Legalities: I own nothing because I'm not allowed to. Because I like to use characters in an interesting way and they like to recycle plot lines from idiotic times past. In other words ABC has ownership rights.
The Babbling Explanation: This is a wild hair idea I had during the time when I couldn't write a thing to save my life, commonly known as late 2002, and all of 2003. It's not my best work, but it's not the worst thing I've ever done either, it's just something that has been rattling around in my head since November 2002.
This story is set when Brenda and Sonny were taken hostage by Luis Alcazar with Jason and Carly in hot pursuit. This is also right after Jason suffered a massive head injury in a fight with Coleman and was then molested in the rain by an overzealous blonde this is an injury he's just now recovering from.
Like I said it's a wild idea of what could have happened back then if I were in charge.
Begging: Like it or hate it let me know.
Steph
Lifeline
Kelly's
Night was rapidly falling on the semi-crowded diner. The time change had signaled more than just early night it also signaled the end of fall and the first touch of winter. The fine layer of frost that covered the windows of cars in the early morning hours soon convinced anyone who thought winter wasn't approaching. The diner showed the coming of winter as well because Ruby's famous chili had replaced hamburgers as the meal of choice of hungry dockworkers and refugees from the nearby hospital. Most people had given in to the approaching cold, while others tried to cling to summer by wearing T-shirts and sundresses under their coats.
Elizabeth Webber was one that had embraced the change in seasons and hoped for it to signal a change in her life as well. The previous winter, spring, summer, even, fall had not been kind to her. There had been flashes of good and fun during that time but mostly it had been nothing but a year of betrayal for her. The betrayals had come from expected people like Sarah and Carly, but also came from unexpected ones like Nikolas, Lucky and Jason. Surprisingly the most recent betrayal, the one by Jason, registered as the most brutal to her because it had been the most unexpected.
Unexpected or not his betrayal had lumped him into the same category as the others and that category was entitled People Best Forgotten. And that was what she intended on doing. She'd make herself forget the years of a special friendship that had existed between them. As well as the first tentative steps they had made to move past that friendship into so much more. Forgetting wouldn't be that hard for her to do, she had made herself blind to things and people her whole life now it would simply be Jason's turn to be ignored.
The bell above the door tinkled as the door was opened. Habit had her looking up to greet her latest customer with a smile of welcome. The smile froze on her face when she recognized him. It was Jason and yet it wasn't. The Jason standing just inside the door bore little resemblance to the man she had froze out of her life a few weeks earlier in almost the exact same spot.
Jason was still as usual, but his normally expressionless face was, well there was no other word to describe it but ravaged. She had seen him in pain before, both physical and emotional, she had seen him angry and she had even seen him destroyed but nothing she'd seen prepared her for this.
"Jason!" Courtney rushed towards him from the kitchen in obvious concern. "What happened? Are you hurt?"
Elizabeth realized that Jason was either ignoring Courtney or didn't even realize she was there clinging to his jacket because he didn't acknowledge her question or even acknowledge that the blonde had spoken. Instead Jason kept his eyes on hers and took a step closer to the counter that separated them. When she saw the surprise and hurt race their way over Courtney's face she realized which way the wind blew. Courtney had obviously developed feelings for her one time, and still current, brother-in-law.
"Jason?" Courtney questioned again.
"I can't," he finally spoke and the words sounded choked. He reached a shaking hand in her direction. "Will you come?"
The question had barely been forced out when Elizabeth took off her apron. Stowing it behind the counter she grabbed her purse and quickly moved around it to the peg that held her coat. "Lock up Courtney." She tossed the order over her shoulder as she followed Jason out the door and into the night.
A.J. Quartermaine got up from the counter where he had been watching the byplay with a great deal of interest and crossed to his wife. "Didn't count on that now did you?" He asked and sauntered out the door.
Road to Nowhere
The wind whipped around them, through them, and continued its relentless scream in her ears. No ride before had ever been this intense or this scary. It wasn't that she felt afraid, for her safety, because she didn't, it was just strained. Jason operated the bike mechanically, with precision honed over years, but she knew his focus wasn't on the bike, on the road before them, or even on her. If anything his focus seemed to be on what was haunting him and causing the chilling blankness in his light blue eyes.
They had been riding for hours now, they had stopped for gas twice during their ride, but each stop had been made with no conversation between them. The dampness in the night had seeped through her clothes until it sunk in her bones making her cold. If she was this cold and had Jason as a wind brace, she knew he must be frozen, although he hadn't said a word. In fact he hadn't said anything since he'd found her in Kelly's and asked her to come with him.
Elizabeth knew she would have to take the initiative soon or they would freeze to death on his bike while they raced the demons that were haunting him. Somewhere in the course of the last several hours any residual feeling of anger she harbored for him had disappeared. The idea she could just ignore Jason had also vanished. She might have been able to ignore him for five minutes when she was still in the throes of her temper, but to keep doing it after the temper had passed would be impossible. He meant too much, and they had been through too much for her to just turn her back on him. And there was no way she could turn her back on him when he was in so much pain.
When they came around a bend in the road, the rear wheel lost its traction and for an instant the bike fishtailed. The bike was only out of control for a split second but Elizabeth knew it was time to get them off the road. Trying to read the road signs as they whizzed by them in the dark was difficult but she finally saw a sign that would work and tapped his right thigh to signal him to stop.
The signaling was a system of communicating they had worked out years ago. Two taps on his right thigh meant stop, the method worked much better than trying to be heard over the screaming wind. But tonight the signal wasn't working, because the bike didn't slow and he didn't nod at her to indicate that he understood. Tapping again she broke one of his iron-clad rules and took her arm away from his waist to point at the exit ramp. He immediately slowed the bike and she wrapped her arm around his waist again as they sped up the ramp.
The neon green and pink sign of the aptly named Last Chance Hideaway welcomed them and Jason brought the bike to a halt in front of the office. Elizabeth quickly got off the bike, then reached inside his jacket to the hidden pocket that he always carried extra money in. His shirt was wet and stuck to his skin and she could feel the iciness of his skin coming through the damp material.
"I'll be right back." Elizabeth promised and turned to run inside the lobby to get a room. She half-expected to hear the bike start again and roar off into the night. Deciding not to take any chances she got them a room and got back to Jason as quickly as she could.
"We're in Room 413 the last one on the back building next to the K-Mart parking lot." She gestured as she climbed on the bike. Jason hesitated then started the bike sending them in motion once more. Again it was a 50-50 chance that Jason would turn left instead of right and get back on the interstate. But he turned right at the corner and parked in front of the door for Room 413.
Jason put the kickstand down and settled the bike into position but made no attempt to shut it off, finally Elizabeth reached around him and cut-off the engine. Next she climbed off the bike and placed the helmet he always insisted she wear on the taillight. "Can we get out of the rain Jason?" She asked softly as the cold bitter rain they had been running from all night finally caught them and began to fall.
Ignoring her question Jason tipped his head back, let the rain wash over his face and made no move to get off the bike.
In desperation Elizabeth used a word that always worked when he said it to her. "Please."
Sighing heavily Jason finally climbed off the bike. Elizabeth immediately reached for his hand, one touch confirmed that it was ice cold and the worry that had been building inside of her since he'd walked into Kelly's threatened to overwhelm her. Battling it back she hurriedly unlocked the door and pulled him inside the room. Flipping on the light she slipped out of her coat and dropped it on the floor. Next she bent over the small window unit that could emit either air or heat, and cranked the heat up as high it would go. Finally she turned back to Jason who hadn't moved.
Elizabeth had a split second to figure out how to play things with him. She could coddle him and not press him, just try to be there for him when he needed her, or she could take charge. Remembering how he had responded when she had been caring for him after he was shot she knew she should do the latter.
"You need to get out of these wet clothes. Take off your coat." Her brisk tone had the desired effect and Jason went to work on his jacket. When his numb fingers fumbled on the zipper she took over for him.
"There's no wonder you're having problems, you should have been wearing," her voice trailed off when she saw the red raw skin of his cut hands, "gloves."
The jacket came free, and she went to work on his shirt. Her eyes noted the rips and stains in the material. Some of the stains were made from mud others she knew were probably blood. Questions rose inside of her but she ignored them choosing instead to catalogue his injuries and undress him.
Her moves were brisk, impersonal, her only goal was to remove the battered wet clothing and get him into a shower. But she was also human so if her eyes lingered on occasion it was only natural. She had removed his jacket, shirt and his boots and socks as well, but when she reached for the snap of his jeans she faltered.
Throughout the last several minutes Jason had been obedient yet silent. When she looked into his eyes she knew the majority of him wasn't even in the room. Judging from the haunted expression in his eyes she knew he was reliving whatever had happened to push him over the edge. "Why don't you take off the rest in the bathroom and get in the shower?" Holding her breath she waited to see if he would comply.
"I can't," he started then fell silent.
"We can talk later," she whispered and touched his cheek. "Right now you need to get clean and warm. I know you say you don't feel the cold but trust me you are cold. So will you go, for me?"
Nodding Jason walked towards the bathroom door. The sight of his uneven gait sent shockwaves through her. Jason was always so smooth when he moved sometimes she compared him to a cat. But the grace he normally had was gone.
"You won't leave?" He asked when he reached the door.
"I'll be here," she promised.
When the door closed Elizabeth picked up her purse and dug out her address book. She waited for the water to turn on before she placed a call in an attempt to get some answers. She needed to know if what she was doing was helping Jason or if they needed to be somewhere else. The phone at the other end rang five times before it was answered.
"It's Elizabeth. I'm with Jason tell me what's going on." Not wasting time with niceties she merely demanded answers.
The shower had finally turned off and Elizabeth was relieved still she gave it another minute before knocking softly on the door. "Jason I got some clothes for you to put on. I'm going to put them right inside the door." She hesitated then opened the door slightly, set the bag on the counter and quickly closed and backed away from the door.
After the phone call she'd raced next door to the K-mart to pick up some supplies. It had been weird picking out clothes for a man. She'd only done it once before and that time had been for Jason as well. Thankfully she remembered his sizes from the time he had recuperated at her studio. But the clothes were secondary to the medical supplies that were going to be put to use by her very quickly.
The information she'd learned had shook her and her heart broke for Jason. She wondered if she would be able to help him through this. She took courage from the fact that he'd come to her in the first place. Whatever their problems he had chosen to come to her when he was in pain and she wasn't going to let him down.
Jason stared at his reflection in the mirror. It hadn't changed, shouldn't it have changed in some way? Something inside of him had been broken but his face looked the same. Even the bruises that graced it were familiar to him, he'd had bruises like them before. The only visible change if there was one was in his eyes. They were blank and he liked them that way, because when they weren't blank they were full of memory and those memories led to screams, to pain, to despair, to loss and he didn't want that.
His damaged hands clutched at the tile that made up the bathroom counter but he didn't feel the pain. He was trapped in a memory that he knew would always haunt him. He could hear Elizabeth moving on the other side of the door and knew he needed to go out soon or she would get worried. He'd made a mistake seeking her out in the first place. She hadn't spoken to him in weeks and he should have let things stay that way. She had been trying to kick him out of her life and maybe that was for the best.
But after the plane ride and getting to the penthouse the first thing he'd seen was his bike. The next thing he knew he had pulled up next to Kelly's to find her. He hadn't made a conscious effort to seek her out, the choice had been made for him and that was all the more problematic. If anything the past 48 hours had convinced him that he should never speak to Elizabeth again. Elizabeth deserved love, she deserved laughter, she deserved to be safe and that wouldn't happen if he kept her in his life.
"Jason?"
The concerned call came through the closed door and he forced himself to let go of the counter. He would go out, thank her for the dry clothes and take her back to Port Charles with no other explanation. She would be angry with him and that would signal a clean break between them. With an uneasy sense of determination he opened the door.
"Elizabeth." He began only to stop when she took his arm and led him to one of the rickety chairs at the table next to the window. She had changed as well and they were similarly clad in sweats and long-sleeved T-Shirts.
"Sit. I need to treat your hands before they get infected." Elizabeth pushed him into the chair and reached for her medical supplies. "You can try to get rid of me after I do this for you."
With those words Jason knew she wasn't going anywhere, and the vise around his heart loosened slightly. "I don't know what to say to you."
"You don't have to say anything." Pausing in her ministrations she looked up at him. "You don't have to say a thing until your ready."
The space she was offering was exactly what he needed in that moment and he fell quiet watching her treat the cuts and burn marks that were on his hands. Burn marks that had been caused by a rope that he hadn't been able to hold onto any longer. The thought triggered the memory of screams inside of him and he flinched.
"Almost done." Elizabeth blew on the inflamed skin of his hands before turning her attention to the cuts on his face.
The medicine didn't sting the way it should, in fact he felt nothing and that numbness, though fleeting, was a comfort. Once the numbness faded he'd have to process what had happened and he wasn't sure he could handle that.
"You look exhausted." Setting the cotton ball she'd been using down, she touched his cheek again. "Why don't we lie down for awhile and get some rest?"
"I don't want to sleep." His refusal was automatic even as he let her pull him to his feet.
"You don't have to sleep, all I want you to do is lie down." She tugged him towards the bed.
Jason didn't want to close his eyes. He knew once he gave into the temptation to rest the memories would hit and there would be no avoiding the cold fact of death. And yet he laid down when she prodded him and made no effort to stop her when Elizabeth turned out the light before crawling on the bed beside him.
The glare from the street lamps in the parking lot filtered through the cheap curtains so even with the light off it was easy to make out the shapes in the dim room. Elizabeth curled into his side, one arm over his chest, offering comfort for a wound she couldn't even see.
Perhaps it was because he couldn't see her eyes in the dimly lit room. Perhaps it was the unstated but all encompassing comfort she offered him. Or perhaps it was because for the first time since hearing Brenda and Sonny were missing and Luis Alcazar was involved, he could finally breathe. Whatever the reason Jason knew it was time for him to speak.
"I found out Luis Alcazar had taken Brenda. And Sonny was missing as well, so I followed only I wasn't alone Carly insisted on coming with me." He began his story softly, haltingly and braced for the memories that he knew would soon be forthcoming.
"I tracked them to this island and after we were shot at I knew we were in the right place. With Carly's help I managed to free Sonny from his captors but he refused to leave without Brenda so we went back for her and that's when things started to go bad."
Light danced its way around the room when a car turned into the parking lot. Jason gave a passing thought to checking the new arrival's identity, but in the end he remained where he was. If they had found him already he would deal with it, but for now he wasn't ready to move. Elizabeth shifted next to him bringing her head to rest on his shoulder. He knew it was her way of offering silent support or comfort, but he couldn't acknowledge it, at least not yet.
"After we rescued Brenda we were separated when Alcazar's guards jumped us. I got shoved down a rocky hill and was dazed for a minute. By the time I made my way back up to the path and found the others it was almost too late." Closing his eyes he could still see the tableau he had come upon.
"Carly was on the edge of the cliff, Sonny was directly in front of her trying to shield her from Alcazar who was holding a gun on them. Brenda was beside Alcazar who had a grip on her arm and was arguing with him. There was just the four of them but they were so loud it was hard to pick one thing to concentrate on. I was working my way behind Alcazar when everything spiraled out of control."
Needing something to counter the anger he was beginning to feel he ignored the bruises on his hand to rub it over her back in a repetitive circular motion.
"Before I could reach him Alcazar opened fire and he hit Sonny in the shoulder. The impact jarred him so that he staggered back into Carly who fell over the edge and Sonny fell after her. Brenda screamed and broke free of Alcazar and ran for the cliff, there was loose gravel on the edge and she slipped on it and went over the side as well. It all happened so quickly. One minute there were four people on the cliff, and now there was only one."
Elizabeth gasped in the dark,
"I don't remember moving but I must have, I hit Alcazar with the butt of the gun I had in my hand knocking him unconscious, and ran for the edge. I didn't know what I'd find but the first thing I saw was Carly's blonde hair. Her and Sonny were about ten feet from the top on a small ledge, Brenda was a few feet below them clinging to the side of the cliff. When they saw me they began yelling for help."
He could still remember the sound of Carly's scream, and the desperation and relief he felt when he realized she was still alive, that Sonny was still alive. In that moment his only focus in life was getting them back up the cliff to safety.
"I had some rope and threw it down to them. Sonny caught it and made Carly climb. She didn't want to leave him, he was hurt, bleeding and I could hear her begging him to go first so she could brace him. It was a stupid idea but that's Carly. Finally she began to climb."
His hands clenched tightly in memory. "I always thought she was light until I took her full weight on that rope. It's hard to support someone's weight with only a small rope, but I finally got her to the top and to safety. During the time she was climbing Sonny had gotten Brenda up on the small ledge he was standing on. I threw the rope down to him and again he passed it on to someone else and again an argument ensued."
Unable to lie still any longer he sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. "All I wanted was to get him off that ledge and he wouldn't listen to me. Why didn't he listen to me?"
"Finish it Jason," Elizabeth ordered from behind him.
"Brenda finally climbed up the rope and again the weight was surprising. I knew I had to hang on and I did, eventually she made it to the top. This time when I threw the rope down I knew I'd finally be able to get him off the now crumbling ledge." His focus was on the window but he didn't see it instead he saw the man who had been in his father in every sense of the word clinging to a rope.
"He tried to climb to help me, but he only had one arm, the other hung limply at his side, so I had to support his weight even more than the others. I got him off the ledge just in time because it crumbled immediately after he got off of it. I remember hearing Carly and Brenda screaming at me to get him up, to help him."
He could still hear them screaming in his mind. Nearing the crucial part of his story the words began to come harder and harder for him. Once he said the words aloud they would become real. What happened would be real and he wasn't ready for that.
"I pulled him as quickly as I could, but before he reached the top Alcazar came to and charged me. Carly and Brenda fought him but he still managed to hit me and that jarred the rope, and it slipped through my hands before I could stop it. Eventually I heard a gunshot but I didn't look my focus was on getting Sonny to safety. His face was pale, so pale, and his body was shaking. I knew his strength was fading and I couldn't reach him. God I wanted to reach him," he whispered.
Elizabeth rested her hands on his back and kept them there to let him know he wasn't alone but he couldn't lean into the comfort she was offering, he didn't deserve to be comforted.
"He knew, he knew before I did that he wouldn't make it. Sonny looked up at me and he told me to take care of his family and then he fell. He didn't make a noise but Carly did, she screamed for him until we couldn't see him anymore." His anguish was palpable. "I let him down. He needed me to be there for him and I let him down. I killed him."
"You didn't kill him Jason." Elizabeth moved from the bed until she was crouching in front of him. "You tried to save him."
"I didn't try hard enough." He stared down at his ravaged hands. He'd always been strong. He worked on maintaining his strength from the moment he awoke in the hospital. But when it was most vital his strength had failed him.
"That's not true."
"You weren't there." He yelled surprising them both. "You didn't hear them screaming. You didn't hear them begging me to save him. You didn't hear their screams of anguish when I let him die. You didn't see him fall, you didn't see his eyes when he realized he was going to die."
"Listen to me Jason." Elizabeth caught his chin in her hand and forced him to look at her. "You saved two people's lives and came damn close to saving a third."
"Close wasn't good enough." His response was bitter as was everything else inside of him. "Sonny still died."
"But you saved Brenda and Carly. You saved the women he loved, one of which you love as well," she reminded him.
"That's not good enough. Why didn't he get on the rope when I tossed it to him the first time? I had more strength then. I could have gotten him to the top." The first hints of the anger he felt that was directed specifically at Sonny broke through.
"He couldn't do that."
"Why not?" Jason demanded answers.
"Be honest with me Jason. Be honest with yourself." She leaned closer until he could see his eyes. "Would Sonny have been able to live with it if either Carly or Brenda died?"
Jason wanted to look away, to break her steady gaze. He wanted to avoid the question but couldn't. "No."
"Then you did save him in a sense and two other lives as well. It's not fair. It's not right but you did exactly what Sonny wanted you to do. You saved the people he loved, his family and I know he would be proud of you because of that."
The soft words of absolution washed over him and some of the pain and guilt he was feeling eased.
"But…"
"Shh…" She placed a finger on his lips. "Just for now, for this minute, don't think, just feel. Hold on to me, I'm not going to break, and I'm not going anywhere."
The words were tempting and in the end temptation proved to be too strong to be ignored. Wasn't this what he'd wanted? Wasn't this why he had sought her out? He needed to bend to break for a few minutes and there was only one person he could let himself go with. And that was the person who had once picked him up when he was lying broken and bleeding in the snow.
"I know you feel bad, let me help you with the pain. Please." She inched forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing as close as she could, trying to offer him comfort.
It was a struggle, a fight between his head and his heart. Then he felt her tears on his neck. When he realized the tears she was shedding were the ones he wasn't yet ready to let fall, he gave in. Wrapping his arms tightly around her he drew her closer and finally let himself break.
"Hang on to me." He whispered in her hair.
"Always."
The parking lot was quiet. No cars had driven through in at least an hour. The light filtering through the partially open curfew was comforting in a way, it let them know that they were still there.
Elizabeth had held on to Jason, was still hanging on to him. She held on while the torrent of emotions rocked him, and buried her own feelings at the same time. She could sort out how she felt about Sonny dying for real this time later on. Right now her focus had to be in helping Jason with his pain.
He had been still for awhile and she hoped he was sleeping, but knew he probably wasn't. He'd dealt with the first wave of grief but she knew there would be more grief to come. As long as he didn't try to hide from his pain he would get through. But if he continued to bury things like he'd tried with her, he wouldn't. She had to help him as much as she could. It was ironical that she was back in this place where she'd been a few months ago, helping Jason deal with the loss of Sonny, only this time Sonny was really gone.
"I shouldn't have come to you." Jason finally broke the silence.
"I don't think you had a choice," she murmured.
"By coming to you I made you a target." If, when people found out Sonny was gone the fight for power would happen and his every move would be scrutinized.
"I was a target anyway wasn't I? Just because we haven't spoken in a few weeks, does that mean you suddenly stopped caring for me, or me for you? These people I need to be worried about aren't stupid are they?" She shifted until she was sitting cross-legged on the bed beside him.
"No but the focus on you will be more intense this time. Because they will know they can get to me through you." Jason sat up as well until he was leaning against the headboard.
"Jason you left town once and I was one of the reasons why you left. You thought Sorel would leave me alone with you gone. I don't know if you know this, but it didn't work out that way. He came after me again, and it was only after Sonny and Francis stepped in that he left me alone."
Bowing his head Jason couldn't even work up the energy to groan. He'd hoped Sorel would back off once he'd left, but apparently he hadn't. She was obviously fine with what happened but he wasn't. Sorel had continually harassed her because of him. If she came back to him now that harassment would only grow. He had no right to ask that of her.
"I make my own decisions." Reading his mind she tried to head him off.
"If you came back, if we get back together," he hesitated because they hadn't discussed their relationship yet. "When people find out Sonny's … gone I'll have to move quickly to fill the power vacuum and solidify my power base. I might have to leave for a while, and even if I don't those first several months will be intense and very dangerous for everyone, especially the people I care about. I won't ask this of you, this is what I have to do, but you don't have to."
"And if I want too?"
"Elizabeth it won't change there will still be things I can't tell you. You hated my job, you walked away from me once because of this," he reminded her.
"That's not true." Angry at his obtuseness she fired back. "The reason I walked away was not because of your job, it was because you chose to deliberately lie to me, and hurt me. You hurt me over and over again when you didn't have to. When all you had to say to me was I'm doing something that I can't tell you about, but I'm alright."
Jason absorbed the accusation that had a ring of truth in it. The words found their mark and inflicted damage. But in reality the damage was self-inflicted. He could have handled things differently with Elizabeth. He could have figured out a way to do what Sonny needed without hurting her but he hadn't made that effort. Things had been so strained between him and Sonny he hadn't wanted to push things. "Did I ever say I was sorry?"
"No. You said it was business."
"I'm sorry." His words and desire for forgiveness were sincere in that moment and he waited until she nodded in what he hoped was acceptance before going on. "There will be other times when I can't answer your questions."
"I know that but it won't stop me from asking them," she was as honest as him. "All I want from you is to be treated with respect. That means don't lie to me. If you can't tell me something, say that to me. Tell me something is happening. Tell me you'll be careful. And maybe even say you'll fill me in when you can. But you can't lie, or hurt me deliberately again. Because if you do that we won't last."
Jason rubbed at his eyes and came up short when the medicine on them stung his eyes causing them to water. The sting reminded him of why they were there in the first place. Remembering that he tried to shift away from her, but her hand rested on his thigh and he didn't want to break contact.
Hesitantly he covered her hand with his. "I should be strong enough to walk away from you. I should just let you go like I was trying to do before all this happened."
Elizabeth laughed softly and if the laugh was tinged with bitterness she was entitled. "That's just it Jason, we can't walk away from each other. We run at times but always circle back to one another. There isn't any walking away for us, there's too much between us for that to happen."
Studying her expression in the dim light he knew she only spoke the truth and still he persisted. "I have to take care of the people Sonny loved, that means Michael, Carly and Mike. Carly will be…."
"Carly will always be your friend. She will also be someone I argue with. We'll fight but that's okay, that's how we communicate."
"You will be the one who makes most of the sacrifices if you continue. Guards, cops, physical danger, your friends pressuring you to stay away from me." He wanted her to know all the potential problems that could be in their way.
"So I'll get mad at them and probably at you," she smiled slyly. "I'm good at being mad and lashing out when I feel hurt, sometimes I might even storm out."
"I'd follow," he promised. "This time I would follow you and keep after you until you convince me that you left because you wanted to not because you were hurt or angry."
With those words something inside of her shifted. It was a promise from a man who made very few promises. It meant everything to her.
"What do you want Jason?"
When he didn't answer she straddled his thighs and took his face in her hands so he couldn't look away. She saw surprise flare in his eyes, and something else as well and took comfort in that. "You have to talk to me about this. There will be so much we can't talk about it, but not this. You have to meet me halfway here or we don't stand a chance. Tell me what you want."
"You." The answer came on an exhale of pent-up need and Elizabeth rested her forehead on his in what he knew was relief. "I've tried to let you go, because it's what's best for you, and because I though that was what you wanted. I even stopped saying your name in an attempt to stop thinking about you. But I looked for you. Even when I wasn't aware of it I looked for you."
Suddenly he didn't know what to do with his hands. Part of him wanted to push her away the other part was demanding he draw her closer. "What I'm asking of you isn't fair." He finally placed his hands on her thighs and she drew back to look at him. "My life is a dangerous life. But I made the choice to have this life. There will always be someone after me, sometimes they will even be cops. You don't have to go through this."
"Do you really think I won't worry if you suddenly start ignoring me? Do you really think my feelings for you will just vanish if were not together?" Leaning forward she brushed a soft kiss on his lips. "I'll always worry about you. I can't help that not even if it would ease your mind if I stopped. I've been without you and I've been with you Jason. And as wild, as intense, as scary as being with you was, is, I would choose it over being without you every time. I still feel the same way Jason. I still want to be with you."
"I want to be with you too," he whispered and it was his turn to kiss her. "But others won't understand. Taggert, you grandmother, your friends, they won't want you with me. They'll tell you I'm dangerous and they would be right." In that moment he wasn't sure if he was encouraging her to stay or to leave, all he knew was he had to say it all before he could let himself believe she wanted to be with him, that she would stay with him.
"Danger's all around us Jason. It was there for me before I ever met you. Does that danger increase when you're around? Yes. But the rewards of when you are around far outweigh the danger." She rubbed at a streak on his cheek the tears had left.
"I'm just a man I make mistakes. I've hurt you, and I'll probably do it again." He warned her and at the same time leaned into her hand relishing her touch.
"You probably will, just like I'll hurt you again. A part of me is glad we haven't been together for a while. Whether I meant too or not I put you on a pedestal." She saw the surprise on his face and smiled. "I didn't realize it myself. But you were the one person in my life who was never to lie to me or let me down. That wasn't fair to you. I'd already let you down many times and you didn't hold a grudge, so how could I hold one?"
She took his hands in hers and met his eyes. "What you are is a man. A flawed man who makes me crazy at times, just like I do to you. You're not perfect and I don't want you to be, because I'm not perfect either. But together were better than if were alone."
"This won't be a normal relationship."
"We've never had a normal relationship. I think that's why we fight so hard to keep it intact." She offered an observation and dropped his hands when he tugged on them. "I'm walking into things with my eyes wide open. This time there are no unrealistic dreams or wishes from the past hanging on cluttering our future. For the first time in a long time I see you for who you are."
"And who am I?" Jason asked softly he wasn't sure if he wanted to know how she saw him.
"You're a man with a huge heart that is capable of so much love, but loves few. Once you do love someone, though, there is nothing you wouldn't do for them. You're also a hard man, a man used to violence. And you would rather close off your feelings, bury them until they go away rather than let them out."
Surprised by her accurate reading of him he was quick to point out the flaw. "If I could close off my feelings I wouldn't be here with you now."
"If you had no feelings you wouldn't be living, merely existing. Sonny wouldn't want that for you."
Flinching Jason pushed her off of him and got to his feet to move to the window. He wasn't ready to speak about Sonny with anyone, and it hurt to hear her say his name.
Recognizing the avoidance tactic as one she had used often in the past she got to her feet and trailed him to the window. "Sonny wouldn't blame you for trying to carve out a life for yourself. No matter how he may have acted recently Sonny loved you like a brother, he'd want you to be happy."
"I let him die." He whispered to the stormy night beyond the window, the echo of screams ringing in his ears.
"You saved the people he loved." She reached for his hand, holding on when he tried to pull it free she brought it to her lips. "You held on longer than most."
"It wasn't long enough." His anguish was evident.
Hearing the anguish, the self-loathing, in his voice made her lash out. "I hate to break this to you but you're not Superman Jason. You can't save everyone every time. Sonny wouldn't want you to blame yourself, especially when no one else blames you."
She was wrong there was someone who blamed him. Someone who had screamed at him, someone who had pounded on him, while she screamed why at the top of her lungs. "Carly…"
"Doesn't blame you." She cut him off sharply and let go of his hand when he stepped back.
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do. I talked to Carly." She admitted quietly and waited to see what would happen. Jason was difficult to read at the moment. It made sense he had lost his anchor and wasn't sure how to function without him. It was a feeling she knew well, it was a feeling that had nearly drowned her when Lucky died.
Jason stared at her in shock. "When?"
"I was worried about you. I've never seen you like this. You wouldn't talk, you'd barely move, you didn't even know I was with you at times. I had to find out what was going on. I needed to know if there was something I should be doing to protect you."
"Protect me?"
"Yes protect you, either from yourself or from others." She explained. "So while you were in the shower I called Carly."
"How did you know to call her?"
"Jason you were destroyed. The only thing that would have caused that reaction from you was if something happened to Sonny, Michael or Carly. I didn't know who I would get at the penthouse I just knew I had to call, and whoever was there would know what was going on with you."
Abruptly weary he leaned against the cold windowpane. "You're wrong about Carly she does blame me."
"No she doesn't." She inched closer to his defeated frame and tentatively touched his back. "She just lost her husband and now she's terrified she's lost her best friend as well."
"She yelled…"
"How many times have I lashed out when I was hurt? How many times has Carly? Most people lash out when their angry or hurt, that was all she was doing. She doesn't blame you. She loves you. I admit I couldn't see it at first, but I heard it on the phone. She broke down on the phone. She's petrified that she's lost you." She tugged on his arm until he turned to look at her. "Carly did that with me Jason, me. She hates me but loves you more, she was showing me her vulnerability, her pain, because she wanted you to know."
Turning back to the window he considered her words. Carly did lash out when she was hurt much like Elizabeth did. But he couldn't help but remember how she had pulled away from him when he tried to comfort her on the plane.
"I promise you if you call her, she'll tell you the same thing I'm saying," Elizabeth whispered.
"I can't. I don't know how to face her, or to face Michael. All I want to do is get on my bike with you and leave." He finally gave voice to his deepest fear.
Elizabeth dashed the tears away and made sure they were gone before she spoke. "I wanted to run too, but it doesn't help. When you run all you do is take the pain with you and there's no one there to help you understand why you hurt so badly."
"So you wouldn't come with me?"
When he met her eyes she knew he was serious and she had only seconds to come to a decision that could affect her whole life. "If you want to go I'll go with you. If you decide to stay I'll be with you. I told you I want to be with you and I meant that."
"Do you really? Because if I let you in any further I don't know how I'll ever be able to let you go."
"You're behind me then Jason because I already can't let you go." Taking the initiative she moved closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. "You're stuck with me. And it appears I'm stuck with you, unless you decide to run for awhile."
For the first time that night he really felt it when he held her. He could smell the vanilla scent of her hair, he could feel her softness, her warmth as she wrapped herself around him. They had lain side by side, and in each other's arms on a bed and he knew he'd never be able to sleep without her by his side again. But that meant risking, it meant putting her in danger, it meant putting his heart in danger. He'd already lost so much how could he risk losing her too?
Elizabeth was quiet knowing she couldn't push. The next move had to be Jason's. She realized he could try to walk away. She knew it wouldn't work, the pull between them was too strong to be denied forever. But if he tried it would hurt, being without him would hurt, especially after the way he had opened up to her tonight.
Her words came back to him about being with him and without him, it was the same for him about her. He wouldn't stop wanting her by ignoring her, she would still have guards, and she would still be in danger even if she weren't with him. Why should he deny what they both wanted? She was right Sonny would want him to have a life. All Sonny would want for him is to be happy and take care of the people he loved. He could do that, with Elizabeth's help he could do that.
He was discovering that it wasn't hard to be selfish when it got you your heart's desire. The guilt over letting Sonny down was still there, and he knew it probably always would be, but the edge of devastation and loss wasn't as strong as it had been. Should he walk away, leave her like he'd left her so many times before? Somehow he didn't think he could. Each time he walked away from her he left a part of himself behind. If he tried to leave now he would be leaving what was left of his heart behind with her.
"If you decide you can't handle things," he started slowly considering every word, every hope inside of him. "I'll find a way to let you go. But I want you to stay."
"I want to stay."
Tilting her head back she met his lips when he lowered his head. The kiss was more than a caress it was an affirmation of the unstated, but powerful, love that existed between them. It was a kiss of the future borne out of the devastation of loss, and that only made it more powerful. It was the most honest communication they ever made and it bound them to one another.
The kiss soon changed, the passion between them too strong to keep muted for long. His hands found their way under her shirt and were rough on the soft skin of her back. The difference in texture appealed to her. Even damaged his hands were strong and she felt safe when they held her. Digging deep she found a reserve of strength she didn't know she had and broke their connection when he reached for the waistband of her sweats. "We're not ready for this."
Frustrated, Jason didn't let her go, his lips sought hers out again, and she couldn't help but respond.
"If we do this now we'll regret it. You're in pain and I want to help but I won't let our first time happen because of grief. You mean too much to me for that." Her voice was firm even as her insides longed for him to kiss her again.
Tired of being noble Jason wanted to press his obvious advantage. He knew she was aroused, her face was flushed her breathing spiked, it wouldn't take much effort to get them back on the bed and this time they wouldn't simply lie there. Without being aware of it he discovered he had backed her to the bed, her legs pressed against the mattress, the deep blue of her eyes locked on his. Just one move was all it would take and yet he couldn't do it.
"Can I hold you?"
"God yes," she crawled on the bed and held out her arms. "I'm here for you for as long as you want me."
Jason settled her into his arms, she fit perfectly, her head just under his chin, her light weight partially distributed over his. Her soft body complimented his hard angles, and it was easy to get lost in it, get lost in her. For the first time in days he let his eyes close, knowing it was finally safe to sleep, because in some way he had found his way home.
The morning was bright and cold. There was no more hinting of winter it was there in full force. The parking lot was unusually clean, the stains temporarily washed out by the storm of the night before.
Reaching the bike Elizabeth couldn't help but turn back to the door of Room 413, there had been a storm in that room last night that was every bit as brutal and violent as the one that had raged outside. They had weathered the emotional storm, as the bike had weathered the actual storm. The aptly named Last Chance Hideaway had proven to be just that. It was the chance that her and Jason needed and she wasn't about to let it slip away.
"Are you ready?" Jason turned to look curiously at her when she didn't climb on the bike.
"Yes." Pulling on the helmet she climbed on the bike. "Let's go home."
Jason waited for her arms to come around his waist, for her to give him that extra squeeze she always did before he started the bike. Home had a different meaning for him now. It wasn't where Sonny was, or Michael was, home was where Elizabeth was. He wondered how long he'd have to wait before he could tell her that. Before he could tell her that the reason he hadn't told her the truth about Sonny was because she was coming to mean more to him then Sonny and that was something he hadn't been prepared for. So lying and hurting her had been the safest option for him while he tried to figure out his feelings.
"Jason?" She flipped the visor up on her helmet to look at him. "Do you need more time? Because we can stay if you want to."
"I have what I need." He whispered and awkwardly kissed her through the small opening, pulling back he could see the surprise in her eyes, then her lips curved in a soft smile.
The smile lingered in his mind when he turned back to the road in front of him and finally put the bike in gear. In no time they were at the entrance to the interstate. If he took the ramp towards the right they would head towards New York. If he went left he'd hit Port Charles eventually. Pausing at the juncture he considered his options. In the end Elizabeth reached around him and triggered his left blinker then wrapped her arm back around his waist. Feeling that he knew that he could face what waited for him. He could survive life without Sonny. With her he felt he could survive anything. The knowledge of that allowed him to finally send his bike into the wind racing down the interstate to Port Charles.
I told you it was a wild idea. Aren't you glad I inflicted it on you?? Not. Now Reply!!!