Disclaimer: Well here today is what everyone's been waiting for, and no it's not Dragon Ball Z. Inuyasha, everybody's favorite Cat Boy.
Narrator: HE'S A DOG!!!!!
Whatever. This is a joint work between myself and The Narrator who is loaning me Bob, the laptop. Well, anyway, here we go with Ani-Date Volume Four: Inuyasha. And by the way, I still only own Super Fred.
Narrator: I don't even own him… But Bob is mine! I own Bob! *Huggle* I love you Bob.
Ani-Date: Inuyasha
Video #0: Inuyasha
Sitting in the chair is a severely pissed off hanyou, whatever that is. He's wearing a red outfit that's somehow reminiscent of MC Hammer. He's got the most squeezable little ears too, they're just so fuzzy. He growls something under his breath to the likes of 'damn' this or 'curse' that.
"Let's begin. Tell me Mr. Inuyasha, what do you look for in a woman?"
Inuyasha just blinks and then looks like he's think really hard. "Sir, the video's running." "Shut up I'm thinking!" Suddenly a look comes on his face, one could almost imagine a very very dim light bulb coming flickering to life over his head. "I know! What I look for in a woman is, she has to be very quiet, won't boss me around and always does what I tell her to." He nods and crosses his arms happy with his answer, "Oh, and she has to make good ramen."
"Says here that you currently have two girlfriends." A slight pause. "One whom is dead."
"Your point? Dead women don't talk."
"According to your profile she's animated by witch magic and has almost taken you to hell."
Inuyasha blinks, "She makes good ramen…"
"So you prefer dead women over live women."
Before the dog boy can talk a blonde in glasses walks in and stands in front of Inuyasha with her hands on her hips. He blinks yet again and seems about to say something when she grabs his ears and gives them a good rub, "Ooh, soft…"
Inuyasha frowns, "Hey let go lady!"
She stops, slaps him square across the face and frowns, "Bad necrophiliac! No cookie!" Then she walks back out of the shot without another word.
Video #1: Kagome Higurashi A very cute looking school girl in her mini-skirted green fuku sits in the chair with a happy smile waiting to be asked her questions. The outfit kind of points her out as jail bait, but that's probably what she's going for. "I'm ready to go."
"So Miss Higurashi, what do you look for in a partner?"
She flips her hair back and stares off at the ceiling with dreamy eyes, holding her own hand, "He has to be sweet and sensitive and he has to be respectful to my every need. He has to be smart and really good at conversation because I like interesting men; they really know how to talk to a girl and make her feel special."
"So you don't like loud mouthed arrogant rude selfish men who only think about using you to fulfill a quest, get hold of a magical item that will give them the ability to become a full demon and ask you to make them ramen?"
Kagome frowns, "Of course not, even if they have cute widdle puppy ears."
"Oh good because we've found a guy wandering around the parking lot who matches your ideal perfectly. Hey, send that Hojo kid in here."
Kagome freezes and gets that deer in the headlights look, you know, if the deer was actually in the headlights and vomiting. "Umm…I just remembered, I have a…a…a… I have to…umm…planned parenthood! I have to get a pap smear, you never know when that breast cancer will sneak up and bite you in the umm…boob. Bye!" And she's gone.
Video #7: Miroku
A very suave looking young man in monk's garb sits in the chair with a pleasant smile waiting expectantly for the interviewer to begin. His right hand is covered with a kind of half glove wrapped in white prayer beads, but he's just so smooth it doesn't look dorky.
"Mr. Miroku, what do you-"
He interrupts very politely, "Before you ask me these questions would you mind if I asked you one?"
"Sure…umm...whatever."
"Will you bear my child?"
Awkward silence. "…No."
He sighs, "Ok, you may continue."
"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say what you look for in a woman is someone who's willing to bear your child."
"Yes, exactly! And it'd help if she were pretty too, what with genetics and all that."
"You're a Buddhist monk from feudal Japan and you know about genetics?"
"Yes, and I've got my own dating video too. Aren't plot holes wonderful?"
"Yes…about the genetics thing, you do realize that your children will be born with black holes in their hand."
"All the more reason to have a good looking mother. That way they don't have to worry about it, pretty people get everything their way. It's one thing I've noticed about human nature as a Buddhist monk, people will do anything for a fine piece of ass."
Video #12: Sango
A very attractive young woman, her hair in a high pony tail wearing a skin-tight black cat suit (no tail or white stitching, it just looks sort of like Michelle Pfeifer's costume in "Batman Returns") accented with pink shoulder armor. She sits gracefully into the chair and rests her seven foot tall boomerang on the floor beside her. "Ok, begin."
"Miss Sango, what do you look for in a partner?"
She sits very straight, "I want a man who's very strong, yet very gentle. He must be able to fight demons and lead people like my father did. He should also be a gentleman. He doesn't have to be rich, but it's important that he be able to maintain a household where we can raise children to be demon exterminators who will protect people and…" Well this lasts about five minutes.
"Miss Sango, ahem. Your description of this man obviously shows that you've put a lot of thought in it, but can I ask you a more personal question?"
"Alright."
"What's your policy on monks who grope women and ask them to bear his child five seconds after meeting them?"
Sango's eyes narrow dangerously, she's got that look like something that waits in the tall grass, only its ears visible, waiting to pounce and enact swift deadly justice, "Who asked you to ask that?"
"Umm…uhh…are you gonna hurt me?"
"No, I'm going to hurt somebody else." She picks up her boomerang and stomps out of the shot, hell's fury crackling in her eyes.
Off camera there is a loud slap followed by very distinct yelp of pain, and then a very calm voice can be heard to say, "Oh Sango-chan, you came for me!"
Video #18: Shippo
A cute little fuzz ball of a kid sits in the chair blinking oh so very cutely. His red hair is pulled back in a blue hair tie and his big bushy fox tail just begs to be pet.
"Awww…." It seems that a glomping is imminent, but a thwap can be heard off camera followed by Carrie's voice.
"No! Bad Employee! No cookie!"
Shippo just kinda sits there confused until the interviewer's dejected sounding voice comes on, "Alright Shippo-chan, you cute little thing you, what do you look for in a partner?"
He's obviously still confused, not the brightest thing on two legs, "What?"
"What do you want your girlfriend to be like honey child?"
"Girlfriend?! Eww, cooties!!!"
"Umm…how old are you?"
"I dunno."
"Why are you on the show then?"
"I dunno, but this lady said something about candy."
From off camera comes an evil giggling, "Hehehe…it's all going according to plan…" A redhead suddenly runs into the shot holding a bloody axe over her head. "Mwahahahahaha!!! Lunch time!!!!!" Mo proceeds to chase the little morsel around the chair for a few seconds, hacking the wooden piece of furniture to tiny bits. "Don't run, it'll only hurt until you die!!!"
Video #37: Sesshomaru
A regal-looking inu-youkai strides onto the set and seats himself in the chair facing the camera, practically oozing a haughty "look-'cuz-I'm-so-sexy" air that makes fangirls scream and faint. He tosses his long, snow-white hair over his shoulder and looks boredly at the camera, as though he has better things to do, such as slaughtering a village of filthy, helpless humans.
"Okay, Sesshy-poo…"
Sesshomaru arches an eyebrow, but otherwise, his expression remains deadpan. "What did you call me?"
"Sesshy-poo, why?"
"That is not my name."
"Whatever you say, Fluffy…"
Sesshomaru performs an eye-twitch with flawless ease, and then, suddenly, the chair is vacant. Crashes and loud screaming and the occasional bloody-thirsty howl can be heard offstage, and just as suddenly, Sesshomaru is back in his chair, not a hair out of place and just a tiny dribble of blood on a protruding fang. "Now, you may continue this farce."
"Y-yes, Sesshomaru…"
Another eyebrow arch.
"…-sama. What do you look for in a woman, if I may humbly ask your lordship?"
"It's very simple," Sesshomaru replies, holding up a clawed finger, "She must be a full-blood youkai who will bear me strong children…"
"You and a certain monk would get along swimmingly…"
"I wasn't finished, human. And she must be as radiant as a winter dawn, or I'll keep her in the dungeons."
"…okay. So, you have no interest whatsoever in human girls."
"None. They're weak and pitiful, and I'd never lower myself…"
"SESSHY-POO!!!" In yet another one of the random insertions that plague this fic, Kanashimi bursts onto stage in full omnipotent dominatrix glory. A mad grin on her black painted lips, she launches herself at Sesshomaru, who dodges with his demon speed. "Ohohohoho!! My little puppy wants to play, does he?" Kanashimi chuckles. She pulls a whip out of Hammerspace and licks it. Sesshomaru's eyes get a teeny bit wider. "'Tag' it is!!!" The camera is blacked out to prevent any viewers from getting nosebleeds, but Sesshomaru can be distinctly heard screaming for mercy like a little girl.
Video #108: Kikyou
A solemn-faced miko glides out onto the stage and gracefully seats herself in the chair. She stares at the camera and announces, "I demand that you stop hiding Inuyasha from me. It is time for him to come with me to Hell where can live with our love throughout eternity."
There is an awkward pause. "Ummm, you're dead right?" asks the voice of the interviewer.
Kikyou looks slightly miffed at this question. "Yes, but that doesn't matter. Inuyasha is mine and he must come with me to Hell."
"Riiiiiight. But just out of curiosity, what's it like being dead? Don't you miss breathing?"
"I don't think about it. Where's Inuyasha?"
"What about food? Don't you ever get hungry? And if you do, what do you eat?"
Kikyou has gone from solemn poker face to slightly irked. "What is the point of these questions. Are you going to give me Inuyasha or not?"
"Um…no. By an unofficial poll taken while you were in the dressing room, you have been labeled "Dead Bitch Walking," so we decided that it would be best to send you on your way." The sound of a flushing toilet is heard and Kikyou suddenly drops out of sight through a trapdoor with flames shooting out of it.
"I love my job," says Carrie dreamily
Video #54: Kouga
There's no real video to this one, just about five minutes of footage of the employee, in a C-131 Spectre tee shirt, cross tackling a young wolf demon in a kilt and violently tearing his clothes to pieces. She screams, "Man beef! Gotta get me some of that man beef! Give it up! Give up that beef!"
__________
Author's Note: And the long awaited Inuyasha Anidate is finally finished. Thanks a lot to The Narrator, Kanashimi, Mo, and of course, me, without whom none fo this would've been possible. I know there were a hell of a lot of random appearances in this one, and it was really long, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. First of the blonde, as always, was me, the redhead was Mo, the trademark Spectre tee shirt belongs to The Narrator, and...well...Kanashimi's pretty obvious isn't she? Next time: Hellsing. The impure souls of the living dead shall be banished forever into eternal damnation. Amen. Sounds exhilarating!