Chapter 12: To Know
"It should have been a romantic, magical night," finished Meg, "but I ruined it." She dropped her head in despair as once again the tears began to flow.
"You should have never told him about Jimmy," reasoned Roxanne. "At least not that night or in that way."
"Rox I couldn't help it. I had to get it out of me. It was pounding to get out and I just let it go."
"It's all my dad's fault. If he hadn't shown up out of the blue again you would have already told me everything then you wouldn't have felt so pressured to tell Luke and none of this would have happened," Roxanne vented.
Meg looked up and smiled at her friend. It had been three days since her date with Luke. She hadn't heard from him since. This was the first she had spoken with Roxanne too. Roxanne's dad had shown up Friday morning and kind of kidnapped her for the weekend. That's why Meg wasn't able to get a hold of her. So Meg had basically locked herself up in her room all weekend, her thoughts confusing her more and more as she tried to sort through the surprising and disturbing events of the past few days.
"Okay, let's figure this out," spoke up Roxanne. "You have learned recently that two guys," Roxanne lifted up her right index and middle fingers stressing the word two, "two guys are in love with you. The question is, do you love them? Do you love both? Do you love one? If so which one? We need to sort out your true, deepest feelings for Jimmy and for Luke. We need to find out which one you are meant to be with."
Meg pursed her lips together. Isn't that what she had tried to figure out all weekend? Every road she had started down only led to more confusion and chaos.
After hours of answering Roxanne's penetrating questions Meg felt better to have gotten some feelings out in the open, but didn't feel like anything had been accomplished.
"Okay, so I think I'm just as confused about all of this as you are," Roxanne leaned her head back on Meg's bed headboard sounding completely disappointed.
They both sat in silence deep in their own thoughts. Meg began to feel suffocated. Needing some noise she scooted off her bed and switched on the radio. "I love you so/ I'll be true to you," blared from out of the speaker. Meg walked back over to her bed laying down this time. "Take my love with you/ To any port of foreign shore/ Darling you must feel for sure/ I'll be true to you," the words sunk into Meg's head reminding her of her dream about Jimmy dressed in uniform at the train station.
Meg groaned as she thought, This is never gonna go away!
Roxanne, who had made the connection as well, sat straight up as quick as lightning. "Meg," she said excitedly. "I think I've come up with a perfect solution! You need to stay with Luke. C'mon we're going to the record store."
"Roxanne, what if he doesn't talk to me. And what are you thinking? What's going on?" Meg continued to ask questions as Roxanne grabbed her arm and practically dragged her out of the house.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Meg sat watching television with Will in the living room later that evening. Although her eyes were glued to the set, her mind was still reeling with all of the happenings from earlier.
Roxanne had more or less become a mediator slash lawyer when they confronted Luke at the record store.
"I'm sorry Meg, but I don't think you're completely in this relationship," Luke's words had stabbed Meg. "You being confused about your feelings for Jimmy tells me that you don't feel for me as I do for you." Now the knife that had stabbed her sliced her to pieces.
"Luke, she was just shocked by Jimmy's letter. I mean even I was shocked. It was something totally unexpected. Then for you to say you loved her too, it was too much shock. She's had time for the shock to melt away. She knows she wants and needs to be with you," rambled Roxanne in defense of Meg.
"Can Meg not speak for herself? Roxanne this has nothing to do with you," Luke had replied picking up a stack of records to put in the bins for sale.
"Luke, it's true, all of what Roxanne said. I want to be with you not Jimmy. You should know that by now."
"I'm not convinced Meg."
"I'll prove it. Tell me what to do, anything."
"Stop all contact with Jimmy. Throw away his letters. Don't write him. When he comes back have nothing to do with him." Luke had looked at Meg with such seriousness in his eyes. All Meg could do was stare back at him. With no response from her, Luke asked them to leave.
Meg blinked away the tears that were gathering in her eyes. How can I just cut Jimmy out of my life completely?
"Meg sweetie."
Meg jumped startled by the figure standing in front of her. Seeing her mother she said, "You scared me."
Sitting next to her daughter on the couch Helen began, "Meg, what's on your mind?"
"Nothing Mom."
"Meg," Helen cocked her eyebrows knowing full well that something had been bothering Meg for some time now. "Something's wrong and you're going to tell me and not lie to me again."
Meg sighed. There was no getting by her mother this time. So she started from the beginning with the letter and explained everything following.
"I don't know what to do Mom. I think I love Luke too, but I keep thinking about Jimmy. I just want to be friends with him. But if I go with Luke I can't even have that."
"You're not in love with Luke. When you're in love you won't think - you'll know. If Luke can't accept your friendship with Jimmy then you're better off without him. As far as searching out your feelings for the both of them, it's just going to take time."
"But Mom how do I know when I love someone?"
Helen pursed her lips into a crooked line and looked deeply into her daughter's eyes. "You just know." With that, Helen rose from the couch and walked out of the room leaving Meg with her thoughts again.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She's gone again, thought Michael as the show closed to an end. Meg had been even more out of it than before.
As everyone scattered to leave the station, Michael caught Meg before she scurried out of sight.
"Meg, you weren't yourself again today. What's up?"
Meg felt the concern in Michael's voice but didn't want to get into the whole thing again as she had done the day before. So she only asked him one question.
"Michael, how do you know you're in love?"
Michael, caught off guard, jerked his head back with a look of not understanding. When Meg didn't say anything more and just stood there waiting for an answer, he scrunched his forehead in serious thought.
"Well.Meg.I'd have to say you just know. You don't think about it, you just know." Heaving out a sigh of relief, Michael then asked, "Does that answer your question?"
Meg didn't hear his question though. She was focused on his answer to her's. He said the same as Mom. How do I know? I guess if you have to ask that you don't know. I do know I'm not in love with Jimmy. I feel too much for Luke. Meg continued thinking on while she walked off from a wondering Michael.
"It should have been a romantic, magical night," finished Meg, "but I ruined it." She dropped her head in despair as once again the tears began to flow.
"You should have never told him about Jimmy," reasoned Roxanne. "At least not that night or in that way."
"Rox I couldn't help it. I had to get it out of me. It was pounding to get out and I just let it go."
"It's all my dad's fault. If he hadn't shown up out of the blue again you would have already told me everything then you wouldn't have felt so pressured to tell Luke and none of this would have happened," Roxanne vented.
Meg looked up and smiled at her friend. It had been three days since her date with Luke. She hadn't heard from him since. This was the first she had spoken with Roxanne too. Roxanne's dad had shown up Friday morning and kind of kidnapped her for the weekend. That's why Meg wasn't able to get a hold of her. So Meg had basically locked herself up in her room all weekend, her thoughts confusing her more and more as she tried to sort through the surprising and disturbing events of the past few days.
"Okay, let's figure this out," spoke up Roxanne. "You have learned recently that two guys," Roxanne lifted up her right index and middle fingers stressing the word two, "two guys are in love with you. The question is, do you love them? Do you love both? Do you love one? If so which one? We need to sort out your true, deepest feelings for Jimmy and for Luke. We need to find out which one you are meant to be with."
Meg pursed her lips together. Isn't that what she had tried to figure out all weekend? Every road she had started down only led to more confusion and chaos.
After hours of answering Roxanne's penetrating questions Meg felt better to have gotten some feelings out in the open, but didn't feel like anything had been accomplished.
"Okay, so I think I'm just as confused about all of this as you are," Roxanne leaned her head back on Meg's bed headboard sounding completely disappointed.
They both sat in silence deep in their own thoughts. Meg began to feel suffocated. Needing some noise she scooted off her bed and switched on the radio. "I love you so/ I'll be true to you," blared from out of the speaker. Meg walked back over to her bed laying down this time. "Take my love with you/ To any port of foreign shore/ Darling you must feel for sure/ I'll be true to you," the words sunk into Meg's head reminding her of her dream about Jimmy dressed in uniform at the train station.
Meg groaned as she thought, This is never gonna go away!
Roxanne, who had made the connection as well, sat straight up as quick as lightning. "Meg," she said excitedly. "I think I've come up with a perfect solution! You need to stay with Luke. C'mon we're going to the record store."
"Roxanne, what if he doesn't talk to me. And what are you thinking? What's going on?" Meg continued to ask questions as Roxanne grabbed her arm and practically dragged her out of the house.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Meg sat watching television with Will in the living room later that evening. Although her eyes were glued to the set, her mind was still reeling with all of the happenings from earlier.
Roxanne had more or less become a mediator slash lawyer when they confronted Luke at the record store.
"I'm sorry Meg, but I don't think you're completely in this relationship," Luke's words had stabbed Meg. "You being confused about your feelings for Jimmy tells me that you don't feel for me as I do for you." Now the knife that had stabbed her sliced her to pieces.
"Luke, she was just shocked by Jimmy's letter. I mean even I was shocked. It was something totally unexpected. Then for you to say you loved her too, it was too much shock. She's had time for the shock to melt away. She knows she wants and needs to be with you," rambled Roxanne in defense of Meg.
"Can Meg not speak for herself? Roxanne this has nothing to do with you," Luke had replied picking up a stack of records to put in the bins for sale.
"Luke, it's true, all of what Roxanne said. I want to be with you not Jimmy. You should know that by now."
"I'm not convinced Meg."
"I'll prove it. Tell me what to do, anything."
"Stop all contact with Jimmy. Throw away his letters. Don't write him. When he comes back have nothing to do with him." Luke had looked at Meg with such seriousness in his eyes. All Meg could do was stare back at him. With no response from her, Luke asked them to leave.
Meg blinked away the tears that were gathering in her eyes. How can I just cut Jimmy out of my life completely?
"Meg sweetie."
Meg jumped startled by the figure standing in front of her. Seeing her mother she said, "You scared me."
Sitting next to her daughter on the couch Helen began, "Meg, what's on your mind?"
"Nothing Mom."
"Meg," Helen cocked her eyebrows knowing full well that something had been bothering Meg for some time now. "Something's wrong and you're going to tell me and not lie to me again."
Meg sighed. There was no getting by her mother this time. So she started from the beginning with the letter and explained everything following.
"I don't know what to do Mom. I think I love Luke too, but I keep thinking about Jimmy. I just want to be friends with him. But if I go with Luke I can't even have that."
"You're not in love with Luke. When you're in love you won't think - you'll know. If Luke can't accept your friendship with Jimmy then you're better off without him. As far as searching out your feelings for the both of them, it's just going to take time."
"But Mom how do I know when I love someone?"
Helen pursed her lips into a crooked line and looked deeply into her daughter's eyes. "You just know." With that, Helen rose from the couch and walked out of the room leaving Meg with her thoughts again.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She's gone again, thought Michael as the show closed to an end. Meg had been even more out of it than before.
As everyone scattered to leave the station, Michael caught Meg before she scurried out of sight.
"Meg, you weren't yourself again today. What's up?"
Meg felt the concern in Michael's voice but didn't want to get into the whole thing again as she had done the day before. So she only asked him one question.
"Michael, how do you know you're in love?"
Michael, caught off guard, jerked his head back with a look of not understanding. When Meg didn't say anything more and just stood there waiting for an answer, he scrunched his forehead in serious thought.
"Well.Meg.I'd have to say you just know. You don't think about it, you just know." Heaving out a sigh of relief, Michael then asked, "Does that answer your question?"
Meg didn't hear his question though. She was focused on his answer to her's. He said the same as Mom. How do I know? I guess if you have to ask that you don't know. I do know I'm not in love with Jimmy. I feel too much for Luke. Meg continued thinking on while she walked off from a wondering Michael.