A/N: I'm very sorry that it's taken me so long to make an update, but I've been juggling 2 fan fictions now, the second one, which I would recommend is called Always Hoping. I'm hoping that by trying to make two, I don't burn out on either of them before I reach the end. Please review if you read it, because as much fun as it is to watch these stories unfold as I write them, the encouragement of a review or two (even if its criticism) really helps things out for me. In all honesty, this next chapter could probably been written much better, but I just had trouble getting the feel of it.
Out of the Darkness
Chapter 13: Back to Me
Carth
I sat there for what seemed like years, through the night, sitting on a stack of crates in the med wing that I had pulled by her cot. She hadn't stirred, and the slight movement of her chest as she took small, raspy breaths was the only sign that could convince me that she was still alive. The pang of fear and the anxiety that I had felt when I heard the explosion was still stirring in the pit of my stomach. I had betrayed her, in a sense. I had failed her. I had promised her that I would be there to protect her, and what a damn fine job I had done.
She didn't stir until three hours after dawn. It started with her face, the cataleptic look that had been over her face while she was unconscious had quickly fled, and it had been swiftly replaced by a pained look of agony. Her back was thrown into an arch as the pain began to manifest itself. She screamed out, out to someone that I couldn't see, out into the darkness that lurked in the corners of the room, and she began to convulse, and thrash about in the cot. I quickly checked her vitals-they were stable; as stable as they had been when I had carried her in. There was no logical explanation. I however, have discovered, though, that with Revan, most things aren't logical. But of course…I had seen her like this once before, on Taris. She was having another nightmare, she was remembering her past, forced to face her dark side in her unconscious. While I sat there by her, I knew that she was being haunted by the ghost of a Sith Lord, the ghost of Darth Revan.
It was a short while after that the screams became louder, with such misery that it began to tear away at me, and I felt as if someone was ripping me into pieces with a dull vibroblade. I couldn't stand it-I couldn't sit by and watch her endure all that pain, I couldn't watch her struggle, but there was nothing I could do, there was no way I could help her. I threw my head down, and propped it in my hands. I could feel the white-hot pain shoot up my chest. I was at my breaking point.
I grabbed a hold of her hand, and started to whisper assurances into her ear as calmly as I could. If I couldn't take her pain away, I could at least try and pull her back, try to pull her out of those terrible nightmares.
"Revan, I'm right here, pull through this, pull through! You're not alone, I'm right here…"
I sat by her through the morning, and after a while she began to stop shaking, she calmed down, and drifted into a more serene state. And yet, she was still whispering, still mumbling things in some alien tongue that was completely foreign to me. I kept whispering to her, holding her hand, as if it would somehow keep her with me…as if by holding her hand, I would be able to pull her back to me…
"Stay with me, Revan, don't you dare go…I promised you…I promised you I'd protect you, and I'm not going to give out on that promise, I'm going to do this right this time…"
I sat there for what seemed like an eternity, when finally her eyes opened. It was like the sun after a storm. I was flooded with relief.
"Oh, thank the force," I said, relived, grasping both of her hands in mine. She smiled weakly, a weak but beautiful smile that even in trauma made me melt. Her eyes were still glassy and tired.
"Carth…" she whimpered softly and raspy, " why does this keep happening to us?" she choked out, a reference to Taris. She tried to push herself up so she could sit up in the cot, and I just wrapped my arms around her-I don't know why, it just seemed out of instinct. I felt as if I had to, as if I needed to.
"I thought I was going to loose you," I whispered.
"It takes more than an explosion to kill me," she coughed out, "but it might certainly keep me down for a while."
I sat there for a while and held her in the med bay, and even though she was there next to me in my arms, she seemed so far away, so distant. Unreachable. The force only knows what horrors had been playing through her mind in the past hours. I would rather die than ask her; I was not about to make her relive the nightmares that haunted her. She looked down at herself in repulsion, and then pulled away from me.
"I look like hell," she laughed, "and I probably smell worse than a bantha's butt. I'm going to the 'fresher before I make myself sick."
"Are you sure you feel up to it?"
"No," she chuckled, "I don't, but I'm going anyways."
I helped her up, and leaning against me, she hobbled her way toward the refresher units. We met Mission halfway there and she offered to help her in, and help her back to the med bay. I was left alone, and I began to walk down to the men's bunks, in hopes of getting some much needed rest, when I found myself running right into Jolee Bindo.
"You waited up all night, didn't you Onasi?"
"Yes"
"And now that she's pulled through, you still haven't told her a damn thing have you?"
"No, I--" I didn't get to finish, because the old man brought a fist swiftly down on my scull. And geezer or not, that old man packs a wallop.
"Now listen to me, and listen well, Onasi, cause I'm damn tired of having to repeat this song and dance over, and over again. You can't keep pussyfooting around this, Carth, if you don't get your sorry ass in gear, you might loose her. Hell, you almost lost her yesterday."
I sighed. As much as I'd hate to admit it, the old coot was right. I'd have to do it soon-before we got to Corisaunt. I was pondering what to do when I heard a loud yell come from the other side of the ship. At least Revan's yell was a sign she was doing better. She was leaning up against the wall and hobbling about the ship.
"We're still on Telos? What the hell?! We should have been headed to Corisaunt a long time ago! I can't believe you guys didn't take off just because…." She was thrown off balance, and fell right over, and I was able to catch her just in time. She tried to hide her embarrassment, but the blush across her face screamed out her humiliation.
"You ok?" I asked laughing.
"Yeah, the only thing I hurt was my pride."
"Well that's what you get for acting like a fool!"
"Just get into the control room so we can take off, flyboy."
I chuckled, "Why don't you just go do it yourself?"
"Because I don't feel like it," she pouted.
I sighed, and swept her up in my arms. She looked at me in surprise and alarm, while exploding into peels of laughter.
"Fine," I said looking into those big, dark eyes, "but first I'm taking you back to your bunk where you can't fall on people."