Tile: chaunt du cygne

Author: illusory

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and I'm just playing for my own amusement. I don't own anything except the little original things in this story and well the story it's self.

Rating: R (I think not sure where the line is crossed)

Warning: This is pre-slash, but will not even show a hint of it (sorry). There will be violence, gore, angst galore, contemplative and attempted suicide, language, and death.

Notes: This is important (at least in my opinion). Chaunt du cygne is the pre story of what I was originally writing and was only going to be the prolog of the story, but due to the things I wanted to change in Harry's life I found my self writing something that should be a story all on it's own. Now this is going to be a full-length story but this is more like a salad or soup before the main course. That does not however mean that this is a short unimportant part of the story though; for with out reading this you'll not understand Harry in part II and he will seem OOC. Then again since you now get to hear what Harry's thinking he may seem OOC anyway and I don't care. This is my version of Harry, anyway enough rambling. This is by the way not beta read and if anyone would like to beta read this or future chapters I'd be very grateful. Enjoy!

P r o l o g

Let me make this clear. Life at the Dursley's has never been a good thing and never will be. I know what most people think, I'm just spoiled rotten by my muggle relatives, and they couldn't be more wrong. I can classify my time spent there into two categories; before Hogwarts sent the acceptance letter and after Hogwarts sent the acceptance letter.

Before Hogwarts my room was a cupboard under the stairs and little food during the summer and even less during the school year because I was fed at school. There were awful beatings that were mostly hidden by my huge baggy hand-me-downs from Dudley and almost total forced solitude.

Over time I came to cherish my solitude and the silence that followed in its wake. Silence meant that the Dursleys weren't there to hurt me and no one would ever know if I cried, for you see I refused to cry in front of the Dursleys, in front of any one. I knew I was weak, but that doesn't mean I'd let anyone see just how weak I was.

Then there was the second beginning of my life, for I felt that I was being born again. This time into a world where I belonged; the world where my parents were from, and Hogwarts was home. That home I had never had the chance to have. First seeing the castle from the boat slowly making it's way across the lake, I could have cried. Would have if no one would have noticed, but I knew even then that people upon finding out who I am, stared. There was never a thing that I despise more then the faceless people staring at me in awe and admiration, disgust and hate.

Now the Dursleys treated me differently then before. They suddenly knew for sure that I was what my parents had been, a wielder of magic, a wizard. I was promoted from the cupboard under the stairs to Dudley's second bedroom, which even now doesn't feel like it's really mine. Truth be told I still feel like the cupboard is my room and sometimes I long to be back there in the dark and silence. This wasn't the only change though. The beatings had stopped and for that I couldn't be more grateful. Sure every once and a while one of them will be in a really vicious mood and will lash out at me in anger, but it was such an improvement that it seemed like nothing when my aunt would suddenly hit me with a rolling pin. Don't think I'm stupid though, normally I duck out of the way in time, but I even get caught off guard.

This is how it was before Dobby the house elf paid his first visit to me and got me in trouble with the Ministry of Magic when he use a spell while at the Dursley's, for you see they thought that I, an underage wizard, had cast a spell when we're not allowed. You can image the glee of my relatives when they found out I wasn't allowed to use magic over the holidays. To say the least the beatings started again, and Dobby thought I'd really stay there. I'd rather turn myself over to Voldemort with a little note saying 'kill me please!' Summer before third year past much the same as the ending of second. They were still quite livid about the whole Weasley rescue thing and showed me no mercy.

The summer after third year had to have been the best so far. With the threat of a murderous godfather hanging ominously over their heads the Dursleys were on pins and needles again trying not to hit me too often. I wished only that I could be with my godfather instead and sometimes regret not letting Sirius and Professor Lupin kill Pettigrew. By the gods how I hate that rat. Still all in all things turned out for the better that summer. That is until the end. I must admit that I found the twin's joke on Dudley to be hilarious, but I'm not stupid, really I'm not. I knew the Dursleys would put me through hell for daring to hurt their dear Dudley even if I hadn't had a hand in it. When I realized this I know I'd gone right pale and hid it before anyone could notice, but that night I cried. I was so scared of what they'd do to me when I went back. Fortunately I managed to put those thought in the back of my mind, but I remembered sometimes and almost wish to die in the Triwizard Tournament.

Now though I'm going back. I'm sitting here silently in the train waiting to go back to the Dursley's. Ron and Hermione think I'm so silent because of Cedric and in a way that is the reason, but it's not the only reason. I can barely keep myself from trembling in fear. I swear I'd rather go back to the graveyard and face Voldemort again then face my muggle relatives. I think there's some deity up there that's really getting a kick out of watching my life. A sick fucked twisted and perverted kick that is.

The train has stopped. Oh my God. I can't move. They aren't going to kill me, no that would be heaven compared to the hell they will put me through. Ron tries to get me to get up and Hermione gives me a concerned pity laced look. I don't want your misguided pity. Why are you rushing me to my torture and untimely loss of sanity? I want Sirius he'd help me. He'd wave his wand and make them go away. No, I need Sirius.

Some how they've managed to drag me out of the train and were headed to the exit of platform nine and three quarters, into the muggle world. I don't want to go! I think I know why Voldemort could come to hate muggle so much. Please let me stay! Ron and Hermione are looking at me oddly and I don't care. I think I'm going to hyperventilate. Hey maybe then I'll faint and they'll have to send me back to Hogwarts and Madam Pomfrey's care.

Too late, they've gotten me through the portal and I can see Uncle Vernon waiting for me. He looks pleased. That can't be good for me, can it? Ron and Hermione say good-bye and I respond in kind some how and make my way over to my Uncle. He smiles and I think I whimper because his smile gets wider.

Welcome to my life, if you can call this freak circus a life. In case you're a muggle or just haven't realize it yet I'm Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived.

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Comment and Criticism are welcomed and appreciated. Hopefully chapter one will be out soon, but I already know it's going to be some ungodly length and hence require time.