Nothing's changed in the past few hours... I still don't own ER... I'm still
not making any money off of this.... And Romano's still dead. *grumble
grumble*
Review por favor!
Gracias!
~Natalie~ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------
She woke up to the slow pitter patter of rain falling outside. The storm had died down some, but the remnants of the rage from the night previous were still lingering in the chilly air. It was a gloomy day; the clouds covered the sun, so as not a trace of it were able to bear down on the city.
That was so symbolic of her life. She remembered a time when the sun shone freely and brightly, but she knew that it didn't know more. Her sun was made insignificant by the shrouding clouds death had left behind.
But, though Mark's did not, her life had to go on.
She knew he wouldn't want her going on like this, but it was something she couldn't help. When your love dies, your life tends to go with it. He would have understood that, certainly he would have known that there was nothing that could ease the pain.
She was too tired to get herself entirely depressed this morning, so she lazily rolled out of bed and began to get prepared for work. She loved her job. It was her dream job, ever since she was a little girl she had dreamed of being a surgeon. But now, every time she went to the hospital it was filled with memories of better times. She couldn't help that either. Every time she came around a corner she expected to see the love of her life standing there, waiting for her. She didn't care for what, a consult, for dinner, anything, as long as he was there.
But she knew he never would be. They say that dreams never realized cause the most pain, but that's not true. Dreams realized, but unattainable caused the most pain. She had a dream once, and now, her dream was dead.
All the same though faced with sorrow and defeat, Elizabeth was a fighter. She didn't think she could ever be happy again, but she could go on living. And that's what she did really.
Everyone's heard of the people that walk around being empty inside, just going through the motions. As hard as she'd tried to fight it, Elizabeth Corday had become one of those people. She never felt. It was a scary thing. Not knowing if one can feel. It terrified her. She knew she had been able to feel at one point in time, but she didn't know if she could any longer.
But perhaps the saddest part was that she didn't care. She didn't have any desire to feel.
It was a normal day for her. She woke up, and went to work.
She saw the pitied glances directed her way, she knew that they were being given, but she didn't acknowledge them. Pity wasn't what she wanted, or needed. And pity couldn't make her stop hurting. Mark had been dead for over a year, but everyone around her could sense it. She was different now. Love lost had made her someone different than who she used to be. She used to view the world through rose colored glasses... but not anymore. Not here, not in this lifetime again.
She headed up to the OR, desperately trying to escape their seeking glances. She didn't need this today, not after last night. Not after she let herself slip back into the oasis that had become her life.
She sighed as she checked the schedule, nothing important, nothing exciting, nothing new. She went to put her belongings in the lounge and headed out to go scrub in. She opened the door and found that she was alone in the room. She turned on the water and began to lather up her hands. She'd always hated this part. It seemed so monotonous, so boring, and at times, so unnecessary.
But, she did it of course, that was her job.
She heard the door open, but didn't bother to turn her head to see who it was. She already knew.
"Morning Lizzie!" He said quite jubilantly, though there always seemed to be a sarcastic connotation to his tone.
"Good-morning Robert." She said, thankful for the company.
She let out a small laugh and smiled at that. There was a time when she would have never said that about Robert Romano. Being thankful for his company? That would have never happened. But, times had changed.
Times always changed. That's the one thing she'd come to depend on.
"Someone's in a good mood today." He acknowledged, seeing her smile.
"Not particularly" she said "I was just having some quite amusing thoughts."
He considered this for a moment before saying "Well, so long as they weren't about me being naked."
She laughed at this. It was the first time in awhile she had actually wanted to laugh, when it wasn't forced.
"Now now Lizzie, that's not very nice." He teased.
A comfortable silence settled over the room, manipulated only by the sound of the two surgeons scrubbing.
"So, what's wrong?" he broke it.
"Beg pardon?" she asked, taken out of her daze.
"I said you were in a good mood, and you said 'not particularly'. So, what's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing." She lied. What she really wanted to say is 'everything.'
He knew she was lying, she could tell by the way he looked at her. But, he decided not to push it too far, he said instead: "You know Lizzie, I'm arrogant, but not dumb. If you ever need to talk, I'll be willing to listen."
She smiled and nodded, though she didn't think she'd be taking him up on that offer, it was nice of him to suggest.
They performed the surgery and everything went well. Elizabeth was happy she could save someone else's life, even if she couldn't save her own. She hated being depressed. But she had told herself long ago that that's not what she was. She wasn't depressed. She was grieving. She was grieving, that's all she was doing. But every time she told herself that lie, she heard the voice in the back of her head asking her when she was going to stop kidding herself.
She was depressed.
It was odd how the moments of distress could hit her at any given moment. She would be walking down the hall and be completely fine, even on the brink of normalcy, and then all of a sudden, she would think of Mark. She would think of everything about him. His eyes, his lips, his arms, his muscles, his legs... everything.
Such was the case today. She had gone into the lounge to make a cup of coffee when suddenly something triggered her memories of Mark. There was always something around that could do that. She tried her best to control her emotions, not wanting to cry at work, she hated breaking down here most of all. She never wanted anyone to see how much she hurt inside.
But, despite her efforts, the next moment she knew it, she was crying a river of tears trying to mend her broken heart.
She suddenly became aware of a presence in the room, though she hadn't heard the door open. She didn't know who it was, but she tried to control her sobs.
"Elizabeth." It was Romano. He knew she had been crying.
She tried to mask her tears once more, but to no avail. "What?"
He stepped closer to her "What's wrong?" he asked as he sat down in the chair next to her.
She tried to turn away, and she even considered walking away, but she had spent so much time trying to pretend that she was okay, that she was strong, that she felt her control loosen, and before she knew it she was exposing her shattered heart for Romano to see.
"I miss him so much." She stated as the tears flowed down her face. It wasn't much, but it was all she could say, it was the most she'd said in a year and a half.
For awhile he didn't say anything, and she expected him to come up with some cliché that wouldn't make her feel better, it would just be some formality. But then he reached forward and took her hand. "I know you do." She waited for the 'but'.
It never came.
She looked up at him for the first time and made eye contact. What she saw there surprised her. He wasn't going to offer some pitiful advice about moving on. He sat there with tears in his eyes, her pain obviously making him hurt as well. He was, as he had stated earlier, truly there to listen.
There was silence, then: "It doesn't matter where I go or what I do Robert, all I do is think of him. Everything I see reminds me of our time together. I was so happy Robert, and now, I feel so empty."
He was silent still, staring at her.
He said nothing. "I'm sorry" she said "I shouldn't have said..."
"Why not?" he cut her off.
She didn't have an answer.
"I'm sorry this happened to you Elizabeth, I really, truly am. I hate seeing you sad... you of all people should never be sad. But I understand it at the same time. You don't have to apologize to me, and I'm not going to try and make you feel better... but I know that Mark loved you Elizabeth" 'how could he not?' he thought to himself "And he would despise seeing you like this, but that's not what's important. You need to let your emotions out Elizabeth, don't bottle them up." He smiled and squeezed her hand "Happiness is always a possibility Elizabeth. Always."
She knew he was right, about Mark anyway. He wouldn't have wanted her to feel the way she did. She smiled meekly at him and started to say something, but changed her mind. "Thank you." She said, as her pager went off.
Romano sat in the lounge, still. He was worried for her. Elizabeth went home that night, as the storm in Chicago raged. That night, however, she did not think about Mark, or the life she had in her waking hours...
The memory of what once was, though, still haunted her dreams.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued.
It's not as reflective as the first chapter (thank you Webster82 for your review)... but I can't dwell solely on how horrid Elizabeth feels inside.
Please Review. I would be a very happy girl!
~Natalie~
Review por favor!
Gracias!
~Natalie~ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------
She woke up to the slow pitter patter of rain falling outside. The storm had died down some, but the remnants of the rage from the night previous were still lingering in the chilly air. It was a gloomy day; the clouds covered the sun, so as not a trace of it were able to bear down on the city.
That was so symbolic of her life. She remembered a time when the sun shone freely and brightly, but she knew that it didn't know more. Her sun was made insignificant by the shrouding clouds death had left behind.
But, though Mark's did not, her life had to go on.
She knew he wouldn't want her going on like this, but it was something she couldn't help. When your love dies, your life tends to go with it. He would have understood that, certainly he would have known that there was nothing that could ease the pain.
She was too tired to get herself entirely depressed this morning, so she lazily rolled out of bed and began to get prepared for work. She loved her job. It was her dream job, ever since she was a little girl she had dreamed of being a surgeon. But now, every time she went to the hospital it was filled with memories of better times. She couldn't help that either. Every time she came around a corner she expected to see the love of her life standing there, waiting for her. She didn't care for what, a consult, for dinner, anything, as long as he was there.
But she knew he never would be. They say that dreams never realized cause the most pain, but that's not true. Dreams realized, but unattainable caused the most pain. She had a dream once, and now, her dream was dead.
All the same though faced with sorrow and defeat, Elizabeth was a fighter. She didn't think she could ever be happy again, but she could go on living. And that's what she did really.
Everyone's heard of the people that walk around being empty inside, just going through the motions. As hard as she'd tried to fight it, Elizabeth Corday had become one of those people. She never felt. It was a scary thing. Not knowing if one can feel. It terrified her. She knew she had been able to feel at one point in time, but she didn't know if she could any longer.
But perhaps the saddest part was that she didn't care. She didn't have any desire to feel.
It was a normal day for her. She woke up, and went to work.
She saw the pitied glances directed her way, she knew that they were being given, but she didn't acknowledge them. Pity wasn't what she wanted, or needed. And pity couldn't make her stop hurting. Mark had been dead for over a year, but everyone around her could sense it. She was different now. Love lost had made her someone different than who she used to be. She used to view the world through rose colored glasses... but not anymore. Not here, not in this lifetime again.
She headed up to the OR, desperately trying to escape their seeking glances. She didn't need this today, not after last night. Not after she let herself slip back into the oasis that had become her life.
She sighed as she checked the schedule, nothing important, nothing exciting, nothing new. She went to put her belongings in the lounge and headed out to go scrub in. She opened the door and found that she was alone in the room. She turned on the water and began to lather up her hands. She'd always hated this part. It seemed so monotonous, so boring, and at times, so unnecessary.
But, she did it of course, that was her job.
She heard the door open, but didn't bother to turn her head to see who it was. She already knew.
"Morning Lizzie!" He said quite jubilantly, though there always seemed to be a sarcastic connotation to his tone.
"Good-morning Robert." She said, thankful for the company.
She let out a small laugh and smiled at that. There was a time when she would have never said that about Robert Romano. Being thankful for his company? That would have never happened. But, times had changed.
Times always changed. That's the one thing she'd come to depend on.
"Someone's in a good mood today." He acknowledged, seeing her smile.
"Not particularly" she said "I was just having some quite amusing thoughts."
He considered this for a moment before saying "Well, so long as they weren't about me being naked."
She laughed at this. It was the first time in awhile she had actually wanted to laugh, when it wasn't forced.
"Now now Lizzie, that's not very nice." He teased.
A comfortable silence settled over the room, manipulated only by the sound of the two surgeons scrubbing.
"So, what's wrong?" he broke it.
"Beg pardon?" she asked, taken out of her daze.
"I said you were in a good mood, and you said 'not particularly'. So, what's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing." She lied. What she really wanted to say is 'everything.'
He knew she was lying, she could tell by the way he looked at her. But, he decided not to push it too far, he said instead: "You know Lizzie, I'm arrogant, but not dumb. If you ever need to talk, I'll be willing to listen."
She smiled and nodded, though she didn't think she'd be taking him up on that offer, it was nice of him to suggest.
They performed the surgery and everything went well. Elizabeth was happy she could save someone else's life, even if she couldn't save her own. She hated being depressed. But she had told herself long ago that that's not what she was. She wasn't depressed. She was grieving. She was grieving, that's all she was doing. But every time she told herself that lie, she heard the voice in the back of her head asking her when she was going to stop kidding herself.
She was depressed.
It was odd how the moments of distress could hit her at any given moment. She would be walking down the hall and be completely fine, even on the brink of normalcy, and then all of a sudden, she would think of Mark. She would think of everything about him. His eyes, his lips, his arms, his muscles, his legs... everything.
Such was the case today. She had gone into the lounge to make a cup of coffee when suddenly something triggered her memories of Mark. There was always something around that could do that. She tried her best to control her emotions, not wanting to cry at work, she hated breaking down here most of all. She never wanted anyone to see how much she hurt inside.
But, despite her efforts, the next moment she knew it, she was crying a river of tears trying to mend her broken heart.
She suddenly became aware of a presence in the room, though she hadn't heard the door open. She didn't know who it was, but she tried to control her sobs.
"Elizabeth." It was Romano. He knew she had been crying.
She tried to mask her tears once more, but to no avail. "What?"
He stepped closer to her "What's wrong?" he asked as he sat down in the chair next to her.
She tried to turn away, and she even considered walking away, but she had spent so much time trying to pretend that she was okay, that she was strong, that she felt her control loosen, and before she knew it she was exposing her shattered heart for Romano to see.
"I miss him so much." She stated as the tears flowed down her face. It wasn't much, but it was all she could say, it was the most she'd said in a year and a half.
For awhile he didn't say anything, and she expected him to come up with some cliché that wouldn't make her feel better, it would just be some formality. But then he reached forward and took her hand. "I know you do." She waited for the 'but'.
It never came.
She looked up at him for the first time and made eye contact. What she saw there surprised her. He wasn't going to offer some pitiful advice about moving on. He sat there with tears in his eyes, her pain obviously making him hurt as well. He was, as he had stated earlier, truly there to listen.
There was silence, then: "It doesn't matter where I go or what I do Robert, all I do is think of him. Everything I see reminds me of our time together. I was so happy Robert, and now, I feel so empty."
He was silent still, staring at her.
He said nothing. "I'm sorry" she said "I shouldn't have said..."
"Why not?" he cut her off.
She didn't have an answer.
"I'm sorry this happened to you Elizabeth, I really, truly am. I hate seeing you sad... you of all people should never be sad. But I understand it at the same time. You don't have to apologize to me, and I'm not going to try and make you feel better... but I know that Mark loved you Elizabeth" 'how could he not?' he thought to himself "And he would despise seeing you like this, but that's not what's important. You need to let your emotions out Elizabeth, don't bottle them up." He smiled and squeezed her hand "Happiness is always a possibility Elizabeth. Always."
She knew he was right, about Mark anyway. He wouldn't have wanted her to feel the way she did. She smiled meekly at him and started to say something, but changed her mind. "Thank you." She said, as her pager went off.
Romano sat in the lounge, still. He was worried for her. Elizabeth went home that night, as the storm in Chicago raged. That night, however, she did not think about Mark, or the life she had in her waking hours...
The memory of what once was, though, still haunted her dreams.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued.
It's not as reflective as the first chapter (thank you Webster82 for your review)... but I can't dwell solely on how horrid Elizabeth feels inside.
Please Review. I would be a very happy girl!
~Natalie~