Disclaimer: Alright here''s the deal yung''uns, that''s Texan for chilluns, which is Alabama for younger folk. Due to a lack of resources, good ideas, and the fact that No one knows what Excel Saga is, I have decided to change this episode to something more popular. So without further ado, Ani-Date Volume Three: Dragon Ball Z!!! And I don''t own any of this, except Super Fred.
Ani-Date: Excel Saga
Video #356: Excel Excel
A weirdly alluring young woman sits cross legged in the chair, one fanged tooth protruding from the right side of her lopsided smile. She has stunning green eyes, wheaten blonde hair and shoulder pads you could launch an F-16 off of. She raises one fist and screams out, "Excel is ready to go!"
"Umm……alright……""
The employee is about to speak again, but Excel kind of starts up and doesn't stop, her entire speech coming in at hyper-sonic speed. "Yes, Excel will go with the flow! That is unless the flow is down a toilet, that would be nasty. But then again that would lead to the sewers, which would lead me to my dearest Lord Ilpalazzo! Oh Lord Ilpalazzo, my dreamy super hunk of sharp cheddar cheese on rye bread! Yes, you loyal Excel will do anything for your heart of hearts, for your wonderousness of wonderousness, even eat a farphugnuegen, if I ever find out what a farphugnuegen is. Either way, I am always here ready to embrace your thick chunk of man chicken, take me, I''m yours!"" Without any warning except the fact that the girl is obviously insane, Excel rips open her top and flashes what God graced her with to the camera. "Hail Ilpalazzo!!!"
"Ma'am, put those away!"
Excel doesn't listen, instead she hops out of the chair and runs straight towards the door, unfortunately she trips on an electrical wire before getting there and plunges head first into a tragically placed pool of piranha. She screams out as her flesh is stripped from bone, "No, not again! You people enjoy watching this pretty girl die too much! Ahhhh!"
Video #357: Hyatt Ayasugi
A pale beauty sits very properly in the chair, her hands folded calmly in her lap as she smiles at the camera. She has dark hair and eyes, wears a short skirt and also sports those amazingly oversized shoulder pads. Her head tilts to the side and she speaks, her voice very soft and feminine. "Are you ready to start sir?"
"Yes ma''am, thank you."
She nods politely, "You're welcome." She seems about to speak, but is caught up in a very disturbingly attractive coughing fit that leaves a lot of blood splattered across the camera lens.
""Ma'am, are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine. *Hack Cough Vomit*" Hyatt turns a deathly pale, quivers for a moment, and then collapses off of the chair, deader than Pee Wee Herman's career.
"Oh my God, somebody call an ambulance!"
In response to the employee's scream for help, Excel walks into the shot and grabs Hyatt by the arm, dragging her across the floor, "You've really got to stop doing this Ha-chan, you're heavier than you look."
"What the hell?! How is this possible? Didn't you just die?!"
Excel drops Hyatt and shrugs with a smile, "Blame the Commie Pinkos."
Video #389: Iwatta
A fairly average looking man sits in the chair, the only thing about him that isn't average is his hair, probably the spikiest hair in history, and that's saying something for brown hair. The other thing that's readily noticeable about this man are his eyes, they gleam with something that might be intelligence, but most likely is just insanity. "I am IWATTA!!!"
"Ok sir……what do you want in a partner?"
Iwatta immediately stands up in his chair, and in the only Dragon Ball Z reference so far cocks his arms back like he's powering up, "My woman shall be a woman among WOMEN!! Together we shall join hands and declare our love ETERNAL!!!" He thrusts one finger at the camera, "We shall be together forever, our love will conquer the HEAVENS!!!!" He strikes yet another dramatic pose, "Join with me and we shall never be parted, MISAKI MATSUYA!!!!! Be with me forever my love, ROPONMATSU!!!!!" He seems about to rant some more, but a very striking redhead walks into the shot and delivers him a beautiful right hook that sends him flying off into the back wall. Misaki nods in satisfaction and walks back out of the camera shot as Iwatta tries to put his nose back together.
"Thank you ma'am."
Video #384: Puuchu
The cutest little thing anyone's ever seen stands in the chair. It''s only about a foot tall, is banana yellow, wears a diaper and is holding a rug beater. It dances around on the chair oh so cutely and looks at the camera with its super cute beady little eyes. "Puuchu!"
"Aww, aren't you the cutest thing ever?"
"Puuchu!"
"Puuchu!"
"Oh, now there are two of you, how precious!"
"Puuchu!"
"Puuchu!"
"Puuchu!"
"Look, three……five……twelve……fifteen?" The camera is knocked over by the swarming Puuchus and provides the perfect shot of The Ani-Date Employee dog piled by little aliens and being beaten with his own severed limbs. It's so cute.
Video #388: Watanabe
A very very average looking man sits in the chair now. He doesn't have crazy eyes or anything, he's perfectly sane looking. His only feature that makes him any different than your average Joe Nobody is his black hair, fairly long for a man, hanging at about the level of his chin. "Ok, we're ready to go now?"
"Yes sir, whenever you're ready. Just state your name and tell me what you'd like in a partner."
Watanabe slumps, "Well actually, I already have someone who I'd like to have as a partner. I had heard that she came here to do a video so I'm hoping that you'll let me make one just for her, if that''s alright."
"Well, it's unusual, but I guess it's alright."
He nods, "Thank you so much." Watanabe then turns to the camera and his face takes on a pleading expression, "Miss Ayasugi, it's me Watanabe. I've been afraid to tell you how I've felt, but ever since the day I met you crawling along the ground outside my apartment I've been hopelessly in love. I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you turned out to be my neighbor. Every part of your body makes me tremble with love, your legs, your lips, your hips. Oh Miss Ayasugi please, promise to be mine, I have a job and can support you and take care of you. I will never forget our ride on that rocket ship and how much you seemed to be enjoying yourself, Miss Ayasugi please!" He continues on like this for a while before trailing off into a happy comatose like stupor with a dumb smile on his face.
"That was very nice sir, bravo. You can go now."
"Miss Ayasugi's swelling busom……"
"Excuse me sir?"
Watanabe snaps back to reality, "Huh,what?"
"Sir, you can go now."
"Umm actually I'd rather not……"
"Sir, you have to go, other people are waiting to go."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"I don't think it's a good idea for me to stand up just now……"
In the background a man in a blue jacket with an afro is being dragged away by police, "I swear, it was Super Fred! You have to believe me!!!"
__________
Author's Note: Ha, like I'd really do a Dragon Ball Z fic, there's only one good joke there. Yes, the mystery of Super Fred, well you''ll just have to wait to figure that one out. Anyway, up next time is the amazingly numerously requested Inuyasha. This will be a joint project between yours truly and The Narrator, being as I know nothing about Inuyasha and she's crazy about it. Well, as always, I hope you enjoyed yourself, lord knows I did. And Mo, don't worry, your turn in the spotlight's coming up. Sorry it took so long, but there were massive deletions and I actually lost this story for a few months. But don't worry, they'll be coming out more regularly now.
-Carrie Michelle Forde