***
4
***
The flat-faced ball of feathers that came hopping into the fairy's light did not look anything like a general, and Billy and Slightly looked at each other in confusion. The owl was scarcely as tall as Picadilly and had two feather horns sticking out from the top of it's head. It looked more like a squashed pigeon than anything remotely official.
"Show some respect!" Binkly hissed, nudging Slightly in the foot with his wing. Slightly quickly snatched the hat off his head and held it between his hands.
"General Tory?"
He cocked his head and eyed the boys with a tilted glare. "Humans aren't allowed on Small Monday Island at night, Sergeant Binkly. Do tell me you have a good reason for this."
Binkly bowed so quickly he tapped his beak in the sand. "Picadilly wants to plead permission to come back ashore, and bring the two humans with him."
"What the bloody hell for!? Did you check their pockets for jackalope pups?"
Picadilly flared indignantly. "Hey!"
"They couldn't be carrying jackalopes. One was swimming the whole way and the other was flying." Binkly said quickly. "Jackalopes hate to fly."
Billy rolled his eyes at Slightly "What is it about this fairy and jackalopes?" he muttered. Slightly shrugged.
General Tory paced a foot or so in the sand, something that was disturbingly cute since he waddled on his feet, turned, and came back to where he started before fixing the trio with a lopsided glare.
"Alright, Picadilly, spill it. I'm legally required to hear your case. See if you can at least give us a good chuckle at your expense." He said finally, which earned an amused murmur from the owls who watched from the darkness.
"Well ya see, General, these two boys need to pick something up from the potions shop and they won't have time to do it after sunrise," Picadilly explained lamely. "So I thought I'd just open up the shop for them a bit early and sell them what they need, and then they can be on their way."
"Denied." Tory said quickly and effortlessly. "Now get off the shore and wait for the sun to come up." He turned his back to them dismissively.
The boys had opened their mouths to protest but before Billy could get a good shout going, Picadilly had grabbed hold of his hair and was hurriedly whispering into the cup of his ear. Billy blinked, then smirked.
"General! How's that potion your wife bought for you working?" He said. General Tory froze in mid step.
"What did you just say?"
Billy was grinning. With the split lip and the absence of two teeth it wasn't a pleasant sight. "You remember, that bottle she brought home from the potions store about a week ago? Surefire cure for impoten—"
"THATS ENOUGH!" Tory shouted over the rest. He'd puffed up like a dandelion head and muffled giggling could be heard from the present members of the Night Watch.
Poor General Tory will probably never understand the connection between his anger and other people's giggling. When people laughed at him he became angry, and when he became angry, people laughed even more. This had something to do with the sight of a tiny flammulated owl puffed up as large as he could be and shifting angrily from one foot to the other. Tory was neither aware that he puffed up nor that he shifted, and was under the impression that he made an imposing figure when he was furious.
"Shut your traps! That's an order!" He snapped angrily at his watch. The giggling was muffled to occasional snorts and snickers. He still didn't deflate.
Picadilly was humming an obscene bar song through his grin, and didn't waver when General Tory fixed him with the meanest glare he'd given in a good long time. The fairy made it all the way to the line "So Betty my miss, come give me a kiss, in Hell there's no innkeeper's daughter like this!" before Tory puffed loudly through his beak.
"You can take the humans into the damned island!" He snapped, the cere of his beak red. "BUT… Corporal Hiram is going with you, and I swear to Bridged that if you so much as spit on the sidewalk I'll have you all bound in chains and thrown into the ocean, you hear me?!"
Picadilly's grin dropped. He had, of course, had absolutely no intention of taking the boys to the potions store. He didn't think there was anything on the shelves even remotely useful in this situation, and Master Spoonthistle and his assistant wouldn't be up for three hours yet. There would be no one to help him with this particular puzzle.
"Er, is that really necessary, General?" Picadilly asked. "They won't be any trouble, I'll watch them!"
Tory smirked.
"Yes, Picadilly. It is necessary."
***
"Fat lot of good that did us." Billy grumbled through his teeth as they were marched single mindedly towards the town. Corporal Hiram, an enormous grey thing that seemed to have the speech capacity of a turnip, was keeping pace with them in the boughs of the trees, the limbs swaying dangerously under his weight. "How are we going to lose HIM long enough to find an exorsist?"
Slightly frowned. "What if we just slightly stall until dawn? Then the Night Watch leaves, right?"
"Right." Picadilly replied. "But Corporal Hiram isn't an idiot. He's slow, but he'll catch on if we just hang around chatting on the main street."
They breeched the border of the fairy city then, and jerked back abruptly as something went swooping through their path, wing tip brushing Billy's chest. Corporal Hiram circled them twice and landed clumsily in the middle of the road. He went a little higher that the boys' knees.
"What is it NOW?" Billy snapped. His temper was thin; he'd never been much good without sleep.
Corporal Hiram puffed his chest and made a quick, incomprehensible gesture with his wings. The trio stared at him.
"Could you do that again, slightly slower?"
The owl glared. After an annoyed flick of the tail he began again more slowly. He pointed at each boy in turn with his flight feathers, then pointedly slapped them to the ground. He then pointed to Picadilly, and made a gesture into the fairy town.
"I think he wants us to stay here." Slightly said. Billy scowled down at the owl and it was difficult to say who's glare was meaner.
"Then you want me to go run to the store and bring it back here, is that it?" Picadilly asked. The owl nodded curtly and ruffled itself. "You know, it would be easier if you just let them come down the main street with me. It'll be quicker."
Corporal Hiram shook his head vehemently. No.
"Great." Picadilly muttered. He tugged Billy's ear closer. "Look, I'll take as long as I can at the potions store. If we milk this we might be able to stall him till dawn."
Billy jerked his head in a quick nod, and the fairy darted off into the town, his light setting strange patterns across the darkened windows.
It was not a comfortable standoff. Slightly shifted uneasily under the scrutiny of those enormous yellow eyes and Billy just stood with his arms crossed, glaring right back at him through the dark. Hiram never needed to blink. It made the staring contest hypnotic and strangely surreal, and Billy kept wondering what would happen if he just kicked the owl out of the way. Ten minutes passed in silence before a glowing blue dart reappeared among the tiny buildings. An acorn was dangling below him by a pair of fiber straps and he flew a little slower than before for caution of it.
"I found something!" He yelped when came to hover before them. Corporal Hiram craned his neck up to stare at the little blue creature above his head. Picadilly shifted the acorn in his arms and flipped the cap up on a tiny hinge. Inside was an infinitely tiny Florentine beaker and an equally tiny book. He lifted them out and slung the acorn around his neck.
"What's that?" Billy asked suspiciously.
"Detecto Brand Detecting Potions number two seventeen, see?" He held up the beaker and pointed to an impossible line of writing around the lip. Even if either of the boy's could read they couldn't have deciphered the lettering.
Slightly squinted. "What's it for?"
"Detecting things." He said, as though it were the most obvious thing. "This'll not only tell you what you've got in you, but it'll kill a good fifteen minutes. If I'm careful and don't use too much, my boss won't even know I opened it. Here." He pulled the cap out and flew towards Billy, but the boy jerked back.
"No! I haven't got any reason to trust you! YOU try the damned potion and THEN we'll see about it."
Picadilly whined "But it'll take more then!"
"I'm not letting you just put any old thing on me! It might turn me into jelly for all I know!"
"You already are jelly." Picadilly muttered. "Fine. I'll show you how much a pussy you're being, alright?"
The fairy blocked the opening with his thumb, tipped it, and smeared the patch of green fluid over his tongue. In a few seconds there was a popping sound, and the color of Picadilly's glow turned a dark and vicious mauve. His skin, however, stayed blue, and the overlapping effects made him look nearly black.
"See? I'm red now. Lets see what it has for red." Juggling the beaker and book in his hands he managed to get the book open in his arms and flipped through the pages. From the boys' view it looked like a list of color coding. He finally 'ah-ha!'ed and poked the page. "It says 'Mauve, dark: A land fairy of the male sort, as distinguishable from Light Mauve, a water fairy of the male sort.' That's all it does, see? If there's something in you that hadn't ought to be, like a demon, it'll show up as its own separate aura."
Billy grunted noncommittally. Picadilly was getting a mischievous look in his eyes. "I wonder what color Hiram would turn?"
The owl hissed nastily at the little fairy and Picadilly winced. "Fine, fine, we won't play. Hmph. As long as we're using it, lets test the blonde boy first before we do the negroid, so we know what's different than usual on him when we see it. You're not possessed, are you?"
Slightly shook his head.
"Good, then! Hold still."
It was difficult not to flinch when Picadilly flew that close to his face, but Slightly cooperated when the fairy tugged his lip open and smudged a streak of potion on the inside. Soon after there was a pop, and Slightly's vision washed over a bright, forget-me-not blue. He blinked and looked down at himself.
"Human, male. That's what the book says." Picadilly puffed happily. "Now it's your turn!"
For a moment it looked like Billy wasn't going to cooperate, but with a general scowl and an unfortunately timed grumble from his stomach (which made the fairy somehow very reluctant to be near his mouth) he stuck his tongue out between his teeth. Picadilly smeared a spot of potion onto it and he pulled it back with a grimace.
"That's disgusting."
"You think that's bad, just wait till you find out what's in it."
There was a searing pop and Billy's vision washed green. Three heads stared blankly at him with wide eyes.
"Why is he slightly green?" Slightly asked warily. Picadilly blinked, already fading back from mauve to blue, and began to flip through the pages to the greens. Billy's stomach felt suddenly very ill.
"I think this might be a bad batch, after all." Picadilly said as he scanned down rows, glancing up to compare the shades. He paused at one and held the book up to compare. "H-he's pretty close to parrot-green. But that says field mouse, female. He's not a field mouse, is he?"
"No!" Billy snapped.
"Well hold on then!"
The fairy flipped a few more pages and held the book up to compare again. "You're too dark to be maple green, and you're not grey enough for sage green!" He ran his finger down the page and tapped it. "Here we go! Tamarack matches perfectly! Lets see. 'Tamarack: Male--" Picadilly stopped abruptly and stared down at the page.
"Male WHAT?!" Billy snapped. Picadilly winced and flew back a few feet from the boy.
"Tamarack: Male Rhodec Clan….ghoul."
Billy jerked up straighter than if he'd suddenly had a stake rammed up his spine. "…what do you mean, ghoul?"
Picadilly squeaked and dropped the bottle and book. The potion sloshed out across a decaying leaf and turned it orange.
"Corporal Hiram!" The fairy squealed. The owl needed no prompting; he'd already begun to flap his enormous wings and rose clumsily into the air, tucking his claws up into his feathers. Picadilly grabbed hold of his tail and dragged along after him.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY GHOUL?!" Billy screamed after the disappearing light. It vanished over the treetops and there came the sound of a hundred beating wings, each a patch of darkness rising up from the leaves to stain the tinting sky. Shrill calls echoed out through the trees and Slightly grabbed his friend by the forearm, tugging him away from the town.
"Billy, run!" He shouted. The birds were converging over the city like a swarm of bees and shrieking to each other, confused. The baritone calls of an owl straightened them and they began to drift towards the boy's stood, Billy's teeth bared to the moon and breath puffing, furious. Slightly tugged more violently and Billy's eyes flashed to him, wide and enraged, but as Slightly shouted another plea to run over the sounds of the approaching birds he blinked, suddenly seeming to realize their predicament, and dashed off into the clawing woods with Slightly stumbling behind him. Dead undergrowth reached to slash at their faces as they ran blindly towards the shore, the dark filled with flitting things trying to push through the branches to their skin. They exploded onto the shore and threw their arms over their heads as the swarm descended on their bodies, a chaos of sharp beaks and beating wings and grey and brown feathers trying to drive them into the sand. Somewhere behind it all they head Hiram's deep baritone and Tory's shrill voice bellowing orders to the mob until they stumbled into the safety of the waves and heard nothing but the calm, the cold, and the black silence.
Across the eastern horizon the sky was staining pink. A leviathan in profile, the Jolly Roger bobbed mindlessly among the waves, mast stabbing vengefully into the dawn as she met the new day silent, empty, and unmanned.
4
***
The flat-faced ball of feathers that came hopping into the fairy's light did not look anything like a general, and Billy and Slightly looked at each other in confusion. The owl was scarcely as tall as Picadilly and had two feather horns sticking out from the top of it's head. It looked more like a squashed pigeon than anything remotely official.
"Show some respect!" Binkly hissed, nudging Slightly in the foot with his wing. Slightly quickly snatched the hat off his head and held it between his hands.
"General Tory?"
He cocked his head and eyed the boys with a tilted glare. "Humans aren't allowed on Small Monday Island at night, Sergeant Binkly. Do tell me you have a good reason for this."
Binkly bowed so quickly he tapped his beak in the sand. "Picadilly wants to plead permission to come back ashore, and bring the two humans with him."
"What the bloody hell for!? Did you check their pockets for jackalope pups?"
Picadilly flared indignantly. "Hey!"
"They couldn't be carrying jackalopes. One was swimming the whole way and the other was flying." Binkly said quickly. "Jackalopes hate to fly."
Billy rolled his eyes at Slightly "What is it about this fairy and jackalopes?" he muttered. Slightly shrugged.
General Tory paced a foot or so in the sand, something that was disturbingly cute since he waddled on his feet, turned, and came back to where he started before fixing the trio with a lopsided glare.
"Alright, Picadilly, spill it. I'm legally required to hear your case. See if you can at least give us a good chuckle at your expense." He said finally, which earned an amused murmur from the owls who watched from the darkness.
"Well ya see, General, these two boys need to pick something up from the potions shop and they won't have time to do it after sunrise," Picadilly explained lamely. "So I thought I'd just open up the shop for them a bit early and sell them what they need, and then they can be on their way."
"Denied." Tory said quickly and effortlessly. "Now get off the shore and wait for the sun to come up." He turned his back to them dismissively.
The boys had opened their mouths to protest but before Billy could get a good shout going, Picadilly had grabbed hold of his hair and was hurriedly whispering into the cup of his ear. Billy blinked, then smirked.
"General! How's that potion your wife bought for you working?" He said. General Tory froze in mid step.
"What did you just say?"
Billy was grinning. With the split lip and the absence of two teeth it wasn't a pleasant sight. "You remember, that bottle she brought home from the potions store about a week ago? Surefire cure for impoten—"
"THATS ENOUGH!" Tory shouted over the rest. He'd puffed up like a dandelion head and muffled giggling could be heard from the present members of the Night Watch.
Poor General Tory will probably never understand the connection between his anger and other people's giggling. When people laughed at him he became angry, and when he became angry, people laughed even more. This had something to do with the sight of a tiny flammulated owl puffed up as large as he could be and shifting angrily from one foot to the other. Tory was neither aware that he puffed up nor that he shifted, and was under the impression that he made an imposing figure when he was furious.
"Shut your traps! That's an order!" He snapped angrily at his watch. The giggling was muffled to occasional snorts and snickers. He still didn't deflate.
Picadilly was humming an obscene bar song through his grin, and didn't waver when General Tory fixed him with the meanest glare he'd given in a good long time. The fairy made it all the way to the line "So Betty my miss, come give me a kiss, in Hell there's no innkeeper's daughter like this!" before Tory puffed loudly through his beak.
"You can take the humans into the damned island!" He snapped, the cere of his beak red. "BUT… Corporal Hiram is going with you, and I swear to Bridged that if you so much as spit on the sidewalk I'll have you all bound in chains and thrown into the ocean, you hear me?!"
Picadilly's grin dropped. He had, of course, had absolutely no intention of taking the boys to the potions store. He didn't think there was anything on the shelves even remotely useful in this situation, and Master Spoonthistle and his assistant wouldn't be up for three hours yet. There would be no one to help him with this particular puzzle.
"Er, is that really necessary, General?" Picadilly asked. "They won't be any trouble, I'll watch them!"
Tory smirked.
"Yes, Picadilly. It is necessary."
***
"Fat lot of good that did us." Billy grumbled through his teeth as they were marched single mindedly towards the town. Corporal Hiram, an enormous grey thing that seemed to have the speech capacity of a turnip, was keeping pace with them in the boughs of the trees, the limbs swaying dangerously under his weight. "How are we going to lose HIM long enough to find an exorsist?"
Slightly frowned. "What if we just slightly stall until dawn? Then the Night Watch leaves, right?"
"Right." Picadilly replied. "But Corporal Hiram isn't an idiot. He's slow, but he'll catch on if we just hang around chatting on the main street."
They breeched the border of the fairy city then, and jerked back abruptly as something went swooping through their path, wing tip brushing Billy's chest. Corporal Hiram circled them twice and landed clumsily in the middle of the road. He went a little higher that the boys' knees.
"What is it NOW?" Billy snapped. His temper was thin; he'd never been much good without sleep.
Corporal Hiram puffed his chest and made a quick, incomprehensible gesture with his wings. The trio stared at him.
"Could you do that again, slightly slower?"
The owl glared. After an annoyed flick of the tail he began again more slowly. He pointed at each boy in turn with his flight feathers, then pointedly slapped them to the ground. He then pointed to Picadilly, and made a gesture into the fairy town.
"I think he wants us to stay here." Slightly said. Billy scowled down at the owl and it was difficult to say who's glare was meaner.
"Then you want me to go run to the store and bring it back here, is that it?" Picadilly asked. The owl nodded curtly and ruffled itself. "You know, it would be easier if you just let them come down the main street with me. It'll be quicker."
Corporal Hiram shook his head vehemently. No.
"Great." Picadilly muttered. He tugged Billy's ear closer. "Look, I'll take as long as I can at the potions store. If we milk this we might be able to stall him till dawn."
Billy jerked his head in a quick nod, and the fairy darted off into the town, his light setting strange patterns across the darkened windows.
It was not a comfortable standoff. Slightly shifted uneasily under the scrutiny of those enormous yellow eyes and Billy just stood with his arms crossed, glaring right back at him through the dark. Hiram never needed to blink. It made the staring contest hypnotic and strangely surreal, and Billy kept wondering what would happen if he just kicked the owl out of the way. Ten minutes passed in silence before a glowing blue dart reappeared among the tiny buildings. An acorn was dangling below him by a pair of fiber straps and he flew a little slower than before for caution of it.
"I found something!" He yelped when came to hover before them. Corporal Hiram craned his neck up to stare at the little blue creature above his head. Picadilly shifted the acorn in his arms and flipped the cap up on a tiny hinge. Inside was an infinitely tiny Florentine beaker and an equally tiny book. He lifted them out and slung the acorn around his neck.
"What's that?" Billy asked suspiciously.
"Detecto Brand Detecting Potions number two seventeen, see?" He held up the beaker and pointed to an impossible line of writing around the lip. Even if either of the boy's could read they couldn't have deciphered the lettering.
Slightly squinted. "What's it for?"
"Detecting things." He said, as though it were the most obvious thing. "This'll not only tell you what you've got in you, but it'll kill a good fifteen minutes. If I'm careful and don't use too much, my boss won't even know I opened it. Here." He pulled the cap out and flew towards Billy, but the boy jerked back.
"No! I haven't got any reason to trust you! YOU try the damned potion and THEN we'll see about it."
Picadilly whined "But it'll take more then!"
"I'm not letting you just put any old thing on me! It might turn me into jelly for all I know!"
"You already are jelly." Picadilly muttered. "Fine. I'll show you how much a pussy you're being, alright?"
The fairy blocked the opening with his thumb, tipped it, and smeared the patch of green fluid over his tongue. In a few seconds there was a popping sound, and the color of Picadilly's glow turned a dark and vicious mauve. His skin, however, stayed blue, and the overlapping effects made him look nearly black.
"See? I'm red now. Lets see what it has for red." Juggling the beaker and book in his hands he managed to get the book open in his arms and flipped through the pages. From the boys' view it looked like a list of color coding. He finally 'ah-ha!'ed and poked the page. "It says 'Mauve, dark: A land fairy of the male sort, as distinguishable from Light Mauve, a water fairy of the male sort.' That's all it does, see? If there's something in you that hadn't ought to be, like a demon, it'll show up as its own separate aura."
Billy grunted noncommittally. Picadilly was getting a mischievous look in his eyes. "I wonder what color Hiram would turn?"
The owl hissed nastily at the little fairy and Picadilly winced. "Fine, fine, we won't play. Hmph. As long as we're using it, lets test the blonde boy first before we do the negroid, so we know what's different than usual on him when we see it. You're not possessed, are you?"
Slightly shook his head.
"Good, then! Hold still."
It was difficult not to flinch when Picadilly flew that close to his face, but Slightly cooperated when the fairy tugged his lip open and smudged a streak of potion on the inside. Soon after there was a pop, and Slightly's vision washed over a bright, forget-me-not blue. He blinked and looked down at himself.
"Human, male. That's what the book says." Picadilly puffed happily. "Now it's your turn!"
For a moment it looked like Billy wasn't going to cooperate, but with a general scowl and an unfortunately timed grumble from his stomach (which made the fairy somehow very reluctant to be near his mouth) he stuck his tongue out between his teeth. Picadilly smeared a spot of potion onto it and he pulled it back with a grimace.
"That's disgusting."
"You think that's bad, just wait till you find out what's in it."
There was a searing pop and Billy's vision washed green. Three heads stared blankly at him with wide eyes.
"Why is he slightly green?" Slightly asked warily. Picadilly blinked, already fading back from mauve to blue, and began to flip through the pages to the greens. Billy's stomach felt suddenly very ill.
"I think this might be a bad batch, after all." Picadilly said as he scanned down rows, glancing up to compare the shades. He paused at one and held the book up to compare. "H-he's pretty close to parrot-green. But that says field mouse, female. He's not a field mouse, is he?"
"No!" Billy snapped.
"Well hold on then!"
The fairy flipped a few more pages and held the book up to compare again. "You're too dark to be maple green, and you're not grey enough for sage green!" He ran his finger down the page and tapped it. "Here we go! Tamarack matches perfectly! Lets see. 'Tamarack: Male--" Picadilly stopped abruptly and stared down at the page.
"Male WHAT?!" Billy snapped. Picadilly winced and flew back a few feet from the boy.
"Tamarack: Male Rhodec Clan….ghoul."
Billy jerked up straighter than if he'd suddenly had a stake rammed up his spine. "…what do you mean, ghoul?"
Picadilly squeaked and dropped the bottle and book. The potion sloshed out across a decaying leaf and turned it orange.
"Corporal Hiram!" The fairy squealed. The owl needed no prompting; he'd already begun to flap his enormous wings and rose clumsily into the air, tucking his claws up into his feathers. Picadilly grabbed hold of his tail and dragged along after him.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY GHOUL?!" Billy screamed after the disappearing light. It vanished over the treetops and there came the sound of a hundred beating wings, each a patch of darkness rising up from the leaves to stain the tinting sky. Shrill calls echoed out through the trees and Slightly grabbed his friend by the forearm, tugging him away from the town.
"Billy, run!" He shouted. The birds were converging over the city like a swarm of bees and shrieking to each other, confused. The baritone calls of an owl straightened them and they began to drift towards the boy's stood, Billy's teeth bared to the moon and breath puffing, furious. Slightly tugged more violently and Billy's eyes flashed to him, wide and enraged, but as Slightly shouted another plea to run over the sounds of the approaching birds he blinked, suddenly seeming to realize their predicament, and dashed off into the clawing woods with Slightly stumbling behind him. Dead undergrowth reached to slash at their faces as they ran blindly towards the shore, the dark filled with flitting things trying to push through the branches to their skin. They exploded onto the shore and threw their arms over their heads as the swarm descended on their bodies, a chaos of sharp beaks and beating wings and grey and brown feathers trying to drive them into the sand. Somewhere behind it all they head Hiram's deep baritone and Tory's shrill voice bellowing orders to the mob until they stumbled into the safety of the waves and heard nothing but the calm, the cold, and the black silence.
Across the eastern horizon the sky was staining pink. A leviathan in profile, the Jolly Roger bobbed mindlessly among the waves, mast stabbing vengefully into the dawn as she met the new day silent, empty, and unmanned.