PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW:
The time had come for the birthday speech. The whole Shire (about 100 persons) had sufficiently inebriated themselves as to not understand a single word the Speechmaker said. Bilbo felt quite annoyed, and therefore set all the food, including the gigantic birthday cake (actually just frosted cardboard) on fire. This TRAVESTY awakened the Shire (about 100 persons) enough to listen to the interactive speech.
BILBO: Thankyou for coming to my addition party. I did tell you this was my party, didn't I?
SHIRE (ABOUT 100 PERSONS): Yes, Bilbo.
BILBO: Alright, then, my dear Buffs and Geeks, Bottle eyes and Freaks, Nerds, Eggheads, etc etc etc. What is my age plus Frodo's age?
THE SHIRE (ABOUT 100 PERSONS): One gross!
BILBO: And what's one plus one gross?
THE SHIRE (ABOUT 100 PERSONS): 145!!!
Bilbo: And what's the number of people at my party minus me?
At this, Bilbo put The One Key in his mouth and disappeared.
THE SHIRE (ABOUT 100 PERSONS): Ummmm.
Invisibly, Bilbo scampered off back to Bag End. Rather to his surprise, he found Gandalf waiting for him.
GANDALF: I suppose you think you're terribly clever.
BILBO: No," taking the Key out of his mouth. "Just terribly rich. Who invited you anyway?"
GANDALF: You did. The fireworks. Remember? Anyways. There are many subtraction problems in this world, and none of them should be used at addition parties. Give it to Frodo.
BILBO: What?
GANDALF: It.
BILBO: What's it?
GANDALF: The subtraction problem.
BILBO: No!! I want to try it on Elrond!
GANDALF: RivendelL minus one silly hobbit is?
BILBO: Ummm.
GANDALF: A better place. Give it to Frodo.
FRODO: Did somebody say my name?
Frodo stood outside a window.
GANDALF: None of your business.
Miffed, Frodo sang loudly:
FRODO: Say my name say my name! If no one is around you say baby I Love...
GANDALF: Is Destiny's Child REALLY necessary at this point?
The two hobbits ignored him.
BILBO: He wants me to give you my KeyRing!
FRODO: Sure. Anytime, uncle.
Gandalf shut the window in disgust.
BILBO: No!
GANDALF: Yes! Or I'll go atomic like Galadriel.
Bilbo shuddered.
BILBO: You're very persuasive. Fine. I'll drop it on the floor so Frodo can stub his furry toes on it when he comes in.
GABDALF: Good idea. Destiny's Child INDEED. Hmph!
Bilbo dropped the KeyRing on the floor and rushed out the door. Almost immediately Frodo rushed in, stubbing his toe on the Ring.
FRODO: Ow!
Bilbo's maniacal laughter resounded in the distance.
GANDALF: Your uncle is stark, raving mad.
FRODO: You know, he's also my cousin.
GANDALF: I didn't need to know that. Keep it secret, keep it safe.
FRODO: In a safe?
GANDALF: No, that would be too conspicuous. Just safe. I want it where I can get it when I come back.
FRODO: You're coming back?
GANDALF: Yes! No. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and good with ketchup.
Gandalf stormed out of the hobbit hole, banging his head several times on the low ceiling. Mystified, Frodo wondered what Gandalf had meant by keeping Bilbo's stat s as cousin safe, as it most certainly wasn't secret.. At last he decided to put the illustrated Baggins genealogy in a glass case at the town museum, and settled down to a bit of Ketchup for a midnight snack.
The time had come for the birthday speech. The whole Shire (about 100 persons) had sufficiently inebriated themselves as to not understand a single word the Speechmaker said. Bilbo felt quite annoyed, and therefore set all the food, including the gigantic birthday cake (actually just frosted cardboard) on fire. This TRAVESTY awakened the Shire (about 100 persons) enough to listen to the interactive speech.
BILBO: Thankyou for coming to my addition party. I did tell you this was my party, didn't I?
SHIRE (ABOUT 100 PERSONS): Yes, Bilbo.
BILBO: Alright, then, my dear Buffs and Geeks, Bottle eyes and Freaks, Nerds, Eggheads, etc etc etc. What is my age plus Frodo's age?
THE SHIRE (ABOUT 100 PERSONS): One gross!
BILBO: And what's one plus one gross?
THE SHIRE (ABOUT 100 PERSONS): 145!!!
Bilbo: And what's the number of people at my party minus me?
At this, Bilbo put The One Key in his mouth and disappeared.
THE SHIRE (ABOUT 100 PERSONS): Ummmm.
Invisibly, Bilbo scampered off back to Bag End. Rather to his surprise, he found Gandalf waiting for him.
GANDALF: I suppose you think you're terribly clever.
BILBO: No," taking the Key out of his mouth. "Just terribly rich. Who invited you anyway?"
GANDALF: You did. The fireworks. Remember? Anyways. There are many subtraction problems in this world, and none of them should be used at addition parties. Give it to Frodo.
BILBO: What?
GANDALF: It.
BILBO: What's it?
GANDALF: The subtraction problem.
BILBO: No!! I want to try it on Elrond!
GANDALF: RivendelL minus one silly hobbit is?
BILBO: Ummm.
GANDALF: A better place. Give it to Frodo.
FRODO: Did somebody say my name?
Frodo stood outside a window.
GANDALF: None of your business.
Miffed, Frodo sang loudly:
FRODO: Say my name say my name! If no one is around you say baby I Love...
GANDALF: Is Destiny's Child REALLY necessary at this point?
The two hobbits ignored him.
BILBO: He wants me to give you my KeyRing!
FRODO: Sure. Anytime, uncle.
Gandalf shut the window in disgust.
BILBO: No!
GANDALF: Yes! Or I'll go atomic like Galadriel.
Bilbo shuddered.
BILBO: You're very persuasive. Fine. I'll drop it on the floor so Frodo can stub his furry toes on it when he comes in.
GABDALF: Good idea. Destiny's Child INDEED. Hmph!
Bilbo dropped the KeyRing on the floor and rushed out the door. Almost immediately Frodo rushed in, stubbing his toe on the Ring.
FRODO: Ow!
Bilbo's maniacal laughter resounded in the distance.
GANDALF: Your uncle is stark, raving mad.
FRODO: You know, he's also my cousin.
GANDALF: I didn't need to know that. Keep it secret, keep it safe.
FRODO: In a safe?
GANDALF: No, that would be too conspicuous. Just safe. I want it where I can get it when I come back.
FRODO: You're coming back?
GANDALF: Yes! No. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and good with ketchup.
Gandalf stormed out of the hobbit hole, banging his head several times on the low ceiling. Mystified, Frodo wondered what Gandalf had meant by keeping Bilbo's stat s as cousin safe, as it most certainly wasn't secret.. At last he decided to put the illustrated Baggins genealogy in a glass case at the town museum, and settled down to a bit of Ketchup for a midnight snack.