Disclaimer: I do hereby denounce any accusation that I own any kind of material pertaining to Hellsing. Well, except this fan-fic, and any others I may write. But I do not own any of the characters, events, or overly large firearms contained within Hellsing. No matter how cute I think Victoria is.... Thank you for your time.
Ani-Date: Hellsing
by
C M Forde
Video #723: Seras Victoria
A young woman with short blondish red hair sits in the chair staring at the camera with deep crimson eyes. Her hands are folded in her lap, and she is dressed about the way a normal woman would dress. When she speaks, it's with a soft British accent, "So then, we're starting?"
"Yes ma'am. So tell us, what are you looking for in a mate?"
She pauses to think for a moment, "Well, I would like someone with a good heart, handsome, kind, generous... Most assuredly not Catholic, and preferably with blood type O positive."
"O positive ma'am?"
"Yes, it has a light creamy flavor that I find rather appetizing."
"Alright....umm...So anyway, why don't you tell us a little about yourself."
She nods, "Well, I'm nineteen, work in a secret military organization that rids the world of vampires and other unsavory things, I have a wonderful master who always takes care of me, and I'm dead."
"Err...did you say dead?"
"Yes, I'm dead, so if you could get a necrophiliac then that would be just wonderful."
"Can you make good ramen?"
"I guess so..."
"Then do we have the guy for you!"
Video #723: Integra Wingates Hellsing
An azure haired woman sits in the chair, very formal and stern looking behind a pair of large, but still stylish glasses. She is chewing on a cigar and seeming quite a bit perturbed being here, but from the way she is sitting it looks like she might be perturbed just about anywhere. "Can we please get this finished, I have things to do."
"Yes ma'am, right away."
She scoffed, "You will call me sir."
"Sir? But aren't you a woman?"
"I am Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing and you will do as I command!"
"Oh, right away Sir, my apologies."
She snorted and looked at the camera, sir wouldn't be too hard to call her, some of the Ani-Date employees could be heard in the background collecting money from bets. "I told you it was a guy!"
Integra snarled, "I am not a man!"
"But you said you were a sir..."
"It's a title!"
"I thought that they only gave that to men."
She groaned, "Will someone please shoot this idiot..." Three gunshots are heard offstage and Integra points at the camera, "Can we confiscate that?"
Video #852: Alucard
A tall man in red, that's the only real way to describe him. Dark hair, orange glasses, and lots and lots of red, even unto his horridly ugly hat. When he smiles it's full of glistening white teeth that seem more like fangs than anything else really, pretty damn scary. "Let's begin."
"Umm...okay...sir..."
Alucard laughed, "Ha! Are you afraid of me lowly Ani-Date employee. Are you frightened because your brethren seem to die so often and no one mourns them? Do you believe that I shall sink my fangs into your neck and drink of your life to fulfil my own? Do you fear the death that will come so exquisitely as your blood flows from your veins down my throat and into my very being. Are you scared that you shall be my next warm meal? Do you want to die, Ani-Date employee? Or are you so very terrified of your tiny life coming to an end that you are dancing around like that just to try to amuse me? Hopping from leg to leg in a vain attempt to gain my favor from clowning? Is that it Ani-Date Employee? Is that it?"
"Actually sir, I kind of have to pee."
"........Oh......alright then...."
"Thank you sir!"
Video #822: Walter Kumm Dorne
The man in the chair is old, slightly balding, and rather...well fatherly looking to tell the truth. He is dressed like a butler, and wears a monocle over his eye. "So then, we shall be beginning?"
"Yes sir. Yell me, what would you like in a partner sir?"
Walter wasted no time in his answer, "I would like someone that I could take care of. A person who needs my attentions really, one that I could serve."
"Right then, so kind of a mistress then?"
"Yes, a strong mistress who can give me orders and isn't afraid to put me in my place if I do wrong. One that would punish me for my mistakes." Some kind of longing glint comes into his eyes, "Yes, punish me, that's all I want. Yes, with a riding crop, lashing over my firm buttocks over and over again. Yes mistress, take me mistress. Harder mistress! Harder! Walter's been a bad butler! Yes he has! YES HE HAS!"
"Umm...can we stop the camera....someone...please...anybody..."
Video #523: Father Alexander Anderson
A tall man sits in the chair, dressed mostly in white with a large cross dangling from a lanyard about his neck. He is very tan, blonde, and as what looks to be almost a five o'clock shadow going on, one thick scar running up the side of his face. He wears a pair of glasses over his face and his grin is just downright scary. "Let's start this up."
"Alright, what are you looking for in a partner?"
"Well there is this one altar boy..."
__________
Author's Note: I know, I know. That last one was not only a cheap shot, it was wrong on about fifty different levels. But c'mon, it was soooooo easy, I just couldn't pass it up. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews you guys have been giving me, especially the repeat reviewers, you guys are the glue that holds Ani-Date together. Sorry it took so long to do this, but I got writer's block when I got to Walter and left it sitting for a few weeks. Funny how when I actually did come up with a joke for him it wasn't the one I used. The first one had something to do with the line, "I'll show her MY halcannon." But anyway, enough gibberish, next time on the Ani-Date Files: Ruroni Kenshin! Prepare for more random appearances and the term "Pookie" tossed around like a cheap hooker.