Yeah! I finally finished the story! Enjoy part three and cry because there is no more!

Part 3: The Return of Robin

Meanwhile, at Robin and Sammy's part of the world, "Gollum" was busy telling them his life story. Of course, they didn't want to hear it. No one wants to hear his story, trust me. So, after Robin shut him up, they all started walking towards Mordor (thunder sound-effects).

At Isengard, Saruman the White ("He gets to be White!" Gandalf said) was busy sulking in his room because he didn't want to play Orc Sports. After Gandalf the Red with White polka-dots arrived, Saruman threw his magic eight ball out the window.

"Catch!" he said as Pippy dove for it. "There, you see! I CAN play sports!" Then he shut his balcony doors and was never seen again, although many petitions were circulated over the Elfernet.

Pippy picked up the magic eight ball but Gandalf swiped it from his hand. "I'll take that!" Pippy pouted and got up on Shadowfax and the whole company rode back to Rohan.

After hours of tossing and turning, Pippy had to find out why Gandalf took the magic eight ball from him. He snuck into Gandalf's room and hid. Gandalf was on his balcony, but he soon came back into the room and picked up the ball.

"Eight ball, eight ball, cloaked in suds, will white be the color of my next duds?" He shook the ball and waited for an answer.

"No," it said.

"NO!"

"Gandalf?" Pippy said. Gandalf threw the ball out the window and tried to look casual.

"Pippy! What are you doing here?" Before Pippy could answer, there was a loud "Oww!" that came from out the balcony in the direction that the ball had been tossed. It was followed by footsteps and a loud "Who threw that?" coming from near Gandalf's door. Aragorn stormed in with a bump on his head. "Who threw that?" Gandalf deftly pointed at Pippy.

"It was him! Pippy did it! Fool of a… um… Hobbit!" Gandalf grabbed Pippy's shirt and swung him over his shoulder. He carried him to the throne room and told him to wait there.

Pippy got so bored waiting that he decided to sing a song with Merrin. After kicking a few people in the face, they decided that it was better to sit down quietly.

Meanwhile, big ships filled with corsairs were headed towards the unsuspecting city of Gondor in hopes of stealing the secret recipe for their cream-filled doughnuts. The captain made his third cameo appearance.

Also, smaller ships of orcs dressed like women sailed towards Osgiliath in hopes of the same thing. "It's just like what the Greeks done at Troy, except they was in an oliphaunt instead of dresses," one orc said.

"Perhaps if we had a large troll," the other orc said.

There in the dark, damp wilderness, "Gollum" was taking them to Minas Morgul. Well, actually, he was taking them to the steps, but it's right next to it.

"So this is the 'scenic' route," Sammy said, rolling his eyes.

Big statues of clowns with their tongues sticking out were in front of the building, which strangely resembled a large M. The ring around Robin's neck called to the structure and he began to walk towards it.

"Must… get… Happy… Meal!" He muttered. Sammy and "Gollum" got him away from the scary clowns and they started up the stairs.

At Rohan, Gandalf arrived back at the throne room looking like a modern painting. He was covered in red, blue, green, yellow… well, you name it, and it was on him. But he didn't count on the paint not drying fast enough and it all smeared into one color. So now he was Gandalf the… Who Cares.

Anyway, he was so angry he picked up Pippy and rode to Minas Tirith so everyone would stop laughing at him. Of course, it took a while because his horse kept on laughing at him so he ended up having to walk the rest of the way with Pippy in tow.

He arrived at Gondor sweaty and his colors were coming off. Being stained, his robes became yellow with black spots. However, this story does not focus on the status of Gandalf's wardrobe, so we will continue.

The two had come to talk to Denny, Steward of Gondor, but Gandalf gave Pippy a warning.

"Don't say anything about what you ate for breakfast this morning. And don't say the one about the three Irishmen. And don't say anything about my robes. And don't talk to strangers. And if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." So, with these warnings in mind, they entered the great halls of the dead people… I mean Steward.

"Hail Denny, son of Ecthelion, Lord and Steward of Gondor. I come with tidings in this dark hour, and with counsel," said Gandalf, trying to sound important.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Denny said. "Have you seen my son?"

"What's his name?" Pippy asked, forgetting his "bwiefing."

"He's called 'Boromir', when he feels like it."

"He's your son?"

"It's not something I brag about," Denny replied. So, the three had tea and ate Gondor's famous cream filled doughnuts.

Pippy felt sorry for Denny, because "Boromir" was his son, so Pippy decided to offer his services and be in Denny's army. Or… something like that. Denny thought this very funny, so at least Pippy had caught him in a good mood.

Meanwhile, Sammy and Robin were climbing the stairs, again. "Gollum" wasn't helping much and kept on muttering things like "my love" and "stinky shoes." Anyway, Robin's only thoughts were about elevators. And beef stew. "The best thing ever," he said.

Back in Rivendell (which we haven't gotten to in a while), Elrond was sitting in his study when his daughter, Arwen the Movie stealer walked in.

"Hello father dearest," she said as she tidied his desk.

"Whatever it is, my answer is no."

"But Atta! You have to reforge the sword of Elendil so Aragorn can win the battle against Sauron who lives in Mordor (thunder sound-effects)!"

"Um, Aragorn already reforged it and already has it. That was like, so Fellowship of the Ring! Didn't you even read the book?"

"Oh, my bad. Never mind."

Back at Gondor, Gandalf told Pippy to go light the beacon so Rohan would come. He waited for a while, until Pippy came back with something burning on a stick.

"NO NO! Light the beacon, not the bacon!"

"OOOOOOOOH! Sorry!" So Pippy went back and lit the beacon. As the fire caught, he turned towards the camera and smiled. "Remember kids, don't play with fire, it's hot! I'm a trained—wh—whoa!"

Over a trail of mountains, the beacons were lit by people who spend their whole lives sitting there waiting for the one in front to be lit and they obviously don't have anything better to do anyway, not even TV.

So Rohan saw them and gathered every able-bodied man to fight. Baseball games, arcades, movie theaters and dentist offices were emptied in the effort. So every man from Rohan rode towards Gondor to fight for freedom, liberty and justice for all (cue National Anthem).

As they made camp that night over a huge cliff, Aragorn decided that he must enter the Paths of the Steward… I mean Dead people. Eowyn came to him.

"Don't go! You haven't kissed me yet!" She puckered her lips and closed her eyes. Aragorn took the opportunity to leave. Legolas and Gimli came also so they could talk his ears off.

At Osgiliath, Faramir and his Merry men were being overrun by Orcs who wanted their secret recipe for cream filled doughnuts. Few escaped but Faramir saved the recipe as he and his men rode back to Minas Tirith.

The Nazgul were trying to find Faramir so they could take the recipe, but Gandalf rode out to "scare them away".

"Look," a soldier shouted. "It's the yellow with black polka dots rider!" Gandalf used his staff to create a light but he didn't need to. The Nazgul were dying of laughter so the soldiers got away in the midst of it.

When Faramir returned to his father Denny, he got in trouble for no apparent reason while his dad munched on cream puffs and hot wings.

"But father! I saved the recipe!"

"That's not enough! You didn't get the rest of the doughnuts! You don't know what kinds of filth are eating them! Go back and get them!" Faramir sniffled and locked up the recipe in a safe.

"You wish now that our places had been exchanged. That I had died instead of 'Boromir.' "

"You can't be serious. You actually think that?" Denny laughed because… well, I guess it's self-explanatory. Faramir laughed too because he was joking. Anyway, Faramir went back to get the doughnuts even though Gandalf tried to explain that the bakery could make new ones.

While Faramir was riding to his death, Denny munched on more cream puffs and hot wings while Pippy watched, expecting him to invite him to eat something. Finally he looked up. "Pippy," he said.

"Yes?" he asked expectantly.

"Sing me a song," he said, and bit into a tomato that looked suspiciously like blood. Pippy grumbled to himself (or maybe it was his stomach) and sang his favorite song:

"Sore is behind, as well as head,
I wish I was back in bed.
Second breakfast, morning to night,
Until they make me get up and fight.
I'm too tired, I deserve shade.
Or my shirt shall fade. My shirt shall fade ..."

Meanwhile, "Gollum" led Robin and Sammy into a not-so-scary cave and pretended to be a spider. They weren't impressed. Then they were taken prisoner by a bunch of teddy bears (who were normally Saruman's creation, but Sauron got jealous like with the dinosaur the Head Orc rode at Minas Tirith), who then got into a fight over the leader's bunny slippers and killed each other. "That was easy," Robin said.

At Gondor, everyone expected Faramir to be dead. "Poor Faramir," Pippy said. "He still owed me five bucks."

"Here I am," Faramir said.

"Sit down, Faramir, you're dead," Denny said. Faramir had actually hit his head on a rock on the way out and never left. But he got lots of attention so, like Robin, he played along.

Denny sat on his throne (not that kind) and tried to decide what to do now that Faramir was "dead".

"Maybe I could pay someone to be my son," he said.

"Precisely," his advisors said. "That's what I think."

"Well you do, do you?" Denny said. "I was just saying that to test you. Now I know what I'm dealing with, a couple of Rangers. What I meant was I should get married and adopt someone."

"Of course," his advisors said. "The Steward is right."

"I am, am I?" Denny said. "If there was a Rangers in this room I'd apologize."

"But Dad," Faramir tried to say, "I'm right here!" They ignored him because he was dead. What do dead people know, anyways?

Well, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli must've thought they were okay, because at that very moment they were traveling through the Paths of the Steward… I mean Dead people. They entered the caves without a second thought and picked up candles for light.

"Oww!" Gimli screamed.

"What? What is it?"

"Wax! On my hand!" Aragorn slapped him for being stupid and they continued until they got to a big chamber.

"Who dares to disturb the crew of the Black Pearl?" said a creepy voice. Skeletons appeared out of nowhere and surrounded the three hunters.

"So there is a curse," Aragorn said as he looked around.

"Well, duh! Where not from some amusement park ride, are we?" said the leader.

Aragorn shrugged because he didn't know and cut to the chase. "Fight for me."

"WHAT? After all Isildur put me through, you expect me to help you just like that? JUST LIKE THAT?" the leader screamed.

"Yes," Aragorn replied with a smile.

"Okay."

" 'Okay'?" a skeleton said. "You're doing what he says?"

"He's very persuasive!" So, the crew of the Black Pearl followed Aragorn out of their caves and they headed towards the sea.

At Theoden's camp, Eowyn was busy sulking that Aragorn had left her. Theoden told her to be quiet and eat her oatmeal or he would make her go back to Rohan. She stomped off and threw a pillow at Eomer for laughing at her.

The next day, Theoden and his army rode out leaving Merrin and Eowyn behind. After all, someone had to pick up all the trash and take the tents down. Anyway, after they cleaned up, they got on a horse and rode to join Theoden's army because he left his stuffed bunny rabbit in his tent. They sneaked into the group and were never noticed.

Meanwhile, Denny was crying because his son was dead. He walked to the edge of his parapet and mumbled to himself.

"Theoden has betrayed me! I know he stole my recipe! What do I do? I don't have anyone to pass my recipe down to anymore!"

"But, Dad! I'm right here!" Faramir said, getting quite annoyed. Denny didn't notice and kept on muttering.

"I'll never get to have grandchildren and-"

WHAP! "Quiet fool!" Gandalf said as Denny crumpled to the ground. "Now, to business."

He rode down to the front gate to command the soldiers. The orcs outside were using a battering ram to open the door.

"Now, whatever comes through that door, you stand your ground, men of Gondor!" Monster size trolls bounded into the open hole.

"MOMMY!" Gandalf shrieked and ran away.

Meanwhile, Robin and Sammy were so happy that "Gollum" was gone. Well, for now anyway. The two dressed in orc armour so they wouldn't be recognized. Of course, it didn't matter much anyway because they blended into the fake backdrop.

At Gondor, Pippy was trying to convince Denny that Faramir was still alive.

"See! Faramir's not dead!"

Denny looked up from the phone. "Don't bother me! I'm in the W's section!" He put the phone back on his ear. "So, can you be my son?"

Pippy rolled his eyes and left with Faramir.

At Theoden's army, Eowyn and Merrin continued to follow them. The two were disguised so that they could give Theoden back his bunny without detection. Unfortunately, some of the soldiers thought that they were part of the group and made them work.

Meanwhile, Robin and Sammy were dying of thirst. Robin squeezed and squeezed but his water skin was empty. He glanced at Sammy who was swishing his water around in his mouth and spitting it out, after he washed his face with it. Robin snarled as he searched his pack.

"Where's the rest of the lembas?"

Sammy burped. "Oh, that?"

"Never mind. Let's go."

While Denny was busy looking through the business pages, Gandalf and Pippy were fighting the enormous army outside of Minas Tirith. Of course, when most of your army has been destroyed and you're up against tens of thousands of orcs, you don't stand a chance. So after they figured this out, they borrowed the phone from a complaining Denny and called Theoden on his cell phone.

"WHERE ARE YOU?" Gandalf yelled into the phone.

"We're close. Getting closer. Can you hear me now?" Well, Theoden was very close so he stayed on the phone with Gandalf until they came into view. Gandalf rode up to him.

"Hail, Theoden!"

Theoden covered up the receiver with his hand. "Gandalf! Can't you see I'm on the phone?" He put the phone back up to his ear. "Excuse me, I'll have to call you back, Gandalf. Gandalf wants to talk to me." He hung it up. "Now, what did you want to tell me? Hmm, nice robes." Theoden laughed and Gandalf went back to Gondor to get new robes.

Anyway, the battle was victorious, especially after the three hunters arrived with Barbossa and his crew. They proclaimed the War of the Doughnuts over and then they went to Mordor (thunder sound-effects) to have the War of the Ring.

Robin and Sammy were so close to the volcano that they could smell the lava. And fell the lava and well, you get it. Anyway, they entered the chamber and prepared to drop it. Unfortunately, "Gollum" was there.

"Give me the precious! I must have it!"

Robin rolled his eyes. "You want the ring? Huh, boy?" "Gollum" acted like an eager dog as Robin held it out like a frisbee. "Go on! Get the ring!" He said as he tossed it over the edge. "Gollum" quickly followed it, forgetting that he was diving into hot lava.

So, after he was burnt to a crisp and the ring was melting, Robin and Sammy raced out of the exploding volcano. Gandalf and the rest came up on eagles.

"Here comes Robin and Sammy!" The crowd cheered. "Followed by a trail of hot molten lava!" The crowd cheered again.

They all got on the eagles and reached the edge of Mordor. When they got off of the eagles, the ring was completely dissolved.

Then there was a big tidal wave and Sauron the Dark Lord (thunder sound-effects) was destroyed. Then on the tidal wave, Robin and Sammy surfed back to Rivendell. Elrond was overjoyed to see them and to hear that the Ring had been destroyed. He and all of the elves (except Legolas) were sailing to the West and Elrond invited Robin to join them. Robin said that he would gladly go but he had to talk to his wife first. He called her on his cell phone but she said that he couldn't go so Robin had to leave all of his friends (except Sammy) and travel to be with his wife. But as he was traveling, he realized something.

"Hey, Sammy. You know what? I don't have an anniversary present for my wife!" He hit himself and looked around for something to give her. He saw an old sword sticking out of a stone and took it out.

"Hmm, nice sword. My wife will like this." He said, sheathing it.

A crowd of people ran up to him saying, "This man has pulled the sword out of the stone! He is our new king! Yippee!" Robin groaned.

"Here we go again."Here Endeth How Robin Hood Destroyed the Ring of Power (So there)

And somewhere after the credits, another scene played.

Gandalf walked out proudly with his new robes. "Yeah! I'm Gandalf the Green again! Wait…"