Hikaru's notes: This story is a one shot written in a style that is more poem than prose. It rambles off topic then back on a lot... much like my poetry sweatdrops. I like this style a lot 'cause it runs like free from poetry, so there is a distinct lack of correct grammer. It's all for emphasis. I'm being bad on purpose! (bad me) This is also presented in Duo's POV, so the rambling works... right? Right? Oh yes, despite the first sentence, this is NOT a deathfic! I promise! It's poetic!!! You'll see! It was a challenge to myself to write a story with that (see below) as the first sentence. This is the result of coming home from work after midnight. Enjoy!
Heero, Relena, Michael, and Me
Heero died.
I don't think anyone else ever noticed though.
But I could tell.
After Relena and he went their separate ways, he changed. Drastically. The Heero I had known before just disappeared. I think he died of a broken heart.
After Relena he came to live with me. She said that she wanted a divorce, said she couldn't stand the military precision that was Heero. She said she hated the way he could only love her the way she wanted in the privacy of their bed. I always thought that some love was better than no love at all.
So he ran to me, but he wasn't Heero. We had fought together during the war. We worked well together, and since we found ourselves with the same goal, it only made sense for us to become partners. No one told us to. Heero didn't really want to at first, but he couldn't deny the logic of it. Heero could never deny logic, though he could defy it. That's how I know Heero is dead. The shell playing Heero cannot defy logic, and he denies it with every breath he takes.
I took the not Heero into my home. I made him dinner and watched him cry. The Heero I knew didn't cry. Confused, I didn't question him when he crawled into my bed and made it his own. I was happy. I had always wanted him! The sight of his body alone was enough to send me over the edge. Later, as I got to know Heero, my heart decided to love him as much as my body lusted for him.
I was angry. He didn't care for me as I cared for him. He loved Relena. I was just a replacement for the affections he couldn't hold.
I almost didn't let him.
"Duo..."
Heero whispered.
I let him.
He took me away for awhile. To Heaven. Heaven disappeared and I was back in my bed. Our bed. Heero was clutching me to his body. I clung to his.
"Duo... Duo... Duo..."
Heero whispered softly in my ear.
"Duo... Duo... Duo..."
I had always wanted to hear my name fall from his lips like that. I fell asleep, pretending he loved me... not Relena.
Relena got her divorce.
Heero cried.
Relena got to keep their little boy, Michael Toya Darlian-Yuy. Michael looked like Heero. She wanted Heero to openly love her. She wanted Michael for that. Michael hates her for taking him from his dad.,
He told me in the park.
Michael comes to stay with us every other weekend because the judge thought Heero should have visitation rights. He also stays with us when Relena goes out of town, though she doesn't attend as many conferences as she did before he was born. When he turned twelve, I noticed he wanted to hang out with me more than Heero.
"Uncle Duo, you're not really my uncle."
It was a statement.
I told him no, I was his dad's friend.
"Dad loves you."
I stared after Michael. He was wrong. Heero loved Relena. I was just her substitute. Michael liked to hurt me like that.
A week after Michael's thirteenth birthday, I got drunk. Michael was visiting that weekend, and he was mad because his mother wouldn't let me come to his birthday party. Heero attended. He brought Michael a nice sketch book and some of the good, expensive colored pencils. It was from both of us, though Heero had picked it out. The Heero-shell was really good at finding the perfect gift. I think he had access to the old Heero's observation skills. He always knew what you wanted, better than you knew.
Heero drank half a beer and decided to take a nap. I drank four beers. The TV was on, but I didn't watch it. I was tired too. Work had been long and tedious that week. I guess I fell asleep on the couch.
When I woke up, Heero was angry. Michael was on the floor holding his cheek with a stunned expression on his face. Heero was standing over him. Shouting.
"Your mother was right! We shouldn't have let you even think about coming over anymore! What do you think you were doing?"
What was he doing?
"He's mine! You're too young!"
Heero looked like he was going to hit Michael again. He looked like the old Heero, the Heero I had thought was dead.
"You won't have him, you never will, not while I'm around!"
I couldn't stop Heero or Michael.
"He thinks you don't love him."
A whisper from Michael.
I knew they were taking about me. But the alcohol and sleep had made me fuzzy. I just sat there.
Heero was ever more angry now. He clenched his hands into fists. It felt like an eternity before he finally spoke.
"Go to your room and pack up all your things. You won't be staying here anymore. Duo and I will visit you one day every other weekend. I'm calling Relena and telling her."
Fear shone in Michael's eyes.
"I'm telling her everything."
Michael scrambled to his feet and ran to the room that was no longer his. There were tears in his eyes.
Heero's name came out as a very small croak.
He turned to me and the soul of the old Heero left. The stranger returned. He ran to me. He kissed my forehead, cheeks, and lips. He grasped me as a drowning man to a life preserver. I had bruises later.
"Duo... Duo... Duo..."
It was his mantra. Maybe it was his prayer. He took me to our bed and tucked me in.
I guess he called Relena afterwards, because in the morning, Michael was gone. I didn't see him again for two months.
I was thinking about that night at work the Monday after it happened. I think that after I had fallen asleep on the couch, Michael came in and saw me. Then he kissed me much like the Prince had kissed Sleeping Beauty. That was when Heero woke up for some reason and caught him. He hit Michael;, an I woke up.
After two months, Relena and Heero let Michael see me again.you'd think it would be the other way around: letting me see him, but I'm not a pedophile. He may look almost like Heero, but I already have the almost real thing.
Heero, Michael and I went to the park like we used to do when he would stay with us. Michael forgot his sunscreen. Heero went back to the car to get it. He didn't want to leave him alone with me, even in public. Michael sat next to me on then bench.
He hates his dad for taking me away from him.
When he told me, I laughed.
I told him there was never anything to take.
Michael didn't talk to Heero or me for rest of the day.
In time, Michael forgave us. I think he even forgave his mother. He never did spend the night at our apartment again.
Time passed and I grew to love the not-Heero as much as I had once loved Heero.
All birthdays had become a family affair and I began to subconsciously include Relena in that family.
My thirty-seventh birthday was held at Relena and Michael's house. Quatre and Trowa were in town on business, so they came. Michael brought his girlfriend. A pretty, petite brunette with dark chocolate eyes. Her name was Elizabeth, but we all called her Liz. Wufei didn't come. He was halfway around the world, keeping the peace for the Preventers. I didn't mind. Heero was the only one he really talked to anymore anyway. Heero said Wufei wished me a happy birthday. I smiled. Same old Wufei.
Heero, Relena, and Michael had picked out the cake, but Quatre had insisted on paying for it. Trowa had shaken his head with a small smile gracing his lips. Same old Quatre, same old Trowa.
After I blew out all my candles with one breath, ("all that hot air," Michael laughed) I tore through the small offering of gifts like a kid on Christmas.
We joked and laughed and ate the cake.
The not-Heero smiled and kissed my cheek.
"For the birthday boy."
I had come to think of him as My Heero.
Soon, too soon, Quatre and Trowa said their goodbyes. Liz followed not too long after. Her mother had a date and she had promised to watch her little brother and sister.
Heero went upstairs to help Michael beat a level in the videogame he was currently playing. Heero was always better than Michael and I when it came to videogames. I stayed and helped Relena clean up despite her protesting. She didn't keep servants since Pagan had passed away.
"Heero loves you."
It was sudden. I didn't know what to say, so I just continued to take down the decorations.
"Did he ever tell you why we got divorced?"
I told her no.
"I told him that he didn't really love me. That I was just a duty to him."
There were tears in her eyes, but she didn't stop.
"He was angry when I said that, but he was angry because he knew it was the truth. I knew his secret desires and not one of them was for me. Do you know who they were for? Every single one?"
I didn't answer. I didn't know.
"You."
She sighed.
"They were all for you. I hated you. I told him to go away, 'you're free to find your desires.' And he ran to you."
I went to her, but she shrugged me off.
"I have a secret though."
I asked what it was.
"I'm glad he ran to you. You've made him the happiest in the world. He's everything he wanted to be, but couldn't with me. Thank you Duo."
I didn't understand what she meant. I nodded anyway. She smiled and we did the dishes together. Relena was a sister to me then.
Later that night, when Heero and I were back at our apartment, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me breathless.
"I love you."
His whisper tickled my ear.
It was then that I realized just how wrong I had been for all those years. The dawning revelation filled me with a calming warmth. My cheeks flushed with pleasure and knowledge.
He took me in our bed. I felt that it was the sweetest our love making had ever been.
Heero hadn't died.
He had just become himself.
Heero lived.
End.
Heero, Relena, Michael, and Me
Heero died.
I don't think anyone else ever noticed though.
But I could tell.
After Relena and he went their separate ways, he changed. Drastically. The Heero I had known before just disappeared. I think he died of a broken heart.
After Relena he came to live with me. She said that she wanted a divorce, said she couldn't stand the military precision that was Heero. She said she hated the way he could only love her the way she wanted in the privacy of their bed. I always thought that some love was better than no love at all.
So he ran to me, but he wasn't Heero. We had fought together during the war. We worked well together, and since we found ourselves with the same goal, it only made sense for us to become partners. No one told us to. Heero didn't really want to at first, but he couldn't deny the logic of it. Heero could never deny logic, though he could defy it. That's how I know Heero is dead. The shell playing Heero cannot defy logic, and he denies it with every breath he takes.
I took the not Heero into my home. I made him dinner and watched him cry. The Heero I knew didn't cry. Confused, I didn't question him when he crawled into my bed and made it his own. I was happy. I had always wanted him! The sight of his body alone was enough to send me over the edge. Later, as I got to know Heero, my heart decided to love him as much as my body lusted for him.
I was angry. He didn't care for me as I cared for him. He loved Relena. I was just a replacement for the affections he couldn't hold.
I almost didn't let him.
"Duo..."
Heero whispered.
I let him.
He took me away for awhile. To Heaven. Heaven disappeared and I was back in my bed. Our bed. Heero was clutching me to his body. I clung to his.
"Duo... Duo... Duo..."
Heero whispered softly in my ear.
"Duo... Duo... Duo..."
I had always wanted to hear my name fall from his lips like that. I fell asleep, pretending he loved me... not Relena.
Relena got her divorce.
Heero cried.
Relena got to keep their little boy, Michael Toya Darlian-Yuy. Michael looked like Heero. She wanted Heero to openly love her. She wanted Michael for that. Michael hates her for taking him from his dad.,
He told me in the park.
Michael comes to stay with us every other weekend because the judge thought Heero should have visitation rights. He also stays with us when Relena goes out of town, though she doesn't attend as many conferences as she did before he was born. When he turned twelve, I noticed he wanted to hang out with me more than Heero.
"Uncle Duo, you're not really my uncle."
It was a statement.
I told him no, I was his dad's friend.
"Dad loves you."
I stared after Michael. He was wrong. Heero loved Relena. I was just her substitute. Michael liked to hurt me like that.
A week after Michael's thirteenth birthday, I got drunk. Michael was visiting that weekend, and he was mad because his mother wouldn't let me come to his birthday party. Heero attended. He brought Michael a nice sketch book and some of the good, expensive colored pencils. It was from both of us, though Heero had picked it out. The Heero-shell was really good at finding the perfect gift. I think he had access to the old Heero's observation skills. He always knew what you wanted, better than you knew.
Heero drank half a beer and decided to take a nap. I drank four beers. The TV was on, but I didn't watch it. I was tired too. Work had been long and tedious that week. I guess I fell asleep on the couch.
When I woke up, Heero was angry. Michael was on the floor holding his cheek with a stunned expression on his face. Heero was standing over him. Shouting.
"Your mother was right! We shouldn't have let you even think about coming over anymore! What do you think you were doing?"
What was he doing?
"He's mine! You're too young!"
Heero looked like he was going to hit Michael again. He looked like the old Heero, the Heero I had thought was dead.
"You won't have him, you never will, not while I'm around!"
I couldn't stop Heero or Michael.
"He thinks you don't love him."
A whisper from Michael.
I knew they were taking about me. But the alcohol and sleep had made me fuzzy. I just sat there.
Heero was ever more angry now. He clenched his hands into fists. It felt like an eternity before he finally spoke.
"Go to your room and pack up all your things. You won't be staying here anymore. Duo and I will visit you one day every other weekend. I'm calling Relena and telling her."
Fear shone in Michael's eyes.
"I'm telling her everything."
Michael scrambled to his feet and ran to the room that was no longer his. There were tears in his eyes.
Heero's name came out as a very small croak.
He turned to me and the soul of the old Heero left. The stranger returned. He ran to me. He kissed my forehead, cheeks, and lips. He grasped me as a drowning man to a life preserver. I had bruises later.
"Duo... Duo... Duo..."
It was his mantra. Maybe it was his prayer. He took me to our bed and tucked me in.
I guess he called Relena afterwards, because in the morning, Michael was gone. I didn't see him again for two months.
I was thinking about that night at work the Monday after it happened. I think that after I had fallen asleep on the couch, Michael came in and saw me. Then he kissed me much like the Prince had kissed Sleeping Beauty. That was when Heero woke up for some reason and caught him. He hit Michael;, an I woke up.
After two months, Relena and Heero let Michael see me again.you'd think it would be the other way around: letting me see him, but I'm not a pedophile. He may look almost like Heero, but I already have the almost real thing.
Heero, Michael and I went to the park like we used to do when he would stay with us. Michael forgot his sunscreen. Heero went back to the car to get it. He didn't want to leave him alone with me, even in public. Michael sat next to me on then bench.
He hates his dad for taking me away from him.
When he told me, I laughed.
I told him there was never anything to take.
Michael didn't talk to Heero or me for rest of the day.
In time, Michael forgave us. I think he even forgave his mother. He never did spend the night at our apartment again.
Time passed and I grew to love the not-Heero as much as I had once loved Heero.
All birthdays had become a family affair and I began to subconsciously include Relena in that family.
My thirty-seventh birthday was held at Relena and Michael's house. Quatre and Trowa were in town on business, so they came. Michael brought his girlfriend. A pretty, petite brunette with dark chocolate eyes. Her name was Elizabeth, but we all called her Liz. Wufei didn't come. He was halfway around the world, keeping the peace for the Preventers. I didn't mind. Heero was the only one he really talked to anymore anyway. Heero said Wufei wished me a happy birthday. I smiled. Same old Wufei.
Heero, Relena, and Michael had picked out the cake, but Quatre had insisted on paying for it. Trowa had shaken his head with a small smile gracing his lips. Same old Quatre, same old Trowa.
After I blew out all my candles with one breath, ("all that hot air," Michael laughed) I tore through the small offering of gifts like a kid on Christmas.
We joked and laughed and ate the cake.
The not-Heero smiled and kissed my cheek.
"For the birthday boy."
I had come to think of him as My Heero.
Soon, too soon, Quatre and Trowa said their goodbyes. Liz followed not too long after. Her mother had a date and she had promised to watch her little brother and sister.
Heero went upstairs to help Michael beat a level in the videogame he was currently playing. Heero was always better than Michael and I when it came to videogames. I stayed and helped Relena clean up despite her protesting. She didn't keep servants since Pagan had passed away.
"Heero loves you."
It was sudden. I didn't know what to say, so I just continued to take down the decorations.
"Did he ever tell you why we got divorced?"
I told her no.
"I told him that he didn't really love me. That I was just a duty to him."
There were tears in her eyes, but she didn't stop.
"He was angry when I said that, but he was angry because he knew it was the truth. I knew his secret desires and not one of them was for me. Do you know who they were for? Every single one?"
I didn't answer. I didn't know.
"You."
She sighed.
"They were all for you. I hated you. I told him to go away, 'you're free to find your desires.' And he ran to you."
I went to her, but she shrugged me off.
"I have a secret though."
I asked what it was.
"I'm glad he ran to you. You've made him the happiest in the world. He's everything he wanted to be, but couldn't with me. Thank you Duo."
I didn't understand what she meant. I nodded anyway. She smiled and we did the dishes together. Relena was a sister to me then.
Later that night, when Heero and I were back at our apartment, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me breathless.
"I love you."
His whisper tickled my ear.
It was then that I realized just how wrong I had been for all those years. The dawning revelation filled me with a calming warmth. My cheeks flushed with pleasure and knowledge.
He took me in our bed. I felt that it was the sweetest our love making had ever been.
Heero hadn't died.
He had just become himself.
Heero lived.
End.