Authors ramble (I decided it had nothing to do w/ the story) - yes I am finally posting another chapter. Sorry for the wait parisindy, well everyone but parisindy is the most demanding. Sorry it's short.
Warning-b/h fight, harper owies (yup it's an official Lauriena chapter) nothing too graphic and angst and more to come
*spoilers for chapter*
A/N- alright please note I am not turning beak into a total b****. I just wanted to show another piece to the story and this story was turning into the Brady bunch in space. And I decided to go for a little twist here, not h/b fight, Harper owies and h/b makes up. You'll see.
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When the mouth stumbles, it is worse than the foot.
West African Proverb
(from reader's digest)
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Not often in my life do I look back on past decisions. I either made the right or the wrong one and I have to move on with whatever choice I made. That idea has gotten me through most of life. It's only at night I look back and then only after the nightmares. Long ago Harper and I had started sharing our nightmares. We never talked about our past, just the past of the nightmares; the images of long ago that still haunted us at night. I don't know if there is any decision I have debated making for more than a few days. After the days past and I know I can't go back I move on. It was this reason that I was having so much trouble over our next job.
We needed money. Four mouths to feed meant more money. The supplies were slowly running out. No one on board ate much but the little was beginning to add up, Trance's plants, Harper's sparkys, Rev's fish, even my sweet tooth were all cutting into the budget. I had been looking for a job to help pay the next round of bills coming in. I had a job but it wasn't the most honest haul. In fact it was downright theft.
I had done hauls like it in the past with Bobby and Vex but the whole feeling of the Maru was different then. Now I had a mudfoot in my old room, a purple something in Rafe's old room and a magog in the crew quarters. I had almost a full crew needed for any job and I was afraid to use them.
This run was dangerous and anyone of them could get hurt or killed. At first I think I wouldn't have cared about them this way. Harper was my best friend, Trance my good luck charm and rev, a magog, my guidance. Who would have thought I would view a magog as my conscience. They were my crew and the closest thing I had to family. How could I risk them on this run?
"Beka!" I heard Trance yell. I snapped out of the fog I was in a ran towards the sound of her voice.
"Trance, what's wrong."
"It's Harper." The two words I always dreaded. What had happened to him this time? And how long would he be in medical, if Trance could fix it.
I sprinted all the way to engineering. I needed to know what had happen to Harper. I stopped as I saw Rev carrying the still form of him. Oh Harper, what have you done this time. He was covered in blood, Rev placed Harper in his room and then excused himself.
It was hard for him to be around so
much blood. I knew that he had to go wash it off of his fur and eat
something. He had explained it once to me in as gentle a way as possible. But
then again how to you gently explain that you want to kill you're friends and when
they are injured and bleeding the feeling only gets worse. After that I was
always careful with blood. Everything with blood on it went into the boiler.
I never told Harper, I didn't want to tell him anything that would cause him to
doubt Rev presents on board. Trance never needed to be told, but started this
as soon as Rev came on board.
"What happened Trance?" I said as she appeared in the door with
her bag of herbs and a first aid kit.
"He was working, I don't know what went wrong but one of the coolant pipes blew."
"I didn't feel it."
"You were on the other side of the ship. I heard something and knew something but I didn't think of it. Harper didn't cry out or anything. I didn't know he was this badly injured. Not till Rev smelled the blood did I know anything was wrong. We found Harper like this." Trance was wrapping up Harper's head. His hands were a bloody mess, his left arm looked broken, and his hair had turned red from all the blood his face was covered in scratches and Trance was wrapping up a head wound. Trance was moving down his body cleaning and wrapping up the cuts. I felt tears coming to my eyes and I had to turn away from the sight. I walked down to engine room.
The site was clearly visible; there was blood everywhere and a destroyed coolant pipe. The damage was minimal to the ship. The pipe must have exploded while Harper was working on it. How his face was untouched amazed me. It looked like he had been thrown backwards and hit his head on some equipment he had laying around. The ship would be fine minus one coolant pipe. All that I had to do was clean up the blood for now. It was in the middle of cleaning up all that blood that I broke down crying.
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It was three days before Harper woke up. He didn't even wake when Trance and I set his arm. The crack it made as we forced the bones in pace made me almost lose my lunch. My dreams were filled with that sound for the next nights. He was still running a low fever when he woke up.
"Boss?"
"I'm here Harper."
"Sorry about the pipe boss, I tried to fix it in time but it blew."
"Harper you idiot, why didn't you get away from it when you saw it was going to explode?"
"I thought I could fix it in time."
"Well you failed. Now I have to replace all the tools that were damaged not just the coolant pipe."
"I'm sorry boss, I didn't think…"
"Yeah well it was pretty obvious you weren't thinking. I mean Harper for a genius you are pretty stupid. How did you survive on earth without killing your self or everyone around you?" The way his face fell I knew I had gone too far.
Part of me didn't though. It won out over the part that felt my heart being torn in half. I was mad. This never should have happened. Harper shouldn't be lying in bed fight to recover. We were going to have to use the rest of the money to get his arm looked at. I don't know where the rest of the money for everything would come from. The client would pay half up front though.
"The only good thing is now I know I have to take this next job. I can't afford to pay next month bills as is I can also pay for the parts, tool and medical expenses your little mistake has cost me. How could you do this to me Harper? You know we live from job to job. The expenses of all you guys, all the people you had join my crew. Crew members aren't cheap. But how do I expect a mudfoot to understand this. How do I expect a stupid earth kid to have the comment sense to get away from an exploding pipe?" Harper didn't even respond to my rant. He sat looking at my shoes. He face void of any emotions. Once again I ignored my heart and headed to the door. So he was upset. So what? Didn't he know better?
I stormed out of his room and down the hall to mine. I couldn't look at him anymore. I couldn't look at anyone. I knew Trance would give me that sad questioning look with her eyes. Rev would say something about anger being our greatest enemy. I didn't want to hear them tell me it wasn't that bad. It was bad. I needed to be by myself. I walked over to the console in my room and turned on one of the galactic rock stations. I turned it up until the walls of my room were shaking. I then turned it down a bit knowing Trance, Rev or both would be by to tell me to turn down the music and see what the matter was. Nothing was the matter. I just wanted to listen to music and be alone. I heard the first knock at my door. Why couldn't anyone leave me alone?
"What!" I yelled over the music.
"You ok." I heard Trance asked in the innocence but knowing voice that only Trance can do.
"Yes"
"Ok cause I just checked on Harper and…"
"I said I was fine."
"Alright Beka if you need to talk."
"I won't"
I heard the shuffling steps as Trance headed down the hall, one down, one to go. The radio was on to the fourth song when I heard the second knock.
"Beka dear."
"What Rev."
"Could you turn down the music and let me in."
"I rather be alone, thanks Rev."
"Well then can you turn down your music so the whole ship doesn't have to listen to it?"
"Fine Rev." I turned it down to about half the volume of before.
"Thank you, Trance made dinner if you are hungry."
"I'm fine Rev."
"Alright, if you needed anything." I waited till I hear Rev Start to walk down the hall and then slowly began turning the music up. I only put it up half of what I turned it down. Somehow that little bit was satisfying enough though. I laid on the bed a stared at the ceiling. This wasn't really me. I never behaved like this but right now I didn't care. I just wanted to be alone and not have to talk or think. Why couldn't they just understand this?
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The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence.
Marianna Moore
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