They pulled into the hotel as the sun began to set over the mountains. The
small, secluded spot boasted beautiful mountain views, five-star
accommodations, and most of all confidentiality. The valet quickly took the
keys from Vaughn, and opened the front door for the couple. Sydney held
tight to Vaughn's hand as they walked through the large wooden doors.
A few minutes later they were whisked up the stairs to their private suite. It was only after the door was closed and the key was turned tightly in the lock, that Sydney took a deep breath.
Stepping toward the window she took in the room. A large bed, spacious living area, and what appeared to be a grand bathroom. She spent a moment gazing at the snow capped mountain view out the window.
"You okay?" Vaughn said, stepping up next to her, and placing his hand on the small of her back. Sydney both relaxed and tensed at his touch. She turned to him and smiled.
"I think so." She said after a long deep breath.
"Hungry?" Vaughn asked, a devilish grin crossing his lips.
"Yeah." She said, biting her lower lip.
"Alright, let me call down to the kitchen and see what we can get." Vaughn smiled, reaching for the phone.
"I think I'm going to run a bath." Sydney said as she walked into the bathroom.
She could hear Vaughn talking with the Concierge on the phone as she turned the knob to start the water. A few minutes later she was submerged in the steaming hot water.
"Can I come in?" Vaughn called from the door.
"Sure." She said softly. Vaughn walked in slowly, carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses with him. He sat in the large ledge at the head of the tub and poured wine into the glasses. He handed one to Sydney, as he moved to sit on the floor beside the tub. "Haven't we done this before?" She said, taking a sip of her wine.
"I'm pretty sure we have. It seems like yesterday. The food will take an hour." He said watching her face intently. Sydney smiled and took another sip. Vaughn let his gaze wander down to her shoulders. He's eyes fell immediately on a ragged scar along her collar bone. His smile faded quickly.
"What?" Sydney questioned, before following his gaze to her own shoulder.
"What happened?" Vaughn said, sipping his wine, to hide his worried expression.
Sydney sighed, not sure what to say. "It was a year Vaughn." She said softly. "I've only been an agent for The Covenant for a few months. But for a long time I was held by them, tortured by them." Sydney paused watching as Vaughn's expression mirrored her own. "I remember where I got most of these scars," She said running her hand over her shoulder and her arm. "But there are a few I don't remember." She sighed again, placing her hand on her stomach. "That's what scares me."
Vaughn took a moment to take it all in. The thought of people hurting Sydney was much more than he could handle.
"We'll find them Sydney." He said nodding his head. "We'll find them, and they will pay."
Sydney sat in silence for a long while; fighting back tears and taking in what he'd said. Images flashed through her head. The men who'd captured her, her own funeral, the months of torture that had followed. Without even thinking words came to her.
"For almost six months I couldn't shake the image of you out of my head. You held a service, spread my ashes at sea. Thinking back now, what they had intended almost worked. They wanted me to believe that I was dead, that Sydney Bristow had nothing to live for. But somehow watching you, my father, everyone.... It was different. I saw how sad you were, the pain my death had put you through. But I also saw the anger, the disbelief. Seeing you in so much pain made me want to live more. I wanted to find you, to show you that I was alive." She paused staring down into the bath water.
"They kept my locked in a small 4 by 4 cell. They would keep it completely dark for weeks. Then they would keep it lit so brightly I couldn't see. They deprived me of food, they'd turn on the sounds of people screaming, until I wasn't sure if it was a recording, or if it was just me screaming." She wanted to stop, the voice in the back of her mind was telling her that Vaughn didn't need to hear this. But something inside was spilling out of her. She couldn't stop.
"Some months later He started the brainwashing. He'd play video tapes, try and convince me that they were my past. He would drug me, and nearly kill me, before bringing me back. Electroshock was his favorite. He would use just enough so that my heart was at its last beat, and then stop. I would rest for a few days."
"All the while I had to pretend to be slowly conforming to his plan. I stopped fighting back. I stopped speaking. I stopped crying. He was so enamored with his success he didn't question it. Just when I thought that the torture had ended, I found that there was so much more waiting for me as Julia Thorne. The physical punishment stopped. I was allowed food regularly. Books, time to exercise, and heal."
"The guards stopped....beating me. Instead they would harass me. When He found out that the guards were....abusing me still, he had them killed. He said it was to protect me. He no longer sent others to give me meals and take care of me. He started doing it personally. The bastard made me call him Father, and he slowly worked to turn me into his Agent."
"I found out the being Julia Thorne was worse torture than being locked up and beaten. I was forced to do so many things..." she said turning to look at Vaughn. "I don't even want to tell you. I don't want you to look at me and know that I..."
"Sydney." Vaughn breathed. "I could never look at you any other way that I do. Tell me if you need to. Nothing you've done, nothing you've been forced to do, could ever change how I look at you." Vaughn said touching her face with his hand.
"I killed a man Vaughn." She said closing her eyes, reliving the moment. "They were testing my allegiance. He was helpless, bound, gagged. He was scared, his eyes begged me not to." She said, shivering.
"You had no choice Sydney."
"That's what I kept telling myself. And if it had all stopped there, then I could maybe have believed that. But since then, since I've been an Agent, in that last few months I've killed thirteen people." She whispered, her voice an echo of guilt. "The Covenant uses me as an assassin. I have so much blood on my hands. Working for the DSR had helped, I've been able to save some people. Kendall has helped make my target's disappear. The Covenant believes they are dead, and I don't have to kill any one. It's better this way, but I can't ever change what I've already done."
"Sydney," Vaughn started.
"Vaughn, last month in Algeria I was working with this man. He was contracted by the Covenant. I didn't think I would ever see you again. I don't...." She trailed off, remembering what had gone on between her and Simon. At the time it had been good. He'd wanted her, she wanted to feel. In the end, she still felt nothing. In a way she regained some confidence, some sort of strange self respect; she's even had fun. But now that Vaughn was here, and he was all she wanted, she just felt wrong. She felt more guilt than anything she could have ever imagined. More than the guilt of getting Danny killed, more than ruining Will's life, Francie's life....Vaughn's life.
"You don't have to tell me. I think you're forgetting that I betrayed you Sydney." Vaughn whispered, again stroking her face.
"It still hurts. I know that I was with that man, when all I wanted was you. I still hate myself." She cried, letting a first tear roll down her face. From there the tears didn't stop. The release of telling him everything, or nearly everything, kept her wracked with sobs. Her guilt came pouring out of her in the form of a river, one she couldn't stop. She had more to tell him. She wanted to tell him how much she'd suffered. But she couldn't. Her guilt was only building as she placed her burden onto him. He didn't deserve it. He didn't need it.
It made her sick to think how they had violated her. That was the right word: Violated. Every part of her life had been destroyed. The Covenant had raped her mentally, physically, emotionally, and every other way possible. They'd come so close to breaking her. So very close...
Vaughn reached for a towel, and pulled Sydney out of the tub. He wrapped her tightly and carried her to the bed. He pulled the covers over her, and held her as she cried.
A few minutes later they were whisked up the stairs to their private suite. It was only after the door was closed and the key was turned tightly in the lock, that Sydney took a deep breath.
Stepping toward the window she took in the room. A large bed, spacious living area, and what appeared to be a grand bathroom. She spent a moment gazing at the snow capped mountain view out the window.
"You okay?" Vaughn said, stepping up next to her, and placing his hand on the small of her back. Sydney both relaxed and tensed at his touch. She turned to him and smiled.
"I think so." She said after a long deep breath.
"Hungry?" Vaughn asked, a devilish grin crossing his lips.
"Yeah." She said, biting her lower lip.
"Alright, let me call down to the kitchen and see what we can get." Vaughn smiled, reaching for the phone.
"I think I'm going to run a bath." Sydney said as she walked into the bathroom.
She could hear Vaughn talking with the Concierge on the phone as she turned the knob to start the water. A few minutes later she was submerged in the steaming hot water.
"Can I come in?" Vaughn called from the door.
"Sure." She said softly. Vaughn walked in slowly, carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses with him. He sat in the large ledge at the head of the tub and poured wine into the glasses. He handed one to Sydney, as he moved to sit on the floor beside the tub. "Haven't we done this before?" She said, taking a sip of her wine.
"I'm pretty sure we have. It seems like yesterday. The food will take an hour." He said watching her face intently. Sydney smiled and took another sip. Vaughn let his gaze wander down to her shoulders. He's eyes fell immediately on a ragged scar along her collar bone. His smile faded quickly.
"What?" Sydney questioned, before following his gaze to her own shoulder.
"What happened?" Vaughn said, sipping his wine, to hide his worried expression.
Sydney sighed, not sure what to say. "It was a year Vaughn." She said softly. "I've only been an agent for The Covenant for a few months. But for a long time I was held by them, tortured by them." Sydney paused watching as Vaughn's expression mirrored her own. "I remember where I got most of these scars," She said running her hand over her shoulder and her arm. "But there are a few I don't remember." She sighed again, placing her hand on her stomach. "That's what scares me."
Vaughn took a moment to take it all in. The thought of people hurting Sydney was much more than he could handle.
"We'll find them Sydney." He said nodding his head. "We'll find them, and they will pay."
Sydney sat in silence for a long while; fighting back tears and taking in what he'd said. Images flashed through her head. The men who'd captured her, her own funeral, the months of torture that had followed. Without even thinking words came to her.
"For almost six months I couldn't shake the image of you out of my head. You held a service, spread my ashes at sea. Thinking back now, what they had intended almost worked. They wanted me to believe that I was dead, that Sydney Bristow had nothing to live for. But somehow watching you, my father, everyone.... It was different. I saw how sad you were, the pain my death had put you through. But I also saw the anger, the disbelief. Seeing you in so much pain made me want to live more. I wanted to find you, to show you that I was alive." She paused staring down into the bath water.
"They kept my locked in a small 4 by 4 cell. They would keep it completely dark for weeks. Then they would keep it lit so brightly I couldn't see. They deprived me of food, they'd turn on the sounds of people screaming, until I wasn't sure if it was a recording, or if it was just me screaming." She wanted to stop, the voice in the back of her mind was telling her that Vaughn didn't need to hear this. But something inside was spilling out of her. She couldn't stop.
"Some months later He started the brainwashing. He'd play video tapes, try and convince me that they were my past. He would drug me, and nearly kill me, before bringing me back. Electroshock was his favorite. He would use just enough so that my heart was at its last beat, and then stop. I would rest for a few days."
"All the while I had to pretend to be slowly conforming to his plan. I stopped fighting back. I stopped speaking. I stopped crying. He was so enamored with his success he didn't question it. Just when I thought that the torture had ended, I found that there was so much more waiting for me as Julia Thorne. The physical punishment stopped. I was allowed food regularly. Books, time to exercise, and heal."
"The guards stopped....beating me. Instead they would harass me. When He found out that the guards were....abusing me still, he had them killed. He said it was to protect me. He no longer sent others to give me meals and take care of me. He started doing it personally. The bastard made me call him Father, and he slowly worked to turn me into his Agent."
"I found out the being Julia Thorne was worse torture than being locked up and beaten. I was forced to do so many things..." she said turning to look at Vaughn. "I don't even want to tell you. I don't want you to look at me and know that I..."
"Sydney." Vaughn breathed. "I could never look at you any other way that I do. Tell me if you need to. Nothing you've done, nothing you've been forced to do, could ever change how I look at you." Vaughn said touching her face with his hand.
"I killed a man Vaughn." She said closing her eyes, reliving the moment. "They were testing my allegiance. He was helpless, bound, gagged. He was scared, his eyes begged me not to." She said, shivering.
"You had no choice Sydney."
"That's what I kept telling myself. And if it had all stopped there, then I could maybe have believed that. But since then, since I've been an Agent, in that last few months I've killed thirteen people." She whispered, her voice an echo of guilt. "The Covenant uses me as an assassin. I have so much blood on my hands. Working for the DSR had helped, I've been able to save some people. Kendall has helped make my target's disappear. The Covenant believes they are dead, and I don't have to kill any one. It's better this way, but I can't ever change what I've already done."
"Sydney," Vaughn started.
"Vaughn, last month in Algeria I was working with this man. He was contracted by the Covenant. I didn't think I would ever see you again. I don't...." She trailed off, remembering what had gone on between her and Simon. At the time it had been good. He'd wanted her, she wanted to feel. In the end, she still felt nothing. In a way she regained some confidence, some sort of strange self respect; she's even had fun. But now that Vaughn was here, and he was all she wanted, she just felt wrong. She felt more guilt than anything she could have ever imagined. More than the guilt of getting Danny killed, more than ruining Will's life, Francie's life....Vaughn's life.
"You don't have to tell me. I think you're forgetting that I betrayed you Sydney." Vaughn whispered, again stroking her face.
"It still hurts. I know that I was with that man, when all I wanted was you. I still hate myself." She cried, letting a first tear roll down her face. From there the tears didn't stop. The release of telling him everything, or nearly everything, kept her wracked with sobs. Her guilt came pouring out of her in the form of a river, one she couldn't stop. She had more to tell him. She wanted to tell him how much she'd suffered. But she couldn't. Her guilt was only building as she placed her burden onto him. He didn't deserve it. He didn't need it.
It made her sick to think how they had violated her. That was the right word: Violated. Every part of her life had been destroyed. The Covenant had raped her mentally, physically, emotionally, and every other way possible. They'd come so close to breaking her. So very close...
Vaughn reached for a towel, and pulled Sydney out of the tub. He wrapped her tightly and carried her to the bed. He pulled the covers over her, and held her as she cried.