HOBBITON:
There was a place called the Bag End, in Hobbiton, in the Shire. Bilbo Baggins lived there. On this occasion, his 111st birthday, he was engrossed in writing a history. For some reason he felt a need to describe hobbits.
BILBO: Hobbits are a simple folk. They like reading, writing and 'rithmetic. That is why for my birthday/going away bash I am giving an addition party.
Frodo Baggins also lived with him, but at the moment was sitting under a tree, reading. Suddenly, the unharmonious sound of a wizard singing reached his ears.
FRODO: Gandalf? Oh dear! If he catches me with "Wizardry for Dummies", I'm toast! Come to think of it, what is the spell for turning hobbits into toast? That might come in handy someday...
The singing got louder. Frodo finally tucked his book under a tree root, reverently hoped it wouldn't rain, and ran to stop the noise.
FRODO: You're late! You're also a disturber of the peace!
The crazy looking old man in the cart stopped singing, stopped the cart, and started speaking.
GANDALF: A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins,except when the alarm clock is three hours off. He could possibly be a disturber of the peace," the wizard added fondly.
FRODO: Really? It never said anything about that in "Wizardry for Dumm---- oops!
Gandalf glared at him.
GANDALF: How many times have I told you to stay away from those books?
FRODO: I did...it was on the internet....I had it all typed up....the dog ate it....we got a virus...I forgot...uh...
GANDALF: Yeah.
Frodo and Gandalf started laughing.
GANDALF: Why am I laughing?
FRODO: I don't know!
At last they realized that someone had just set off a laughing gas bomb nearby.
GANDALF: Merry!
FRODO: Pippin!
VOICES: This was his idea! No, it was his! Yours! Yours! Mine! Mine! Haha! Made you say it! You said it too! ARGH!
Gandalf was not amused.
GANDALF: Frodo, would you please direct me to your house? The roads have changed since I was last here.
Frodo: Yes, rush hour was getting to be simply unbearable. A hobbit can't go out for a drink after work without getting stuck in it. Mainly because that's where everybody else is going.
Gandalf: You're working?
Frodo made evasive noises.
FRODO: What say I get off here?
GANDALF: Fine with me.
Eventually, after stopping by mistake at the Sackville Bagginses town home and setting off a bunch of fireworks to scare a cow out of the road, the wizard arrived at Bilbo's front door. It was in fact, the only door, but everyone called it the front door all the same.
Bilbo answered steadily, though it was the 111st time somebody had knocked.
BILBO: Oh, Gandalf! Did you know I'm having a party?
GANDALF: Yes, Bilbo, you told me in your invitation.
BILBO: Oh. Yes. Well. Have tea wih me? I haven't much food about at the moment, just some eggs, bacon, few dozen cakes and tarts, oh some pudding leftover from half an hour ago, cheese, a loaf of bread, filet mignon, carrots and apples, biscuits, crackers, tomatos, hash browns, onion and mushroom pastries, ketchup.....
GANDALF: Ketchup?!
Bilbo tossed Gandalf a bottle of ketchup.
GANDALF: Great concotion of yours, ketchup. I rather wonder I didn't come up with it myself.
BILBO: Well, it's made me quite rich, that's for sure. I'm so rich, I feel like going on a trip. To see the dwarves again, you know. What a lark to laugh in their face....a hobbit richer than a whole mountain of dwarves! Preposterous!
GANDALF: Is business as good as all that?
BILBO: Indeed. My net income is twice that of Rivendel and Lonely Mountain combined.
GANDALF: Not that Rivendel has much income.
BILBO: Hmm. What say we go sit on the grass and watch the preparations. You did know I'm having a party, didn't you?
GANDALF: Yes, Bilbo. I even brought the fireworks.
BILBO: Of course. Now I remember. Did I tell you I was having a party?
Gandalf glared at the hobbit, then shrugged and finished gulping his ketchup.
There was a place called the Bag End, in Hobbiton, in the Shire. Bilbo Baggins lived there. On this occasion, his 111st birthday, he was engrossed in writing a history. For some reason he felt a need to describe hobbits.
BILBO: Hobbits are a simple folk. They like reading, writing and 'rithmetic. That is why for my birthday/going away bash I am giving an addition party.
Frodo Baggins also lived with him, but at the moment was sitting under a tree, reading. Suddenly, the unharmonious sound of a wizard singing reached his ears.
FRODO: Gandalf? Oh dear! If he catches me with "Wizardry for Dummies", I'm toast! Come to think of it, what is the spell for turning hobbits into toast? That might come in handy someday...
The singing got louder. Frodo finally tucked his book under a tree root, reverently hoped it wouldn't rain, and ran to stop the noise.
FRODO: You're late! You're also a disturber of the peace!
The crazy looking old man in the cart stopped singing, stopped the cart, and started speaking.
GANDALF: A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins,except when the alarm clock is three hours off. He could possibly be a disturber of the peace," the wizard added fondly.
FRODO: Really? It never said anything about that in "Wizardry for Dumm---- oops!
Gandalf glared at him.
GANDALF: How many times have I told you to stay away from those books?
FRODO: I did...it was on the internet....I had it all typed up....the dog ate it....we got a virus...I forgot...uh...
GANDALF: Yeah.
Frodo and Gandalf started laughing.
GANDALF: Why am I laughing?
FRODO: I don't know!
At last they realized that someone had just set off a laughing gas bomb nearby.
GANDALF: Merry!
FRODO: Pippin!
VOICES: This was his idea! No, it was his! Yours! Yours! Mine! Mine! Haha! Made you say it! You said it too! ARGH!
Gandalf was not amused.
GANDALF: Frodo, would you please direct me to your house? The roads have changed since I was last here.
Frodo: Yes, rush hour was getting to be simply unbearable. A hobbit can't go out for a drink after work without getting stuck in it. Mainly because that's where everybody else is going.
Gandalf: You're working?
Frodo made evasive noises.
FRODO: What say I get off here?
GANDALF: Fine with me.
Eventually, after stopping by mistake at the Sackville Bagginses town home and setting off a bunch of fireworks to scare a cow out of the road, the wizard arrived at Bilbo's front door. It was in fact, the only door, but everyone called it the front door all the same.
Bilbo answered steadily, though it was the 111st time somebody had knocked.
BILBO: Oh, Gandalf! Did you know I'm having a party?
GANDALF: Yes, Bilbo, you told me in your invitation.
BILBO: Oh. Yes. Well. Have tea wih me? I haven't much food about at the moment, just some eggs, bacon, few dozen cakes and tarts, oh some pudding leftover from half an hour ago, cheese, a loaf of bread, filet mignon, carrots and apples, biscuits, crackers, tomatos, hash browns, onion and mushroom pastries, ketchup.....
GANDALF: Ketchup?!
Bilbo tossed Gandalf a bottle of ketchup.
GANDALF: Great concotion of yours, ketchup. I rather wonder I didn't come up with it myself.
BILBO: Well, it's made me quite rich, that's for sure. I'm so rich, I feel like going on a trip. To see the dwarves again, you know. What a lark to laugh in their face....a hobbit richer than a whole mountain of dwarves! Preposterous!
GANDALF: Is business as good as all that?
BILBO: Indeed. My net income is twice that of Rivendel and Lonely Mountain combined.
GANDALF: Not that Rivendel has much income.
BILBO: Hmm. What say we go sit on the grass and watch the preparations. You did know I'm having a party, didn't you?
GANDALF: Yes, Bilbo. I even brought the fireworks.
BILBO: Of course. Now I remember. Did I tell you I was having a party?
Gandalf glared at the hobbit, then shrugged and finished gulping his ketchup.