Of Scandals, Mayonnaise, and Godlike Fetuses
Note: This is the sickest thing I have ever written. I sincerely apologize to anyone reading this, but I'm not paying the doctor bills. This story contains some spoilers for Silent Hill 2 and 3, some of which are pretty massive, and as for the fetus thing – stop looking at me like that! I'm not that sick! It's in the game, leave me alone! Review. :D
(Scene opens to the underground prison. James is standing in the room with the hanging men.)
James: -addressing a butchered corpse hanging from the ceiling- Excuse me, do you have any grey poupon?
(The door opens and Heather runs in, wearing her Princess Heart costume and threateningly wielding the beam saber.)
Heather: Who are you? HEAAAAAAH! –swings the beam saber, forcing James to jump back in surprise- You're one of them, aren't you!
James: Woah, sailor moon, easy with the artillery. One of who?
Heather: The MONSTERS, stupid! You BASTARD! Where is Claudia?!
James: Who's Claudia? Who are you?
Heather: She-she killed... -goes quiet, looks forlorn- ...my father, Harry Mason.
James: Oh. I'm, ah... I'm sorry. I know what it's like to lose a loved one, too; my wife Mary died three years ago, and...
Heather: You MURDERING BASTARD! How could you kill your own wife?!
James: I-I didn't kill her, she was ill!
Heather: Oh, sure she was! Did she have a disease that made people suddenly want to KILL HER?! HUH?!
James: Look, lady, whoever you are, you don't know me and you didn't know my wife! I loved Mary! I didn't do it! I didn't do it! I loved her! I LOVED HER! –bursts into tears-
Heather: -starts to cry, too- Daddy...
James: Oh, god, I'm so sorry, Mary...
(Cue the soft Barbara Streisand music as the two continue crying for the moment, but the music abruptly cuts off as the door, since left open from Heather's entrance, ushers in a newcomer. Said newcomer is carrying a big- ass knife and blocking the light from the hallway.)
Pyramid Head: Time to turn this 'party' into a 'par-tay'.
James: -stops crying- Oh, fuck.
Heather: Oh, my God! –glares at James and slashes the air with her beam saber- So that's your little FRIEND, huh? I'll bet he helped you kill your wife! You disgusting religious FREAK!
James: I d-didn't kill my wife! And he is –not- my friend!
Pyramid Head: -pikus- You didn't say that last night, sugarbutt.
James: ... -reddens-
Heather: ...I think... I'm gonna puke. Hold on.
(Heather turns and pukes up a fetus, which twitches and squeals on the ground in a bloody mess of... um... fetus stuff. James looks sick, and Pyramid Head picks it up.)
James: Do you... I mean...
Heather: -wiping her mouth with the back of her hand- What?
James: Do they really eat fetuses where you come from, or are you just insane?
Pyramid Head: -softening considerably and petting the fetus affectionately- I'm gonna call you 'Eugene'.
Heather: I didn't eat it! See, I'm the mother of God and I was impregnated –
James: Oh, you were knocked up, huh? By who?
Heather: I... I don't know. See... I think... this is an immaculate conception. –dramatic music swells- Because.. I'm the mother of God, and yet, I am God... like Jesus.
James: -snorts- Oh, you're a virgin, huh. What, did someone lay their eggs in your stomach, then?
Heather: I... I guess so, unless I puked it up from my—
James: Stop right there.
Heather: Hey, what's-your-name, your ugly friend is playing with the... thing.
Pyramid Head: -cuddling Eugene- Who's the cutest little fetus in the world? Eugene is! Yes you are, yes you aaaare!
Heather: I think I'm gonna puke again.
James: Okay, now this is just getting disgusting.
(Eugene twitches and squeals, and Heather turns to throw up. The general sounds of being sick are heard from her turned back, along with a loud clang as something metal falls to the floor.)
James: Jesus Christ, what did you puke up now?
Heather: It... it looks like a floor lamp.
James: ... Uh-huh.
Note: This is the sickest thing I have ever written. I sincerely apologize to anyone reading this, but I'm not paying the doctor bills. This story contains some spoilers for Silent Hill 2 and 3, some of which are pretty massive, and as for the fetus thing – stop looking at me like that! I'm not that sick! It's in the game, leave me alone! Review. :D
(Scene opens to the underground prison. James is standing in the room with the hanging men.)
James: -addressing a butchered corpse hanging from the ceiling- Excuse me, do you have any grey poupon?
(The door opens and Heather runs in, wearing her Princess Heart costume and threateningly wielding the beam saber.)
Heather: Who are you? HEAAAAAAH! –swings the beam saber, forcing James to jump back in surprise- You're one of them, aren't you!
James: Woah, sailor moon, easy with the artillery. One of who?
Heather: The MONSTERS, stupid! You BASTARD! Where is Claudia?!
James: Who's Claudia? Who are you?
Heather: She-she killed... -goes quiet, looks forlorn- ...my father, Harry Mason.
James: Oh. I'm, ah... I'm sorry. I know what it's like to lose a loved one, too; my wife Mary died three years ago, and...
Heather: You MURDERING BASTARD! How could you kill your own wife?!
James: I-I didn't kill her, she was ill!
Heather: Oh, sure she was! Did she have a disease that made people suddenly want to KILL HER?! HUH?!
James: Look, lady, whoever you are, you don't know me and you didn't know my wife! I loved Mary! I didn't do it! I didn't do it! I loved her! I LOVED HER! –bursts into tears-
Heather: -starts to cry, too- Daddy...
James: Oh, god, I'm so sorry, Mary...
(Cue the soft Barbara Streisand music as the two continue crying for the moment, but the music abruptly cuts off as the door, since left open from Heather's entrance, ushers in a newcomer. Said newcomer is carrying a big- ass knife and blocking the light from the hallway.)
Pyramid Head: Time to turn this 'party' into a 'par-tay'.
James: -stops crying- Oh, fuck.
Heather: Oh, my God! –glares at James and slashes the air with her beam saber- So that's your little FRIEND, huh? I'll bet he helped you kill your wife! You disgusting religious FREAK!
James: I d-didn't kill my wife! And he is –not- my friend!
Pyramid Head: -pikus- You didn't say that last night, sugarbutt.
James: ... -reddens-
Heather: ...I think... I'm gonna puke. Hold on.
(Heather turns and pukes up a fetus, which twitches and squeals on the ground in a bloody mess of... um... fetus stuff. James looks sick, and Pyramid Head picks it up.)
James: Do you... I mean...
Heather: -wiping her mouth with the back of her hand- What?
James: Do they really eat fetuses where you come from, or are you just insane?
Pyramid Head: -softening considerably and petting the fetus affectionately- I'm gonna call you 'Eugene'.
Heather: I didn't eat it! See, I'm the mother of God and I was impregnated –
James: Oh, you were knocked up, huh? By who?
Heather: I... I don't know. See... I think... this is an immaculate conception. –dramatic music swells- Because.. I'm the mother of God, and yet, I am God... like Jesus.
James: -snorts- Oh, you're a virgin, huh. What, did someone lay their eggs in your stomach, then?
Heather: I... I guess so, unless I puked it up from my—
James: Stop right there.
Heather: Hey, what's-your-name, your ugly friend is playing with the... thing.
Pyramid Head: -cuddling Eugene- Who's the cutest little fetus in the world? Eugene is! Yes you are, yes you aaaare!
Heather: I think I'm gonna puke again.
James: Okay, now this is just getting disgusting.
(Eugene twitches and squeals, and Heather turns to throw up. The general sounds of being sick are heard from her turned back, along with a loud clang as something metal falls to the floor.)
James: Jesus Christ, what did you puke up now?
Heather: It... it looks like a floor lamp.
James: ... Uh-huh.