ANs: This is a bit of a short chapter, I know. I know. (shrugs) It's 2300 words in a day. It's also a little light on the details. But I'm starting to get bored and I want to move along before I lose all interest. Despite the writer affectations, at heart I really am a reader. For the last few weeks, I've lived and breathed this fic all day every day, and I'm nearly out of gas. I know I bitch about that all the time. Sorry y'all. Hopefully the next one will inspire me. P's next time. Also, Polgara, I invented another verb. See if you can find it;] Hugs! sita:]
Caved
Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters
December 24, 2001 5PM
Logan had just finished his third cold shower of the day. He had tried meditation, and while it helped to quiet some of his inner dialog with the beast, his body didn't seem to notice. Not that the cold showers were working, he acknowledged, but aside from doing his best to avoid being alone with her, he was out of ideas. When he called, Logan had hoped that Giles had been wrong, but if anything, Buffy had become more alluring to him everyday. And unfortunately, she seemed to feel the same way about him.
Her body, a hypnotic siren, sang softly to him day and night. Especially at night. He had deduced that Buffy must have had a series of vividly erotic dreams. He had stood outside her door every night for almost a week as she moaned, pushed against the bed, and stroked herself in sleep. Until finally, around 2AM, when he couldn't take it anymore and dragged himself off to bed with a few bottles of Jack Daniels. Since December 19th, he'd polished off almost two cases. But even that didn't stop his dreams from coming after he passed out.
The most tiresome part was that other people in the house were becoming annoyed with him. Dawn had moved into Marie's room, and they had both accused him of casting a spell on Buffy. He'd almost laughed when they guessed that much of the truth. Scott and Kurt had asked if they were planning to get married soon and move out, and even Professor Xavier mentioned it was probably for the best that Buffy and Dawn were returning to Sunnydale on the 26th.
He hated to pick a fight with her on Christmas Eve, but he needed to get Angel and his money off his mind. Plus, if he didn't try something different soon, he would ruin everyone's meal by leaping across the table and taking Buffy on the floor in the middle of dinner. Actually, that idea had some appeal, he thought, as he buttoned his navy oxford and pulled on a new pair of jeans.
Suddenly, there was a knock and Buffy walked through the door with two brightly wrapped packages.
"Merry Christmas, honey," she announced, as she laid the gifts down on his desk.
Taking her into his arms and kissing her lightly on the forehead, Logan smiled down at her. "Merry Christmas, Buffy. Are we going to do this now?"
Buffy nodded and grinned at him slyly. "Yes, let's open prezzies now, so we can... have them. I know we said that we were only going to exchange one gift, but I have Dawn's here, too."
Logan crossed to the closet and rifled around in the back. Over his shoulder, he mentioned hopefully, "Should I give Dawn her gift now? She's not my biggest fan these days."
Buffy sighed, "Yeah, she's really not loving me either. It's the weirdest. But if you want I'll give it to her later."
Bringing two small, perfectly wrapped and ribboned red packages to the desk, Logan conceded, "Well, if you say so. Before you ask, I didn't wrap these. I'm not so good at it, so they did it for me at the store."
Buffy laughed, "They're beautiful and it was very sweet of you. And even though you didn't do it yourself, at least they aren't in Xander's favorite choice of wrap – the funny pages. Every year he makes music mixes for us and they're always covered in Marmaduke and Family Circus."
Logan laughed hesitantly, hoping that Buffy would approve of his gift. He'd seen it in a shop window the week he had arrived in Sunnydale and something about it pulled at him. Inside the store, he had found something for Dawn as well. He had saved for a while to buy them, but the presents were delivered to the school just after Thanksgiving. As a result, he had worried nervously about his gifts off and on for almost three weeks.
Buffy motioned for him to sit on the bed and she brought the boxes over. Setting them down next to him, she pointed to a package wrapped in paper with white snowmen and reindeer outlined on a dark blue background. "You go first. This one is from Dawn."
Quickly Logan tore away the wrapping to unveil a box from Orvis. As he pulled off the lid and lifted the white tissue paper, a burgundy, ecru, and olive Native American lodge blanked was folded beneath. "This is from Dawn? It's great, Buffy. Tell her that I liked it a lot?"
Buffy nodded happily, "Yeah, she thought you would..." Then gesturing to the next box, Buffy insisted joyfully, "Now open mine!"
"Ok, Ok, let me just put this at the end of the bed. What do you think?" Logan asked.
"Very manly. It works. Now, focus..." she redirected.
Pretending to drag himself away from the blanket, Logan dropped down on the bed with an indulgent smile. "If I have to..."
"You do," Buffy remarked as she sat down next to him. Raising his knuckles to her lips, she kissed them, then whispered, "I really hope you like these."
Logan pulled her closer with one arm. "I know I will." Then, reclaiming his hands, he began to open Buffy's silvery-papered box. As he tore the edge of the paper, he saw that the name 'Lucchese' was boldly emblazoned on the box inside. Excitedly, he ripped open the top to reveal a pair of hand-made western boots in black navigator leather with black stitching. Sighing, he kissed her softly. "These are perfect."
She laughed against his mouth. "You seem a little too relieved. I have excellent taste, you know."
"I never should have doubted you," Logan admitted, as he stood to put his new boots in the closet. Stopping at the desk to pick up her gift, he turned and laid it softly in her hands. "I hope I have good taste, too."
Buffy slid the ribbon off, gingerly removed the paper, and opened the plain white box. Inside, on a pillow of cotton, there was a delicate yellow gold oriental knot tied onto a black silk choker cord, with ruby beads tied at the ends of two cords dangling beneath the knot. "I love it. It's perfect. Here, help me put it on," she asked, as she lifted her hair and pressed the knot to her throat.
As he secured the latch, Logan told her about his gift. "It's called a Wish Knot. In China, silk knots are a tradition that reminds people of a myth about an old man living on the moon. It was believed that he kept a list of births and marriages, and would draw a red line linking the names of children who would get married when they grew up. The lines supposedly resembled knots."
When he was finished, Buffy turned and kissed him passionately. For a moment, Logan was lost as he relished the sweet taste of her.
Then, lifting his face from hers, he began, "Buffy, we need to talk."
Buffy grinned mischievously, "Does this talking include nakedness?"
"No. Sorry, darlin'."
Her smile was unabashed, as she sweetly replied, "Not interested."
Logan looked down at her for a moment, then nodded his head toward the bed, motioning for her to sit down with him. "I heard Dawn on the phone. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but..."
Buffy nodded, still smiling indulgently, "But with your superhero-like senses, you couldn't not hear it. It's ok. When it comes to my slaying, Dawn tries really hard to be understanding and supportive. I'm sure she'll feel the same way about your gifts...eventually. She won't be thrilled, but she'll probably be willing to take her calls downstairs in the small sitting room off the kitchen."
God, I love this woman, Logan mused. In two seconds, she's already made concessions for me and found a solution for Dawn. How am I going to talk to her about this? "Buffy, that's not it. I heard Dawn thanking Angel for sending you a check. She told him that he takes good care of the two of you. If you need money, I'll get you some. I really don't want you accepting cash from your ex."
Buffy stood and walked to the window. Defensively, she stated, "Then you have a problem. The money comes from Angel Investigations, not Angel's personal accounts. He doesn't send us a lot, just whatever they can spare after all their bills are paid. He does it because he cares about us... but it's also because he cares about fighting evil on the Hellmouth. Scott and Giles also send us a little bit when they can. And Willow pitches in. Her parents give her the money they were sending to UC Sunnydale for her dorm fees. It's not like he's..."
"It's exactly like he's trying to pay your way," Logan interrupted. "That's my job."
Buffy was insulted, but she tried to appease him. "Logan, when we get married, if you want, we can find a way to pay him back. But right now, I'm the one making decisions for Dawn and me." Sighing, Buffy turned to face him. "It's all I can do keep Dawn out of trouble, keep Willow off the magics, and slay every night. Angel is helping out a friend. Just like Giles. That's all."
"Come on, Buffy, you can't actually believe that. Angel sends you money for one reason. He wants you."
Why was he being so unreasonable? Didn't he see that she was making an effort? Slowly, she approached the door. "You don't know Angel. You've barely spoken two sentences to each other. But if you don't have faith in me, I don't know what we're doing getting married."
Rage and fear warred for domination in Logan's mind. Grabbing her by the arm, he whirled Buffy around and pulled her to him roughly. "The hell you don't! This is why we're getting married, Buffy. This!" he snarled, as he tightened his grip and captured her mouth in a soul-draining, body-searing kiss. Buffy twisted and fought until she dislodged herself.
Horrified, she looked at him and shook her head as she whispered, "Who are you, Logan? I don't know who... Maybe I never did." Then she ran down the hall and locked herself and Dawn, who was getting dressed for dinner, in their room.
Logan let her go. What else could he do? She was devastated and he was sickened by his behavior. Collapsing onto the bed, he agonized over the previous half-hour. Where did that come from? He would have killed anyone who treated her so cruelly. Was it the spell driving him, or was this a manifestation of some dark part of his character? He sat in doubt for almost and hour until he realized the time and went downstairs for dinner.
But Buffy and Dawn never came to the table. Excusing himself early, he went to her door and stood outside of it for several minutes. He could hear Buffy crying inside and the sound of her hiccupping sobs tore at him. He had caused those tears. There was no one else to blame. He knocked softly on the door and called out to her, but Dawn answered.
"Go away please."
"Dawn, let me talk to..."
Coldly, Dawn responded, "Logan, please go away. She's not up for this."
Logan could smell and hear Dawn just on the other side of the door. "Dawnie, please just let me..."
Suddenly the door opened, and he caught a glimpse of Buffy sitting on the bed, arms wrapped around her knees, head down, rocking herself back and forth. Then Dawn stepped in front of his view and pushed him back further into the hallway. He allowed himself to be moved, even though he knew he could have easily overpowered her. For a split second, he was tempted to do so, just so he could hold Buffy. But he had to find a way to make this right, so he relented.
Dawn scorned him viciously. "Don't call me that! You don't have the right. And by the way, do you know what tonight is, Logan? Tonight is Christmas Eve - our first without Mom, so forgive us if we don't feel like socializing. As a matter of fact, in the past ten months, our mother has died. Buffy died and was forced out of Heaven by people she loves and trusts with her whole heart. Then, Giles dumps us.... I really don't know how much more we can take... I don't know what grotesque thing you said to her, and personally I don't care." Pausing, she pulled the engagement ring he'd given to Buffy out of her back pocket and held it out for him to take. "Stay away from us, Logan."
Logan shook as he watched Dawn push the ring toward him. It was as if he were watching a film flickering in slow motion, or a terrible dream.
"Take it!" she shouted, jarring him.
He backed away, staring at the ring as if mesmerized by it. "No... That's Buffy's. She needs it. I need her to..."
"Fine. Don't," Dawn snapped, as she turned her hand over and let it fall to the floor. "But she's never wearing it again."
Logan watched the symbol of his destiny, his seal, and the only recognizable claim to his mate tumble slowly through a haze of red. With glazed vision, he continued to back up until he was inside his room. Weakly, he closed the door and fell back against it. The sound of her tears and the ring striking the floor echoed in his ears. He tried to tell himself that tomorrow he would find a way to pick himself up, find her, and change her mind.
But he knew it was a lie. By morning she would be gone. It was her way. And he was alone again. Alone and utterly without hope.
(end chapter)
Caved
Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters
December 24, 2001 5PM
Logan had just finished his third cold shower of the day. He had tried meditation, and while it helped to quiet some of his inner dialog with the beast, his body didn't seem to notice. Not that the cold showers were working, he acknowledged, but aside from doing his best to avoid being alone with her, he was out of ideas. When he called, Logan had hoped that Giles had been wrong, but if anything, Buffy had become more alluring to him everyday. And unfortunately, she seemed to feel the same way about him.
Her body, a hypnotic siren, sang softly to him day and night. Especially at night. He had deduced that Buffy must have had a series of vividly erotic dreams. He had stood outside her door every night for almost a week as she moaned, pushed against the bed, and stroked herself in sleep. Until finally, around 2AM, when he couldn't take it anymore and dragged himself off to bed with a few bottles of Jack Daniels. Since December 19th, he'd polished off almost two cases. But even that didn't stop his dreams from coming after he passed out.
The most tiresome part was that other people in the house were becoming annoyed with him. Dawn had moved into Marie's room, and they had both accused him of casting a spell on Buffy. He'd almost laughed when they guessed that much of the truth. Scott and Kurt had asked if they were planning to get married soon and move out, and even Professor Xavier mentioned it was probably for the best that Buffy and Dawn were returning to Sunnydale on the 26th.
He hated to pick a fight with her on Christmas Eve, but he needed to get Angel and his money off his mind. Plus, if he didn't try something different soon, he would ruin everyone's meal by leaping across the table and taking Buffy on the floor in the middle of dinner. Actually, that idea had some appeal, he thought, as he buttoned his navy oxford and pulled on a new pair of jeans.
Suddenly, there was a knock and Buffy walked through the door with two brightly wrapped packages.
"Merry Christmas, honey," she announced, as she laid the gifts down on his desk.
Taking her into his arms and kissing her lightly on the forehead, Logan smiled down at her. "Merry Christmas, Buffy. Are we going to do this now?"
Buffy nodded and grinned at him slyly. "Yes, let's open prezzies now, so we can... have them. I know we said that we were only going to exchange one gift, but I have Dawn's here, too."
Logan crossed to the closet and rifled around in the back. Over his shoulder, he mentioned hopefully, "Should I give Dawn her gift now? She's not my biggest fan these days."
Buffy sighed, "Yeah, she's really not loving me either. It's the weirdest. But if you want I'll give it to her later."
Bringing two small, perfectly wrapped and ribboned red packages to the desk, Logan conceded, "Well, if you say so. Before you ask, I didn't wrap these. I'm not so good at it, so they did it for me at the store."
Buffy laughed, "They're beautiful and it was very sweet of you. And even though you didn't do it yourself, at least they aren't in Xander's favorite choice of wrap – the funny pages. Every year he makes music mixes for us and they're always covered in Marmaduke and Family Circus."
Logan laughed hesitantly, hoping that Buffy would approve of his gift. He'd seen it in a shop window the week he had arrived in Sunnydale and something about it pulled at him. Inside the store, he had found something for Dawn as well. He had saved for a while to buy them, but the presents were delivered to the school just after Thanksgiving. As a result, he had worried nervously about his gifts off and on for almost three weeks.
Buffy motioned for him to sit on the bed and she brought the boxes over. Setting them down next to him, she pointed to a package wrapped in paper with white snowmen and reindeer outlined on a dark blue background. "You go first. This one is from Dawn."
Quickly Logan tore away the wrapping to unveil a box from Orvis. As he pulled off the lid and lifted the white tissue paper, a burgundy, ecru, and olive Native American lodge blanked was folded beneath. "This is from Dawn? It's great, Buffy. Tell her that I liked it a lot?"
Buffy nodded happily, "Yeah, she thought you would..." Then gesturing to the next box, Buffy insisted joyfully, "Now open mine!"
"Ok, Ok, let me just put this at the end of the bed. What do you think?" Logan asked.
"Very manly. It works. Now, focus..." she redirected.
Pretending to drag himself away from the blanket, Logan dropped down on the bed with an indulgent smile. "If I have to..."
"You do," Buffy remarked as she sat down next to him. Raising his knuckles to her lips, she kissed them, then whispered, "I really hope you like these."
Logan pulled her closer with one arm. "I know I will." Then, reclaiming his hands, he began to open Buffy's silvery-papered box. As he tore the edge of the paper, he saw that the name 'Lucchese' was boldly emblazoned on the box inside. Excitedly, he ripped open the top to reveal a pair of hand-made western boots in black navigator leather with black stitching. Sighing, he kissed her softly. "These are perfect."
She laughed against his mouth. "You seem a little too relieved. I have excellent taste, you know."
"I never should have doubted you," Logan admitted, as he stood to put his new boots in the closet. Stopping at the desk to pick up her gift, he turned and laid it softly in her hands. "I hope I have good taste, too."
Buffy slid the ribbon off, gingerly removed the paper, and opened the plain white box. Inside, on a pillow of cotton, there was a delicate yellow gold oriental knot tied onto a black silk choker cord, with ruby beads tied at the ends of two cords dangling beneath the knot. "I love it. It's perfect. Here, help me put it on," she asked, as she lifted her hair and pressed the knot to her throat.
As he secured the latch, Logan told her about his gift. "It's called a Wish Knot. In China, silk knots are a tradition that reminds people of a myth about an old man living on the moon. It was believed that he kept a list of births and marriages, and would draw a red line linking the names of children who would get married when they grew up. The lines supposedly resembled knots."
When he was finished, Buffy turned and kissed him passionately. For a moment, Logan was lost as he relished the sweet taste of her.
Then, lifting his face from hers, he began, "Buffy, we need to talk."
Buffy grinned mischievously, "Does this talking include nakedness?"
"No. Sorry, darlin'."
Her smile was unabashed, as she sweetly replied, "Not interested."
Logan looked down at her for a moment, then nodded his head toward the bed, motioning for her to sit down with him. "I heard Dawn on the phone. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but..."
Buffy nodded, still smiling indulgently, "But with your superhero-like senses, you couldn't not hear it. It's ok. When it comes to my slaying, Dawn tries really hard to be understanding and supportive. I'm sure she'll feel the same way about your gifts...eventually. She won't be thrilled, but she'll probably be willing to take her calls downstairs in the small sitting room off the kitchen."
God, I love this woman, Logan mused. In two seconds, she's already made concessions for me and found a solution for Dawn. How am I going to talk to her about this? "Buffy, that's not it. I heard Dawn thanking Angel for sending you a check. She told him that he takes good care of the two of you. If you need money, I'll get you some. I really don't want you accepting cash from your ex."
Buffy stood and walked to the window. Defensively, she stated, "Then you have a problem. The money comes from Angel Investigations, not Angel's personal accounts. He doesn't send us a lot, just whatever they can spare after all their bills are paid. He does it because he cares about us... but it's also because he cares about fighting evil on the Hellmouth. Scott and Giles also send us a little bit when they can. And Willow pitches in. Her parents give her the money they were sending to UC Sunnydale for her dorm fees. It's not like he's..."
"It's exactly like he's trying to pay your way," Logan interrupted. "That's my job."
Buffy was insulted, but she tried to appease him. "Logan, when we get married, if you want, we can find a way to pay him back. But right now, I'm the one making decisions for Dawn and me." Sighing, Buffy turned to face him. "It's all I can do keep Dawn out of trouble, keep Willow off the magics, and slay every night. Angel is helping out a friend. Just like Giles. That's all."
"Come on, Buffy, you can't actually believe that. Angel sends you money for one reason. He wants you."
Why was he being so unreasonable? Didn't he see that she was making an effort? Slowly, she approached the door. "You don't know Angel. You've barely spoken two sentences to each other. But if you don't have faith in me, I don't know what we're doing getting married."
Rage and fear warred for domination in Logan's mind. Grabbing her by the arm, he whirled Buffy around and pulled her to him roughly. "The hell you don't! This is why we're getting married, Buffy. This!" he snarled, as he tightened his grip and captured her mouth in a soul-draining, body-searing kiss. Buffy twisted and fought until she dislodged herself.
Horrified, she looked at him and shook her head as she whispered, "Who are you, Logan? I don't know who... Maybe I never did." Then she ran down the hall and locked herself and Dawn, who was getting dressed for dinner, in their room.
Logan let her go. What else could he do? She was devastated and he was sickened by his behavior. Collapsing onto the bed, he agonized over the previous half-hour. Where did that come from? He would have killed anyone who treated her so cruelly. Was it the spell driving him, or was this a manifestation of some dark part of his character? He sat in doubt for almost and hour until he realized the time and went downstairs for dinner.
But Buffy and Dawn never came to the table. Excusing himself early, he went to her door and stood outside of it for several minutes. He could hear Buffy crying inside and the sound of her hiccupping sobs tore at him. He had caused those tears. There was no one else to blame. He knocked softly on the door and called out to her, but Dawn answered.
"Go away please."
"Dawn, let me talk to..."
Coldly, Dawn responded, "Logan, please go away. She's not up for this."
Logan could smell and hear Dawn just on the other side of the door. "Dawnie, please just let me..."
Suddenly the door opened, and he caught a glimpse of Buffy sitting on the bed, arms wrapped around her knees, head down, rocking herself back and forth. Then Dawn stepped in front of his view and pushed him back further into the hallway. He allowed himself to be moved, even though he knew he could have easily overpowered her. For a split second, he was tempted to do so, just so he could hold Buffy. But he had to find a way to make this right, so he relented.
Dawn scorned him viciously. "Don't call me that! You don't have the right. And by the way, do you know what tonight is, Logan? Tonight is Christmas Eve - our first without Mom, so forgive us if we don't feel like socializing. As a matter of fact, in the past ten months, our mother has died. Buffy died and was forced out of Heaven by people she loves and trusts with her whole heart. Then, Giles dumps us.... I really don't know how much more we can take... I don't know what grotesque thing you said to her, and personally I don't care." Pausing, she pulled the engagement ring he'd given to Buffy out of her back pocket and held it out for him to take. "Stay away from us, Logan."
Logan shook as he watched Dawn push the ring toward him. It was as if he were watching a film flickering in slow motion, or a terrible dream.
"Take it!" she shouted, jarring him.
He backed away, staring at the ring as if mesmerized by it. "No... That's Buffy's. She needs it. I need her to..."
"Fine. Don't," Dawn snapped, as she turned her hand over and let it fall to the floor. "But she's never wearing it again."
Logan watched the symbol of his destiny, his seal, and the only recognizable claim to his mate tumble slowly through a haze of red. With glazed vision, he continued to back up until he was inside his room. Weakly, he closed the door and fell back against it. The sound of her tears and the ring striking the floor echoed in his ears. He tried to tell himself that tomorrow he would find a way to pick himself up, find her, and change her mind.
But he knew it was a lie. By morning she would be gone. It was her way. And he was alone again. Alone and utterly without hope.
(end chapter)