SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1 BURNING BRIGHTLY

Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: Stargate is not mine

Authors Note: here it is, sorry I took so long to get this up but I was swamped - literally - with uni work and haven't had much of a chance to work on this. Anyways.

Thankyou all for the absolutely brilliant reviews, they make me feel special and keep me writing!!

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JACK:

I've never lived through a longer seven hours in my life. Truly. I wonder if I should have someone from the SGC check for some kind of time dilation phenomenon in the hospital. The others went in search of food a while ago, led by Teal'c who has discovered a liking for low-fat peach flavoured frozen yogurt. Daniel however was willing to drive fifteen minutes in the pouring rain to find a cup of coffee that is served in a mug, not plastic or polystyrene.

Jacob is sleeping. Now that she's out of danger, he finally left her side - though I suspect even now Selmak had more to do with the decision than his host did.

Janet had to return to the SGC. Which leaves me, the only one who seemingly no longer needs to eat, drink, sleep or carry out duties of any sort, to sit quietly on my arse and think. Sam looks just as pale as before, and in the gloom created by the approaching evening she looks thin to the point of emaciation. It's probably due mostly to the shadows under her closed eyelids, but still... its frightening to sit here and watch her every intake of breath, wondering if she'll wake up now, or now. In a way I want to grab her shoulder and shake her. But doctors orders are that she be allowed to awaken naturally.

So I try to sit quietly and not think too much, but I'm so wired that I can't stop the thoughts from bouncing around in my head. Her broken leg is healing slowly, but it's going to take a lot of time and patience before she will be back on duty. Perhaps even another month or two. Apart from that, she's in pretty good shape, Janet tells us. I can't even begin to explain how relieved I am, but at the same time the nervous tension has built itself into a mountain of anxiety. I can't sit still. I can't stand still. I move to the window, but I don't want to be looking away from her for even a second.

I'm standing relatively near her when she does wake. At first there's no sign, but a gentle shift of breathing and a soft murmur as she stirs. I'm at her side in an instant, instinctively reaching for her hand but pulling back as I catch myself doing what a CO shouldn't be doing. Then I take her hand anyway and do what a friend should be doing, clasping it tightly.

Her eyelids flutter open and she stares wordlessly at her surroundings, her eyes settling finally on me.

"Hey, Carter." I say, unable to keep the stupid grin off my face.

"Jack." she says, voice croaky with disuse. She holds my gaze unblinkingly, an odd expression in her eyes. Hell, the girl's just come out of a coma. I guess I can forgive a little staring. She struggles to sit up, but her face goes rigid with sudden pain and she ceases movement.

"Easy there," I caution. "Just keep still, okay? I'm - um, I'm going to go get someone to page Fraiser."

I suddenly realise I'm still holding her hand, running my fingers along her strong, slender fingers. She notices at the same time and looks down.

Have to go get Janet, Jack.

Now, Jack.

My stupid body never listens to my mind. I bend down over her and hug her as tightly as I can without hurting her. It's so good to feel her solid against me and I press my face into her shoulder. "God, Carter." I whisper. "You scared the absolute shit out of me."

"Sam!"

Pulling back very hurriedly here. Haven't moved this fast since I was fifteen, I tell ya; I'm back over by the wall in no time, just minding my own business here. Oh, look everybody! Sam's awake. Lovely.

I needn't have bothered, though. Daniel is giving almost as good a hug as I did, hampered only by Teal'c.

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"Im going to take her back to Cheyenne Mountain now that she's conscious." Janet informs us all. "She's going to need lots of rest, and physiotherapy sessions will need to be arranged, but now that the risks with moving her are reduced, I can treat her much more easily at the SGC. Hopefully she will be up and about in six or seven weeks, and back on duty in nine or ten. Until then I would suggest that she spend a lot of time resting, and I MEAN resting. I know she's going to want to work, sir, but that's going to have to be kept to a minimum. I would also recommend that she spend as much of that time as possible at home rather than on base, but she may need someone there to assist her."

"I can arrange for a home help service," Hammond speaks. "And if -"

"I can do it, General." I say, ignoring the looks the others give me (the same looks I've been getting since they walked in and found me plastered to my 2IC). I shrug. "Hey, I'm suspended from duty for a while, aren't I?"

"That's true." Hammond consents. "Very well, if you think it's wise, Doctor?"

Janet shrugs. "I can't see any problem with it, sir."

I nod curtly, trying to retain some of my poise as Janet turns her gaze on me. "However I would recommend that you eat something. Don't think I haven't noticed you skipping your meals, sir. As soon as we're back at the SGC I want you in the commissary for a decent meal."

"You want me to eat a decent meal," I mumble darkly. "And you're sending me to the commissary?"

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Sam sleeps for most of the time we're travelling, which is apparently a good sign. As Janet and her subordinates flutter around the infirmary, I sit as close to her bed as I can. Teal'c, Daniel and Hammond are continually dodging in and out. Jacob has been recalled by the Tok'ra, but will only be gone a few hours at the most.

She shifts in her sleep, then moans quietly, her eyelids fluttering open. She looks around carefully, her eyes flitting over me. She quickly looks away.

"How do you feel?" I ask.

"Like death warmed up, sir." she croaks.

"Want me to grab Fraiser?"

She shakes her head. Still not looking at me.

"Fraiser says you're going to be fine." I say.

She shakes her head again, and she winces slightly at the movement. I know, Sam. You don't feel fine.

"I had a dream," she says.

"You wanna talk about it?" Please talk to me. Sam - look at me.

She closes her eyes. "It was just a dream." she whispers.

Doctor Fraiser appears, beaming over my shoulder. "Glad you're awake, Sam. Colonel, what are you still doing here? I want you to eat. Go. Now."

Sam doesn't glance at me as I leave.

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Despite my misgivings, I do head straight for lunch, and dump a tray laden with everything on the menu down across from Daniel, who is busy scribbling on a legal pad while simultaneously eating a muffin and drinking a cup of coffee.

"So how about that economic climate?" I quip. My mood is bordering on hyperactive. Relief will do that to you, I guess.

He looks up blankly. "Huh?"

I dig into my mashed potatoes, eating ravenously. I haven't even realised how hungry I am. "Whatcha writing?"

"Oh, um this." he scratches his head. "It's an account of what Sam told me about what happened to her in the 'Ethera.' I thought I'd write it down so that if we ever re-establish contact with P3X-959 we can at least recompense Father Nahibrim."

"She told you what she dreamed?" Oops. That came out a little sharper than intended. Sam still hasn't talked to me much since she woke up, and what she has said has been vague and ambiguous.

"Well, not really." he frowns. "I get the feeling she left a lot of it out. She told me she spent a lot of time in the dark, on what she felt was a cold hard surface. She spoke to someone ... something ... called the 'guardians'. And that these beings had access to her mind, her thoughts and memories. It ... they seemed very interested in helping her achieve 'completion'."

"Sounds interesting," I muse. "So was this Ethera thing real, or hypothetical, or metaphorical, or drug induced hallucination?"

Daniel returns my gaze steadily, and I feel slightly ashamed of myself. "Quite possibly all three, and quite possibly none. I don't know, Jack. I really don't think it matters. She's alive and recovering."

I'm silent for a long while. "She's alive." I repeat softly.

SAM:

Walking is not supposed to be hard. Since our first tentative steps as children its something that is ordinary. It's not until you can't stand on your own feet, until your legs buckle under your own weight, until every single movement causes the most excruciating pain you have ever felt that it becomes something you no longer take for granted.

I push myself up against the bars, using my arms to support my weight while I try to lessen the pain. I want to rest. It's so much easier just to sit.

"One more length, Sam." the physiotherapist urges. Dammit, if she says that one more time...

I take a deep breath and let it out, concentrating hard on putting one leg in front of the other. I try to remember the distance that a single step should be so that I'm not stretching or losing my balance. My left leg, the broken one, feels stiff and achy. My right leg is uncooperative after the lack of use for the eight weeks I've been off-duty and chair-bound. One foot in front of the other. Strangely enough, it's my right leg that crumples beneath my weight. I grasp at the bar to keep from falling. "Dammit!" I swear loudly.

"It's going to take time," the woman says gently.

"I know that! I KNOW it. God, I ..." I take a breath, realising I'm close to shouting. I feel so damn slow. I haven't been out of action for so long in forever, and I hate every second of it. That and General Hammond has barred me from entering my lab. I can't even run through some experiments to take my mind off it. Daniel and Teal'c have been assigned to SG-5 while Jack and I are off-duty, and I can't even try to have an intelligent conversation with anyone but Janet. I just... hate this. "I'd like to go home." I say eventually.

The woman nods. "Your doctor - Fraiser, Doctor Fraiser, thinks you should be able to this afternoon. You'll be accompanied by someone who can help you, of course."

" I don't need any help." I say.

"Wouldn't be wise to be at home without it. Look, this is only a temporary thing, and your leg will heal; but in the meantime, you have to take it easy. Someone has been assigned to it..." she glances at her notes and raises her eyebrows. "A Colonel Jack O'Neill?"

"WHAT?" I explode, nearly letting go of the bar in the process. "No, I mean there must a mistake... I mean, I really don't need any help. I can stay with my brother for a while. I swear, there's no need for..."

"For me to drive you home?" Jack enters, stage left. Oh, God.

He's dressed in a pair of cream chinos, a grey shirt on under his jacket. He gives a faint smile as he sees me. "Yeah, I know I didn't do such a great job last time I tried. Don't worry." the smile twists a bit. "Had my licence revoked for two months for speeding. Got off lightly considering..." Here the smile goes downright sour.

"Jack, you don't need to..."

"Carter." he snaps. "I put you out of action. Least I can do is make you dinner, okay?"

It's so good to see him again. I can't explain even to myself how good. And yet I can't talk to him. Don't want to see him. Not after what's just happened.

The physio woman senses something. She looks between us and sidles away. No! Get back here!

How am I supposed to get back into my wheelchair?

I cling to the rails, the muscles in my arms burning. "Fine." I return shortly.

"Need some help?"

No. "I can do it." If I can get my recalcitrant legs to just move. It's only a few steps. Using the rails, I balance against the wall, supporting myself with one hand. I am not going to appear this weak in front of Jack. Ever.

Ignoring the pain, I step. Step again. One foot in front of the other and all. Focus on where I need to get. The chair is only a metre away.

"Carter ..."

I snarl at the cautioning tone and force my way onwards. I take another step, and feel my leg begin to buckle beneath me. I throw my weight backwards, but too late. With a cry of pain I'm going down.

My bad leg outstretched before me, I slump against the wall. Tears of anger spring to my eyes and I blink them away. Damn this whole thing. I've never in my life felt so helpless.

Jack crouches beside me. "You're pushing yourself too hard, Carter."

"It's just normal walking." I despair. "It's not nuclear physics, for God's sake!"

He rubs my arm gently. "It'll heal."

"It's taking too damn long, sir." I snarl, but rather spoil the effect by sniffling a bit.

"I know the feeling exactly, Carter. I've broken my leg too, right?" Of course you have. You got to complain all you wanted during your recovery period after that disastrous Antarctic gate thing about my shoddy splinting job. "And various other things. My arm. Collar bone. Fingers. None of them are fun."

Suddenly aware of his hand resting gently on my arm, I fidget. "Im not good at this waiting thing, that's all." He isn't moving the hand. I hope he doesn't move the hand. But he's looking at me with such intensity that I'm a little scared.

Quietly, he says "Im sorry I did this to you, Sam."

"Jack," I struggle for the right words and settle for the truth. "I don't blame you."

"Maybe you should start." he goes on. "'Cause I'm sure as hell responsible. I just can't help -" his breath hitches. "Could'a killed you."

I wish I could lighten the mood a bit, but what am I supposed to say? That I was just as scared to die? That I spent a lot of time thinking I was about to? Pass it off with a jovial tautology about 'take a lot more than a bump on the head to kill me, sir'? I shake my head and glance pointedly towards the wheelchair. "I think I might need a little help, sir."

He smiles tightly. Leans over, wrapping one arm under mine and hoisting me up. Me gritting my teeth and doing the brave soldier act as he does so. Very close to Jack right now. Closer than I should be.

Damn my stupid mind for dreaming up that Ethera place. Having acknowledged this thing is not making anything easier, that's for sure. It's as if, now admitted, it's certainly not going to be denied. And what am I supposed to do about it?

How am I supposed to tell Jack that I'm in love with him?

As he settles me in the wheelchair, I find myself suddenly longing for unconsciousness again.

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This is the second last chapter - I think! The last one should be up soon, given that I'm not loaded with another bunch of essays in the meantime ...