Ev, lol, there goes Jack's problem, thank you for reviewing all my fics

Sydney, thanks for the review, hope you enjoy this

miakaweasley, I think this might be my favourite as well, or a tleast it was when we were at the real core of it, now it's drawing to a close

twin*muse, happy birthday to your dad.

X, I could never end anything sadly, hehe, your in for a happy ending.

J.Turenne, I agree that this one is at a more interesting place and don't worry, I managed to update three of them.

Mandy@TTU, star, Intel, april here you go guys, thanks for reviewing

Chapter Eighteen

I grin, there's nothing else to do, I can feel tiny chuckles in my stomach, it's ironic how he acts. He sees my smile and his brow creases low, I take a breath, I have to put this perfectly if I am to succeed. "You think..." I pause and bite my lip, "You believe that this isn't going to be real." He stares at me and I try again, despite the pain and the headache that goes now hand in hand with talking, "You see me here and you know that it's going to be fake," my voice, it's incredulous, emotional, not like I should be, but I can't care, not now.

I try one more time, "Jack," he looks at me, eyes hollow, but only because that's how he wants me to see him, I raise my chin, "I'm real," I sound so corny, the smile I'm wearing must only reinforce his doubts, "It is going to be a very screwed over relationship," is that what this is? "But right now," Sydney is staring at me from where she now sits beside Vaughn, even she can see what I'm trying to do, I hang my head, still keeping my eyes on him. "I'm real. I'm not dead, I'm not gone." His eyes, they're filled with wonder, bewilderment, doubt, shock, hesitance, nothing I really want to see, but then, no one can read Jack Bristow, not even me. All I can do is wait, watching him, letting my eyes flicker to Sark whose watching us with interest I'd expected to see better masked, I smile at him before returning my gaze to Jack, my eye voice volumes to him but his forehead still creased and his face expressionless. I swallow, fear clouding everything.

I don't believe this, I don't blame him either, but this is unfair, for me to come back to life, only after experiencing Jack again, but to come back to life, from what should have been death and to not be able to have him, it's just cruel, I want him, no, I need him. There's nothing else I can say though, is there? I stare at him, feeling the water welling up in my eyes despite my mind's orders not to. The pain isn't doing this, Jack is and I hate, not him, but myself for it. If I wasn't already on the ground, I would collapse, "Jack, what else can I say?" it comes out almost as a sob and I can see that Sydney and Vaughn obviously know what I should say, that even Sark seems to have the upper hand here, but I can't it's all too cloudy, too hazy to know how to explain all of this to Jack.

I'm sure that the entire reason he's acting so rigid is because he doesn't trust himself, he doesn't trust the world, but how can I convince him? Jack just stares at me, slightly taken back with my words, and probably my emotion, I stare at him harder, trying as ever, to say what he want sot hear, but not knowing how to. His eyes widen, opening up but he doesn't' budge.

"Jack," it's a plea but I don't care, nothing truly matters, I just wish I could get to him, to show him without collapsing from the pain, "Jack, please," I can't believe how open I'm being but it doesn't really matter, and all of a sudden I'm angry. Probably not at him, but just at everything, "Jack." No longer pleading, "I'm alive," defiant, as though I must be right. "Come here," still no movement, he's watching though, still intent, looking, I suppose for a sign. I try to stand, but can't. "Jack, if you give up on this, I have to as well. This, this is stupid, I mean honestly how can you just not move," I let it all go, knowing there's a good chance I won't make any sense, but needing the release, "All our lives, everything has been unfair, everything has been wrong or untimely or unlucky. And now it isn't, we have this tiny little chance and you're going to throw our love away."

I see his eyes flicker and wonder why, I'm aware I sound angry, I'm aware that my accent is thicker that usual, I'm aware Sark's adopted a smug grin, I don't why, but it just slipped onto his face. Jack's voice finally, "What?"

I freeze one step forward but I don't know what he means, what he's referring to. I pause, my breath catching in my throat as I fight for an answer, I open my mouth to give him an open ended answer, hoping he'll fall for it.

Sark cuts across me, his voice still cocky and British, "Last few words, Irina, don't screw this up." He grins at me.

I glare at him, I was ready and I see Jack closing up a little more, only a little because there isn't much more he can cut off. Then I register what Sark said, 'Last few words' and swallow. I smile at him then to Jack who's watching me like a hawk, "I love you," the words are as much as a revelation to me as they are to him, when I first said 'our love' it just slipped out, I didn't even know it was there. But now, thanks to Sark, it's obvious what Jack needs and I gave it to him. I hadn't really realized that that was what it was, how deep and surreal it could be, but I'm sure now that I've managed to say it. I'm in love and Jack knows it, and Sydney knows it, and Vaughn knows it and obviously Sark knew it before me.

For a moment I think that perhaps Jack still isn't satisfied and then I see the corners of his mouth twitching up into a grin, he's biting his lip, his eyes glinting making him look twenty years younger and his head cocked on its side. I shake my head wondering why he hasn't moved, "Well?"

Jack grins even more, never before has such a sight been so perfect for me, screw the pain, this makes it cower away is fear. "I don't think it would be wise of me to touch you." Sydney looks shocked and I have to bite my own lip to stop from laughing. Poor Sydney, so traumatized, and now her father grinning, at me, I'd laugh if I wasn't overcome by the hungry look he's managed to throw into my line of view. "I mean, you're hurt."

I sigh, my chest raising enough to remind me of the pain, I left my hands, ignoring the splits of pain running over me and managing to smile, good god, if I could just feel his lips again I wouldn't mind the pain. I let my fingers run over the cuts, they're all sealed now, tiny trickles of blood still running over my body, I wash them off, trying to make the cuts look smaller, less painful, anything to get him over here.

I look up and grin at him, admiring his resolve to stay away from my own good, "It's not that bad," he takes a step forward before stopping himself. "Jack," that sounded seductive even to my own ears.

He glares at me, playfully, even now walking towards me, only another four, maybe five steps. I raise my eyebrows expectantly as he stops beside me, looking down, "Hmmm?" I ask and he immediately sits down, feet in the water, right beside me. So close I can feel the heat radiating off but still managing enough control to stay far enough away not to be touching. I wonder if he realizes this hurts more than the cuts. He ignores me, watching my and trailing his hands in the water, Sydney, Vaughn and Sark are watching from a distance, "Please," I ask in my most innocent voice, which, of course is totally un-innocent.

He stares at me for a moment before bringing a hand up to my cheek, cradling it perfectly, my head turning and my lips kissing the inside of his palm, his fingers moving back and forth over my skin, I sigh and turn back to him, watching as he moves closer, he stops centimeters away, "Remember you asked for this." I can sense there's more to his words than what just face value but I don't think about it, instead concentrating on finding his lips as he continues to evade my own. Suddenly, though, they're on mine. Gentle, like I remembered, but insistent.

Angled against mine and I know I was right, this makes the pain insignificant, ignorable. His tongue starts to trace my own lips and I tease him, waiting a few seconds before opening my mouth to him, I can feel him grin against me as our tongue duel silently. My own hands have found their way, quite by themselves, around to his back, one pulling him closer, even while he resists, my pain always stopping him, and my other hand on the nape of his neck. His own hand remains on my cheek, sometimes moving down to my neck, but staying there.

His other hand escapes the water, I hear it and in the back of my mind I wonder where he'll place it. I'm surprised to say the least when he risks laying it on my stomach, directly over the cuts, tiny droplets falling from his hand, granting me a wonderful feeling as the droplets join to form little rivers trailing over the cuts, diminishing the pain until it isn't there and his hand and the water he continues to scoop up from the pool are simply another source of pleasure. I sigh against his lips and he instantly draws back, "Did I hurt you?" his hands stop, he stiffens as he tries not to move and I laugh.

I lick my lips, shaking my head at him, "No," he relaxes a little, "But come back or I will." He grins, fully, properly, I don't think I could ever get sick of him, not watching him, not kissing him, not talking to him, nothing. He leans closer, ready to kiss me again, his fingers absently tracing tiny shapes on my stomach, over the cuts, so gently it's total bliss.

But Sark interrupts us, "We have to go." I glare at him. He shrugs, "We do," he pauses, "And eventually this will start to gross you daughter out." He says it as though it's fact and he's probably right. I let my eyes wander over to her and Vaughn, they're actually holding hands, I think that this might be having a positive effect on them. Sark just grins at me, mischievously.

Jack stops drawing pictures but the pain stays away. I smile and nod, "I can't walk." That's true at least and the implied question that goes with it I do need an answer for.

Vaughn makes his way over, somewhat tentatively, "We're not far from the Merc," Sark grimaces, "I'm sure it'll still be drivable." Sark's grimace turns into a hunch.

Sydney joins in, "I'd say about twenty minutes that way. Not uphill."

Jack looks at me, obviously worried and I smile, repeating my problem, "I can't walk."

"I can carry you," Jack explains, "On my back." Sydney stares at him, still not quite to terms with his new found openness. "I can manage."

I smile at him, my eyes narrowing as he stands and holds hid hands out. I grasp them tightly, and pull my self up, flinching at the pain. Immediately he grabs me around the waist and I steady myself against him. He looks down at me, worried but I just grin and wrap my arms around his neck. Glaring at me, the smile dimming the scowl, he turns and crouches, helping me as best he can onto his back, letting me wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, immediately the heats almost too much, I smile into his hair as the remaining three look at us with their own secretive looks.

Jack shakes his head before beginning to walk in the direction Sydney pointed out, heading back towards the car, towards civilization, back to LA.

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