Fallen
by Yih
Disclaimer: This is slash. If that squeaks you, avoid it and don't read it! It will contain possibly all the following pairings: HP/LV, HP/LM, HP/SS, LV/LM, LV/SS, LM/SS.
Beta'd by Blackumbrage.
12: Rage (March 3, 2004
to March 12, 2004)
Even in his sleep, Harry was angry with him. Voldemort saw it in the tense lines of his body, especially in the way he would keep twisting and jerking his body to find a comfortable position. He pursed his lips together. He was not pleased that Harry was furious with him, but he did grant that the boy did have a right to be pissed.
There were numerous reasons why Harry was infuriated with him:
1. He
refused to allow Harry back to Hogwarts until he felt that Harry was
sufficiently well enough, which meant Harry had to be at least back
to the magical strength he had before he had gotten 'magically exhausted.'
2. He
had severely limited Harry's contacts outside of the Riddle
Mansion, which meant neither Severus or the muggleborn witch, Hermione were allowed to see Harry. When
Severus's presence was required, Voldemort
had Nagini watch other their interactions when he was unavailable
to see their sessions himself.
3. The
only person that he allowed to teach Harry was Lucius,
who came once a week for two hours. Lucius was only permitted to re-teach Harry material that
Harry already knew to build up his strength without damaging the progress
he was making.
4. Not
only was he restricting what Harry could practice magically, but he
had also set a complicated charm on the library texts that prevented
Harry from touching any book that he hadn't previously read before
his illness. That severely limited any new theoretical knowledge
Harry might learn that he might want to practice when no one was available
to watch over him.
Voldemort understood why Harry was not happy with him; he wouldn't be happy either. But it was necessary if Harry wanted to get better. His initial progress had been spectacular; however, things had been progressing much slower after the first year. If anything, it had almost stopped. Harry was a more than adequate wizard, indeed he was now stronger than a good majority of wizards but he was no where near the level he had been.
It made him shake with fury at himself for not seeing through Harry and for Harry to allow this to happen to him. There was a chance that Harry would never get back to where he had been, a very great chance. Voldemort refused to accept it, and he had not only Severus working on a solution but a whole staff of mediwizards at St. Mungo's were also researching new methods on how to approach curing magical exhaustion.
He took a deep breath and reached out with his hand to caress Harry's cheek. He would stop at nothing to restore Harry to what he had been. Didn't Harry know that he was only doing the best for him? Voldemort sank into the soft bed and made sure that he didn't disturb Harry's restless body. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Harry's sleeping form and softly chanted a soothing spell that would dispel all the tension in his body.
When he felt Harry truly relax, he pressed a kiss against Harry's forehead and left him to get some rest. Tomorrow was going to be a tiring day for him. The mediwizards finally had come up with something they believe would help Harry progress in regaining the magic that he'd exhausted. It was a first step in a series of steps that they believed would help restore him with continued potions treatment with Severus Snape.
It had better work, Voldemort thought with narrowed crimson eyes, he did not like his Harry being pissed at him.
"How do you feel?" the mediwizard asked gently, his eyes flickering nervously over to where the Dark Lord was standing there overseeing everything with his critical crimson eyes. "Do you feel any nausea? Dizziness? Pain? Anything abnormal at all?"
Harry shook his head. He felt a little weak, but that wasn't unexpected as he'd been put under a rather extensive treatment that would hopefully help continue on his progression to getting better. And even if he was feeling some side affects, he wasn't about to say anything, it would only get the poor mediwizard into trouble when all he was trying to do was heal him.
He had seen the malicious and vindictive side of Voldemort much more over the past year, especially in their frequent arguments. He clenched his fist briefly then made the effort to relax his body. It didn't make him love Voldemort any less, but it didn't make him very happy with his favorite person either. Why didn't Voldemort understand that he didn't care if he wasn't as powerful as he was before? That all he wanted was to return to the life that he'd had before this mess had happened?
Freedom, how he missed it. It wasn't like he'd ever had that much of it, but he had had some of it and now that he had less, he missed what he'd had. But he couldn't blame Voldemort for being overprotective. What he'd done had been very foolish and with all probability, would have lasting effects on him. Damn his bloody brilliant luck. Everything always had to happen to him, didn't it?
"Well then," the mediwizard murmured, smiling with obvious relief, "you can go back with the Dark Lord then. I'll see you next week to check up on you. Make sure that you keep taking the revitalizing and restoration potions that Severus Snape has been making for you. Just because this new treatment went so well this time, doesn't mean that you should stop your potions treatment."
"I understand," Harry responded.
"Good, go back home and rest then."
Harry nodded. "Did you hear him, Harry?" Voldemort inquired lightly, but the hint of seriousness was there. "He said go back home and rest."
"Yes, I heard."
"I have been telling you for the past few months that it is in your best interest to stay at home and rest."
"I know."
"Now do you believe me that it's not only me that thinks that? That everyone I've consulted about your condition believes that it is best for you to remain at home rather than to go back to Hogwarts and tire yourself out even further?"
Harry said nothing. There was nothing to say.
"How have you been doing?" Severus asked softly, his dark eyes peering at Harry with concern and worry. It was the first time Harry had seen anything other than detached emotion on Severus's face since his sessions with Severus had been cut off nearly a year ago. Then again, it was the first them they had been somewhat alone. While Nagini was 'chaperoning' them, she was currently snoozing on a corner of Harry's bed as Severus kept a vigil on Harry's condition.
"All right."
"How have you been?" he repeated, staring with fixated intensity that said tell the truth.
Harry sighed and rubbed his cheek against the soft cashmere blanket. "Not that good." Severus raised an eyebrow that demanded an explanation. "Bored out of my mind, mainly." The dour Potions Master chuckled lightly. "I'm glad you find that funny."
Severus shook his head and explained, "I think you are the only one to ever say that life with the Dark Lord is dull."
"He won't let me do anything," Harry hissed, knowing full well if he exploded Nagini would wake up from her beauty sleep. "It's been more than 2 years since I've seen Hogwarts, and it's about to be 3."
"You are getting better," Severus stated firmly. "You will see Hogwarts soon."
Harry lifted his head up and stared into Severus's dark eyes. "Don't lie to me."
"I'm not lying to you."
"He won't let me out of his sight," Harry remarked, there was resignation but no bitter resentment. He understood, though that didn't mean he didn't want to get back to Hogwarts as soon as possible. It wasn't like he was happy to be away from Voldemort, but he had to go! He had to learn to be a wizard and he couldn't here with Nagini and Voldemort coddling him like an infant! "And he won't even let me learn anything new either."
"You have to regain his trust," Severus answered. "He doesn't trust your judgment anymore, and he does have good reason. You should have stopped pushing yourself when you realized that you were exhausting yourself."
"I didn't…"
"You did!" he exclaimed fiercely, his eyes strangely intense with something other than the usual emotions that flitted over his face. Instead there was caring and concern rather than the normal dignity and air of command. "You did," he repeated in a soft, though no less powerful statement. "If you didn't, you wouldn't have gone into so much trouble of casting glamour spells on yourself."
"I…"
"You need your rest," Severus murmured in a voice that said no matter what Harry said he wouldn't allow him to get away with anything. "Take this potion," he slipped a small blue vial out of his pocket and placed it into Harry's outreached hand, "this will help you sleep tonight. Nagini has told our Dark Lord how you have been restless in bed for the last few nights."
"It's because," Harry whispered fiercely, "I never do anything so I'm not tired enough to go to sleep."
"Your mind might not be exhausted," Severus allowed, "but your body is still worn out by all that you've put it through. Take it and it'll help you sleep. Your body needs it, Harry."
Harry sighed and grasped the vial. "How much longer, Severus?"
Severus pursed his lips. "I don't know."
"Granger."
Hermione stopped and whirled around, knowing even before she turned around whose face she'd see to connect with the voice. But why would Draco Malfoy address her? Not only address her, a muggleborn witch, but also a non-Slytherin. And he only got her to stop because he was actually being polite and courteous this once. What was wrong with him?
"This is for you." Draco thrust a parchment to her. "It's from Harry," he announced before he turned away and started marching back to the Slytherin dorms far down in the dungeons.
She was so stunned, holding the parchment that he was almost out of hearing range when she cried out, "Don't go!"
He stopped, but he didn't turn around. Instead, she ran toward him and grasped his arm. To her surprise, he didn't jerk away though the look in his eyes was hardly pleased. She didn't care. This was the first bit of news she had heard of Harry since her visit with him nearly a year ago. "How is he? Malfoy, how is Harry? Have you seen him recently? Is he getting better?"
"The last time I saw him," Draco stated clearly, "he looked far better. Now if you will please release me?"
Hermione let go and before he could walk off she whispered loudly enough for him to hear, "Thank you."
Ignoring the glances from curious students that had watched the unusual proceedings, Hermione took the parchment and ran up to her dorm to read it in the privacy of her bed. She knew from the weight of it, it was a long parchment. There were many things for Harry to explain to her… like for Merlin's sake why he hadn't written to her in over a year despite all the owls that she had sent to him.
She knew something had to be up.. the question was what? It had scared her to think that Harry had gotten worse and that he couldn't respond in kind. Now that Malfoy had reassured her that Harry was fine and he was getting better, she felt more relieved that her fears were mistaken rather than angry at him. Harry had to have a good reason for anything that he did, even if he had been foolish in getting himself magically exhausted… because he'd never had a bad reason before…
My Dear Hermione,
I'm sorry for not writing to you. Precious few of your owls have gotten through to me and only because Professor Snape has interceded on your behalf and slipped the owls to me. Voldemort has made it impossible for me to contact anyone as he wants me to concentrate fully on getting better by cutting me off from anything of the outside world.
It's working. I'm getting better. The good news is that I think I'll be able to be back at Hogwarts next year. As much as Voldemort would like to keep me here, both Professor Snape and Lucius Malfoy, the new Minister of Magic, have both pointed out logically that I need to take my O.W.L.s. Thank goodness for them and their rationale. I think Voldemort is seriously considering it even if I'm not at full strength quite yet.
Everyday is a new improvement though. I should be fine by then, but I will have to be more careful. But I keep reminding Voldemort that you're just as bad as Nagini is at mothering me. Have I mentioned yet that I missed you? The few letters I received from you were wonderful. I treasure them. Keep writing, and I hope I'll see you soon.
I know that you expected the letter to be longer considering how heavy the parchment is, but there wasn't much time to write this as I wasn't expecting Draco to visit and he's the only one I dared to ask to send this to you as Lucius and Severus are under strict orders not to. Thankfully, Draco is not. The reason the parchment is so heavy is because if you use a counter transfiguration spell, the letter will turn into a book.
Happy belated Birthday, Hermione.
Love,
Harry Marvolo.
Hermione whispered the counter transfiguration spell and the letter transformed into a book as Harry said it would… and she gasped… what a wonderful present. The Texts of Witches Past. Just flipping through it briefly, she saw that a good portion was devoted to Morgaine. Oh Harry, how did he know of her fascination? She thought she'd only mentioned it once in letter, but it must have been enough… "I miss you so much," she whispered. "I miss how well you know me. You'd better be coming back next year."
"We need to talk," Harry declared firmly when Voldemort entered into the room.
Voldemort raised an eyebrow and murmured, "About what?"
"About me returning to Hogwarts."
"We don't need to discuss that," Voldemort responded coldly. "You won't be going back."
"I need to go back."
{You don't need to go there,} he hissed fiercely. {Going there got you into the situation and condition that you're in.} Voldemort knew that wasn't true, but he had gotten into the pleasant habit of blaming Hogwarts as it was far easier on his ego than continuing to blame himself.
{No,} Harry disagreed, {it was because I was trying to live up to your standards.}
{You still aren't going back,} Voldemort remarked forcefully. {You aren't well.}
{I am as well as I'll ever be!} Harry exclaimed passionately. {Any progress that I've been making has been nonexistent for the last month despite the mediwizards at St. Mungo's and Severus's potions. I am not getting any stronger! Face it! I'm stuck in this state and I'm sick of not being able to learn new spells just because you think I'm fucking useless now that I'm weaker than I was!}
Voldemort's eyes flashed a deep and horrible blood red before he blinked and looked away from the flashing fury of Harry's bright eyes. He could understand Harry's anger, but to have it actively directed at him instead of the passive rage that he had sensed in Harry for the past few months was totally different--- entirely unexpected. Harry had always been… so worshiping and full of admiration for him. Was it possible that it was all fading? That thought sobered the initial anger that he'd felt at Harry's insolence.
{Is it so wrong for me to want you to get better?} Voldemort questioned softly.
{Is it so wrong for me to want to live my life?} Harry countered.
Oh his Harry had spunk and spirit in him. No one stood up to him. No one. It was aggravating and admirable. {You foolishly put your life in danger before…}
{Tom… I can't be kept in a glass house.}
{Glass house?}
Harry sighed and nodded. {There's a story of a boy that was kept in a glass house, or room or whatever and he wasn't ever allowed out of it because he had no immune system and if he were to go out, he would die. But he was so miserable and lonely and bereft in there. He could talk to people but he could have no physical contact with them at all. He was… heartbreakingly depressed.}
{And?} Voldemort encouraged.
{And one day,} Harry continued, {the boy was let out and he was so utterly happy to be living his life with the touch and feelings that he never had before. Even though he eventually got sick and died, he was happy to his dying day and last hour. It didn't matter that by removing himself from the glass that had sheltered him he had sentenced himself to death. It was worth living that short while the way he wanted rather than living long and without any meaning whatsoever.}
It was a touching story, Voldemort had to admit. But just the thought of losing Harry terrified him. {I will not lose you, and you are in no glass house. You are free to walk the grounds and I will even arrange for you to visit Diagon Alley if you'd like this summer…}
{That's not enough,} Harry cut in. {I need to go back to Hogwarts.}
{But you won't,} Voldemort murmured darkly. {You won't!}
{You can't always keep doing this! Controlling my life like this!} Harry cried out. {It'll be the death of me…}
Author's Note: I'm extremely sorry that it's taken this long to get this
chapter out. Hopefully the next chapter won't take that long. I'm pretty much
crammed until the end of the semester though, so I have no idea what will happen.
I'll do what I can, but I have no idea. At best, you can expect updates every
two weeks, but at the worse probably once a month. But that'll only last until
the end of school which is the beginning of May. Other than that, it's all
good to go. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and aren't too mad at me about the
cliffhanger. Give me your thoughts, I haven't started the new chapter yet,
so what do you think Voldemort should do? What did
you think of Harry's reaction? Please review and let me know, I'd appreciate
any spark to my muse (as she's like brain dead right now, which is also another
reason, in addition to my schoolwork for the slump.).
Thanks to cerulean tear (ty!), futagoakuma-tenshi01, Celtic Serpent, Siderius Cimmerii, Lady Claws, Snape coolgirl, LizBethy (the only way for yaoi is for Harry to get older), Sharidwen, HecateDeMort, tinkita (Harry's very affectionate and craves it, but he won't be a slut), child of the new dawn, HoshiHikari4ever, Fallen Dragon, Resggal, chinesefireball121, Gia (Voldemort would never believe Lucius would ever want to fuck anyone else), gizachick (slightly is the key word. Good prediction, but I can't say if it's right.), Jessi Malfoy, Nelum, Eaiva le Fay (I think it's natural for a girl, when her best friend's a boy to appraise him in a romantic light.), Draconisdagger2000 (Voldemort is THE possessive), wolfen-alysha-draco-dragon (Hunted is dead dead dead, sorry), Serpent of Light (I like the word "moping" apt description), Arafel2, redrose2310, Iced Flame, Eternal Cosmos, silverfated, Lindiel Eryn, Bad-Azz-Slytherin + Chaos, Cicy, silaqui, emeralddragonofslytherin, Kateri1, Xyverz, Aish Luthor, Nemati, Shezan, The angelic vampire, atalante.