THE RETURN:
Sometime later, Frodo decided he wanted to go for a drive.
FRODO: I wonder where I put my car keys.
While rummaging through his things, a hand grabbed his shoulder roughly.
FRODO: Help! Help! I'm being assaulted!
GANDALF: Is it secret?? Is it safe?
FRODO: Oh, it's you. Where are my car keys?
GANDALF: Sam had your car.
FRODO: Is that how you got here so fast?
GANDALF: What do you mean? It's been 17 years!
FRODO: Has it? Seems like just a few minutes, actually.
Frodo continued to rummage.
FRODO: Ah, here's the KeyRing. But my car key is missing. Who told Sam he could borrow my car, anyways?
Without warning Gandalf snatched The One Key from a very irritated Frodo, and tossed it into the fire. Eventually he removed it again hwith a pair of salad tongs.
GANDALF: Hold out your hand Frodo.
Frodo suddenly has a suspicion.
FRODO: Did Sam total my car?
Gandalf dropped the hot KeyRing into Frodo's hand.
GANDALF: You have a one-track mind. Listen, I'm going to tell you a story.
FRODO: I needed to get the tires rotated.
GANDALF: Will you listen?! Your car is not the only important thing in the world!
FRODO: Does that mean you wrecked my car?
Gandalf was quite exasperated.
GANDALF: Yes. No. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are sensitive and addicted to ketchup. Now listen.
Slowly, Gandalf told the tale of Sauron the Maia, Elrond the Elf, and Hesildur the Man. But we've already heard that story. Finally, Gandalf finished.
FRODO: OK. Nice story. So Sauron is dead and the KeyRing is mine.
At this, The One KeyRing, which had been lying on the table, moved. Both Gandalf and Frodo thought this was strange, but took no more note of it than if a pair of house flies had been doing a flamenco dance on the cheese.
GANDALF: But that's not the end, Frodo. SAURON is back, only now he is in the form of a flaming eye.
FRODO: Oh. Maybe you should give him some Sudafed (tm) or something to calm the allergic reaction.
Gandalf sighed heavily.
GANDALF: Hobbits are so dense.
FRODO: Indeed. That's generally why we don't like swimming! Neither does my car, incidentally.
Frodo picked at a bit of cheese absently. Gandalf began muttering to himself.
GANDALF: It's enough to make a wizard take to ketchup guzzling. Why did I ever pick hobbits for my wing-job? To get your wings, they said, you have to complete a mission in Middle-Earth. You can have Men, Hobbits, Animals, Barbarians or Dolphins. But aren't Dolphins animals, said I. Nooo! they said. Now which one do you want? So I picked Hobbits, because men were stupid, and animals were insane, and Barbarians lived in cold regions, and I hate getting wet whether Dolphins are animals or not. And so now, they said, it's just like the video games you've been playing here. Make sure those hobbits get their job done. Ah well, at least I'm not with her anymore.....
Sometime later, Frodo decided he wanted to go for a drive.
FRODO: I wonder where I put my car keys.
While rummaging through his things, a hand grabbed his shoulder roughly.
FRODO: Help! Help! I'm being assaulted!
GANDALF: Is it secret?? Is it safe?
FRODO: Oh, it's you. Where are my car keys?
GANDALF: Sam had your car.
FRODO: Is that how you got here so fast?
GANDALF: What do you mean? It's been 17 years!
FRODO: Has it? Seems like just a few minutes, actually.
Frodo continued to rummage.
FRODO: Ah, here's the KeyRing. But my car key is missing. Who told Sam he could borrow my car, anyways?
Without warning Gandalf snatched The One Key from a very irritated Frodo, and tossed it into the fire. Eventually he removed it again hwith a pair of salad tongs.
GANDALF: Hold out your hand Frodo.
Frodo suddenly has a suspicion.
FRODO: Did Sam total my car?
Gandalf dropped the hot KeyRing into Frodo's hand.
GANDALF: You have a one-track mind. Listen, I'm going to tell you a story.
FRODO: I needed to get the tires rotated.
GANDALF: Will you listen?! Your car is not the only important thing in the world!
FRODO: Does that mean you wrecked my car?
Gandalf was quite exasperated.
GANDALF: Yes. No. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are sensitive and addicted to ketchup. Now listen.
Slowly, Gandalf told the tale of Sauron the Maia, Elrond the Elf, and Hesildur the Man. But we've already heard that story. Finally, Gandalf finished.
FRODO: OK. Nice story. So Sauron is dead and the KeyRing is mine.
At this, The One KeyRing, which had been lying on the table, moved. Both Gandalf and Frodo thought this was strange, but took no more note of it than if a pair of house flies had been doing a flamenco dance on the cheese.
GANDALF: But that's not the end, Frodo. SAURON is back, only now he is in the form of a flaming eye.
FRODO: Oh. Maybe you should give him some Sudafed (tm) or something to calm the allergic reaction.
Gandalf sighed heavily.
GANDALF: Hobbits are so dense.
FRODO: Indeed. That's generally why we don't like swimming! Neither does my car, incidentally.
Frodo picked at a bit of cheese absently. Gandalf began muttering to himself.
GANDALF: It's enough to make a wizard take to ketchup guzzling. Why did I ever pick hobbits for my wing-job? To get your wings, they said, you have to complete a mission in Middle-Earth. You can have Men, Hobbits, Animals, Barbarians or Dolphins. But aren't Dolphins animals, said I. Nooo! they said. Now which one do you want? So I picked Hobbits, because men were stupid, and animals were insane, and Barbarians lived in cold regions, and I hate getting wet whether Dolphins are animals or not. And so now, they said, it's just like the video games you've been playing here. Make sure those hobbits get their job done. Ah well, at least I'm not with her anymore.....