The Truth about Pilots
Rating: PG/PG-13
Parings: Wedge/Iella, with others thrown it. It becomes obvious.
Description: Wedge's Bachelor Party, Iella's Bachelorette party. ;-)
Disclaimer: They're not mine! All kudos to the writing gods, Mike Stackpole, Aaron Alliston, and Tim Zahn, and of course the greatest of them all, George Lucas. Also special thanks goes to Tracy Byrd and his merry band of country music stars who inspired this work of fiction.
Giggling, and hiding the bottle of Corellian wine under her tunic, Mirax Terrik Horn smiled at the doorman to the small club. "Be a nice boy, and give the bride to be a kiss will you?" She giggles some more.
"Mirax!" Iella giggled. They were both drunk. Leia, far more sober, as befitted the Chief of State of the New Republic grinned, and waved the doorman away. "Don't mind them, they've celebrated a little too hard." Winter grinned and shook her head.
"Corellians," she sighed.
"You can get away with that," Leia glared at Winter. "You're not married to one. Who knows when my husband will wander home tonight."
"Luke will bring him home." Winter assured her.
"A small comfort. At least I know they won't get in too much trouble."
"Tycho was supposed to plan the bachelor party, but Han told him that quote, Alderaanians are too uptight. Wedge needs a good Corellian send off. I'll take care of it, end quote."
"And then he called Corran and had him chase down Booster Terrik. I'm concerned for Wedge's health."
"I'm sure they'll be fine. Luke will make sure they're alright." Leia nodded.
"Come on ladies, this is only the fourth stop of the night." Leia waved at the others, "according to Mirax, there are four more stops after this." Mirax had planned the evening, with a timetable, but had put Leia in charge of making sure they got to their stops, since Leia would be the most sober. Dia Passik brought up the rear with, Tyria Tainer, friends of Iella's from New Republic Intelligence, from the Wraith Squadron that Wedge had created so many years ago. They had showed a degree of nervousness about being out with the Chief of State, but a few drinks from the bottle of Corellian firewine Mirax was currently hiding had loosed their inhibitions, and now they were pleasantly buzzed and giggling. Leia's security detail, two uniformed agents of the New Republic Military Police, followed. In deference to the occasion, they were both women. Her addition protection slipped by unnoticed, demonstrating the Nogrhi skill of concealed movement. They slid into a booth that had been reserved for them, a more private table, off to the side, with a good view of the stage. There appeared to be a karaoke night going on. Leia groaned.
"Mirax, most of these people can't sing!" Dia protested, before Leia could. Mirax just giggled.
"Yeah, but they're cute."
From across the room, Luke, feeling decidedly absurd about being dragged into this particular intrigue, clicked his commlink twice to indicate that the women had arrived. At least this means I don't have to sing…
"Okay boys, that's the signal from Luke," Booster Terrik waved at Face Loran, while also thanking his lucky stars he was considered too old to participate in this nonsense. "Knock yourselves out." He was certainly going to enjoy the show.
"Come on Wedge," Janson got an arm under Wedge's and helped haul him to his feet. "Show time."
"Soookayy…" Wedge replied, hand still clinging to the empty glass on the table.
"And now ladies and gentles, a special treat."
Leia turned slightly. Something about the group had changed. She looked. Mirax had suddenly sat up, and she didn't look nearly as inebriated as she did a few moments ago, and she had an evil grin on her face. She noticed Leia and winked.
"Uhh…something's going on here." She whispered to Winter.
"No kidding." She pointed. "Look."
Winter's sharp eyes had caught a movement on the far wall, but there was no mistaking the all black figure moving into the shadows as the lights dimmed. Luke?
Oops…you didn't see me. His voiced echoed in her head as he turned back and grinned a little.
The stage had dimmed, and music began to play. She recognized it as a popular Corellian tune, a silly song about men…
"Oh my…" Winter laughed when the spotlight came on.
Center stage stood Face Loran, and he began to sing.
"We don't like to go out shopping,
We don't care what's on sale."
"We just want to sit with a bag full of chips,
Watching the CSL…" Gavin Darklighter stepped in, and his line brought a laugh to the women, who all had heard of Gavin's obsession with the Coruscant Shockball Leauge.
"When you come over at half time," Wes Janson crooned.
"And say does this dress look too tight?" Hobbie offered.
"We just look you in the eye, with a big fat lie, and say uh uh, looks just right." The pair managed to harmonize where there wasn't harmony.
The lights came up on the stage, as the chorus came in, and Leia found herself roaring, with the rest as the lights reveled most of the pilots who had gone out that night singing away. Wedge was sandwiched between Corran and Tycho, and looked like he didn't know where he was, but he was singing anyway. Her own husband had linked arms with Rogue Squadron's Myn Donos, and they were attempting to get the group dancing.
"Oh stars," Winter laughed.
"Well, that's the truth about men,
that's the truth about us,
we like to hunt and golf on our days off,
scratch and spit and cuss.
And no matter what line we hand you,
When we come draggin in,
We ain't wrong,
We ain't sorry,
And its probably going to happen again."
Corran stepped up to the mike, "We hate watching Ithor Sunrise, we like Yavin and Die-Wing 4."
"Jump up and down like fools, when we see the new tools, at the Space Depot store," Han's contribution had Leia roaring so hard, she felt tears rolling down her face.
"We don't really want to take you to dinner,
at some fancy restaurant," Kell Tainer's voice, though drunk, was obviously the best after Face's.
"The only reason we do, is because we know it leads to," Myn Donos was in three different keys.
"The one thing that we all want," sang Wedge as the microphone was thrust in his face, which made the ladies roar again with laughter. Iella was standing on the table shrieking gales of laughter.
"Well that's the truth about men,
That's the truth about guys,
We'd rather pick giroids, and work on 'droids," as if on cue, Kell Tainer produced an acoustic giroid, and began strumming. "Than work on the problems in our lives.
And thought we might say it to you, every now and then,
We ain't wrong,
We ain't sorry,
And its probably going to happen again."
"If you want to know what we're all thinking," Janson again.
"Its nothing too complex," Hobbie warbled.
"Just something cold for drinking," Han lifted a bottle to his lips,
"And a whole lot of S-E..yeess that's the truth about men" the whole gang joined in, and now Han and Myn were finally having some success at getting the group to line up and kick, except they weren't in synch, and Wedge once tried to kick both legs at the same time, and nearly took them all down as one.
"That's the truth about us,
"We like to hunt and golf, and drive around lost,
scratch and spit and a whole lot of other disgusting stuff."
"And no matter what line we give you,
when we come crawling in,
We ain't wrong,
We ain't sorry,
And its probably going to happen again.
We ain't wrong,
We ain't sorry,
And its probably going to happen,
Sure its gonna happen,
You know its going to happen again!"
The stage went dark, with just the spotlight on Face again.
"And that's the truth about Men."
The bar had gone absolutely nuts. Leia was standing and jumping up and down, laughing, tears still rolling down her face. Part of her noted that she might see this in the holonews tomorrow, but right now, she didn't care. Winter was using her fingers to whistle at the stage, and the other four women were screaming at the top of their lungs. The lights came up, and the men took their bows, and someone handed Face the microphone back.
"Oh gods, I feel faint! It's the FACE!" Dia screamed, jokingly at the stage. Face grinned, he had also obviously had a few glasses to drink.
"Thank you ladies and genetless. We appreciate your reception. We're out here tonight celebrating with our friend here the end of his life as a single man." Wes and Hobbie had each one of Wedge's arms draped around their necks, and were holding him up between them. The men in the audience groaned in sympathy. "But what Wedge here doesn't know is that his fiancé is standing up on a table in the back of the room!" Wedge's head snapped up.
Leia felt it happen. There was a quick flicker in the Force, and suddenly the spotlight was pointed directly at their table. She glared across the room, and Luke was grinning back at her. The bar roared, and Leia turned back to see the color draining from Wedge's face. "Uh…"
Iella and Mirax were standing on the table, Mirax grinning like the wampa that had just swallowed the tauntaun, Iella looking slightly stunned at the sudden light in her eyes, and the attention.
"Say hi, Wedge," Face, thrust the mic at Wedge.
"Uhh…hi Iella." Wedge looked as if he'd been caught with his pants down. The crowd roared. She waved back, and threw him a saucy look. Wedge, showing surprising visual clarity, caught the look and tried to straighten to give her one of his own, but nearly fell down. The bar roared again.
"How much have you had to drink?" Iella asked, trying to sound stern, but failing entirely, as she giggled from her own intoxication.
"Ah…ahhhh..a little." Wedge, looked about him. "Where'd that bottle go?" Leia was laughing so hard her sides hurt.
"Wedge Antilles, when I get my hands on you…" Iella trailed off when she realized that people were watching, and her stern admonishment was coming out there entirely, wrong way. A red blush crept up her face.
"You go girl!" Dia shouted from behind the table.
"Uhhh, I'm sorry…" Face snatched the mic away. "Uh uh uh…Wedge, maestro, an encore please, I believe we've already forgotten our lessons." The last chorus of the song came back.
"That's the truth about men,
"That's the truth about us,
"We like to hunt and golf, and drive around lost,
scratch and spit and a whole lot of other disgusting stuff."
"And no matter what line we give you,
when we come crawling in,
We ain't wrong,
We ain't sorry,
And its probably going to happen again.
We ain't wrong,
We ain't sorry,
And its probably going to happen,
Sure its gonna happen,
You know its going to happen again!"
And in the darkness Face's voices echoed.
"And that's the truth about Men."
When the lights came up again, amidst the roaring from the bar, they were gone. Leia shook her head. She felt a tingle and turned to look at Luke. He was sneaking out, but tossed his head in the direction of the entrance. The bright lights outside warned her that a holojournalist crew had appeared and was trying to gain entry.
"Come on ladies, time to go."
It was nearly dawn when the door chime rang. Leia opened it, and Luke was there with Han, who could barely stand. Luke looked winded.
"What's wrong?"
"Turbolift was broken. And we were halfway up the stairs when I thought to levitate him up." Luke explained. In response, her husband floated into the room. "Bedroom?"
"Yes." Leia nodded toward the living area's two couches. Iella occupied one, with Mirax Terrik in the other. "They were too far gone to let them go home alone. I called Corran and left a message."
"I think Wedge is on his couch. I think he was hoping Iella would end up there."
Leia smirked. "As if he's in any condition to…"
"Leia! Please, no visuals about my friend's sex lives," Luke laughed anyway.
"Shhh…don't wake the kids."
Sorry.
Its okay. This was one way to not make any noise. Han hated it when they did it, but he wasn't awake now anyway.
Luke gently let Han down on the bed, and turned and smiled at his sister.
I'm off. Big day tomorrow.
Yes. Goodnight Luke.
Good Morning, Leia. Luke smirked at her, as he slid the door shut behind him. She sighed and turned her attention to Han. He was gurgling.
"Well, at least you didn't get in a fight." She sighed.
"'srry yr Wrsssship." Han was attempting to be funny.
"Shush, and don't make any promises you don't intend to keep."
When Wedge Antillies woke up, it felt like the Death Star was exploding in his head. Continuously. He rolled over…
…and promptly fell off the couch.
Letting off a string of Corellian invective, he struggled to sit up, as his head protested with even more force. Nothing was becoming clearer, even though he was aware he was becoming more and more awake.
"Morning Boss." Corran's voice.
"Corran?"
"Yeah, its me. You just rolled off my couch. You're lucky Mirax isn't here. She wouldn't like you subjecting Valin to that language. Need a hand?"
"Yeah." With Corran's help Wedge got to a sitting position on the couch.
"What happened last night?"
Corran laughed. "We had a lesson in the truth."
"The truth?" something about that was jogging something...
Corran nodded solemnly. "The truth about men."
It all came back. "Oh gods…"
Corran laughed. "It'll be alright, just remember. You aren't wrong, you aren't sorry…"
"Well, Corran, I can promise you, it will never, ever, happen again."
"That's what they all say chief, that's what they all say."