; we aren't lovers. We're just using each other. Over the next few months I wake up the neighbors so many times with my screams of 'Tenchi!' that we have to move. Kamidake never mentions it, and in turn I don't question him about Mariko, or why he whispers her name in his sleep or when he's holding me. It's fairly obvious we're using each other, so we both decide to ignore it.
Then I get pregnant.
I tell him straight out, no beating around the bush. I suppose I could have picked a better time, but when we're not having sex he tends to be distant.
As it is he pushes me off and sits up. "Pregnant?"
"Yes."
"How.how long have you known?"
"About a month."
"And you didn't tell because.?"
I run my hand through my hair. "I was waiting for the right moment."
"And the right moment is when I'm licking your breast?!?" He gets up and starts to dress. "If you needed contraceptives why the hell didn't you tell me?"
"Hey, this is your fault too!" My temper is showing. He has no right to talk to me about contraceptives.
"And I'm willing to do anything you want about it!" He's yelling back and this is the first time I've ever seen him truly angry. "Sweet Tsunami, Ryoko, I'm willing to go along with whatever you want to do about this. Do you want to leave and keep the child? Fine. Want an abortion? Fine. Want to give the brat up for adoption? Fine fine fine!"
"Just brimming with parental love and affection, aren't you?" I reply dryly. 'Brat' indeed.
"It's been a long time since I was a parent." He throws on a jacket and I hear the door slam a moment later.
Kamidake is gone for three days. In that time I e-mail Washu and let her in on the news. She e-mails me back and I am not surprised by her reaction. She is happy, a grandchild at last. I've found a man who makes me happy. We should come back to Earth. Yay.
It's all so typically selfish of her. I never told her Kamidake made me happy, and I don't want her playing Grandma with my baby. I reply that we'll have to think about visiting, we have the baby to consider and all.
Kamidake comes back. Without a word he takes a shower and eats like he's never seen food before. He won't tell me where he's been and I refuse to ask. I tell him about contacting Washu and he makes noises about getting rid of the computer. I don't tell him I thought of leaving and never coming back.
"Get rid of the computer and I'll blow this apartment to hell and back."
"Remind me again why we got the damn thing."
"Because you needed to update. Ancient Jurian technology just doesn't compare to the modern universe."
"Right. Like Azaka and his video games."
"Right." We lean back into the couch. I don't know what he's thinking, but I'm wishing the father of my baby was Tenchi.
At Kamidake's suggestion Washu arrives a few weeks before the baby's birth. She bursts into the new house squealing for her 'Little Ryoko' and calling to see the baby's room. It's pathetic, but I guess if you can't be a mom you might as well be a grandma.
She throws herself right into the granny mode too. Offering unwanted advice and making a nuisance of herself. Kamidake is polite, but I get the feeling he's regretting the suggestion she come. I make my usual comments about her parenting skills and go about doing the opposite of what she suggests. Some of what she says though, I listen to.
"Y'know, Tenchi broke up with that girl."
"He did?" He did! That means there's a chance! I can leave the kid with Kamidake and.
"Yeah. He met someone else he liked better. Her name is Asuka. I like her better as well."
Asuka. He likes Asuka. I nod mutely and go back to picking out baby clothes. I think I like the blue outfit with yellow duckies.
My son is born at exactly 12:01 in the morning, on the holiday the Jurain's celebrate to honor their dead. Kamidake names him Sakito.
"Why Sakito?"
"It was my father's name."
"Oh. Was he a good man?"
"No. He was a drunk."
"And we're naming our child after him."
"Would you like to name him something else?"
"No, Sakito is fine." He is fine. He's better than fine. All of a sudden I have something that belongs to me, that's all mine, that nobody can take. I love my baby more than anyone could possibly know and I can't wait to show him that.
If I can find out how to show him. I never had a mother, and now I'm not sure how to be one. Kamidake's no help, his parental involvement usually doesn't extend beyond patting the Sakito on the head and a few brief words of approval, disapproval or advice, none of which mean anything. Washu is too full of advice for any of it to be particularly helpful. I am truly at a loss.
Sakito proves to be similar to his parents; he's smoking by the time he's eleven, despite all Kamidake's pathetic efforts to let him know of his disapproval. I'm amused and so is Sakito. Kamidake sighs and shakes his head before going out for a beer.
My son learns to drink before he enters high school. I'm sure if he learned it from me or his father, but either way he does have a very good tolerance.
"Hey, Kamidake."
"Sakito."
"Azaka told me about this new game. Wanna play it with me?"
".No."
"Ok."
"Sakito, what are you drinking?"
"Wine."
"Where did you.?"
"Ryoko's secret stash in the attic. The stuff she drinks when you and she are finished having sex and she goes up to cry her eyes out."
"Give me that. You shouldn't drink!"
"You and Ryoko drink all the time!"
"Yes, we have this thing called tolerance."
"I can handle alcohol.."
"Ryoko! You might want to get in here to see this; your son has just passed out."
He has a very good tolerance; it just took a few years to develop.
Kamidake dislikes all of this, but he is content to let me raise my son the way I see fit. He doesn't realize I don't like this either.
Sakito has inherited some of Washu's brain power so school is never a problem. He doesn't see the point of it and neither Kamidake, nor I, stress the issue of scholastic importance. I make him go because the mothers on television make their sons go and Kamidake doesn't care as long as he doesn't have to go to any parent-teacher conferences. Sakito goes because that's how he meets his boyfriends.
The neighbors think we're married. Azaka, who lives close by, thinks we're married. Washu thinks we're happy. As far as the rest of the world is concerned we are all one big happy family.
I found it wise to keep the community ignorant about my son's ability to summon spirits, fly, and blow things up.
Then, Tenchi paid a visit to Jurai. He's going to become an ambassador to Jurai for Earth. He's bringing his wife. It was on the news.
Ayeka decides she wants to greet Tenchi with a 'classical' Jurain setting. Meaning: she wants Azaka and Kamidake back on active duty. It apparently doesn't matter than Azaka now uses a hearing aide or that Kamidake is, in the eyes of society, a family man. Ayeka wants Tenchi to feel as if nothing has changed. She even invites Kiyone and Mihoshi for a visit.
Washu is coming of her own accord, as am I.
We are made welcome in the palace and Ayeka greets everyone warmly. She has aged little, which is not surprising. Everyone is in the parlor, eating cookies and drinking tea and discussing what they've done with their lives. Kiyone shows us pictures of her three children and husband. Mihoshi left the pictures at home, but she still relates tales of how her twin daughters are planning to join the Galaxy Police. Ayeka calls in her son, Prince Emori. Sasami comes in late from a diplomatic meeting with Lord Something-or-another, and we are excited to see she is six months along. She has to ask twice before he hears her, but she still challenges Azaka to a video game tournament.
Tenchi still hasn't shown up. I keep glancing at the clock.
The question comes up about what I've been doing for the past fifteen years. I grin and am proud to show off pictures of my son. I don't mention who the father is, I think it's rather obvious.
Then Tenchi shows up and it's all I can do to keep from kissing him. Hanging onto him is some girl he introduces as Urara. They smile at each other. The stories are retold, pictures are passed around again.
My picture is passed around again.
C'mon Tenchi. The kid has dark auburn hair. The same dark auburn hair as the man standing behind you. Guess. Be jealous. Wish the kid was yours.
"Hey, Ryoko?"
"Yes?" I grin my old seductive grin and leer. Urara looks alarmed but Tenchi just laughs.
"His eyes are just like Washu's. What's his name?"
I feel like screaming. "Sakito. And you're right about his eyes."
We talk long into the night until Mihoshi leans against Kiyone and starts to snore. We all laugh quietly and Ayeka calls in servants to show everyone to their rooms. She dismisses Azaka and Kamidake and they both smile at her like they have nothing better to do than show up and make her fantasies come true for Tenchi. I'm disgusted.
I'm disgusted at Ayeka for being such a bitch. I'm disgusted at Kamidake for being such a hypocrite. And I'm disgusted at Tenchi, for choosing some dimwit over me. I excuse myself from the palace, saying I'm staying somewhere close by and I leave soon after Kamidake does and follow him home. It's raining.
When we're finally dried off he cups my chin and starts nibbling on my ear. I pull away and he stops immediately, as he always does when I express a disinterest. Only this time he looks slightly disappointed.
I start the conversation. "Who's Mariko?" It's plain by the twitch that I've hit a nerve.
"Where.where did you hear that name?"
"You whisper it late at night. Who is she?"
"She's dead."
"I didn't ask that!" I'm yelling. God, I so tired of his being distant! "I'm asking who she is!"
"She was the mother of my daughter!" He slams his fist down on our bedside table and knocks off the alarm clock. For a few moments we say nothing else, then I break the silence.
"Ok. I just wanted to know."
"She had black eyes."
"Huh?"
"Mariko. She had black eyes. I wish yours were gold again. She had black eyes too."
It seems I'm forever doomed to play second fiddle to some other woman, even in the life of a man I don't love. Still, I feel sorry for the fool who is stuck so far in the past that he can't tell who he's sleeping with.
"So, in the bar.my eyes." I swallow, trying not to cry. Space pirates who could blow up entire planets do not cry.
Except I'm not a space pirate anymore. I'm a mom. And my son is throwing up in the bathroom down the hall and his father is looking at me like he can't decide if he loves me or he hates me.
"Your eyes. I wish to Tsunami they were gold again. Then I wouldn't have this problem."
"Problem."
He shakes his head. "I'm such a bastard. You two are nothing alike, except she had black eyes and I met her in a bar."
"Oh.I can't really blame you." And I can't. I scream Tenchi's name every night. I can't blame this man for loving another woman. At least he didn't get us kicked out of an apartment.
"Pity. I was hoping you would hate me."
"I don't think we can afford to hate each other."
"Suppose not. We're dysfunctional enough without it."
"Yeah." We both give low chuckles. "What happened to Mariko?"
"You know how Azaka and I were put in, I guess you'd call it 'suspended animation' because we were injured?"
"Yeah. Your souls were put in some log guardians."
"Right. We were injured during the second civil war. Mariko and my daughter died in that war." He leans back into the bed and sighs.
"That." I search for an appropriate word. "That sucks."
"Yeah, actually, it does."
We sit there, not speaking, for who knows how long. Just thinking in the silence.
"Ryoko?"
"Hmm?"
"What do you want to do?"
"I want." I pause. I can't really answer that because for the past fifteen years I've never actually thought about what I really want. Every time he asked me I'd rattle off a list of crap, like a silk kimono, and just ignore what I really wanted because I always thought I was just dreaming.
But I want to be loved. And damn it, I deserve to be loved! And so does he.
"I want a lover." And I do. Not a sex partner, a lover. Someone whose ear I can nibble on and who I can cuddle with.
If I can have someone like that, maybe I'll stop screaming Tenchi's name in the middle of an orgasm. Maybe I'll stop wishing my name was Urara. Maybe I'll be happy.
That's why, a week after that, I'm saying goodbye to my sex partner of fifteen years and my son. Sakito brushes his long, dyed hair out of his eyes and I can see he's holding back tears. He just broke up with his boyfriend and I should really stick around to support him, but I can't. I can't expect my son to be happy if I'm not.
For the first time in our relationship Kamidake is seeing me off without giving me money. It's a good moment and we smile.
I go off in an old, second hand space ship that'll probably never get me out of this galaxy, but that's ok. I'm meeting Washu on one of the outer planets in this solar system in a few days. She's going to change my eyes back to gold. I've given up the silk kimonos and I'm back in a dress that's more than a little revealing. I hope I meet someone who can handle that because I'm not changing for anyone. And I'm not settling for anything less than what I want either.
Tenchi chose, he chose, and as was everyone's guess it wasn't me. It wasn't the princess either. Nope, it was some dopey little girl who wears frumpy sweaters, pleated skirts, and glasses. They met at his college. She's sweet, nice, normal, and utterly boring.
Utterly boring.
Princess Ayeka went back to her planet with her sister and knights. She told me that if I ever needed a place to crash the royal palace would always be open to me. I smiled and thanked her. I doubt I'll ever take her up on the offer, but it was still a nice gesture.
I liked it better when we were fighting.
Kiyone and Mihoshi went back to fighting intergalactic crime. Last I heard Kiyone got her promotion and new partner. Mihoshi got married.
Washu is the only one left on Earth. She still lives in the closet and I laugh to think what would happen if Tenchi's beloved opened the door to her laboratory.
I took my spaceship to Jurai, sold it, and am now drinking the profits away. The bartender gives me a suspicious look, as if he recognizes me from somewhere. That's impossible of course; I grew my hair out and tied it back at my neck, and my eyes are now black thanks to Washu messing around with my DNA. Having the greatest scientific genius in the universe for a creator can come in handy.
There's a guy looking at me. He looks like that knight of Ayeka's.
Holy shit, it is that knight of Ayeka's. Our eyes meet and realization dawns on both of us as we just stare at each other for a few moments. Finally I raise my glass in greeting. "Never thought I'd run into you again."
He arches an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Really."
He finishes his drink and promptly orders another, making me arch my eyebrow. I wasn't aware Jurian knights drank. At least not in such quantities.
"So, what brings you here, Miss." He's smart and doesn't use my name.
"I wandered into town and thought I'd clean out a bar. You?"
"I got fired."
I choke on my beer. Fired? Ancient Jurian knights who have been revived from the dead to serve the Royal Family just aren't fired. He hands me a napkin and explains. "The King decided his daughters would be better protected by more.modern efforts. Azaka and I were given a nice little pension that will allow us to do anything we want in life, and a charming little pink slip." The last part is said bitterly. He slugs down the whole glass at once and I take the opportunity to give him the once-over.
The long braid of hair is gone, as is the goofy arrangement of bangs. Instead, the hair is shoulder length and held in a ponytail and the bangs are brushed over to frame his face. Guess I wasn't the only one trying to change how I looked.
"Where are you staying?"
"Eh?"
"Where are you staying?" He repeats.
"Not staying anywhere." I order another bottle and lay down the money. "You wanna help me find a place to stay?" By now we are both so drunk we can barely stand.
"I.might know a place." We stumble out of the bar, laughing at some imagined joke.
I wake up in a tangle of limbs and bed sheets. Blinking, I clutch my head and once again swear to never touch another alcoholic beverage.
I almost laugh at myself as I say that.
I hear a groan and look at the man lying next to me and as I do, all the memories of last night come back. I snort. I never thought I'd be screwing a knight of Jurai.
Excuse me, former knight of Jurai.
"Hey, Kamidake. Wake up." He grumbles and turns over. "C'mon Sleeping Beauty. I need to know where your coffee pot is." He starts to snore. Bastard. I run a hand through my hair and decide to skip the coffee and just take a shower.
Looking around the bathroom it's clear I'm in a bachelor's home. A comb, a bottle of shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, and deodorant, and nothing else. Not that I need anything else, but conditioner would be nice.
The water is hot and I sigh as it streaks down my back, washing away the scent of a man I barely know. The shampoo bottle is almost empty and I finish it off, if he wants to wash his hair he can go buy some more of the stuff.
I step out of the shower and as I do the door opens.
"Sorry." The door is closed again and his voice comes through it. "Towels are under the sink."
"Thanks." The towels are threadbare but they serve their purpose. I leave it on the floor and wander into the bedroom to find my clothes.
Kamidake is pulling on his shoes and when I enter he blushes and won't look at me, which I find amusing. After the stunts we pulled last night you wouldn't think he'd be shy about seeing my naked body.
My clothes are covered in whipped cream. I roll my eyes. I don't remember that part of the evening.
"If you need clothes I have some."
"Huh?"
"I have some clothes that shrunk in the wash." He shrugs. "I wasn't aware materials in this time could do that. Anyways, they should fit you."
They don't and looking at the shirt leads me to question his frame of mind but I don't say anything. What can you say to somebody about their clothes when they're cooking you breakfast?
I think it's eggs. Might be toast, but I really think it's eggs. I poke it with my chopstick and the end of it breaks off.
"Kamidake?"
"Yes Miss Ryoko?"
"You really need a woman."
"."
We eat in silence, he does the dishes and we go back to the bedroom for more sex.
We wake up a few hours later, hungry and exhausted. We dress quickly and head out for an early dinner in one of the cities' classier areas. The waiter balks at our dress, but a few well-placed coins and a significant look help clear up the matter.
The music is charming, the food is delicious (and abundant), and the atmosphere is utterly dull. I scarf down my food as well as some of Kamidake's, and he looks disinterested in everything but his glass of wine.
He pays the check and we leave. It's getting cold and he buys me a coat, which surprises me. We both go shopping, him paying me back for last night, me paying him back for dinner. Then it's back to his apartment for more sex.
Afterwards I try cuddling up to him, licking his ear and playing with his hair.
"Miss Ryoko, what are you doing?"
"What lovers do."
"We aren't lovers."
"Oh?"
"Lovers love each other. We're just sex partners."
"Well, since we're being so informal, stop calling me 'Miss'."
"Very well." He never calls me that again.
He's right; we aren't lovers. We're just using each other. Over the next few months I wake up the neighbors so many times with my screams of 'Tenchi!' that we have to move. Kamidake never mentions it, and in turn I don't question him about Mariko, or why he whispers her name in his sleep or when he's holding me. It's fairly obvious we're using each other, so we both decide to ignore it.
Then I get pregnant.
I tell him straight out, no beating around the bush. I suppose I could have picked a better time, but when we're not having sex he tends to be distant.
As it is he pushes me off and sits up. "Pregnant?"
"Yes."
"How.how long have you known?"
"About a month."
"And you didn't tell because.?"
I run my hand through my hair. "I was waiting for the right moment."
"And the right moment is when I'm licking your breast?!?" He gets up and starts to dress. "If you needed contraceptives why the hell didn't you tell me?"
"Hey, this is your fault too!" My temper is showing. He has no right to talk to me about contraceptives.
"And I'm willing to do anything you want about it!" He's yelling back and this is the first time I've ever seen him truly angry. "Sweet Tsunami, Ryoko, I'm willing to go along with whatever you want to do about this. Do you want to leave and keep the child? Fine. Want an abortion? Fine. Want to give the brat up for adoption? Fine fine fine!"
"Just brimming with parental love and affection, aren't you?" I reply dryly. 'Brat' indeed.
"It's been a long time since I was a parent." He throws on a jacket and I hear the door slam a moment later.
Kamidake is gone for three days. In that time I e-mail Washu and let her in on the news. She e-mails me back and I am not surprised by her reaction. She is happy, a grandchild at last. I've found a man who makes me happy. We should come back to Earth. Yay.
It's all so typically selfish of her. I never told her Kamidake made me happy, and I don't want her playing Grandma with my baby. I reply that we'll have to think about visiting, we have the baby to consider and all.
Kamidake comes back. Without a word he takes a shower and eats like he's never seen food before. He won't tell me where he's been and I refuse to ask. I tell him about contacting Washu and he makes noises about getting rid of the computer. I don't tell him I thought of leaving and never coming back.
"Get rid of the computer and I'll blow this apartment to hell and back."
"Remind me again why we got the damn thing."
"Because you needed to update. Ancient Jurian technology just doesn't compare to the modern universe."
"Right. Like Azaka and his video games."
"Right." We lean back into the couch. I don't know what he's thinking, but I'm wishing the father of my baby was Tenchi.
At Kamidake's suggestion Washu arrives a few weeks before the baby's birth. She bursts into the new house squealing for her 'Little Ryoko' and calling to see the baby's room. It's pathetic, but I guess if you can't be a mom you might as well be a grandma.
She throws herself right into the granny mode too. Offering unwanted advice and making a nuisance of herself. Kamidake is polite, but I get the feeling he's regretting the suggestion she come. I make my usual comments about her parenting skills and go about doing the opposite of what she suggests. Some of what she says though, I listen to.
"Y'know, Tenchi broke up with that girl."
"He did?" He did! That means there's a chance! I can leave the kid with Kamidake and.
"Yeah. He met someone else he liked better. Her name is Asuka. I like her better as well."
Asuka. He likes Asuka. I nod mutely and go back to picking out baby clothes. I think I like the blue outfit with yellow duckies.
My son is born at exactly 12:01 in the morning, on the holiday the Jurain's celebrate to honor their dead. Kamidake names him Sakito.
"Why Sakito?"
"It was my father's name."
"Oh. Was he a good man?"
"No. He was a drunk."
"And we're naming our child after him."
"Would you like to name him something else?"
"No, Sakito is fine." He is fine. He's better than fine. All of a sudden I have something that belongs to me, that's all mine, that nobody can take. I love my baby more than anyone could possibly know and I can't wait to show him that.
If I can find out how to show him. I never had a mother, and now I'm not sure how to be one. Kamidake's no help, his parental involvement usually doesn't extend beyond patting the Sakito on the head and a few brief words of approval, disapproval or advice, none of which mean anything. Washu is too full of advice for any of it to be particularly helpful. I am truly at a loss.
Sakito proves to be similar to his parents; he's smoking by the time he's eleven, despite all Kamidake's pathetic efforts to let him know of his disapproval. I'm amused and so is Sakito. Kamidake sighs and shakes his head before going out for a beer.
My son learns to drink before he enters high school. I'm sure if he learned it from me or his father, but either way he does have a very good tolerance.
"Hey, Kamidake."
"Sakito."
"Azaka told me about this new game. Wanna play it with me?"
".No."
"Ok."
"Sakito, what are you drinking?"
"Wine."
"Where did you.?"
"Ryoko's secret stash in the attic. The stuff she drinks when you and she are finished having sex and she goes up to cry her eyes out."
"Give me that. You shouldn't drink!"
"You and Ryoko drink all the time!"
"Yes, we have this thing called tolerance."
"I can handle alcohol.."
"Ryoko! You might want to get in here to see this; your son has just passed out."
He has a very good tolerance; it just took a few years to develop.
Kamidake dislikes all of this, but he is content to let me raise my son the way I see fit. He doesn't realize I don't like this either.
Sakito has inherited some of Washu's brain power so school is never a problem. He doesn't see the point of it and neither Kamidake, nor I, stress the issue of scholastic importance. I make him go because the mothers on television make their sons go and Kamidake doesn't care as long as he doesn't have to go to any parent-teacher conferences. Sakito goes because that's how he meets his boyfriends.
The neighbors think we're married. Azaka, who lives close by, thinks we're married. Washu thinks we're happy. As far as the rest of the world is concerned we are all one big happy family.
I found it wise to keep the community ignorant about my son's ability to summon spirits, fly, and blow things up.
Then, Tenchi paid a visit to Jurai. He's going to become an ambassador to Jurai for Earth. He's bringing his wife. It was on the news.
Ayeka decides she wants to greet Tenchi with a 'classical' Jurain setting. Meaning: she wants Azaka and Kamidake back on active duty. It apparently doesn't matter than Azaka now uses a hearing aide or that Kamidake is, in the eyes of society, a family man. Ayeka wants Tenchi to feel as if nothing has changed. She even invites Kiyone and Mihoshi for a visit.
Washu is coming of her own accord, as am I.
We are made welcome in the palace and Ayeka greets everyone warmly. She has aged little, which is not surprising. Everyone is in the parlor, eating cookies and drinking tea and discussing what they've done with their lives. Kiyone shows us pictures of her three children and husband. Mihoshi left the pictures at home, but she still relates tales of how her twin daughters are planning to join the Galaxy Police. Ayeka calls in her son, Prince Emori. Sasami comes in late from a diplomatic meeting with Lord Something-or-another, and we are excited to see she is six months along. She has to ask twice before he hears her, but she still challenges Azaka to a video game tournament.
Tenchi still hasn't shown up. I keep glancing at the clock.
The question comes up about what I've been doing for the past fifteen years. I grin and am proud to show off pictures of my son. I don't mention who the father is, I think it's rather obvious.
Then Tenchi shows up and it's all I can do to keep from kissing him. Hanging onto him is some girl he introduces as Urara. They smile at each other. The stories are retold, pictures are passed around again.
My picture is passed around again.
C'mon Tenchi. The kid has dark auburn hair. The same dark auburn hair as the man standing behind you. Guess. Be jealous. Wish the kid was yours.
"Hey, Ryoko?"
"Yes?" I grin my old seductive grin and leer. Urara looks alarmed but Tenchi just laughs.
"His eyes are just like Washu's. What's his name?"
I feel like screaming. "Sakito. And you're right about his eyes."
We talk long into the night until Mihoshi leans against Kiyone and starts to snore. We all laugh quietly and Ayeka calls in servants to show everyone to their rooms. She dismisses Azaka and Kamidake and they both smile at her like they have nothing better to do than show up and make her fantasies come true for Tenchi. I'm disgusted.
I'm disgusted at Ayeka for being such a bitch. I'm disgusted at Kamidake for being such a hypocrite. And I'm disgusted at Tenchi, for choosing some dimwit over me. I excuse myself from the palace, saying I'm staying somewhere close by and I leave soon after Kamidake does and follow him home. It's raining.
When we're finally dried off he cups my chin and starts nibbling on my ear. I pull away and he stops immediately, as he always does when I express a disinterest. Only this time he looks slightly disappointed.
I start the conversation. "Who's Mariko?" It's plain by the twitch that I've hit a nerve.
"Where.where did you hear that name?"
"You whisper it late at night. Who is she?"
"She's dead."
"I didn't ask that!" I'm yelling. God, I so tired of his being distant! "I'm asking who she is!"
"She was the mother of my daughter!" He slams his fist down on our bedside table and knocks off the alarm clock. For a few moments we say nothing else, then I break the silence.
"Ok. I just wanted to know."
"She had black eyes."
"Huh?"
"Mariko. She had black eyes. I wish yours were gold again. She had black eyes too."
It seems I'm forever doomed to play second fiddle to some other woman, even in the life of a man I don't love. Still, I feel sorry for the fool who is stuck so far in the past that he can't tell who he's sleeping with.
"So, in the bar.my eyes." I swallow, trying not to cry. Space pirates who could blow up entire planets do not cry.
Except I'm not a space pirate anymore. I'm a mom. And my son is throwing up in the bathroom down the hall and his father is looking at me like he can't decide if he loves me or he hates me.
"Your eyes. I wish to Tsunami they were gold again. Then I wouldn't have this problem."
"Problem."
He shakes his head. "I'm such a bastard. You two are nothing alike, except she had black eyes and I met her in a bar."
"Oh.I can't really blame you." And I can't. I scream Tenchi's name every night. I can't blame this man for loving another woman. At least he didn't get us kicked out of an apartment.
"Pity. I was hoping you would hate me."
"I don't think we can afford to hate each other."
"Suppose not. We're dysfunctional enough without it."
"Yeah." We both give low chuckles. "What happened to Mariko?"
"You know how Azaka and I were put in, I guess you'd call it 'suspended animation' because we were injured?"
"Yeah. Your souls were put in some log guardians."
"Right. We were injured during the second civil war. Mariko and my daughter died in that war." He leans back into the bed and sighs.
"That." I search for an appropriate word. "That sucks."
"Yeah, actually, it does."
We sit there, not speaking, for who knows how long. Just thinking in the silence.
"Ryoko?"
"Hmm?"
"What do you want to do?"
"I want." I pause. I can't really answer that because for the past fifteen years I've never actually thought about what I really want. Every time he asked me I'd rattle off a list of crap, like a silk kimono, and just ignore what I really wanted because I always thought I was just dreaming.
But I want to be loved. And damn it, I deserve to be loved! And so does he.
"I want a lover." And I do. Not a sex partner, a lover. Someone whose ear I can nibble on and who I can cuddle with.
If I can have someone like that, maybe I'll stop screaming Tenchi's name in the middle of an orgasm. Maybe I'll stop wishing my name was Urara. Maybe I'll be happy.
That's why, a week after that, I'm saying goodbye to my sex partner of fifteen years and my son. Sakito brushes his long, dyed hair out of his eyes and I can see he's holding back tears. He just broke up with his boyfriend and I should really stick around to support him, but I can't. I can't expect my son to be happy if I'm not.
For the first time in our relationship Kamidake is seeing me off without giving me money. It's a good moment and we smile.
I go off in an old, second hand space ship that'll probably never get me out of this galaxy, but that's ok. I'm meeting Washu on one of the outer planets in this solar system in a few days. She's going to change my eyes back to gold. I've given up the silk kimonos and I'm back in a dress that's more than a little revealing. I hope I meet someone who can handle that because I'm not changing for anyone. And I'm not settling for anything less than what I want either.