CHAPTER ONE:
() This chapter is a bit altered so that it would seem more "modern", more "today". Whatever -- ()
"Long ago, there existed a city where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with tall buildings, hard-working factories, and money. But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself. With its strength at his command, he spread darkness across the city. But then, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand, a teen clothed in a green shirt and green jeans appeared as if from nowhere. Wielding the Gun of Evil's Bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the city light. This teen, who traveled through time to save the industries, was known as the Hero of Time. The teen's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend. But then a day came when the stock market fell across the city. The great evil that all had thought had been forever sealed away by the Hero once again crept forth from the depths of the prison camp, eager to resume its dark designs.
"The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them. But the Hero did not appear. Faced by an onslaught of taxes, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. In their last hour, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate. What became of that city...? None remain who know. The memory of the city vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. On a certain island, it became customary to grab teenaged boys in green when they came of age. Clothed in the green of dollar bills, they aspired to find heroic guns and shoot down evil. The elders only wished for the kids to know courage like the Hero of legend..."
() A/N: This is in script format, so if you hate script format, LEAVE!
By the way...
{ and } = actions
( and ) = random notes
[ and ] = thoughts
AND Juliet = da sun (INSIDE JOKE ) ()
Aryll: {pulls out Telescope (even though she has perfectly good vision) and looks around at watchtower. Sees big brother on watchtower. Runs towards it. Stops at the bottom} 'Hoooooooooooy!
Link: {grunts}
Aryll: {Climbs up ladder} Big Brother, wake up!
Link: {Stands up and yawns} What do you want?
Aryll: It's a special day!
Link: Special as in extraordinary or special as in special ed?
Aryll: Err, both. Anyways, it's your birthday!
Link: {Eyes open wide} Ooh, how do you know that! You must be a physic! And how come this day is special as in special ed?
Aryll: I know that it's your birthday 'cause it says so on the calendar, thickhead! It's a special as in special ed day 'cause you're special in that way!
Link: {smiles because he has no idea what's going on} Oh, yeah, I knew THAT.
Aryll: {rolls her eyes} Um, Grandma wants you. DON'T ASK ME WHY JUST GO AND SEE HER!
Link: Okay. {Climbs down ladder and runs across to Grandma's house. He entered the house and climbs the ladder up to where Grandma is. (Or "Gran" as I will call her)}
Gran: Oh, Link, happy birthday!
Link: It's my birthday? Ooh, how do you know that! You must be a physic!
Gran: [Why does my grandson have to be such an idiot?] No, you put it on the calendar.
Link: How do you know about that one? Are you phycis-er than Aryll?
Gran: SHUTTUP I HAVE TO GIVE YOU A PRESENT!
Link: {shuts up}
Gran: FINALLY. Now, take these clothes. {gives Link green clothes}
Link: Green socks, green sneakers, green t-shirt, green jeans, green sweatshirt, green baseball cap – green UNDERWEAR? Grandma, I haven't changed my underwear since I was six!
Gran: [Ew! What a gross-o-mondo kid! Why do I have to have such an idiot for my grandson?] Well, sweetie, maybe you should change underwear...
Link: [I guess I should. These have poop stains all over.] Fine! I will change my undies! But only because they're a present! {Changes clothes}
Gran: {Points to "honorary" bullet proof shield} When I was alive, boys who reaches your age were considered men and paid taxes and used guns! But now only Orca knows how to cock a gun. One ancient custom is to put your bullet proof items on the wall!
Link: Interesting though the Stone Age was, do you have to talk about it?
Gran: {hits Link} Go and play with Aryll while I make dinner for your woeful day of birth! [What an idiot! Goddesses, can't he try to learn to count! I was born in the ICE AGE, not the STONE AGE!]
Link: {Runs away from Grandma and goes to the watchtower}
Aryll: 'Hoy! Because it's your birthday, I think I'll give you my most prized possession for a day.
Link: {Eyes wide} Ooh, you'll give me your tarot cards?
Aryll: {bashes Link over the head with her Telescope} YOU IDIOT! I'M NOT A PHYSIC!
Link: Oh. {pauses} Then can I have your tarot cards?
Aryll: I HAVE NO TAROT CARDS!
Link: Oh. {pauses} Can I still have them?
Aryll: {rolls her eyes and sighs angrily} Here, take the stupid Telescope for this stupid day. Now look around, fool!
{Link puts the Telescope in his mouth}
Aryll: Uhhhh...Link, put it at your eye.
{Link pokes himself in the eye with the Telescope}
Aryll: NO! Like this! {Shows Link the Idiot how to use a Telescope}
Link: {eyes wide} Ooh, how did you know that! You must be a physic!
Aryll: {slaps Link in the face} NO!
Link: Oh. {pauses} You SURE I can't have any tarot cards?
Aryll: No tarot cards!!!!!!
Link: Okay. {Looks at house through telescope, then at mailbow}
Aryll: He's a funny lookin' mailman, isn't it? Hey, what's up – aaah!
Link: {looks up and sees the Helmaroc King with Tetra in its claws} Gasp!
Aryll: No, you gasp, not say the word gasp.
Link: Oh. {pauses} So I can't say gasp or have any tarot cards?
Aryll: {ignores Link} Look at the helicopter! {Points to Tetra's helicopter, which is shooting missiles. A missile hits the Helmaroc King. The Helmaroc King falls down towards the Faerie Forest.} You gotta save that girl!
Link: I will if you give me some tarot cards.
Aryll: {hits Link} NO! JUST GO AND SAVE HER, IDIOT!
Link: Okay. {climbs down ladder and runs to Orca's house} 'Hoy, Orca!
Orca: What? Oh, I, err, I... {looks at script} Yeah, that's what I thought! Err-heh-heh-hem! Look, I can tell from the link on your face – I mean, Link, I can tell from the look on your face that you want a gun. Here, take this one! Ooh, I'll put on my bullet proof clothes and you can try to hit me!
{They practice}
Orca: LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID! YOU SHOT MY WALLS! GET OUT!
Link: {Shoots Orca in the stomach}
Orca: HEY! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!
Link: Err, I was aiming for the wall and I hit you by accident...
Orca: Whatever. Just leave.
Link: So I can have the gun?
Orca: Sure, whatever. JUST GO AND SAVE THAT CHICK IN THE FOREST!
Link: Oh. {pauses} So can I have Aryll's tarot cards, too?
Orca: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Link: [Touchy, touchy! Can't he take a – ] Orca, what's it called when you don't mean something and you talk about it in a funny way?
Orca: A joke.
Link: [Oh yeah!] {Heads out door} [Can't he take a joke?] {Runs up the path to the Forest of Faeries and pulls out switch-knife} Yeah! I knew this would come in handy, even if I never became a gangsta!
{Link runs into the Forest of Faeries and sees a Bokoblin}
Bokoblin: Haaaht!
Link: Huh?
Bokoblin: I said, "Hat". Can I have it?
Link: {close to tears} No! I got it today!
Bokoblin: Oh. Well, what if I gave you Aryll's tarot cards?
Link: {eyes widen} Ooh, how did you know that...!
Bokoblin: {slyly} I have my ways.
Link: Are you a stalker?
Bokoblin: [He found out! Must kill him!]
Link: ANSWER ME! {Shoots the Bokoblin thrice and it dies} Rock on!
{Link goes over to the log in the center and climbs through it. Grabs the Red Rupee in his mouth}
Link: Yeah! I got some "bling-bling"! {Runs up fallen log} Whoa! {Sees two Bokoblins} Are you, like, the ghost of the stalker I saw back there?
Bokoblin 1: [Ah! He knoooooooows! Must kiiiiiiiiiiiiiill!]
Bokoblin 2: YOU KILLED MY MOMMY!
Link: You have a mommy?
Bokoblin 2: Err, no. Ganondorf made me.
Link: EW! A MAN'S YOUR DAD?
Bokoblin 1: NO YOU IDIOT! WE'RE CREATED! Link: Created? Ooh! Want me to show you how you'll be destroyed?
Bokoblin 1: Okay.
{POW! POW! goes Link's gun}
Link: Haha! Ooh look at the girl hanging in the tree branch!
Tetra: {wakes up and falls from the tree branch} OW! Stupid kid, why didn't you help me?
Link: I have terrible aim.
Gonzo: Miss, Miss Tetra! {Runs into the Forest of Faeries} Are you okay?
Tetra: Uh-huh. Let's blow this joint.
Gonzo: But this boy...
Tetra: He didn't help me. Let's go.
{Tetra and Gonzo leave. Link follows}
Link: Ooh, it's a pretty birdy in the sky!
Aryll: 'Hoooooooooy!
Link: [Nooo! Not HER!]
{Aryll runs across bridge. The "pretty birdy in the sky", which is really the Helmaroc King, picks up Aryll in his talons}
Aryll: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! {screams}
Link: Nooooo! Now I can never get those tarot cards! {Leaps over the cliff}
{Tetra grabs him by the wrist}
Tetra: No, you idiot! {Pulls Link up}
Link: But I wanted her tarot cards...
Tetra: You know, these readers are probably beginning to think that this "tarot card" thing is stupid.
Link: {smiles} I know! That's why I do it.
!?!?!?A WHILE LATER!?!?!?
Tetra: WHAT! YOU WANT TO GO WITH US!
Link: {nods and smiles}
Tetra: Well, go get something to protect yourself with.
{Link runs inside, goes to get the bullet proof shield, sees it isn't there, then climbs back down}
Gran: I suppose you want this... {Holds out shield}
Link: {sarcastically} No, Grandma, I just wanted to see if the corndogs were ready. DUH I WANT IT!
Gran: THEN TAKE IT! {Chucks shield at Link. Link picks it up and goes outside}
Link: I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm – ow! WHAT WERE YOU POINT THAT GUN!
Tetra: STOP DOING THAT STUPID "SPONGEBOB" THING!
Link: Oh. {pauses} Do you think that if I rescue Aryll she'll give me here tarot cards?
{Tetra rolls her eyes and gets in the helicopter (which looks kind of like a flying boat...)}
Tetra: Okay, come on. Wave bye-bye.
Link: No! {Sticks his tongue out at the Outsetters waving good-bye}
Tetra: Well, here goes and adventure. Go and play with Niko.
Link: Ooh, does he have tarot cards?
Tetra: {throws Link down to where Niko is} NO YOU IDIOT!!! NO ONE OWNS TAROT CARDS! GODDESSES!
Link: Oh. {turns to Niko} What're you gonna make me do?
Niko: Hop across. {Does so} You'll get a prize!
Link: Is it – ?
Niko: NO! NO TAROT CARDS!
Link: I WAS GOING TO ASK IF IT WAS A CARROT!
Niko: [Liar.]
{Link hops across the "obstacle course" and wins the prize – the Spoils Bag!}
Link: Does it have tarot – ?
Niko: NO!
Tetra: 'Hoooooooooy! Link! We found the place you're looking for!
Link: A physic shop?
Tetra: NO!
{Link goes up to the crow's nest with her. They look at the Forsaken Fortress. Tetra then winks and stuffs Link in a barrel}
Link: HEY! WHAT'S YOUR EFFING PROBLEM!
Tetra: Well, you wanna go into the Fortress, you can. Good-bye!
{They catapult him into the Forsaken Fortress. Link screams like a little girl (I am a girl so I am not being sexist) and hits the wall. His gun flies into the air}
Link: Nooooo! Now I've got no weapon!
() Okay, that was chapter one. Reeeeaaally long, I know, but my internet is not working. If you don't like it, take us off Author Alert! Also, I was thinking that maybe I could have reviewers visit Link and help him, 'cause he needs all the help he can get! Well, review, you know the drill. HAHAHA! DRILL! Sorry, total randomness. Inside joke. DRILL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ()
() This chapter is a bit altered so that it would seem more "modern", more "today". Whatever -- ()
"Long ago, there existed a city where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with tall buildings, hard-working factories, and money. But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself. With its strength at his command, he spread darkness across the city. But then, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand, a teen clothed in a green shirt and green jeans appeared as if from nowhere. Wielding the Gun of Evil's Bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the city light. This teen, who traveled through time to save the industries, was known as the Hero of Time. The teen's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend. But then a day came when the stock market fell across the city. The great evil that all had thought had been forever sealed away by the Hero once again crept forth from the depths of the prison camp, eager to resume its dark designs.
"The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them. But the Hero did not appear. Faced by an onslaught of taxes, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. In their last hour, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate. What became of that city...? None remain who know. The memory of the city vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. On a certain island, it became customary to grab teenaged boys in green when they came of age. Clothed in the green of dollar bills, they aspired to find heroic guns and shoot down evil. The elders only wished for the kids to know courage like the Hero of legend..."
() A/N: This is in script format, so if you hate script format, LEAVE!
By the way...
{ and } = actions
( and ) = random notes
[ and ] = thoughts
AND Juliet = da sun (INSIDE JOKE ) ()
Aryll: {pulls out Telescope (even though she has perfectly good vision) and looks around at watchtower. Sees big brother on watchtower. Runs towards it. Stops at the bottom} 'Hoooooooooooy!
Link: {grunts}
Aryll: {Climbs up ladder} Big Brother, wake up!
Link: {Stands up and yawns} What do you want?
Aryll: It's a special day!
Link: Special as in extraordinary or special as in special ed?
Aryll: Err, both. Anyways, it's your birthday!
Link: {Eyes open wide} Ooh, how do you know that! You must be a physic! And how come this day is special as in special ed?
Aryll: I know that it's your birthday 'cause it says so on the calendar, thickhead! It's a special as in special ed day 'cause you're special in that way!
Link: {smiles because he has no idea what's going on} Oh, yeah, I knew THAT.
Aryll: {rolls her eyes} Um, Grandma wants you. DON'T ASK ME WHY JUST GO AND SEE HER!
Link: Okay. {Climbs down ladder and runs across to Grandma's house. He entered the house and climbs the ladder up to where Grandma is. (Or "Gran" as I will call her)}
Gran: Oh, Link, happy birthday!
Link: It's my birthday? Ooh, how do you know that! You must be a physic!
Gran: [Why does my grandson have to be such an idiot?] No, you put it on the calendar.
Link: How do you know about that one? Are you phycis-er than Aryll?
Gran: SHUTTUP I HAVE TO GIVE YOU A PRESENT!
Link: {shuts up}
Gran: FINALLY. Now, take these clothes. {gives Link green clothes}
Link: Green socks, green sneakers, green t-shirt, green jeans, green sweatshirt, green baseball cap – green UNDERWEAR? Grandma, I haven't changed my underwear since I was six!
Gran: [Ew! What a gross-o-mondo kid! Why do I have to have such an idiot for my grandson?] Well, sweetie, maybe you should change underwear...
Link: [I guess I should. These have poop stains all over.] Fine! I will change my undies! But only because they're a present! {Changes clothes}
Gran: {Points to "honorary" bullet proof shield} When I was alive, boys who reaches your age were considered men and paid taxes and used guns! But now only Orca knows how to cock a gun. One ancient custom is to put your bullet proof items on the wall!
Link: Interesting though the Stone Age was, do you have to talk about it?
Gran: {hits Link} Go and play with Aryll while I make dinner for your woeful day of birth! [What an idiot! Goddesses, can't he try to learn to count! I was born in the ICE AGE, not the STONE AGE!]
Link: {Runs away from Grandma and goes to the watchtower}
Aryll: 'Hoy! Because it's your birthday, I think I'll give you my most prized possession for a day.
Link: {Eyes wide} Ooh, you'll give me your tarot cards?
Aryll: {bashes Link over the head with her Telescope} YOU IDIOT! I'M NOT A PHYSIC!
Link: Oh. {pauses} Then can I have your tarot cards?
Aryll: I HAVE NO TAROT CARDS!
Link: Oh. {pauses} Can I still have them?
Aryll: {rolls her eyes and sighs angrily} Here, take the stupid Telescope for this stupid day. Now look around, fool!
{Link puts the Telescope in his mouth}
Aryll: Uhhhh...Link, put it at your eye.
{Link pokes himself in the eye with the Telescope}
Aryll: NO! Like this! {Shows Link the Idiot how to use a Telescope}
Link: {eyes wide} Ooh, how did you know that! You must be a physic!
Aryll: {slaps Link in the face} NO!
Link: Oh. {pauses} You SURE I can't have any tarot cards?
Aryll: No tarot cards!!!!!!
Link: Okay. {Looks at house through telescope, then at mailbow}
Aryll: He's a funny lookin' mailman, isn't it? Hey, what's up – aaah!
Link: {looks up and sees the Helmaroc King with Tetra in its claws} Gasp!
Aryll: No, you gasp, not say the word gasp.
Link: Oh. {pauses} So I can't say gasp or have any tarot cards?
Aryll: {ignores Link} Look at the helicopter! {Points to Tetra's helicopter, which is shooting missiles. A missile hits the Helmaroc King. The Helmaroc King falls down towards the Faerie Forest.} You gotta save that girl!
Link: I will if you give me some tarot cards.
Aryll: {hits Link} NO! JUST GO AND SAVE HER, IDIOT!
Link: Okay. {climbs down ladder and runs to Orca's house} 'Hoy, Orca!
Orca: What? Oh, I, err, I... {looks at script} Yeah, that's what I thought! Err-heh-heh-hem! Look, I can tell from the link on your face – I mean, Link, I can tell from the look on your face that you want a gun. Here, take this one! Ooh, I'll put on my bullet proof clothes and you can try to hit me!
{They practice}
Orca: LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID! YOU SHOT MY WALLS! GET OUT!
Link: {Shoots Orca in the stomach}
Orca: HEY! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!
Link: Err, I was aiming for the wall and I hit you by accident...
Orca: Whatever. Just leave.
Link: So I can have the gun?
Orca: Sure, whatever. JUST GO AND SAVE THAT CHICK IN THE FOREST!
Link: Oh. {pauses} So can I have Aryll's tarot cards, too?
Orca: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Link: [Touchy, touchy! Can't he take a – ] Orca, what's it called when you don't mean something and you talk about it in a funny way?
Orca: A joke.
Link: [Oh yeah!] {Heads out door} [Can't he take a joke?] {Runs up the path to the Forest of Faeries and pulls out switch-knife} Yeah! I knew this would come in handy, even if I never became a gangsta!
{Link runs into the Forest of Faeries and sees a Bokoblin}
Bokoblin: Haaaht!
Link: Huh?
Bokoblin: I said, "Hat". Can I have it?
Link: {close to tears} No! I got it today!
Bokoblin: Oh. Well, what if I gave you Aryll's tarot cards?
Link: {eyes widen} Ooh, how did you know that...!
Bokoblin: {slyly} I have my ways.
Link: Are you a stalker?
Bokoblin: [He found out! Must kill him!]
Link: ANSWER ME! {Shoots the Bokoblin thrice and it dies} Rock on!
{Link goes over to the log in the center and climbs through it. Grabs the Red Rupee in his mouth}
Link: Yeah! I got some "bling-bling"! {Runs up fallen log} Whoa! {Sees two Bokoblins} Are you, like, the ghost of the stalker I saw back there?
Bokoblin 1: [Ah! He knoooooooows! Must kiiiiiiiiiiiiiill!]
Bokoblin 2: YOU KILLED MY MOMMY!
Link: You have a mommy?
Bokoblin 2: Err, no. Ganondorf made me.
Link: EW! A MAN'S YOUR DAD?
Bokoblin 1: NO YOU IDIOT! WE'RE CREATED! Link: Created? Ooh! Want me to show you how you'll be destroyed?
Bokoblin 1: Okay.
{POW! POW! goes Link's gun}
Link: Haha! Ooh look at the girl hanging in the tree branch!
Tetra: {wakes up and falls from the tree branch} OW! Stupid kid, why didn't you help me?
Link: I have terrible aim.
Gonzo: Miss, Miss Tetra! {Runs into the Forest of Faeries} Are you okay?
Tetra: Uh-huh. Let's blow this joint.
Gonzo: But this boy...
Tetra: He didn't help me. Let's go.
{Tetra and Gonzo leave. Link follows}
Link: Ooh, it's a pretty birdy in the sky!
Aryll: 'Hoooooooooy!
Link: [Nooo! Not HER!]
{Aryll runs across bridge. The "pretty birdy in the sky", which is really the Helmaroc King, picks up Aryll in his talons}
Aryll: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! {screams}
Link: Nooooo! Now I can never get those tarot cards! {Leaps over the cliff}
{Tetra grabs him by the wrist}
Tetra: No, you idiot! {Pulls Link up}
Link: But I wanted her tarot cards...
Tetra: You know, these readers are probably beginning to think that this "tarot card" thing is stupid.
Link: {smiles} I know! That's why I do it.
!?!?!?A WHILE LATER!?!?!?
Tetra: WHAT! YOU WANT TO GO WITH US!
Link: {nods and smiles}
Tetra: Well, go get something to protect yourself with.
{Link runs inside, goes to get the bullet proof shield, sees it isn't there, then climbs back down}
Gran: I suppose you want this... {Holds out shield}
Link: {sarcastically} No, Grandma, I just wanted to see if the corndogs were ready. DUH I WANT IT!
Gran: THEN TAKE IT! {Chucks shield at Link. Link picks it up and goes outside}
Link: I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm – ow! WHAT WERE YOU POINT THAT GUN!
Tetra: STOP DOING THAT STUPID "SPONGEBOB" THING!
Link: Oh. {pauses} Do you think that if I rescue Aryll she'll give me here tarot cards?
{Tetra rolls her eyes and gets in the helicopter (which looks kind of like a flying boat...)}
Tetra: Okay, come on. Wave bye-bye.
Link: No! {Sticks his tongue out at the Outsetters waving good-bye}
Tetra: Well, here goes and adventure. Go and play with Niko.
Link: Ooh, does he have tarot cards?
Tetra: {throws Link down to where Niko is} NO YOU IDIOT!!! NO ONE OWNS TAROT CARDS! GODDESSES!
Link: Oh. {turns to Niko} What're you gonna make me do?
Niko: Hop across. {Does so} You'll get a prize!
Link: Is it – ?
Niko: NO! NO TAROT CARDS!
Link: I WAS GOING TO ASK IF IT WAS A CARROT!
Niko: [Liar.]
{Link hops across the "obstacle course" and wins the prize – the Spoils Bag!}
Link: Does it have tarot – ?
Niko: NO!
Tetra: 'Hoooooooooy! Link! We found the place you're looking for!
Link: A physic shop?
Tetra: NO!
{Link goes up to the crow's nest with her. They look at the Forsaken Fortress. Tetra then winks and stuffs Link in a barrel}
Link: HEY! WHAT'S YOUR EFFING PROBLEM!
Tetra: Well, you wanna go into the Fortress, you can. Good-bye!
{They catapult him into the Forsaken Fortress. Link screams like a little girl (I am a girl so I am not being sexist) and hits the wall. His gun flies into the air}
Link: Nooooo! Now I've got no weapon!
() Okay, that was chapter one. Reeeeaaally long, I know, but my internet is not working. If you don't like it, take us off Author Alert! Also, I was thinking that maybe I could have reviewers visit Link and help him, 'cause he needs all the help he can get! Well, review, you know the drill. HAHAHA! DRILL! Sorry, total randomness. Inside joke. DRILL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ()