Part 2: The Two Robins

Back at the camp, Gandalf was complaining about not being Gandalf the Grey who died fighting the Balrog and came back as Gandalf the White. This continued until nightfall, then somebody (I think it was "Boromir") tossed a pillow at him. He grumbled something about leaving and stomped off.

The next day, Pippy and Merrin were at a stream washing dishes, (which was what Gandalf was supposed to do), when a huge army of Teddy Bears surrounded them. They suddenly heard the horn of "Boromir" (which wasn't the horn of Gondor, he got it at a ten-cent store) and then "Boromir" appeared out of the bushes and defended the two hobbits until he was stuck full of pins.

The Teddy Bears grabbed the two hobbits and ran off with them, taking them to their master, Saruman the White ("He gets to be white," Gandalf said).

Meanwhile, Legolas and Gimli were busy kicking some Teddy Bear fuzz and Aragorn was looking for Gandalf. When it became clear that the hobbits were gone, and that "Boromir" wasn't a very good pincushion, Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn went back to their camp. While eating some lunch, Gandalf approached them.

"Well, I'm not green anymore! I'm white! Ha ha ha!" He came out of the trees so that his comrades could see him in his new garbs.

"Umm, Gandalf," Aragorn said, pointing to Gandalf's cloak.

"AUGH!!!! I'm pink! I don't believe this! Costume department! Make-up!" Gandalf said, jumping behind some bushes. While Gandalf was hiding his pink garments, the three soon-to-be hunters took off so they could hunt the Teddy Bears and find the hobbits, and also to get away from Gandalf the- Pink. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

While the three hunters were busy tracking down the two hobbits and the humongous army of Teddy Bears, Robin and Sammy were making their way to Mordor.

They had abandoned the boat (especially because Sammy had put a hole in it by trying to kill a fly with his frying pan) and were now hiking their way up the side of a mountain. Hungry and cold, the two friends tried to huddle together to stay warm. Suddenly, they heard a creepy slithering sound.

"What was that?" Sammy asked, hugging Robin's arm.

"That was your stomach, dummy." He said, pushing Sammy away.

Suddenly, a creature came out of the bushes and tried to strangle Sammy. It was "Boromir", who had made a good pincushion. He seemed half-crazy, but you would be too if a giant army of Teddy Bears had attacked you. He insisted that they call him Gollum so Robin complied.

After some convincing, "Gollum" agreed to lead Robin and Sammy to Mordor, the home of Sauron (thunder sound effects)... and also a few hedgehogs.

Meanwhile, Pippy and Merrin were at the mercy of the vicious Teddy Bears. A mean one was being sewn up because he had lost some stuffing. In fact, he had lost so much that he was skinny.

"I need some more stuffing," he said making his way towards the hobbits.

"No!" barked the head Teddy Bear. "They are to be taken back to Saruman the White ("He gets to be white," Gandalf said.) unharmed."

"What about their legs, they don't need those," the other one said. A quarrel broke out among them and they started ripping the stuffing out of a weaker bear. Pippy grimaced.

"Just look away, Pippy. Just look away," Merrin said.

Because the Teddy Bear's eyes were off of them, the two hobbits started to edge their way into the forest.

Meanwhile in Rohan, Grima was getting on Eomer's nerves.

"Grima, would you please stop drooling over my sister?"

"You heard our Chief, stop it right now!" Eomer's "yes" men stood beside him.

"Will you shut up!"

"Sure thing Chief!" The whole group echoed their opinions, but of course, nothing was ever negative against their "Chief". Grima screamed.

"I can't take this anymore! You, Eomer are banished from Rohan!"

"YESSS!! Thank you sooo much!" He began to run out the door but Grima stopped him.

"And your "yes" men go with you."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

At Sammy and Robin's side of the world, "Gollum" was leading them to Mordor.

"Come right this way, Hobbitses. "Gollum" will show you the way." Sammy eagerly ran to catch up with the creature. Robin hesitated.

"This is a swamp. Won't we sink or something?" "Gollum" shook his head.

"No, you won't. Scouts honor."

"Well, if we do, at least we'll get a bath in the process."

Meanwhile, the three hunters were being poked at by spears because Eomer and his "yes" men had arrived. Eomer was already in a bad mood because he had to bring his men with him and the sight of strangers wasn't helping.

"What are you three doing here?" Eomer said, suspiciously.

"Yes!" his men echoed. "What are you doing here?" Eomer turned to his men who were still repeating him.

"Will you please be quiet?"

"You never spoke a truer word Chief! We're going to shut up right now!" All the men repeated this and nodded heads all around saying how marvelous their "Chief" was.

"And stop calling me Chief!" Eomer yelled while his face turned red.

"Yes sir...um...Sir!" Eomer turned back to the three hunters but they were gone, and so were his two spare horses! He shrugged.

"Oh well! Men! Let's go, or the doughnut shop might close!"

"Whatever you say, Chief!"

"Our Chief is so smart!"

"Lead the way, Chiefy!" Eomer smacked his head.

"I have so got to get new men."

Meanwhile, Pippy and Merrin entered the forbidden forest called "Forbidden Forest" (scary music). While in there, a Teddy Bear followed them in. Unfortunately, he was the one who still needed some stuffing.

"You two are going to give me stuffing if it kills me!" He chased the hobbits around the trees. Pippy laughed.

"Hey! This is like tag, except without a home base!" If Merrin hadn't been running, he would've slapped Pippy for being stupid, but the tree in front of him stopped his movement. It began to run towards the Teddy Bear.

"Oh boy! I've always wanted a Teddy Bear!" The tree picked it up and squeezed it. "You're going to be my little friend!" He squeezed harder on the Teddy Bear until it went limp in his arms. The tree began to cry. "I had a little friend, but he don't move no more." Sadly, he tossed the Teddy Bear and it landed a few miles away. Then he turned to the two bewildered hobbits. "Don't you know it's forbidden to enter this forest?"

"Um, duh! It's like, in its name." The tree scratched his head.

"Oh yah, I keep on forgetting." He picked up the two hobbits in his hands. "And what do we have here? Teddy Bears?" He began to squeeze them.

"No! We're not Teddy Bears, we're hobbits!" Merry said as he tried to wiggle out of the tree's hands.

"Never heard of a hobbit before. Sounds like Teddy Bears to me!" He squeezed harder.

"But we're hobbits! Shire-folk!" Pippy nodded, agreeing with Merrin's words.

"Maybe you are and maybe you aren't. The purple polka-dotted wizard will know."

"The purple polka-dotted wizard?" Pippy asked.

"Hey, don't ask me how he got like that." The tree said as he dumped them in front of the purple polka-dotted wizard.

Getting back to Sammy and Robin... as they neared Mordor, Robin began to tire.

"We must rest," Sammy said. "Mr. Robin is tired."

"The Ring is getting heavy, right?" "Gollum" said.

"No, Sammy is," Robin said, dumping him on the ground. "Blood pressure or no blood pressure, you're walking the rest of the way."

"Nuts."

Meanwhile, the three hunters had just found the big pile of burnt Teddy Bears that Eomer and his "yes" men had left. Gimli the Grey ("He gets to be Grey." Gandalf said) was looking through the pile while Legolas and Aragorn were looking at the grass.

"Hey! I think I see Smoky Bear in here!" Aragorn ignored him and he decided to enter the "Forbidden Forest" (scary music) because it was better than looking at an impaled Teddy Bear head on a stick; although, it did make them hungry for marshmallows.

When they entered, Legolas felt a presence approaching them.

"Something approaches."

"What is it? Is it a deer, because I'm hungry." Gimli rubbed his growling stomach.

"No, it's bigger."

"Solid, vegetable or mineral? Oh boy! I love 20 questions!" He jumped up and down with excitement.

"Gimli, cut it out." Aragorn then saw some strange light coming from behind him.

"Okay, um, that light is purple polka-dotted."

"I know, I know. Don't rub it in like everyone else." The three hunters turned around to see Gandalf the Purple Polka-Dotted.

"Well, I don't know which one was better. Purple polka-dotted or pink." They all laughed at Gandalf until he made their weapons go on fire for teasing him. When the three hunters finally controlled their laughing, Gandalf took them to Rohan, the home of the Goat Lords. At the door, they found one of those British soldier types who can't talk. Legolas couldn't resist and said a joke to him.

"Hey, what do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common? The same middle name!" Legolas laughed at his own joke and to the delight of others, they were admitted into the great hall before Legolas could say anything else.

A few of the people sniggered at Gandalf's robes while they were walking in.

"The courtesy of your halls have somewhat lessened of late, Theoden king," he said, almost crying because they were making fun of him. As they approached the king, it became apparent that the king was very old, although he was only 70.

"Dude, what's with the weevil look?" Legolas asked, very close to Aragorn's head. Aragorn shrugged and Wormtongue came out from behind of Theoden's throne. Legolas shuddered at the sight of him. "Never mind about the weevil look, it must be normal," he said.

Gandalf tried to release Theoden from the spell of Saruman. Unfortunately, Theoden started laughing at him.

"Ha ha ha! What kind of a wizard has purple polka-dotted robes!" Gandalf screeched.

"THAT'S IT!" He began to run towards Theoden. Eowyn came out of her safe position, where she had been admiring Aragorn, and ran towards her uncle. Aragorn stopped her.

"Wait." He said, while holding her arms.

"Wait for you? Sure!" She smiled and fluttered her eyelashes at him.

"Not what I meant."

"Oh nuts." Gandalf was so angry that he had Theoden pinned on the ground.

"Say it!"

"Alright! Your robes look cool!" Gandalf got up and let him go.

"Thank you! Okay, now for your spell." He reached under Theoden's collar and brought out a mind control chip. After disposing of it, Theoden began to change back to his normal look.

"Where's Theodred, my son?"

"Oh, he's at the post office. Do you know how long it takes to mail something around here?" Eowyn said.

Later, Theoden invited his new guests to come with his people to Helm's Deep.

"We go there every summer for vacation."

"Sounds like fun." Gimli started to pack his axes but Gandalf stopped him.

"I don't think it's a good idea to-"

"I just baked fresh cookies."

"We're going!"

Meanwhile, Pippy and Merrin were in an Entmoot with Treewhiskers (the talking tree from before) and all his friends. They were discussing whether Pippy and Merrin were Teddy Bears or not.

"Just look at them, they're not cuddly and soft!" Pippy and Merrin got themselves settled on the ground because it was going to be one loooooooong Entmoot.

They woke up the next day and the Ents had decided that they were not Teddy Bears. And also that if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

"But aren't you going to Isengard to beat Saruman?"

"To beat Saruman at what?"

"Orc sports! It's the latest craze with Ents and Wizards." Pippy then described all the competitions in Orc sports. Soccer, bowling, baseball, archery, and water sports. The Ents were very happy about this so they all packed up to go to Isengard for Orc sports.

However, in Isengard, Saruman was plotting on how to massacre the vacationing humans. He walked over to one of his Teddy Bear workers and said,

"Send out your dinosaurs!"

Meanwhile, the three hunters and Gandalf were traveling to Helm's Deep for summer vacation with the population of Rohan.

"Ah, I can't wait to get in the pool!" Gandalf said, while he adjusted his sunglasses. But his fantasies were cut short by a scout from the Teddy Bear armies. It rode up on a spotted dinosaur.

"Hey, it looks like G-" Legolas was cut short by Gandalf's murderous stare.

"Do you have any Grey Poupon?" the Teddy Bear said.

"Sorry, but we're just out," Theoden said. The Teddy Bears grew angry and started to attack the travelers.

The Teddy Bears were defeated and the group went on to Helm's Deep. When they arrived, it became apparent that Aragorn was not with the group. He wasn't dead though, he had been picking flowers.

"Tra, la, la, la. Hello, what's this?" His eyes spotted an army of 10 thousand Teddy Bears headed straight for Helm's Deep so he finished picking flowers and went to warn them.

Theoden was not convinced that it was emergency.

"I can fight children's toys," he said

"These are no mindless children's toys, these are Teddy Bears," Gimli said proudly.

"Um, so. Same difference."

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

Sammy and Robin at the same time were busy cooking beans... or something close to it.

"What's that, precious?" "Gollum" asked them.

"We don't know. And we're sick of it."

"Let me have some!"

"Here, knock yourself out." "Gollum" proceeded to devour the whole mess and Sammy and Robin ate some Lembas.

Before they could think, Faramir and his merry men captured them and took them to Gondor.

"Hey! I'm the one with merry men!" Robin complained. However, Robin was in the wrong story so it didn't matter anyway.

Faramir told them that "Boromir" was his brother.

"Dude, you have my condolences," Robin said.

"You know that he's dead then?"

"No, I meant that he's your brother."

Faramir decided to let them go because "Gollum" had been following him around and it was annoying him.

At Helm's Deep, the Teddy Bear army was defeated because Eomer and his "yes" men showed up and scared them away.

Then Gandalf got a tan and became Gandalf the Red, with white polka dots.

The whole group had a lovely vacation at Helm's Deep, but it was not to last for long. Summer's only two months, after all.

Merrin and Pippy were the judges at Orc sports and the Ents won because Saruman was a spoil sport and he wouldn't play so they locked him up in his room.

And Sammy and Robin made their way up to Mordor with "Gollum" in the lead.

Here Endeth Parteth Two of

How Robin Hood Destroyed the Ring of Power