Fallen Chapter 8: Exhaustion, a harry potter fanfic

Fallen
by Yih

Disclaimer: This is slash. If that squeaks you, avoid it and don't read it! It will contain possibly all the following pairings: HP/LV, HP/LM, HP/SS, LV/LM, LV/SS, LM/SS.

Beta: Blackumbridge

Short Note: Some have complained chapters are short for this. I apologize. I can only write about 500 words a day so to keep updates weekly, I have to limit myself to 3,000 words/chapter.

I have fallen
There is no escape
This is my destiny
My fate is yours
Do what you will
I am yours
I have fallen
Fallen hard for you
Save me
I need you
I want you
For I love you

8: Exhaustion (January 17, 2004 to January 19, 2004)

He was exhausted. He didn't regret having Voldemort teach him. He had wanted this for so long. He had known it wasn't going to be easy though. Voldemort was pushing him to his limits. He didn't dare let Voldemort know that he was at his last reserves. He had taken to spending all his free time in an empty room where he said he needed no 'disruptions' to study. Usually Nagini was always in his presence, but Harry didn't dare let her see him when he took off the glamour charms that kept him looking healthy and refreshed.

His body was tired but his mind was yearning for all that Voldemort could teach him. Who knew how long this opportunity was going to last? In the sanctity of his private room, he brewed several strong restorative potions to get him through the days. He rarely slept. He was too busy studying all the spells that Voldemort casually mentioned and spent his afternoons brewing potions that would allow him to go into the wee hours of the night.

Then there was his potions work that he had to do. Severus wasn't as harsh of a teacher out of the classroom as he was at Hogwarts, but Harry wasn't about to take anything for granted. He wanted to become good at everything, and his weakest subject was potions. No matter how much he read or how many times he prepared--- he almost always did the first potion wrong. It was hugely frustrating.

His hand was starting to shake. He needed another potion. Pepper Up or something stronger? His hand continued to shake as he debated. Pepper Up wasn't as bad for his nerves as he knew the other potion was. But the Curative Cure would allow him to go at least until 3 in the morning if he took it now. He had been careful not to take too much of it as it could get addictive. This would be the first time this week that he took it, he decided it'd be all right.

He choked down the vile tasting potion and then carefully looked at himself in the mirror. Thank Merlin that charms was his best subject, Harry thought, and thank god that Flitwick had started teaching him glamour charms during their private sessions during the school year. If he hadn't, Harry wouldn't know the basics that he'd needed for more upper level glamour charms that he'd taught himself over the summer by necessity.

His cheek bones were prominent against his hollow face. His brilliant green eyes were dull with weariness. His lips were pale, and body was starting to show ribs. He could make most of this go away. But he couldn't transform his entire body, not yet. Especially not when he needed to carefully reserve his magic. Voldemort had started pushing him to the ends of his reserve. He was carefully to shrink his robes so that they didn't drape around his body as they tended to do now.

The potions he was taking didn't do much for his appetite. The reason that restorative potions were only given to those that were in dire need of them was that it took the appetite away and burned energy from other parts of the body that normally wasn't accessible. Oh well, there was only a fortnight more before he'd be heading back to Hogwarts. He'd make it and Voldemort--- none of them--- would be the wiser.

He whispered the glamour charm and was satisfied when a rosy cheeked young boy in the bloom of his youth appeared in front of the mirror with sparking emerald eyes and lips the color of a rose. He was ready.

There was something wrong with the boy. Something about the way that he moved that reminded Severus of himself. He narrowed his black eyes as he carefully observed Harry. What was wrong with Harry? He looked as flushed with good health and spirits as he did. He even looked better than yesterday, but there was something extremely off about his movements. Had Harry used an enhancement charm around his face? It was possible, Severus concluded, Harry was particularly good at charms.

But as good as Harry was at charms, there was no need for him to need to use enhancement charms for his looks. Severus thought Harry was charming just the way he was. "Harry," he greeted his student severely, "why are you wearing an enhancement charm?"

He didn't need to test it to realize it was on, Severus could feel the feint edge of magic around the boy. It was rather sloppy for Harry actually. It was the only reason that Severus could tell that Harry did have a spell on him, he didn't really look that different from yesterday--- only more glowing. Flitwick would be quite disappointed with this result, Severus thought snarkily.

"I---," Harry stumbled over his words, not sure what to say. Oh god, he must have done a shoddy job today if Severus could tell. If Severus could tell, then Voldemort was definitely going to be able to tell. "I just wanted to try on a spell."

Severus rolled his eyes. "You are much too young to be vain like a Malfoy," he muttered sharply, taking his wand out of his holster and pointing it at Harry. "I will take it off you or you can do it yourself."

"I'll do it myself," Harry said quickly. He then turned his back to Severus and took down the glamour charm and softly whispered another glamour charm that was more subtle and required a good deal more magic from him. When he turned around, Severus was still evaluating him critically. Fall for it, he begged inside, fall for it! Don't see through it!

"You look tired," Severus remarked after a long moment. "Have you not been sleeping well?"

"No not very well."

"I suppose we could make a sleeping potion for you. This one isn't like Dreamless Sleep, which can become rather addictive," he commented. "It's called Slumberous Manipulation, and it's rather tricky to brew. It's quite strong, but not addictive as it primarily uses ingredients that have some sleeping potential in them. However, I recommend that you only take it a few times a week. The nice thing about this particular potion is that it will let you sleep the amount you wish to sleep rather than the amount of time that you need to sleep depending on how much of the potion you take."

"It gives you control," Harry murmured in awe. He needed a potion like that. It would be a godsend to him. There were times when he needed just an hour or so of shuteye to feel better. To be able to control that without oversleeping would be the energy boost that he needed. He hadn't allowed himself to take naps for fear of sleeping in on lessons with Voldemort or Severus. "Sleep usually takes away control."

"Yes," Severus responded, "especially when you have a potion that you need to brew that needs a few hours to settle in between that you can't miss the exact time of stirring or it'll be ruined. Potions like those take days of preparation and brewing, and just by missing a critical stir deadline it's ruined. That is why Slumberous Manipulation is vital for every Potions Master."

"When do we start?" Harry asked. "When do we begin brewing?"

"Right now."

{He's exhausted!} Nagini hissed ferociously at Voldemort. {Can't you see it in the way that he walks? His body movements are all off. You need to lay off of him. He's only a first year!}

{He is going into his second year!} Voldemort exclaimed back. {He can handle this. Have you not seen the way he glows? He's doing very well. He'd let me know if I was straining him beyond what he could handle, but he can handle this and this will only make him stronger. He's doing far more than I ever could at his age--- it's quite impressive and what is expected given that he's learned magic from an early age!}

{You are burning him out!}

{I am doing no such thing,} he scoffed. {He would be dead on his feet and his physical being would indicate if he was being drained of his magic. He's not. He's perfectly healthy, if a bit thin, but then again he never eats much. I have already demanded that Lucius bring to me his finest house elf chef to tempt Harry more.}

{I still think you're pushing him too hard,} she stated firmly. {He has years ahead of him, and as you said--- he's already ahead of you. I don't understand why you feel like you need to push him so hard. What are you trying to prove? He's going to be a strong wizard. You know that he is whether or not you push him that hard. But if you push him too hard…}

{I am not pushing him too hard.}

Nagini flicked her tongue out in a tsk-ing fashion. {I hardly see him anymore. He's always stuck in that study room of his reading and practicing for you and studying and brewing for Severus. And then there's the books that Lucius also gives him to help him with Transfiguration and such. All of you are overworking him. He's still only a child.}

{He is my protégée! And it's not too much work if he still looks like he could get up and do it again to the wee hours of the night. He's a strong and capable wizard whose magic is becoming adapted to the hard regiment that I've put him through. It took me years to control all the magic that was inside of me. Harry is doing it at a much younger age and if he can, he won't lose control like I did.}

{That--- that is true…}

Dear Harry,

I haven't heard from you in so long. How have you been? I miss your letters. I can't wait until we're back at Hogwarts! I've learned so much that I want to show you. I know that you have had some problems with Transfiguration, but I found this delightful book a few weeks ago at an obscure store at Diagon Alley that should help us both!

I can't wait until we're back together. It's been so long since we've had some of our conversations about magical theory and the sorts. As much as I missed my parents while we were in school, it's not easy to talk to them about theory when they barely understand the concept of magic.

W/B ASAP. I miss you terribly.

Love you,
Hermione Granger

His hands were shaking. He had to write to Hermione. But there was still some of the Slumberous Manipulation potion left, and he really did need his two hours of sleep before he had to meet up with Lucius this afternoon. He was afraid, terribly afraid that Lucius would be able to tell. Lucius always studied him more than Severus did and if he had nearly failed with Severus--- there was no doubt he'd fail with Lucius. And Lucius was much easier to fool than Voldemort.

He was so tired, worn out, and exhausted. He opened the clear vial and poured two drops into his mouth. It wouldn't be long now; the potion worked horribly fast. He'd soon be sleeping, his body would relax and he wouldn't feel nearly so sore and achy and terrible. When he woke up, he'd be refreshed enough that he didn't feel like he was ripping his insides apart when he had to perform magic at the same time while keeping his glamour charms up.

Sleep would revive him and he'd be ready to start his game all over again.

He hated the incompetence of the Ministry of Magic. However, it was that lack of proficiency that had made it so easy to conquer the Wizarding World and to have it at their knees to serve him. Some didn't realize how much control he had, but those that did resented him for that. That meddling Dumbledore had done it again. He had thought he'd crushed that old bumbling fool 5 years ago when he had killed his most important Order members in Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

He gritted his teeth together and stared at the doddering fool in front of him. If anything, at least Albus Dumbledore was a great wizard despite his foolery. Cornelius Fudge definitely was not. He was more than adequate, or lese he wouldn't have made the Minister of Magic, but he wasn't anything great to be talked about. It was time that he replaced Fudge and put someone else into the puppet's seat. Someone who would deal with the mess that Fudge had made and do it so well that he wouldn't have to worry about the hassle of paperwork anymore.

Transition had been slow as he'd lulled the Wizarding World over a decade of years to believe that things wouldn't change even though he'd defeated the Light. It had worked out as rebellion had died down. Now was the perfect time, as there were so many that were complacent to make some tacit changes, such as removing Cornelius Fudge from office. He didn't think many would complain about that--- Fudge was a moron and the Wizarding World knew it.

Of course, they would rather have a fool to rule them than a Dark Lord. That's why he couldn't take the position--- not that he really wanted to after getting a good taste of what the job was like. No, he much preferred to work behind the scenes and control everything than to have to do all the obligatory things that a Minister had to do. But he knew the perfect person who would relish the job… Lucius Malfoy.

His lover would suit the role perfectly. It would also keep Lucius busy and away from Harry for most of the time. Not nearly enough for his own satisfaction, but enough to keep them from growing closer. He was far more worried about Lucius influencing Harry than Severus because he knew that Lucius was a master of seduction and that Severus didn't have one seductive bone in his body.

It was decided. Fudge would have to go. He lifted his lips slightly in a malicious smile. But how would Fudge go? Not by Avada Kedavra that would alarm the masses more than was worth the trouble of the satisfaction of killing the idiot. No, he needed something else. Something that Severus had brewed specially for him not too long ago. It was a potion that would incapacitate the mind slowly. And as it did, Fudge would have to name a successor and Lucius Malfoy would undoubtedly be his choice--- and the succession of the Dark Lord's right hand man would go without a hitch.

"Do drink up," Voldemort murmured encouragingly as he took a sip from his uncontaminated shot of brandy. "We have much to discuss, Cornelius."

"You can put your wand away," Lucius remarked when Harry started to take his wand out of a pocket in his cloak. "We won't be using it today. I figured that you'd like a break from everything, and besides this is the last time that I'll be seeing you until next summer. I think it'd be nice just to talk about what you've learned and other stuff you'd like to learn so I can prepare some material for you next time I see you."

Harry was relieved. It would help him when he had to see Voldemort later tonight. He wouldn't have to use up quite so much magic that he didn't have great quantities to begin with. He was on his last leg, so t'speak. He bit down on his bottom lip. Dizziness was becoming a state of mind he was quite used to. It was only a bit longer. A week really. Last week had been good for him, he'd recovered a bit when Voldemort had been called away on Ministry business and this was his first day back. He'd missed Voldemort terribly though.

"So you do have anything in mind that you'd particularly like to learn?" Lucius asked softly, his hand reaching out to grip Harry's shoulder warmly. "There's still much more to teach you, much more."

"I know," Harry confessed softly. "There are some subjects I haven't even touched like Ancient Runes or Divinations."

"Divinations," Lucius sneered, "can only be taught by a seer and you will find no seer in all of Britain that is a legitimate one. All I can pray tell you is to avoid Trelawney like the plague. She will only teach you what will rot your brain and spoil what we've worked so hard to teach you."

"It is fascinating from some books that I've read," Harry murmured. "I would like to learn it."

"If you wish it, all you must do is ask and I will try to find someone suitable for you."

"Really?"

"Yes," Lucius responded, "but there has not been a great seer in many years. The last great seer actually came from my family two generations back, an aunt of mine that resided in France and married a French wizard. I believe a distant cousin of mine has inherited much of her abilities. But I think your talents rest more with the Dark Arts and Charms. Concentrate on where your abilities rest, Harry, and you will find it very rewarding. And no matter how hard you study, you cannot become a seer--- it is an inborn talent and realized at birth."

"Oh," Harry replied with vague disappointment, already feeling the shortcomings that he'd never felt previously. It made him feel powerless and inadequate. He had never thought there was anything he couldn't do, not until he'd gotten to Hogwarts and seen that there was stuff that he couldn't master with the ease of which he usually learnt things… like Transfiguration and now… Divinations. "I didn't know that."

"There's much still to know," Lucius whispered, his hand caressing Harry's cheek. "Much for you to learn. I only wish I had more time to teach you."

As Harry wished that too. Lucius was the only one that didn't push him beyond what he could handle. Lucius balanced it perfectly whereas Severus tested to the limits of his mind of potions knowledge and whereas Voldemort stretched him to the end of his magical reserves. Lucius did not. But he didn't learn any less from Lucius.

"I wish you did too."

Lucius smiled softly, Harry was far too trusting--- it was rather charming--- and far too easy to manipulate. All that was needed was warmth, understanding, and comfort. He had Harry's trust and friendship now, all he needed to do was wait a little while longer and he could being to seduce Harry to his side.

Author's Note: Wow, I feel unbearably loved. Thank you SO much. Chapter 9 is in progress and should definitely be ready. I'm not neglecting my work, I just feel more obligated to write rather than to um… read fanfics. So it works. It takes so much less time to write this when I feel happy. Tee hee hee! Keep up the good work. A lot of things will become clearer as things progress, such as why some characters haven't popped up yet and why not. And YES, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin are dead/gone/never to come back. Sorry for fans of them, I don't want to deal with them and it makes sense they'd be dead if the Light lost.

Thanks to ALL MY WONDERFUL REVIEWERS: Calyx-girl, biblios, Fate, goddessoftheweb, Sei Hishida (and I've overdone Hogwarts in MOP), Sahira, Shuki – aka Quickjewel, Nelum, redrose2310, AngelMorph, MUMSI (I don't think you're unemotional), eav (you'd be surprised the insight I get from reviews on what I could do), Maggie (MOP is only 9 months old, I haven't been in the fandom a year yet, May I will), Panya (I procrastinate by writing, naughty us), Yxonomei (THANKS!), HoshiHikari4ever, kdalemama, erristal (ty), Alicorn1, Sabrina451 (the AK curse rebounded from Harry but he didn't cast the AK on Harry, reread ch.1), Talin, selene snape, Liv, Maddy, Cicy, marishamarish, futagoakuma-tenshi01, Artemisu (kidnapped Harry pouts: I don't like girls!), Princess Pearliest, Vicious Lily, Aeslynn, pascal, rayvern (Volide's not insane, doesn't mean he's nice), GY (4th or 5th year), Shinosu, Lasitar (wow, poor bf), walkin', Aspid, lillinfields, Serpent of Light (I give Voldemort character in all my fics, he's darkest in AOM and a user in MOP. Harry is not brilliant at potion but he works hard, like I suck at math but I still make A's because I try hard.), TigerBlak (well I only have 4 to 5 discontinued fics –only for HP- ;p I'd hate for the list to grow), serenity, Death-TheOnlyTrueFreedom, holly, Seirei, riantlykalopsic (sorry HP/DM is my least favorite pairing of HP/Slytherin, though much preferable to others), ^_^, CrimsonTearsofPain, Grey Malwell, SilveredDeath, Draconisdagger2000 (it is petrificus totalus, I made a mistake), Eternal Cosmos, Wynter (Your idea about the Ministry was great *_* definitely influential!), Dark Artist (nope, I don't like repeating plots, so next time is Gryffindor or –gasp- Hufflepuff?!), Charmed1s, Celestial Slytherin-Black (later), Resggal (You know, I think I reviewed one of your stories, it's wonderful), Dracolover411, Quila, atalante (ff.net's bitchy, but bio lab is MY bitch), Lolita, Eaiva le Fay (Haha, true, but he loves to please ppl, such a dramatic downfall for him and that is very relatable to me), bobby tray, Black Diva (later by 20 I think), Xyverz (sorry, no huggles), PxW, ~Mary~ (Lucius is starting to change, but he still sees Harry as a means to an end as for LV/HP, I'm not sure I'm not writing ahead in this fic), deliolith, Eileen (I adore converting ppl, the BEAUTY of HP/LV, not TR, never TR! ;p), Kateri1, eli7, ankhangel88, Kristin, The Shadow Bandit (it was a mistake, should be petrificus totalus), ozzypoos (4th or 5th), Winnie2, Silaqui, Kris, Lindiel Eryn, Redrum, Cat15, Queen of Vegetasei (Dark Harry is a possibility).

Watch out for these new stories coming soon to FF.net: (if you review mention which you'd like to see first?!) Previews are available on my LiveJournal before you make a vote ;p.

LOVE ATROCIOUS: (SS/HP/LM) Non-magic AU. Harry's an assistant. Lucius's assistant. An unquestionable arse, Harry for some inane reason sticks with the arrogant actor. It MUST BE love. Too bad Lucius is blind, but fortunately fashionista Severus Snape IS NOT.

TOURNIQUET: (SS/HP) Harry's magic is dead. His body is broken, but he has never been happier. He loves his job and he's with the man he loves. Why can't Severus see that everything's perfect the way they are? 5 years post Final Battle in muggle London.

THERE COMES A TIME: (SS/HP/LM) AU. Before there were wizards and witches, there were druids and priestesses that ruled the British Isles. Threatened now by invading Saxons, they turn to the one young man who can stop it--- the High King… Harry.