I'm going to include song lyrics in each update. I hope it's understood that I don't own them.
Furthest I've Ever Gone
Chapter Two
Every day here you come walking
I hold my tongue, I don't do much talking
You say you're happy and you're doin' fine
Well go ahead baby, I got plenty of time
Sad eyes never lie
Sad eyes never lie
Well for a while I've been watching you steady
Ain't gonna move 'til you're good and ready
You show up and then you shy away
But I know pretty soon you'll be walkin' this way
Sad eyes never lie
Sad eyes never lie
Baby don't you know I don't care
Don't you know that I've been there
Well if something in the air feels a little unkind
Don't worry darling, it'll slip your mind
I know you think you'd never be mine
Well that's okay baby, I don't mind
That shy smile's sweet, that's a fact
Go ahead, I don't mind the act
Here you come all dressed up for a date
Well one more step and it'll be too late
Blue blue ribbon in your hair
Like you're so sure I'll be standing here
Sad Eyes - Bruce Springsteen
The sun scalded Rory even through the window of the library. She sat in the most remote corner of the building, her back pressed tightly against the window sill.
When summer began, she adopted it as her spot. There were no seats and too much sunlight in the corner and so the other goers of the library never moved in on it as was custom with Stars Hollow.
Jess had once told her the town was something like a marriage. What was one person's was everyone's.
Except that spot.
That spot was wholly Rory's and aside from it's uncomfortable positioning and blinding stream of sky, the more intellectual residents left it alone for more personal reasons.
They knew it held meaning to the girl, knew it had been something special for her. And so they stayed away.
Because Rory was everyone's girl in that town and no one dared to hurt her.
And so she sat there, her fingers flipped between two pages of her book, her eyes focused on a single passage. Her concentration was never on when she sat there, but she lacked the will power to stay away from it.
From the memory it held.
"Jess, this is the library. I think I'm missing the romance."
He turned away from her, covering his smile with his back. He grabbed her hand again, pulling her along with him to a tiny corner in the library. The sky streamed through the curtains Taylor had insisted be put in and she raised a hand to her eyes to shield them. "Here?"
He nodded proudly, extending his arms on their treasure.
"Here?"
She repeated, her face blank. He pulled her close and her dubious expression gave way to the softest of smiles.
Here was good.
Rory glanced at the paragraph one last time before flipping the book closed. She stood up, her hand finding her pocket. She pulled out her library card and walked over to the front desk, preferring to instead just check the book out.
She didn't really come to the library to read anymore.
She came to be close to him.
Because no matter how far away she really was from him, and she didn't know, in the library... He was right next to her.
The librarian smiled at her, handing her the book once she had stamped it. She smiled thinly in return, the gesture invisibly without merit.
She put the book in her bag and thanked the librarian before walking out of the library.
As she stepped off the curb near Doose's, she spotted Dean outside helping pack up some woman's car. She crossed the street to the other side, her face turned from him.
She walked straight ahead, pass the turn off to her street and turned a smile on her face as the Kim's Antique's sign came into view. She walked up the drive and allowed herself in, her eyes running over the familiar store. She dodged a lamp she knew to be on her right and shimmied between two tables, finally finding the kitchen where Lane sat.
"Hey," Lane smiled at her from behind a cookie, her pale face dipping into a redder shade as she realized both times they'd met up that week, she'd been eating.
"Hey," She returned the greeting, sitting down in the chair across from her friend. She stole a cookie from the tray and brushed a stray strand of hair from her face, "So I was thinking."
Lane rolled her eyes, stealing another cookie herself, "You were thinking...?"
"That performance?" She rolled her own eyes as she made the decision once again her head, "I think I might come with you."
Lane's eyes widened and Rory swore she saw the smallest flicker of a twinkle in the corner, "Really? That's great! You've never seen us live before."
At Rory's raised eyebrow, Lane continued, "I mean, in front of an audience."
Rory nodded at the correction, her smile screwing up as she took her last cookie.
...
"Wow, that stage is huge," Lane ran over to the aforementioned stage, her eyes bright with excitement as she boosted herself to sit on the ledge. "I'm going to play here!"
Rory followed behind, her steps slower as she kept a rhythm she'd been making with her steps for the past hour. To say she was bored would be a severe understatement.
The band had to show up early and set up and Lane asked her to tag along and help. She'd agreed and she wished desperately to backtrack and decline as a minute later, Mrs. Kim, perhaps the only entertainment she could count on for the night albeit the band, announced that she couldn't go due to an unexpected bible meeting.
Lane's grin was mile wide as her mother made the announcement and when she walked out of the room, Lane turned her glowing face to Rory and she'd plastered on an identical smile for her benefit.
She counted that as the first sign that her night was going to stink.
When she stepped in gum on the way out of the car, she pegged it number two and moved the rating to suck.
Her night was going to suck bad.
She walked out of the double doors that led to the bar in what could only be called 'the smoking room', Rory decided as she fought her way out of a cloud of gray.
She sat at one of the stools and leaned forward on the counter to order a drink, "Can I have a-"
"Give the lady a 7 & 7."
She turned her head and her eyes appraised the man who'd order for her. He was tall, 6'2 she'd suppose with short blonde hair and dark green eyes. She thought for a moment that he held a resemblance to Tristan and shook it out of her mind quickly as she went to object the drink, "Actually, I'd just like a coke."
The man, who'd she decided was really a man by all accounts as she caught sight of the dark scruff on his cheeks, leaned forward, "Come on, you can't handle one drink?"
It wasn't a dare, but she took it as one and leaned forward, her eyes more seductive than she'd ever know, "I can handle a drink. I just don't think you could handle me with a drink."
He chuckled, standing up tall again, "Well, how about we just wait and see?"
She turned her head, her eyes finding Lane and Dave kissing through the window of the door. She leaned back herself, taking the drink from the bartender and bringing it to her lips, "How about we?"
...
Rory found her way to the stage, Ben trailing behind her. She hadn't said the name aloud yet, but she was sure his name was Ben. Or Jim. They sounded so alike.
Or as alike as 'orange' and 'aren't' were sounding after at least six trips back to her favorite bartender. His name was Lenny, she knew that for sure.
She'd asked him that after he handed her the fifth drink and she'd declared him as her new best friend.
Ben curled a hand around her waist and she stopped short to let him pull her to him. He leaned in, his aftershave wreaking havoc on her senses as he whispered in her ear, "So how 'm I handlin' you?"
She turned around, her eyes trying to find at least one pair of his lips that wasn't moving. She found one and smiled drunkenly in accomplishment as she leaned in, "I'll let you know in a minute."
Her hand curled around his head, her finger playing with the soft hairs at the nape of his neck as his tongue snaked into her mouth.
She thought for a moment about what her mother would say, if she'd be angry or only comically reprimand her in the way she did everything, but the thought was fleeting as they pulled away and the band started to play.
He wrapped his hand around her waist again and she turned her head, her forehead just a breath away from his lips as she told him, "Handlin' me just fine."
He smiled, his eyes curling at the sides in the sexiest sight Rory had ever seen as he told her that it was good to hear. He leaned forward, kissing the skin below her hairline as he watched the band.
She turned her head too, her eyes finding Lane's for a wink.
...
Daylight hung low in the sky, rising with the sun to pour through the curtains of Jess' window. He reached a hand out to close the curtains, but the curtains weren't on his side and seemingly dodged every of his attempts at grabbing them.
He raised his head to find them, but was nearly blinded as he blinked one of his eyes opened. He rested his head back on the pillow, deciding to end his futile attempts, "Lily!!!"
He heard her feet pad down the hallway and he smiled lazily, his face buried in the pillow, blocking her view from the unfamiliar gesture. "Make the sun go away."
She climbed over him, her hands fisting the curtains and pulling them apart.
The sun was let in completely, permanently damaging Jess' eyes by his own assessment, "Hey!"
"Let me borrow Walden and it's closed."
He sighed, his head burrowing into his pillowcase as he agreed, "Under the bed. It's doubled with Civil Disobedience. Hardback, Borders."
The sun was erased and he flopped on his stomach, peaking out a cautious eye. He opened it fully as he found no trace of light and watched Lily as she climbed under the bed to retrieve the book, "You're an evil child, you know that right?"
He heard a triumphant "yes" from underneath the bed and she climbed out, giving him a toothy smile in the dark room, "I know."
He rolled back on his stomach as she walked out of the room, cursing under his breath for another lost book. He'd have to remember to close his curtains before he went to bed.
...
The same sun rose again a few hours later, falling between the tiniest opening in Rory's curtains. She groaned, turning her head to wish it away. She opened her eyes, curling a hand over her face and cursing at God for not answering her prayers.
She threw a leg over her bed, her toes feeling around for the carpet and relaxing once they found it. Throwing her other leg over, she moved into a sitting position. A wave of nausea befell her and she threw her head back, waiting until it passed. When it did, she stood up slowly, her hands finding every sturdy object in her room to hold onto as she made her way to the door.
Her hand found the knob and she looked behind her, marveling at the great distance she'd traveled from her bed to her door. She opened the door and stepped through, her eyes finding her mother sitting at the table.
"What?" It was the only word that would come out of her mouth and Lorelai raised her eyes to it. "It's six thirty."
Lorelai smirked behind a cup of Luke's coffee, "Correction, it's actually three minutes passed six thirty."
Rory fell into the chair across from her, her face covered by a mass of knotted hair, "Where am I?"
"You're home, Rory." She lifted her head to glare at her mother for her placated tone.
"I mean, what universe? It's Saturday and it's six thirty in the morning. And you're up." She pointed an accusing finger at Lorelai, her eyes darting to the sides of her face, looking for any trace of a mask.
"I am up. And do you know why I'm up?"
Rory shook her head no, "But I bet you're going to tell me."
Lorelai nodded, opening her mouth to speak. She was cutoff however, as the front door opened loudly and Sookie's voice fell over the house. "Are we ready?!"
Rory ducked her head in her arms, praying to God for the second time in one day. Sookie shouted excitedly again and Rory closed her eyes tightly, her prayer for silence obviously falling on deaf ears. Her mouth formed a smile as she mused that maybe that was more true than cliche; maybe Sookie'd made God deaf.
Her mother threw a confused glance at her smile, before rushing to Sookie and squealing excitedly herself. "Ready!"
She lifted her arm to give them both dubious expressions, "Would someone tell me what we're ready for?"
Sookie frowned at her tone and Lorelai caught it. "Don't mind her; she's cranky this morning. She had some weird dream about me being an alien," She threw Rory a wink and turned her way. "We, milady; Sookie and I, that is," she corrected, "have a meeting at seven AM to sign the papers for official documentation of ownership for the Dragonfly Inn."
Rory's eyes crossed as the words took a minute to settle coherently in her mind. When they did, despite the weight in her head, she stood up and hugged her mother and Sookie, "You're buying the Dragonfly today?"
They nodded excited, Sookie letting out a small squeak between her smiled teeth.
She bowed her head, ashamed for not knowing. Sookie missed the gesture, but Lorelai caught on as she always did and hugged Rory again, "Don't worry about it, kid."
She nodded her head, the shame washing away with her mother's soft words and she walked them to the car, smiling at Sookie's thirty-four year old attempt at skipping.
...
The wind swayed him back and forth and he fell into a seat to stop it, opening his book to the last page he'd read. The wind changed the page to the last and he closed the book, realizing any attempt to read it was in vein.
He leaned back, closing his eyes and letting his body relax. As rest overcame him, his whole body went limp in the seat and he jerked up suddenly as the boat caught over a larger ship's wake.
He looked over his shoulder, his eyes catching the now familiar dock and he checked his watch for the time, realizing his break was too near to being over for him to sleep anyway.
Jimmy had set him up with the job about a week after he'd lived with them, telling him he was sick of seeing his face and he needed to go out. He went out for a walk the next morning to read, but the sun had been too present everywhere and he couldn't find one spot where he liked. He came back around lunch time, Jimmy waiting expectantly on the porch. He'd cursed at the smirk on Jimmy's face and turned around, telling him to go screw himself while he found a job.
He'd gotten half way down the street when Jimmy had called him back and gave him the address of his new work place, refusing to tell him what he'd be doing and only saying that it payed well enough.
When he found the dock, he'd cursed for a solid five minutes about sick jokes and sadistic non-fathers. He trudged up the dock to the fishing boat, Old Blue Eyes, and gave his name and Jimmy's name as a reference. His new boss, Frankie "Blue" Delphin simply waved him off, telling him he was late and he didn't accept late. He walked back down the dock, trying to look as dejected as he could, biting his smile with his teeth.
But as he took the last step off the dock, Frankie had called back to him, "Come back tomorrow on time."
He shut his eyes tightly, curling his fists and imagining Jimmy's neck was between them.
And as Frankie called again, "And for Christ's sake, wear decent workman's clothes. This is a fishing boat, not a poetry reading. Take off the leather jacket, Fonzie," he made a vow to make sure Jimmy's neck really ended up in his hands, rung.
That was over a month ago and he'd since learned that Frankie "Blue" was the son of the man who'd originally chartered the boat. He was called Blue for his Irish blue eyes, for which his brown eyed father had named the boat after. He'd grown up separate from his father; like Jess he'd been abandoned by him. He only had one memory of him, one memory he recounted to everyone he knew in a desperate attempt to keep it alive. His father had gotten colon cancer six years before and he'd written Frankie a letter, asking him to come visit. He took a month to decide, a month he condemned as the most wasted time in his life, and when he finally met with his father, it'd only been hours before he died. He'd rushed twenty five years of missed fathering into seven hours and told him, the last words he said, that their was a boat at the San Marina dock that was his if he wanted it.
He took it, nonchalantly passing it off as just needing a job at the time. But as the time went on and the small memory ate at him as the only one, he realized why he'd taken it.
The crew was the same that had worked for his father, and they told him stories, recounting their days with him.
The way they explained it, his father was on that boat every day and after even after he died, his father was on that boat everyday.
And so Blue knew, he'd taken the job to make more memories with his father.
He'd told Jess once that he envied him for getting the flesh and bone of his father to make memories with and Jess had smiled unevenly, agreeing only slightly. He wasn't sure where he stood with his father still and Frankie didn't like bullshit.
Blue called up to him from inside the cabin of the 45 ft. Sea Ray, "Jess, come help me with this mother!"
He threw his book in his bag and started down the stairs of the old cabin, his arms pimpling as the iced rooms chilled him. He'd pinched his nose the first few times Blue had him help down there, but by now the smell of fish was lost on his senses.
"Yeah, what do you need?"
Blue told him to help him ice the bastard and he got on his knees, using his hands to scoop up some of the ice in the room. He helped Blue pack the fish in ice and he went back up on deck to drop the anchor for Shorey, another member of the crew. They had anchored on the right side of Sea Warren Lighthouse the day before in the same wind conditions and had a good day, so he knew Blue'd want to drop there again today.
He caught the rope of the tarp over the captain's wheel and he used it as leverage to get on the side of the nose and untangle the knot in the anchor's rope.
When he was finished, his eyes caught Shorey and Blue talking back on deck and he looked for Paul, the other crew member working that day. He couldn't find him and he figured he must be below deck. He rubbed his hands together, caking off the wet mud from the rope as best he could. When he just made his hands messier, he cast one last look on deck to Shorey and Blue, making sure they weren't looking, before landing a solid cannon ball right off the boat.
When he surfaced from the water, he found Blue staring down on him, his smile grim as a boss' should be, but his eyes colored in mild amusement, "Jess, get the fuck back on deck."
...
"This town sucks."
Rory's announcement boomed through the house, her sharp tone ricocheting off the walls and finally finding the kitchen and Lorelai's ears.
"Why?" Lorelai called back, the sound of Rory slamming the front door silencing her question.
She waited a second to ask again, listening for any sounds of loud noises to come. Hoping the coast was clear, she asked again meekly, like a little girl stepping foot out of a bomb shelter after The Big Boom.
"Because, I am not wallowing!" She annunciated each word, her tone seething. Lorelai looked at her, noticing her tone decorated her posture, because she was most definitely visibly seething as well.
"Okay..." She stated, her tone drenched in mock confusion. Truth was, Patty and Babette had already called and told her to try to "cheer" Rory up.
"Oh, you shut up. I know you know what they're doing. During Miss Patty's second verse of "Don't Cry Out Loud," she told me she'd called you and you'd even encouraged the insane idea that I'm moping." She pointed an accusing finger at her mother, wagging it both ways, shaming her.
"I'm sorry, but you were really cranky this morning," She stuck a lip out in a pout. "So mean to your poor mommy."
Rory sighed, sitting down in the chair across from her mother, "And what, pray tell, am I wallowing over?"
Her mother stated it simply, the one word she didn't want to hear. "Jess."
She shook her head, ridding it of his name, "I'm not moping over... him. I was just tired and hungover." The last word passed her lips before she could stop it and Lorelai's eyes widened.
"You were what?" The confusion in her voice was real now and Rory stood up, fixing herself a glass of ice tea, her back turned.
"I was a little hungover." She cursed the glass for being filled so quickly and she turned, facing her mother's shocked face.
"Why were you hungover? Were the milk and cookies you were having last night spiked?" Lorelai narrowed her eyes, her mind backtracking to that morning. "You were hungover."
Rory nodded, even though it wasn't a question. "Yes and not on milk and cookies. And I'm so-"
Lorelai cut her off, her tone harder than Rory had heard it be in a while, "What did you drink? Who bought it for you? Where the hell was Mrs. Kim?"
"She couldn't go. And I don't remember everything I had. I started with a 7 & 7." She dodged the second question and Lorelai noticed.
"And who bought it for you, Rory?"
She closed her eyes tightly while answering, "Just some guy."
Lorelai's mouth fell open almost comically, "Just some guy? My daughter got drunk with just some guy?"
Rory nodded, deciding it was best to just stay quiet.
Apparently, Lorelai disagreed. "The last thing you should try with me right now is being contrite. You should've been contrite last night, in your refusal to every drink offered."
Rory opened her mouth, but her mother's rage cut her off, "Listen to me, kid. You are technically still seventeen, which means you're technically still a minor, which means I can technically still discipline you, which means you-"
Rory cut her off, "Mom, I didn't puke once this morning, but if you say 'technically' one more time..."
Lorelai heeded her warning and stopped her rant short, "You got drunk, Rory."
Rory willed the disappointment from her mother's voice, "I know and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I got drunk and with some random guy, because that was stupid. But I remember the night and nothing happened and it's because I wouldn't let it happen and because he was a nice guy, but that doesn't excuse it and I know that. So I'm still sorry; I'm really sorry, Mom. But it's been a rough couple weeks and I'm just really tired of this whole town worrying about me and so I just wanted to pretend I wasn't Rory for a night and so I did. And I really did, I didn't even tell Ben/Jim my real name. I said your name, which was stupid, I see now. Because really, how many Lorelais are there in Stars Hollow? One, just you. And me. But we're under the same residence, so he may get our number, so I'm sorry about that too-"
Lorelai cut her off, pulling her to her chest and running her hands, down her back. "Shh, hon. It's okay. Breathe."
"I don't deserve to breathe," She whispered into her mother's shoulder and Lorelai smiled at the familiar words.
Lorelai pulled Rory away from her, landing a kiss on her forehead, "You got drunk, Rory." Rory sighed and Lorelai continued, her tone almost giggly, "And I missed it."
Rory smiled and hugged her mom tighter, "It was horrible."
Lorelai nodded, "Well, good. It should have been, you bad daughter. You've ruined our list of firsts and me as a mother. I missed your first drink iand/I your first handover."
Rory pulled away from her mother quickly, holding her stomach as she ran away to the bathroom. "And last!"
...
When the night fell upon him, Jess would swear he was someone else. When the moon hung itself in the sky and the sun bid the day farewell, Jess became so much older, so much smaller.
He was a narrow minded fisherman when he got off work, stumbling into each bar on the docks, drinking like the fish he caught every day.
He became rowdy and mouthier than even he was used to being, but most of all he became incredibly obnoxious.
That much was made clear to him after Jake, a fisherman from another boat at San Marina, pushed him up against a wall for clumsily flirting with "his girl."
Flirting wouldn't be the term a sober Jess would use. Pinching fit better, but a sober Jess probably wouldn't admit to doing either.
"You little fucking bastard," He smacked him against the dart board and Jess cringed as the throwing end hit his back. "Can't you find your own woman?"
Sober Jess would've also bitten his lip in front of a man twice his size, "You call that a woman?"
Unfortunately, this wasn't Sober Jess.
Jake threw him on the pool table and he clutched his stomach as he fell off the other side on his back. He heard Jake chuckle and mutter "loser" under his breath as he walked back to his table.
It only took him a second to react and before Jake saw it, Jess had barreled his entire body into him, throwing him to the floor.
The bar patrons finally stood up as Jess straddled Jake and threw punches at him every where he could. Finally, Shorey and Blue pulled him off the rival fisherman who now lay unconscious.
They pulled him out of the bar, Blue leading him to his Ford pickup to drive him home. He shook him off, cursing him as he attempted to grab his arm again.
"I said fuck off, Blue. I'll find my own way back."
Blue made a fist, watching him carefully as he stumbled down the docks and into the night. He took a step forward, keeping him in sight until he was sure he was safe to get home. Once he was, he finally released his anger at the younger kid and punched the hood of his truck. He threw a last glance in Jess's direction, before shaking his head and getting in his truck to drive home.
...
Slow down, you crazy child.
You're so ambitious for a juvenile.
But then if you're so smart, tell me why are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire? What's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out.
You got so much to do and only so many hours in a day.
Don't you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old?
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?
Slow down, you're doing fine.
You can't be everything you wanna be before your time,
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight.
Too bad, but it's the life you lead.
You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need.
Though you can see when you're wrong,
You know, you can't always see when you're right.
You've got your passion. You've got your pride,
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?
Slow down, you crazy child.
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while.
It's all right you can afford to lose a day or two.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?
Vienna - Billy Joel