COUSINS, CORN, and a DICTIONARY:
Frodo and Sam tramped across country for days. At one point they had seen a party of Elves pass their tiny camp. However, Sam had been too busy being homesick to want to meet them. Now they were on the border of the third cornfield they'd met that day. Frodo was beginning to wonder if they were going around in circles.
SAM: Come on, Mr. Frodo, let's go through Farmer Maggot's crop to gather provisions.
FRODO: Good idea. Don't you lose me, Samfool Ohgee.
SAM: Huh?
FRODO: It's just something Gandalf said to you.
SAM: Oh. Gee. Didn't notice.
Frodo sighed heavily.
FRODO: That's why they call you Samfool Ohgee.
Their conversation was brutally interrupted by the appearance of Merry and Pippin. From underneath Pippin, Frodo cried out in high dudgeon.
FRODO: Merry Brandybuck! Pippin Took! What is the meaning of this???
PIPPIN: This—the person or thing mentioned. The nearer one or an other one. Something about to be presented.
FRODO: No! I meant running into me like that.
MERRY: Oh, don't try to talk to him. He's been acting like this all week.
Frodo nodded his head understandingly. Merry continued his story.
MERRY: Anyways, we were just out getting some lunch out here in the fields, when we heard alot of shouting and barking. So we ran. And if I'm not very much mistaken, we'd better start running again!
The hobbits dashed across the fields, all the while declaring their mystification that the farmer (in hot pursuit) should be so upset over their habitual filching. So much so, that they ended up tumbling down a hill.
FRODO: Really, I've lost all sense of direction now. Which way is Bree?
MERRY: Oh, don't worry. It was just a detour. Shortcut. Short way around. You know?
PIPPIN: MUSHROOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While Merry, Pippin and Sam all attacked the mushroom ring, Frodo walked on down the lane to see if there were any more. To his dismay he saw nothing but a lot of leaves---a LOT of leaves—coming straight at him. He turned tail and fled back to his companions.
FRODO: Get off the road! Hide! SQUIK!!
Pippin: SQUIK—an alarmed rendition of quick.
Sam: Here! Under this tree root.
After the leaves passed, a Black rider appeared over the tree root where the four hobbits had started playing a game of SORRY.
Black Rider #7: Hisssss
B.R.'s horse: Hi!
Since none of the hobbits felt up to aquainting themselves with this newcomer, they very quietly huddled in the hopes of...it...giving up and going away. It didn't. It just got closer. Sam noticed Frodo trying to put the Key in his mouth, and gave him a TWACK across the chest. In a flash of brilliance, Merry took his car keys and flung them. The Black Rider, being rather dense mentally (though quite the opposite physically), ran for the keys instead of for where they had originated. Merry promptly started running in the same direction. The others followed, panting.
FRODO: Quick! We must get to Bree.
MERRY: I just lost my car keys. So let's take the boat. Follow me!
They ran through the forest for sometime, until Frodo again got the impression they were going in circles. Much to their surprise, a raspy voice called to them through a megaphone.
B.R.#7: Stop right where you are and put your hands on your head, or I'll shoot!
MERRY: Won't!!
The Black rider tried to snap his fingers, but the mail gauntlet severely hampered that activity.
B.R.#7: Shoot.
FRODO: Run!
PIPPIN: To go by moving the legs faster than walking. To flee. To make a quick trip. To compete. To ply between two points. To climb or creep. To ravel. To flow—
MERRY: That's enough, cousin of my mother's sister's nephew!
FRODO: Isn't that you?
MERRY: Uhhhh...whatever. Here's the boat.
SAM: Boats. I hate boats.
MERRY: I forgot. My Brandybuck Boat keys were with my car keys.
The other hobbits stared at him, until they were interrupted by the megaphoned raspy voice again.
B.R.#7: Stop right where you are and put your hands on your head, or I'll shoot!
MERRY: Won't!!!
B.R.#7: Shoot.
PIPPIN: Bang.
FRODO: Don't encourage him. We have a long walk ahead of us.
Frodo and Sam tramped across country for days. At one point they had seen a party of Elves pass their tiny camp. However, Sam had been too busy being homesick to want to meet them. Now they were on the border of the third cornfield they'd met that day. Frodo was beginning to wonder if they were going around in circles.
SAM: Come on, Mr. Frodo, let's go through Farmer Maggot's crop to gather provisions.
FRODO: Good idea. Don't you lose me, Samfool Ohgee.
SAM: Huh?
FRODO: It's just something Gandalf said to you.
SAM: Oh. Gee. Didn't notice.
Frodo sighed heavily.
FRODO: That's why they call you Samfool Ohgee.
Their conversation was brutally interrupted by the appearance of Merry and Pippin. From underneath Pippin, Frodo cried out in high dudgeon.
FRODO: Merry Brandybuck! Pippin Took! What is the meaning of this???
PIPPIN: This—the person or thing mentioned. The nearer one or an other one. Something about to be presented.
FRODO: No! I meant running into me like that.
MERRY: Oh, don't try to talk to him. He's been acting like this all week.
Frodo nodded his head understandingly. Merry continued his story.
MERRY: Anyways, we were just out getting some lunch out here in the fields, when we heard alot of shouting and barking. So we ran. And if I'm not very much mistaken, we'd better start running again!
The hobbits dashed across the fields, all the while declaring their mystification that the farmer (in hot pursuit) should be so upset over their habitual filching. So much so, that they ended up tumbling down a hill.
FRODO: Really, I've lost all sense of direction now. Which way is Bree?
MERRY: Oh, don't worry. It was just a detour. Shortcut. Short way around. You know?
PIPPIN: MUSHROOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While Merry, Pippin and Sam all attacked the mushroom ring, Frodo walked on down the lane to see if there were any more. To his dismay he saw nothing but a lot of leaves---a LOT of leaves—coming straight at him. He turned tail and fled back to his companions.
FRODO: Get off the road! Hide! SQUIK!!
Pippin: SQUIK—an alarmed rendition of quick.
Sam: Here! Under this tree root.
After the leaves passed, a Black rider appeared over the tree root where the four hobbits had started playing a game of SORRY.
Black Rider #7: Hisssss
B.R.'s horse: Hi!
Since none of the hobbits felt up to aquainting themselves with this newcomer, they very quietly huddled in the hopes of...it...giving up and going away. It didn't. It just got closer. Sam noticed Frodo trying to put the Key in his mouth, and gave him a TWACK across the chest. In a flash of brilliance, Merry took his car keys and flung them. The Black Rider, being rather dense mentally (though quite the opposite physically), ran for the keys instead of for where they had originated. Merry promptly started running in the same direction. The others followed, panting.
FRODO: Quick! We must get to Bree.
MERRY: I just lost my car keys. So let's take the boat. Follow me!
They ran through the forest for sometime, until Frodo again got the impression they were going in circles. Much to their surprise, a raspy voice called to them through a megaphone.
B.R.#7: Stop right where you are and put your hands on your head, or I'll shoot!
MERRY: Won't!!
The Black rider tried to snap his fingers, but the mail gauntlet severely hampered that activity.
B.R.#7: Shoot.
FRODO: Run!
PIPPIN: To go by moving the legs faster than walking. To flee. To make a quick trip. To compete. To ply between two points. To climb or creep. To ravel. To flow—
MERRY: That's enough, cousin of my mother's sister's nephew!
FRODO: Isn't that you?
MERRY: Uhhhh...whatever. Here's the boat.
SAM: Boats. I hate boats.
MERRY: I forgot. My Brandybuck Boat keys were with my car keys.
The other hobbits stared at him, until they were interrupted by the megaphoned raspy voice again.
B.R.#7: Stop right where you are and put your hands on your head, or I'll shoot!
MERRY: Won't!!!
B.R.#7: Shoot.
PIPPIN: Bang.
FRODO: Don't encourage him. We have a long walk ahead of us.