~~~*~~~

my hands hold my face

wondering how I ended  up in this place

look in the mirror I don't see myself

playing with fire I hurt someone else

she cries

~~~*~~~

Another day, another nightmare, the endless nightmares that life has become on the Maru, all since that damn port was installed.  Part of me wishes I could just rip it out of Harper's head, along with all of Harper's memories of earth.  But there is nothing I can do to help him at this point; I have to face this fact.  That's what I keep saying to myself as I sit in front of screen looking at the forms for admittance into the mental hospital on Traldus Prime.

 Its not the best place but I don't know what else to do.  Its either this or I don't know.  I can't keep Harper around, the insanity is too much.  He is locked in his room twenty four hours a day does it really matter if the room he is locked in is here or some nut house.  That's what I keep telling myself.  But through the lies I know the truth I am leaving him behind cause he has gotten to be too much of a burden.  I save the form and leave, I need to think.  I can't do this, and yet I feel like I have to.  I have to make some decision, the run is over tomorrow.

~~~*~~~

The guy from the dealer has such a sickening smile I want to scream.  "So where the kid with the port?"  I nod towards Harper's room and the guy follows behind me.  The door to his room is open.  He is curled up in a ball with his head on Trance's lap.  She is playing with his hair and whispering something to him.  I am not sure if it is too soft for me to hear or it's not in common. 

It's the calmest I have seen Harper in a long time.  Maybe it means he is getting better, or maybe it's just the little of sedatives laced food we gave him is taking effect, but he hardly eats these days so its hard to really know if that trick really worked. 

The runner just walks right up kneels down and sticks the connecter in Harper's port.  Harper tenses and bits off a scream as his body goes limp in Trances arms.  His eyelids flutter like he is dreaming and a few minutes later the lackey smile grows bigger, Harper comes to and the lackey pulls out the connecter and hands me a large some of credits.  I can't help but wince thinking of what this money has cost us.  "There is another run we need done if you are interested?"

"We're not"

"Really, cause we are the ones who paid for that port, very expensive and a great lost for us if it was taken from us."

"Just leave" I said reaching for my gun, hoping he isn't going to push things.  His smile gets annoyingly bigger, making me wonder how many teeth this guy has before he turns tail and goes out the airlock.

"Just remember, that port is ours"  I almost yell well you can have it but I know what that means.  They gut Harper and sell the port with his gray matter still attached.  Although another piece of me wonders…

~~~*~~~

He's the same color as the sheets; I can't help but think as I stand next to Harper's bed.  He would just have to close his eyes and he would disappear among the sea of white.  They shaved his head so if I pretend I can say it's not even him I am looking at.  But those scared eyes could only belong to one person.  No one else could have eyes that sad.  I take his hand, trying to ignore the leather straps that keep him tied to the bed.  'Oh Harper, how did it get to this point?  Why couldn't you have fought off those demons, you helped me fight off mine.  I am sure we could have faced yours together.'  I blink away the tears and turn to leave.  As I go I know the look of betrayal in those eyes won't leave me behind.

The walk down the white hallway seems to take centuries, Rev and Trance wait for me at the end.  Rev head is bowed, saying prayers to the Divine for Harper.  Trance has tears silently flowing down her face.  The plant that she brought for Harper still in her arms, they wouldn't let her bring it to him.  She cradles it protectively in her arms and her tears water it.  She nods to acknowledge that I am back.  We all look at the door but none of us move towards it.  We stand in the lobby, and odd trio that remains a member short.

"We can't do this Beka" Trance says through her tears.

"What choice do we have" I say looking at the floor.

"We can not always know the will of the Divine, or its greater plan." Rev murmurs as he gently takes my hand and leads us towards the exit and back to the maru.

~~~*~~~

 "Eurka Maru requesting permission to dock."  My voice is so dead and monotone even I don't recognize it.  But somehow the voice sensors still know its me.

"Permission granted, welcome to the space station Ne…" I slam my hand down on the controls muting the happy voice that is pleasantly listing off all of the great attractions we can visit.  No one should be that happy, even if they are a computer simulated voice.

I grab my gun and jacket and head off to meet the latest client for the latest deal that is going to go horribly wrong.  That is how everything goes, it's an endless cesspool of creeps, flash heads, and leaning sharks, out here and I am being sucked in deeper in their world everyday.  The bar I find myself in looks exactly like how I feel, dark, dirty and run down.  I sit down in a corner and order a large mug of the house brew.  I haven't had a drink in a long time but I needed something to drink.  The contact was taking forever I lose count of the glasses I drain by the time he finally come through the door.

"Scotch on the rocks and another of whatever she is having, so you're captain Valentine"

"Yup" I said, watching the ice my now empty cup, and wondering why the bartender was taking so long to bring the next one.

"And I hear you have a fast ship and a good pilot"

"one of the besss" I mutter grabbing my drink as it is set down on the table.  I take a huge swig and wait for this idiot to get done with all of his fancy talk and tells me what illegal goods he wants me to take me where.

"Good, cause I need a new pilot."  He said grabbing my hand and pulling me towards him while sticking a gun in-between my ribs.

"This pilot isn't goin anywhere with yous" I said trying to pull away, but the dude was stronger than he looked.  I knew I had to get away but the more I struggled the more he laughed.

"Come on now, you are making a scene honey." He said as he passed by the bar placing something in the women behind the counter hands.  "Sorry we had a fight, she should learn she really can't hold her liquor."

"You don't know me, let me go." I scream but he digs the gun in deeper to my side.

"You understand don't you" He said flashing a smile and throwing a few more credits her way.  "I just need to take her home"

"You not tak me anywore" I yell but yet I find myself being taken through the streets and no one reacts to my cries for help.  The man keeps his grip on me, walking way too fast and I can barely keep up.  He is almost carrying me through the crowd.  I find myself in the docks, I can see the Maru but he takes me to the other side, towards a larger warship.  I am not going on that ship. 

I kick him as hard as I can and he loosens his grip.  I struggle to get away and only find myself on the floor of the dock.  The gun makes another appearance and I watch as it comes in at an arch towards my head.  Stars explode which makes me laugh because there are no view ports here and no stars.  I feel myself getting thrown over the man's shoulder and through the haze I know I am in trouble.  Then again I am finding I don't really care.

~~~*~~~

Abby: (sighs) We can't go back.
Johnny: Is that the only direction there is?

~~*~~~