Fallen
by Yih

Disclaimer: This is slash. If that squeaks you, avoid it and don't read it! It will contain possibly all the following pairings: HP/LV, HP/LM, HP/SS, LV/LM, LV/SS, LM/SS.

Unbeta'd version.  Read the mistakes at your own risk. 


10: Recovery (January 29, 2004 to February 3, 2004)

{You pushed him too hard.}

His fingers gripped his wand tightly.  He knew that he had pushed Harry too far.  He never should have done half the spells he'd cast on the young boy to sharpen and to focus his magic so he'd never lose control like he had.  He should have realized that Harry wasn't like him.  Harry wasn't foolish and careless, reckless perhaps--- as he'd shown be letting himself be drained to exhaustion--- but a fool he was not. 

{This is your fault,} Nagini hissed, her eyes flashing with venom and if she had been of the poisonous variety, he was sure he'd feel the nip of her fangs.  But since she was a python, she instead tightened herself around his waist in such a manner that he was becoming rather breathless.  She was just proving a point in her own way.  {It's your fault.}

{I realize that,} he snapped sharply.  {But I was worried he'd lose control of his magic like I did.}

{Even if he did,} she retorted, {it still would not have had the consequence that yours had.  You lost it after you had started practicing the darkest of Dark Arts, Harry hasn't even progressed passed minor dark spells and most of it is theory.  He has a better working knowledge on theory than you do and better control because of that, he wouldn't lose control like you did.}

{WHO KNOWS?!  I wasn't suppose to lose control like a weak willed wizard!} Voldemort exclaimed, twisting Nagini's body off of his.  {I lost control and I killed my only friend.  Do you know how I felt after that?  He was the only one I had when I was young and I accidentally killed him!}

{It wasn't your fault.  If anything,} Nagini hissed with her protective instinct, {it was Dumbledore's fault.  He should have known better than to interfere with letting the Charms professor teach you how to better control the magic within you.  He was afraid that you'd become too strong, and it was because of him that he died.  Shows what he knew.}

{I don't want Harry to have to live through the guilt that I did,} Voldemort murmured sadly, his crimson eyes a paler shade than its usual vibrancy.  {His mate has never forgiven me for killing her lover, you know.  You can't obliviate a basilisk you know.  And because of me, there are even few basilisks than they're used to be, and she will never reproduce again.  Basilisks mate for life.}

Nagini rubbed her head against his cheek affectionately.  {It's unfortunate, but I wouldn't say that she's unhappy in the Chambers of Secret.  She may not have forgiven you, but she hardly blames you.  She knows the true blame lies with the muggle loving Dumbledore.}

{Yes, and it has made her quite vicious,} Voldemort thought with slight glee.  {It's getting harder and harder to control her.  She never was a killer before, that was always his job but since he's gone--- it's like she's taken over his role for him now that he's not there anymore.  She's a terror.}

{Yes, she is.  Thank goodness her stare has no affect on other serpents,} Nagini muttered.

Voldemort nodded and stroked Nagini's favorite spot.  {The question is will Harry forgive me?  After all, this is truly my fault.  I pushed him too hard.  I might not have been there to actually see his progress, but I knew that I gave him too much to do and not enough time to do it.  I wanted to wear him out, but I should have--- I SHOULD HAVE realize that it was too much even for a wizard of his incredible talent and power.}

{How could you have known when he was doing everything and exceeding your wildest expectations?  Even I didn't know…}

{You can't sense his magical aura,} Voldemort snapped.  {I can if I try.}

{But why would you when he looked all right?}

He pressed his lips firmly together.  {This is going to take him a very long time to recover.  Even with Severus's brilliancy with potions and the best mediwizards to be found at St. Mungo's, Harry's condition was far worse than we'd ever expected it to be.  It's a miracle it didn't kill him.  If I lost him…}

{You'd lose yourself.}

{Yessss…}

{It's because of him that you've become a better person,} she murmured understandingly.  {He makes you not want to be so cruel, malicious, and evil anymore because you don't think he'd like it if he realized the awful atrocities you've committed.}

{Of course, he wouldn't!} Voldemort exclaimed fiercely.  {He's innocent!  Pure!  Unstained with the blood of innocents on his hands.  If only I could keep him that way, but I can't.  This will change him,} he reflected with regret, {he won't be the same.}

{People have to change as they grow.} 

{I know…} Voldemort glanced across the room where a photo of Harry as a child playing around with Nagini stood on his desk.  {I know…}

Harry had woken up a week ago, but had been so weak that the mediwizards and Severus after examining him had decided that it would be for the best if Harry was induced back into a resting slumber.  That way he wouldn't strain himself magically by just being awake.  The fact was, Harry did still have some magic in him--- enough to sustain himself as long as he wasn't doing anything physically demanding.

It would take a while and a lot of rest before he'd be able to stay truly awake without suffering from extreme weakness.  It'd already been a month, and Severus made it nearly a daily occurrence to apparate to the Riddle Mansion to see his young charge.  Part of him bitterly resented Harry for doing something as stupid as this, since Harry was going to be put months behind in his potions studying.  But that didn't even account for the possible years behind that he'd be in practicing magic. 

Severus didn't even want to think about that.   Even if Harry recovered within the year to start casting spells again, it wasn't going to be the full recovery that he needed to perform the upper level spells.  Harry'd be able to perform 5th year spells without difficulty, but beyond that… Severus didn't know.  At least his potions ability wouldn't be affected too much, he thought wryly, because potions didn't require all that much natural magic.  Some, but not to the degree of Charms or the Dark Arts.

He watched Harry's pale form and was about to reach over and brush aside the messy locks when he heard someone step into the room.  It couldn't be Voldemort, Voldemort was again detained by another council in Central Europe.  He wouldn't be back until the end of the week.  That left only one other person… Lucius Malfoy.  Severus rolled his eyes and put on a bland expression.  God, did he dislike Malfoy's relationship with Voldemort and with… Harry!

"Do you ever leave his side?" Lucius sneered, not pleased to see Severus again sticking like a sticky potion to Harry's side.  It was rather annoying how Severus was always there, but then again it made sense.  As a mere Potions Master, he had the leisure to actually spend time doing what he liked to do.  Lucius would have, if he hadn't been made Minister of Magic, not that he minded the role--- he rather coveted it.

"He needs around the clock care," Severus muttered sharply.  "As our Lord is gone and Nagini with him, I'm required to be here when I can.  Would you rather one of them take care of him?" 

"Of course not."

"Then you shouldn't even bother having asked that question," he snapped.

"Touchy, touchy," Lucius tsk-ed.  "Whatever has gotten to you?"

Severus narrowed his eyes, but refused to take the bait.  Just what he needed, Lucius running and whining back to Voldemort about how insolent Severus was to him.  Luckily for him, Voldemort understood the fierce rivalry the both of them had with each other.  If he didn't, Severus didn't know what would happen.  He'd frequently be put under the Cruciatus Curse, courtesy of Lucius. 

"Don't you have better things to do than to waste your time here?"

"I do, but our Lord specifically asked me to check up on Harry occasionally."

Severus was almost certain that Voldemort had made no such requests; however, there was still that vague sense of uncertainty that made him hold his tongue.  He'd rather not deal with it.  If Lucius was lying, all the better for him to use it against him.  And what harm could Lucius do to Harry when Harry was trapped in the necessary rest of a healing and restorative sleep?

"He has not waken up yet," Voldemort remarked sharply, his hand stroking Harry's cool cheek gently.  "It's been a month, Severus." 

Severus inclined his head.  "I know, my Lord."

"Would you like to explain to me why?  I expected him to be awake when my trip was over." 

"Things don't always go as you expect," he responded tightly.  It was hard for him to keep the judgment out of his tone.  He was by nature a blunt and critical man, it wasn't in his nature to withhold judgment.  It was especially hard in this case, since he knew that it was Voldemort's fault that Harry was in this particular situation.  Potions wouldn't have landed Harry in this exhausted state, but being with Voldemort could--- he knew firsthand how hard Voldemort worked his followers. 

"Severus…"

He heard the warning, and he knew better than to say anymore.  If Voldemort wanted to ignore that he was the cause of the problem then so be it.  He would prefer not getting Crucio-ed especially when he needed his facilities intact to keep making the potions that the mediwizards needed to give Harry through the tubes.  There was no other way.  If only there was a way to do a magical transfusion for him.  But Voldemort refused because that would mean giving away whose bloodline Harry came from… it certainly was not Marvolo if that was the case.

The mediwizards had been pressing him to release Harry so that they could search for a viable donor, but Voldemort had refused and as Voldemort was Harry's legal guardian--- his word took precedent even if Severus acted as a temporary guardian when Voldemort was out of the country.  Better him than, he sneered inwardly, Lucius.  He was still amazed that Draco had turned out so well adjusted as he was with an uncaring father like Lucius.  That had to be Narcissa's doing.  Severus knew that the only one Lucius cared about was Voldemort, he narrowed his eyes, and Lucius would use Harry, he knew, to get what he wanted.  He wouldn't let Lucius.  He'd become… a bit fond of the boy. 

"Leave us, Severus." 

He breathed in with difficulty, but nodded.  "I will be outside if Harry's condition changes." 

He was about to step out of the room when Voldemort's sharp voice stopped him, "Since when did it become Harry?" 

Severus swallowed harshly.  "Since I grew to know what a generous boy he was." 

"Generous?"

"Yes," he stated without hesitation, "Harry always gives everything inside of him no matter how great the cost."

He saw Voldemort close his eyes as if he were pained by the words.  Luckily for him, his Lord did not raise his wand at that almost blatant insinuation and instead told him again, "Leave us, Severus."  This time he left and was relieved when the door closed firmly behind his back.  He could do without the tortures of Cruciatus. 

Voldemort waited, waited until he was sure that Severus was gone before he bent down to press his cold lips against Harry's forehead.  "Will you blame me as well?" he asked softly.  "Will you be angry with me like they are?"  He brushed aside some of Harry's hair gently.  "Not only did I put you in this condition, but I refused to make the situation improve faster.  You won't understand, but if I do--- then they'll discover the truth of who you are and we cannot have that.

"Never," he whispered.  His finger caressed Harry's cheek.  "You're mine.  No one else's." 

[3 months hence…]

{I feel like I've been dead.}

Nagini flicked her tongue out to kiss Harry's nose.  {You have been sleeping for more than 3 months now, Harry.  You've been gone from us for a very long time, and you still have more healing to do before you'll be well.}

{3 MONTHS?!}

She squeezed him enough that he wouldn't try to do anything foolish, but mostly it was for reassurance than anything else.  {Yes, you wore yourself out so completely that the mediwizards at St. Mungo's didn't think you'd wake up for at least 6 months.  But Severus worked really hard with his restorative potions which were fed to you through tubes and sometimes directly by instantaneous transfusion when you were in dire need.}

Nagini decided it was prudent not to mention that he could have been healed much faster if Voldemort would have allowed him to get a magical transfusion, but that would have meant giving away who Harry really was.  As much as she was torn at the time when Harry's condition was the worst, she now believed that Voldemort had done the right thing by not risking the rest of the world finding out that Harry was Potter and not a Marvolo. 

It had been a huge risk at the time when some of the mediwizards had said Harry might be severely traumatized by the lack of magic running in his body.  But Voldemort had persisted, not telling them why he was being so heartless to a relative of his, only telling her the real truth--- that Harry had the strongest aura he'd felt since Dumbledore.  And that was incredibly strong. 

Her doubts had been there, but they were extinguished now.  Harry was fine and he was awake, everything was going to be as they were--- perfectly serene again.  It had concerned her and amused her how anxious and caring Voldemort had been while Harry had been recovering.  And… oh dear she had told Voldemort she'd inform him when Harry woke up.  As much as she didn't want to leave Harry, she had promised Voldemort. 

She uncoiled herself from Harry's waist and started to slither out of the room.  {Where are you going?} Harry asked.  The silence had been comforting and had reminded of old times when the two of them had been wrapped around each other--- thinking of their own thoughts in a reassuring quiet. 

{Don't you want to see Tom?}  He smiled.  That was enough of an answer.  Of course, he'd be glad to see Voldemort--- despite the fact that it was Voldemort that landed Harry here in the first place and in the awful situation.  If Voldemort was possessive of Harry, it was nothing compared to the unconditional love Harry had for Voldemort.  Her jaw opened and unhinged, her serpent version of a grin.  {I knew you would.}

Was there any doubt of that?  He only hoped Voldemort wasn't too terribly upset with him that he had missed so much time from Hogwarts.  Not that they would have been teaching him much in classes, but he had learned quite a bit outside of class with his special instruction from Flitwick and Severus.  He sighed and closed his eyes.  God, he felt terrible.  He wanted to drift back to sleep, but he wanted to see Voldemort first.  Who knew how long he'd be asleep if he let himself go? 

{You're awake,} Voldemort stated softly when he entered into the room, Nagini close behind him.  He turned around and commanded her to leave.  She didn't look too happy to leave Harry alone with Voldemort, mostly because she wanted to spend time with Harry before he fell asleep like she knew he needed to.  But she left because Voldemort asked and she was unable to refuse him anything. 

Voldemort waited until Nagini was not only gone, but far enough away that she wouldn't sense him putting a Silencing Charm on the door.  He did so wandlessly in a soft murmur that he knew Harry wouldn't catch in his weaken physical state.  He reminded himself that he needed to be calm.  It was his goddamn fault in the first place, but another part of him was angry--- thoroughly scared by what Harry had put him through.

He had wanted nothing more than to give Harry his transfusion, especially when the mediwizards had warned him of the consequences but in his incredible selfishness--- he couldn't bear to lose Harry.  And he would lose Harry if Harry ever discovered the truth, maybe not all of Harry but enough that their relationship would never be the same.  Harry wouldn't love him unconditionally anymore--- how could he?  He'd murdered Harry's parents. 

{DO YOU KNOW HOW FOOLISH IT WAS NOT TO TELL ME THAT I WAS PUSHING YOU TOO HARD?!} Voldemort hissed harshly.  {DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT WAS FOR YOU?  I KNOW OF VERY FEW WIZARDS THAT COULD HAVE SURVIVED THE STRAIN THAT YOU PUT YOUR MAGIC AND YOUR BODY THROUGH!  AND NONE OF THEM ARE THE AGE OF 12!  ARE YOU MAD, HARRY?!}

A tear trickled down Harry's pale cheek.  {I'm sorry,} he apologized, his voice sounding too weak for his Harry.  {I knew that I should have, but I was scared.  I didn't want to disappoint you.  I… I was wrong.}

Voldemort sighed ragged, his anger melting away instantly.  He couldn't stay mad at Harry, not when he knew the cause laid in how hard he had pushed Harry, knowing that Harry would take it and never look back.  {Your recovery is going to be long and hard,} he stated instead.  {The mediwizards said it would take years; hopefully, the potions that Severus is working on will decrease that time.  But you won't feel like yourself for a long while, but you will recover.  I will make sure of it.}  

{When can I go back to Hogwarts?} Harry inquired. 

{Hogwarts?} Voldemort muttered derisively.  {You won't be seeing Hogwarts again.}


Author's Note: I like the way I inserted a basilisk mention for Year 2.  I also did a neat explanation as to why she's on a killing rampage.  Teeheehee. Obviously, year 2 is ending soon.  For those of you that don't like that I'm going so fast, I'm sorry.  That's the way that it's going to be.  I'm not too interested in doing anything detailed with Hogwarts considering that I've already done it in MOP.  It will get more detailed the more time goes by.  Slash will start surfacing more 4th year, but might not hit home 'til 5th or 6th.  Not sure yet.  How did you like Voldemort's reaction?  Severus's?  Lucius's?  Opinions are great. 

Chapter 11 Note: I am too busy for the next two weeks.  I probably won't be releasing Chapter 11 until after these two weeks are up.  I don't know.  It may be updated, but I won't promise anything.  I find writing relaxing, but I'm concentrating more on Love Atrocious (it's 10,000 words right now and Chapter 2 is only partially done).  When I've finished Chapter 2 of L.A. I'll release it.  Tourniquet is being beta'd.  I should know after I release everything which ones I'll be continuing (if not all of them).  Thanks for your support.  It means a lot to me. 

Thanks to Alicorn1, Shezan, Yrael, Amber-and-Ash (sorry if Draco offends you), Bleak Decemberangel, redrose2310, amber-eyez, Agar (yes), Draconisdagger2000 (it was a mistake), Solo D. Maxwell-Yuy, crissy, Tiamatyq, Liv, Gia, Lasitar (I love The Tattoo, Love Atrocious is the LM/HP/SS that I hope will breakthrough the barriers on that threesome), Quila, Felinity, HoshiHikari4ever, chibineko, Serpent of Light (all chapters are 3,000 at least, 9 was actually one of the longer ones), walkin', Sabrina (can I be lazy and not write?), Jessi Malfoy, Nelum, Eternal Cosmos, CrimsonTearsofPain, Resggal (I've updated, why don't you? –nudges her muse-), Wynter (yeah I know ff.net is a pain at times.  I think I'm trying to break clichés on this in some ways, I'll think about what you've said though.  you are a pervert in a good way ;p sparking my muse in delightful ways), juliaduvall, Kata Malfoy, SilveredDeath, Aya, deliolith, futagoakuma-tenshi01, MarsMoonStar, wolfen_alysha_draco_dragon, Shuki – aka Quickjewel, Nemati, Kateri1, Lolita, atalante, Aeslynn, Xyverz (Thanks, I do try), Redrum, Artemisu (Sev is god).