Here's Make it All Make Sense: Chapter 5!... Review it, kay? Kay. Sorry
I've not updated lately, I've been studying for my AP tests (Government
Wednesday, and Micro and Macro Economics on Thursday.)...
My Lit test went well, I think. Three 5 paragraph essays in an hour and twenty minutes, blehk. Anyway... Review!! : )
Natalie
---------------------------
Elizabeth took a deep breath as she tried to push the thought out of her head. But no matter what she did, the thought kept making its way back to the front of her mind. Something told her to do it.
Something told her that this would make everything okay. Something told her that this would take the pain away. Something told her this would erase the memories that haunted her days. Something told her this would cease the haunting dreams that filled her nights.
Somehow, somewhere, she knew that it wouldn't fill the void, that it couldn't, not yet anyway. But she didn't care. Desperation had pervaded her being, and she needed to try something, anything, to make her feel whole again.
So she listened to the voice of loneliness and ignored the one of reason.
As she sat there looking at Robert who was looking at her with such understanding, she began to speak tentatively: "Robert, um, do you think perhaps you'd like to come over tonight... for dinner?" She questioned.
He wanted to, Lord knows he wanted to, but he didn't think that was the best idea, and he voiced that to her: "Elizabeth, I don't know that that's such a good idea." He said. She was vulnerable.
But the inner desperation she felt flowed into her voice as she spoke to him, breathing a single word: "Please."
He wanted to refuse, to tell her no, but he heard the desperation in her voice, and he saw it in her eyes.
"Okay." He said quietly, finally giving in.
They both knew she needed something; their perceptions differed as to what it was.
She smiled at him, as a wave of relief and nervousness washed over her.
"Thank you." She said simply, finally releasing his hand.
He simply smiled at her in return before asking "What time are you off?"
She considered the question for a moment, as though she had forgotten, before answering "7:30." She stated, as she began to stand up.
"Me too." He stated "I'll meet you in the ambulance bay, and we'll drive together." He asserted, assuming correctly that she'd taken the El to work.
She paused with her hand on the door and turned to face him with a sigh laced still with sorrow: "Okay." She confirmed as she opened the door. "And, Robert?"
"Yes?" He asked softly.
"Thank you."
She smiled at him as she closed the door behind her.
Robert sat there silently, contemplating what this meant: What this was. His feelings for Elizabeth couldn't be denied, that much was certain. Everyone knew he wanted her. He always had, there was no denying it anymore. Seeing her with Benton had hurt him; seeing her with Mark had damn near killed him.
He'd wanted her. Always. And time and time again, he'd sat back, and watched her love another man.
But yet, he'd never gotten over her. He didn't even imagine that he could.
And now, the door was open. It was his dream coming true. But, was this how he wanted it? Was this how he wanted her?
'What's real is real' he told himself, but still, he fought a battle in his head.
-----------------
Elizabeth felt as though she should be feeling relief, and she became increasingly concerned that she wasn't.
Memories of Mark periodically invaded her mind throughout the day, as unwelcome as she'd convinced herself they were.
And Elizabeth kept telling herself that she was moving on. She was moving on, finally, because she was done grieving. But her heart was telling her that she was lying to herself: "Moving on" wasn't the answer. She had to move away from the memory of Mark before she could truthfully move on. But her mind was telling her to ignore her heart: That she would stop grieving when she told herself to, that the pain would go away if she found someone else.
She didn't know which to believe: her heart or her mind.
But in an instant, she made her choice. She was desperate for the pain to go away, and her heart, though it could be right, told her that she'd have to wait for the pain to subside. Her mind, however, offered her the irresistible satisfaction of immediate gratification: Her pain would finally dissolve, or, so said her mind.
So she made up her mind and listened to it.
The day passed quickly for Robert, and slowly for Elizabeth.
Elizabeth usually came home to pervasive emptiness, but tonight, she came home with Robert.
The ride to her house had been quiet enough, filled with pleasantries and tales of the day that had just passed.
Both were nervous, yet both were determined not to let the other know of the discomfort at hand.
As Elizabeth entered her house, Robert in tow, she didn't expect to see Mark standing there, which wasn't usual. But her hopes that he would be hadn't changed. And as she came into the house, Mark's memories came back to her, despite the fact that Mark was the last thing she wanted to think about.
Robert saw her body stiffen as they entered the house, and he voiced his concern "Elizabeth, are you okay?" he inquired.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine." She assured, though it was falsely.
He nodded "Okay." He knew she was lying, but decided not to press it. If she wanted to tell him, she would.
Elizabeth shook her head, as though doing so could erase Mark away from her memory, as though he were simply lines on the etch-a-sketch that was her mind. She closed the door behind her, and took of her jacket, throwing it over the couch.
Robert followed suit, and walked behind Elizabeth as she went to the kitchen.
"So," he began "What's for dinner?"
She turned and smiled at him "Spaghetti okay?"
"Ah, my favorite: Italian."
"Mine too." She said as she began gathering the ingredients from her cupboards.
He walked towards her and stopped at the kitchen sink, where he began washing his hands. "Need any help?" he asked.
"No, thanks, I prefer to cook alone." She said, smiling gently at him.
He nodded, dried his hands, and took a seat at the table. He watched her boil the noodles, and asked her more about her day. They weren't ready for serious conversation just yet, especially when dinner was in progress.
Elizabeth continued making dinner, grateful for Robert's company. They made "small talk", and the thoughts of Mark stayed away, even if only momentarily. She was glad for that, and she was glad for the fact that she was enjoying Robert's company. For once, she wasn't alone.
Perhaps her mind had been right.
-------------------------------------------------------------
To Be Continued.
Hey... you should review!! Yes, yes, yes, I'm addicted.... But, that's okay, I assure you, it's a healthy addiction!!!
Thanks!
Natalie
My Lit test went well, I think. Three 5 paragraph essays in an hour and twenty minutes, blehk. Anyway... Review!! : )
Natalie
---------------------------
Elizabeth took a deep breath as she tried to push the thought out of her head. But no matter what she did, the thought kept making its way back to the front of her mind. Something told her to do it.
Something told her that this would make everything okay. Something told her that this would take the pain away. Something told her this would erase the memories that haunted her days. Something told her this would cease the haunting dreams that filled her nights.
Somehow, somewhere, she knew that it wouldn't fill the void, that it couldn't, not yet anyway. But she didn't care. Desperation had pervaded her being, and she needed to try something, anything, to make her feel whole again.
So she listened to the voice of loneliness and ignored the one of reason.
As she sat there looking at Robert who was looking at her with such understanding, she began to speak tentatively: "Robert, um, do you think perhaps you'd like to come over tonight... for dinner?" She questioned.
He wanted to, Lord knows he wanted to, but he didn't think that was the best idea, and he voiced that to her: "Elizabeth, I don't know that that's such a good idea." He said. She was vulnerable.
But the inner desperation she felt flowed into her voice as she spoke to him, breathing a single word: "Please."
He wanted to refuse, to tell her no, but he heard the desperation in her voice, and he saw it in her eyes.
"Okay." He said quietly, finally giving in.
They both knew she needed something; their perceptions differed as to what it was.
She smiled at him, as a wave of relief and nervousness washed over her.
"Thank you." She said simply, finally releasing his hand.
He simply smiled at her in return before asking "What time are you off?"
She considered the question for a moment, as though she had forgotten, before answering "7:30." She stated, as she began to stand up.
"Me too." He stated "I'll meet you in the ambulance bay, and we'll drive together." He asserted, assuming correctly that she'd taken the El to work.
She paused with her hand on the door and turned to face him with a sigh laced still with sorrow: "Okay." She confirmed as she opened the door. "And, Robert?"
"Yes?" He asked softly.
"Thank you."
She smiled at him as she closed the door behind her.
Robert sat there silently, contemplating what this meant: What this was. His feelings for Elizabeth couldn't be denied, that much was certain. Everyone knew he wanted her. He always had, there was no denying it anymore. Seeing her with Benton had hurt him; seeing her with Mark had damn near killed him.
He'd wanted her. Always. And time and time again, he'd sat back, and watched her love another man.
But yet, he'd never gotten over her. He didn't even imagine that he could.
And now, the door was open. It was his dream coming true. But, was this how he wanted it? Was this how he wanted her?
'What's real is real' he told himself, but still, he fought a battle in his head.
-----------------
Elizabeth felt as though she should be feeling relief, and she became increasingly concerned that she wasn't.
Memories of Mark periodically invaded her mind throughout the day, as unwelcome as she'd convinced herself they were.
And Elizabeth kept telling herself that she was moving on. She was moving on, finally, because she was done grieving. But her heart was telling her that she was lying to herself: "Moving on" wasn't the answer. She had to move away from the memory of Mark before she could truthfully move on. But her mind was telling her to ignore her heart: That she would stop grieving when she told herself to, that the pain would go away if she found someone else.
She didn't know which to believe: her heart or her mind.
But in an instant, she made her choice. She was desperate for the pain to go away, and her heart, though it could be right, told her that she'd have to wait for the pain to subside. Her mind, however, offered her the irresistible satisfaction of immediate gratification: Her pain would finally dissolve, or, so said her mind.
So she made up her mind and listened to it.
The day passed quickly for Robert, and slowly for Elizabeth.
Elizabeth usually came home to pervasive emptiness, but tonight, she came home with Robert.
The ride to her house had been quiet enough, filled with pleasantries and tales of the day that had just passed.
Both were nervous, yet both were determined not to let the other know of the discomfort at hand.
As Elizabeth entered her house, Robert in tow, she didn't expect to see Mark standing there, which wasn't usual. But her hopes that he would be hadn't changed. And as she came into the house, Mark's memories came back to her, despite the fact that Mark was the last thing she wanted to think about.
Robert saw her body stiffen as they entered the house, and he voiced his concern "Elizabeth, are you okay?" he inquired.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine." She assured, though it was falsely.
He nodded "Okay." He knew she was lying, but decided not to press it. If she wanted to tell him, she would.
Elizabeth shook her head, as though doing so could erase Mark away from her memory, as though he were simply lines on the etch-a-sketch that was her mind. She closed the door behind her, and took of her jacket, throwing it over the couch.
Robert followed suit, and walked behind Elizabeth as she went to the kitchen.
"So," he began "What's for dinner?"
She turned and smiled at him "Spaghetti okay?"
"Ah, my favorite: Italian."
"Mine too." She said as she began gathering the ingredients from her cupboards.
He walked towards her and stopped at the kitchen sink, where he began washing his hands. "Need any help?" he asked.
"No, thanks, I prefer to cook alone." She said, smiling gently at him.
He nodded, dried his hands, and took a seat at the table. He watched her boil the noodles, and asked her more about her day. They weren't ready for serious conversation just yet, especially when dinner was in progress.
Elizabeth continued making dinner, grateful for Robert's company. They made "small talk", and the thoughts of Mark stayed away, even if only momentarily. She was glad for that, and she was glad for the fact that she was enjoying Robert's company. For once, she wasn't alone.
Perhaps her mind had been right.
-------------------------------------------------------------
To Be Continued.
Hey... you should review!! Yes, yes, yes, I'm addicted.... But, that's okay, I assure you, it's a healthy addiction!!!
Thanks!
Natalie