A/N: thank you arrow maker, it's really cool to keep getting your reviews, I think that getting review is one of the coolest things ever. Seriously, I think it's almost the most awesome thing ever.
DISCLAIMER: ::the dudes in the suits still have me tied up:: muah ha ha ha, I'll never admit that star wars isn't mine! ::They start poking me with pointy sticks:: ouch! Ah! Ok ok, star wars isn't mine!
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-Out of the Darkness-
Chapter 6: Wisdom in the Old
Bastila
Last night was truly an experience-I wonder how Revan pulled it off. Our crew-a strange and abnormal union of different cultures, means, and walks of life, and yet Revan can bring us all together, and do something that we can all enjoy. She seems to have this unique ability to find a way to relate to every one she meets. Her people skills surpass mine to a frightening degree. Unlike her, I, according to the Jedi council, am arrogant and entirely too prideful.
Being one of the few that used some self-control during last night's events, I had decided to make myself useful, and help Jolee in the medical wing. I foolish choice I would soon come to regret.
"No, no, no, that doesn't go there! It goes in the drawer below the bandages! You young people! Always rushing off, not caring one bit! If you're going to do something, at least do it right!"
Don't raise your voice at me, old man! Remember, I offered my time to help you, I didn't have to, nor can I begin to understand why I wanted to in the first place…"
"Oh I see how it is! 'Lets try and send the senile old geezer on a guilt trip'!"
"Whatever, old man."
I went right back to sorting and rolling bandages. I have still been wondering about what will become of Revan and Carth's "situation". I can't help but say I've worried about it a lot lately. Jolee had apparently noticed my disturbance.
"Something's wrong, Bastila, go ahead and tell me before I have to beat it out of you."
"You must be getting senile, old man, nothing is wrong with me."
"I'd be a bantha's ass is something wasn't wrong."
"What makes you think that something's wrong?"
"Well, for starters, you haven't complained in a half an hour, and you're actually rolling those bandages correctly for once."
I stopped rolling the loose strips of cloth. I stood there for a moment, very still, chewing on my bottom lip, my only movements coming from my fingers as I stressfully rubbed the bandages, grinding my fingers across the gauzy white surface. Curse you and your insight, Jolee. I thought for a moment, Jolee had been in a similar position. Perhaps he could help me…. maybe he could help me to understand.
"Jolee…I wanted to as you what you thought about…about the situation…with Carth and Revan…"
"Situation? What do you mean by that?" he replied with a hint of sarcasm that led me to believe that he knew more about this than he was willing to let on. I stare daggers at him.
"Jolee, you know exactly what I'm talking about…"
"Bastila, Carth and Revan are two poor souls that have been through more trauma and hardships than you can begin to understand. By sheer luck they happened to find each other, and heal each other's broken spirits on this god-forsaken quest. Damn lucky they did, if you ask me. I'm not quite sure that they know what they've got just yet-but I sure hope they do soon, though, it'd be a real shame if they didn't."
"But Jolee, the code says…"
"Damn the code. Can't you see? It wasn't the code that saved Revan, it didn't save her last time she faced the dark side. There was a difference this time-love. Carth loved her, and because of that she never fell, and because of that when her world fell apart, when everything was dark, she stayed together, it was that, and only that, Bastilla, that saved Revan, that kept her very soul from shattering in the dark."
"The Council is against attachments of any sort. They would never agree to…"
"Have you ever thought that maybe the Council is wrong sometimes? Nobody's perfect, not even them. You can't just blindly follow everything that they say, child. They don't understand everything-to be honest, I'm not sure anyone in this galaxy could even begin to fully understand love. But I can tell you this much-when you find it, you hold on to it, and you don't let it go for anything. The greatest thing you'll ever find out there is love-it's greater than power, wealth, maybe even the force; though I've come to think that maybe love too, is an instrument in it's workings and mysteries. Those two shouldn't let go of what they have for anything, especially because of what a crazy bunch of old fools have to say." He spoke with conviction, emotion, passion, and pain, all of which burned brightly in his eyes. Tears began to well up, and he turned away from me. No doubt the topic touched a nerve, that it cut a bit too close to home. I felt ashamed, old wounds that had begun to heal now cut open and bled again, all because of my stupid questions.
"There are benefits to attachments, things that the Council wouldn't understand…" his voice was shaking, I regretted what I had said. "Just…thank you for your help, child, but I think…I think that I can finish up here…it's such a mess…how did you ever find anything?" he forced a chuckle, but it wasn't fooling me.
I backed out of the room, his word still weighing on my heart and mind. I suppose he might be right, but still, someone with tendencies like Revan…someone with her past…they just shouldn't take those kinds of risks; they shouldn't do anything to violate the code! Love leads to passion, passion leads to anger, and anger, is a dangerous emotion, especially for a former Sith lord. But love…love…. love is an emotion that I have never experienced. Maybe I am wrong about it after all.
I see Carth emerge from the transmission deck-mast likely he sent a holo to Dustil. He seems to be looking for something…. or someone….
"Bastila?"
"Yes, Carth?"
"Have you seen Revan any where? Has she even left her bunk yet?"
"No, Carth, I can't say that I…"
"She went to the 'fresher," interrupted Mission, who had just emerged from the corridor, "and when she get out, I imagine that she'll likely head over to the swoop bike-she's been pretty exited since she found out Telos had a swoop track. She and Canderous are wanting to make a couple 'modifications' to it first, though."
"Oh…so she's busy then…" he faked a smile, "I guess I'll go…. I dunno, do something."
He walked off. I understand part of what was bugging him. There didn't seem to be much of anything to do on the ship any more. The only thing that I could think to do was read, train on simulators, or get into a computer and research, all of which will eventually become very boring. But I suppose the others have more interesting things to do.
I lean backwards until the wall hits my spine with a light thud. It is very cold, I notice as I slide down the wall until I reach the floor. I think about what Jolee said, I think about his wife. Surely after his ordeal he would understand why to continue this is foolishness, he must understand that love, for a Jedi, is impossible…But yet, he has no regret of his experience. Perhaps there is some wisdom hidden in his words. I suppose I shall ponder upon this. The crazy old fool just might be right.
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A/N:Well, that's it for chapter 6! I'd really like it if any of you readers out there would review, please! I'm begging to think that maybe arrow maker is the only person who is reading this… -_-