Disclaimer: Alright, now before you guys decide to draw and quarter me here it is, the Ruroni Kenshin Ani-Date, after long months in the works I have decided to just let someone else write it! So without further ado, I bring back my wonderfully talented and lovely assistant, The Narrator-sama! In fact, I pretty much let her write this whole thing because despite my amazing fan-fic, Confessions of a Dangerous Hairstyle (--------------Shameless plug!), I know pretty much absolutely nothing about it. So here ya go! Oh, and I don't own it either.

Disclaimer 2: Instead of correcting the afore written disclaimer, I'll just add this other one. It seems Narrator-sama is unable to finish anything after Karou and Kenshin, so I'll do it myself. Sorry for any inconveniences this may cause, like undoubtedly perverted humor and the like. My sense of humor is slightly different than Narrator-sama's. But hell, this is my story, I'll be dirty if I wanna!

Disclaimer 3: After months of writers block she beat me senseless and wrote most of Yahiko's and all of Saitou's for me. Such a sweet sweet painful girl Narrator-sama.

Ani-Date:

Ruroni Kenshin

by

The Narrator

&

C M Forde

Video #784: Himura Kenshin

A petite redhead clad in a ragged magenta gi and white hakama walks on camera and sits unobtrusively in the chair. Violet eyes peer innocently at the camera and blink ever-so cutely. A cross-shaped scar mysteriously enhances the delicate face.

"So, tell us...um...uh..." the employee begins.

"This unworthy one's name is Kenshin," the redhead prompts politely in a gentle voice.

"I know that," the employee retorts, "I just so sick and tired of these androgynous-type people sitting in front of this camera! I can't be polite, sir/ma'am, if I'm not sure which one you are!!"

Golden eyes flash and a hand goes to the hilt of a here-to-fore unmentioned sword. "This unworthy one has taken enough crap about my looks! Screw ten years on non-killing, Battousai's not taking this anymore!"

Thankfully, before the slaughter can begin, a bokken descends on the redhead, smashing him into oblivion.

"Oroooo!" Kenshin yelps, going swirly-eyed.

"Kenshin no baka!" a raven-haired beauty with flashing sapphire eyes proclaims as she stands over him, "Don't even think about becoming Battousai when I'm around!" She hauls Kenshin up by his ponytail and begins to stomp off the stage.

"Er, ma'am?"

"What do you want?"

"Who are you?"

"His wife."

"Oh...."

Video #785: Kamiya Kaoru

A girl with long black hair tied back in a ribbon stomps into view and sits down in front of the camera in a huff. Her fists are balled and pressing into the lavender silk of her kimono, as though she cannot wait to beat the ever living crap out someone. She glares at the camera.

"S-so, ma'am...." the employee begins nervously.

"You were trying to set my husband up with someone else, weren't you?" Kaoru growls without preliminaries.

"Aaah..." the employee says.

Kaoru stands up and gets extremely close to the camera. "See this?" she says raising her left fist in front of the lens. She points to a golden band on her ring finger. "Kenshin, mine. Any questions?"

"N-no..."

"Good." And she skips off camera, all sparkles and sunshine.

Video #786: Sagara Sanosuke

In front of the camera sits a tall man with a charming smile somewhat destroyed by the fact that he's chewing on the bones of a dead fish. His hair is quite spiky, even roosterish one might say, and a red headband is tied tightly around his brow to show off just how bad ass he really is. "Alright, let's get this thing started."

"Alright sir, please state your name."

"I'm Sagara Sanosuke, and I'm the guy for you."

"How so sir?"

"No, I'm not the guy for you weirdo, I'm the guy for them."

"Oh, you mean the women watching."

"Yeah, those girls out there who now how to [Expletive deleted]."

"Sir! You shouldn't speak like that on camera!"

"What? A guy can't like a good [Expletive deleted]?"

"Sir!"

"What? I just want a nice slow [Expletive deleted] with a sweet young thing. One with a big rack and a tight [Expletive deleted]. Who's got some gyration in those hips." He puts his hands out and starts thrusting with his crotch, "Yeah, just like that. Yeah, you like that? You do don't you? You like that in your [Expletive deleted]. Yeah? You want some more? Tell me you want it. Tell me. Tell me who's your daddy. Who is it? Huh? Yeah, Sano's your daddy. That's right..." Around that time the camera shuts off.

Video #787: Takani Megumi (The most responded to Ani-Date Video in the archive)

There's something about the way this one moves, the way her long black hair catches the light, the way her eyes seem to stare right through you. Her kimono is stylish but practical, hanging off of her body like it was a part of her. And something just screamed 'Foxy Lady.' As she took her seat she let out a loud yelp the second her butt hit the chair, hopping up instantaneously. "What was that?" With a grumble she turns around and looks at the chair, putting her hands on her hips. "Who put this here?!" She bent forward to pick something up off of the seat. Now doing this of course raised her backside right to the camera, and if one listened very closely they could hear a chorus of angels singing praise at that fine rump right in front of the lense. She turns around, holding a thumb tack, "Who put this in my chair?!" Then she drops it and frowns, this time bending forward to pick it up off the floor. Quite apparent from the angle of the camera and the low cut neckline of her clothing, Takani Megumi is not wearing a bra. Her breasts sway gently as she picks up the tack and then stands again just as a stream of Ani-Date Employee nose blood sprays forth from behind the camera. She blinks and then rushes forward, "Somebody get me a hemostat, we've got a bleeder!"

In the background, a manly voice sounding like it has a fish bone in its mouth seems very very happy, "That... was my best prank... ever..."

Video #304: Myojin Yahiko

A short kid with really spiky black hair and a samurai's yellow gi and green hakama, shinai slung across his back, walks onto the frame. His expression bespeaks of a "Don't even think about messing with me!" attitude as he sits down in the chair and glares at the camera. "Let's start this!" He almost growls.

"Alright, you cute little boy you..."

His eyes narrow and he stands on the chair, thrusting his finger towards the camera angrily, "I'M NOT A LITTLE BOY!!!"

There's a slight coughing sound, "Huh, you look pretty little to me..."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"Nothing, nothing." And then, very softly, "Geeze for such a little kid he's got some big lungs."

The little boy whips the shinai off his back, "ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING CALLED LITTLE!!!! Everybody does it, Stupid Rooster Head, Stupid Busu.....AND EVEN KENSHIN CALLED ME LITTLE!!!"

In the background a soft, "Oro.... He still remembers that?"

The boy dives off the chair and charges towards the camera, fully intent on destroying the one who so called him little, but a white flash appears before him. The man who catches the boy squarely in the forehead with one hand, stopping him cold. The boy wildly swings his shinai at the man, but it misses him by inches. The man shakes his head and chews on his fishbone, "Little brats don't have the right to get pissed off by the truth, Yahiko-chan!"

The boy's response is even more wild swings with his weapon, accompanied by a string of words entirely too rated-R for his age.

A third person rushes onto the scene: Kamiya Kaoru. "I heard that, Yahiko!" She grabs him by the ear and yanks him out of the shot. Her shouting voice can heard, fading away, "The second we get back to the dojo, I'm washing your mouth out with soap! And then it's 1000 swings!"

Video #598: Saitou Hajime

A tall, dark, wolfish looking man smoking a cigarette sits in the seat staring at the camera with cold eyes. "You can begin any time."

"Alright, Mr. Saitou. Tell me, what do you look for in a woman?"

Amber eyes blink, puzzled for only a fraction of a second. "What?"

"Sir, you must tell us what you look for in a potential partner or we cannot make this dating video for you."

Now he's a little angry, but he's still one cool, lethal customer. "Why in hell would I want a dating video. I'm already happily married, moron."

"Well then, Mr. Saitou, pray tell me why you came to our studio?"

He shrugs. "I received intelligence from an anonymous tipster that Battousai would be here. That idiot needs to finish the duel we started."

"Er, sir, we can't have you doing duels he..."

The whole scene is interrupted by a booming peal of laughter. "OHOHOHOHOHO!" The wall behind Saitou is vaporized in a tremendous roar and cloud of dust. A shapely brunette clad in fishnet stockings, knee high combat boots, blue mini skirt and black halter skips through the destruction, yanking along behind her a very disgruntled (and slightly worse-for-the-wear) dog demon. Kanashimi jumps onto Saitou's shoulders before the infamous Wolf of Mibu can reach for his katana. "Hello, Pookie," she greets him, "I'm thinking I want another puppy for my collection."

The scene fades to black, thank God.

Author's Note: FINALLY! It's been like what? Over a year now? Terribly sorry about it honestly, but I did get it done see! SEE?! Great thanks to Narrator-sama for all her help, checker her out, her account's simply "The Narrator". Really good stuff. Anyway, not quite sure when the next one will be out, or even what it is, but I'll try to make it funny, I won't let Ani-Date die!