CONCURRENCE THEOREM:
The next morning at eight, there was a council. Elrond presided, and introduced the topic.
ELROND: The KeyRing is evil.
GANDALF: The KeyRing is awful
FRODO: The KeyRing is dreadful.
LEGOLAS: The KeyRing is appalling.
FIGWIT: The KeyRing is immoral.
GIMLI: The KeyRing is depraved.
TROTTER: The KeyRing is unscrupulous.
GLORFINDEL: The KeyRing is base.
BOROMIR: Let us practice the employment and manipulation of this corrupt syndicate!
ARGORN: Boromir, shut up. You make us humans look bad.
Elrond continued gleefully.
ELROND: Nine of you must destroy it. In the fires of Mt. Doom--
GANDALF: Also known as BOB.
ELROND:...in Mordor, where the shadows lie.
BOROMIR: One does not simply walk into Mordor.
ELROND: Who said anything about walking? Stumbling half alive would be more like it.
There was silence. Elrond coughed pointedly.
ELROND: Ah, well, since you know so much about it, you can be the first member of the Fellowship of the Ring's Destruction
GANDALF: Also known as FORD.
TROTTER: If I remember correctly, this is all a plot to get rid of me.
ELROND: Thank you for reminding me. You can be the 2nd member!
TROTTER: But—
FRODO: Aren't we getting a little ahead of ourselves with picking the members? I mean, like, who's gonna take the Ring?
ELROND: You. You volunteered. Remember?
Frodo was exceedingly perplexed at this revelation.
SAM: I'll be staying here.
ELROND: No, Samfool Ohgee. It's hardly possible to separate you especially when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not.
Sam stared at him as if he was seeing a corpse.
SAM: I was too summoned!
ELROND: Was not!
SAM: Mr. Frodo, we've been set up!
Elrond waved his hand airily. At once two security elves grabed Sam and stuffed him in a sack.
FRODO: Gee, was that really necessary?
GLORFINDEL: It's for your own safety, Mr. Baggins.
GLARWENOLAS: If Trotter is going, we must go too.
ARWEN: (from upstairs window) Bravo Glarwenolas!!
TROTTER: I object.
LEGOLAS: I object.
TROTTER: I really, really, Really object.
ELROND: In that case, Glarwenolas and Legolas will go with Trotter.
LEGOLAS: But—
GLARWENOLAS: Awesome!
TROTTER: Darn that psycho. I think Glorfindel should come too.
Glorfindel: I can't. I'm the Chief of Homeland Security. I head the Rivendell Baking Department. I am Head Steward of the Miruvor production. I am in charge of videotaping all—
In the midst of Glorfindel's list of duties, Merry and Pippin ran into the council.
MERRY: We're coming too!
PIPPIN: You'll have to send us pants tied up in a sack to stop us!
Elrond turned to Glorfindel nonchalantly.
ELROND: Say, Glory, what about that security business? So far I've had two hobbits and my daughter eavesdropping on a very secret council to destroy the world!
Sam escaped from the bag.
Sam: Three hobbits! We're being set up!!!!
The security elves stuffed him back in and sat on him. Elrond finally realized what he'd just said.
ELROND: I mean, my very secret council to destroy the world of Sauron!
Gandalf, who had been fairly quite during all the ruckus, looked down at his yellow notpad.
GANDALF: So, so far we have Boromir, Frodo, Sam, Glarwenolas, Aragorn and Legolas. We need one more.
GLOIN: (Helpfully) Don't you need a Dwarf?
ELROND: No.
DWARVES(in unison):Please take Gimli. He is wise, noble, brave, talented, charming, warm-hearted, funny, crafty, smart, wise, noble, brave, talented, charming, warm-hearted, funny, crafty, smart, wise, noble...
Gimli blushed and started flossing his teeth.
GANDALF: Very well. Good. Excellent The Fellowship is now complete. 9 Companions to crush the 9 Black Riders.
ELROND: I only see 7.
GANDALF: Glarwenolas equals 3 people.
ELROND: Nope.
GANDALF: (desperately) Here, Merry and Pippin want to go.
ELROND: 8.
GANDALF: But there's two of them!
ELROND: So? They only have brains for one.
GANDALF: In that case we only have two members of the Fellowship. Frodo, Sam, Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli--
LEGOLAS: I have A Problem with my name being used in conjunction with that of a Dwarf.
GANDALF: --only have brains for one, plus Merry and Pippin for another one. That equals two.
BILBO: (from an upstairs window) Bravo! Excellent addition acuity!
MERRY: I guess that means we're the brightest of the bunch, Pip.
PIPPIN: Did anyone ever doubt that?
GANDALF: I suggest that you, Lord Elrond, go to finish the tally.
ELROND: Me! My wife would never approve.
GANDALF: She's not here.
ELROND: Precisely. What would she think if I embarked on a hyper-secret mission behind her back? No. You go.
GANDALF: Me! You've no idea what I've just been through!
COUNCIL: What? Tell us?
GANDALF: My showdown with the Evil Wizard.
FRODO: Ooooo. Tell us!
Gandalf: Well, I was riding up to OrThank, you see. And my old friend Sourman comes down the stairs. And I'm, like, Hey dude! I've got this really bad Ring and I need to know what to do with it. And he was like, Dude, meddle not in the affairs of Wizards, for they are evil with purple ketchup. And I was, like, Wow, dude. What's with the psycadelic ketchup? And he was like, Dude, I am so, like, totally uniting forces with The Eye, so give us the Ring and we'll give you all the ketchup you can hold. And I was like, no way, Dude! And he was like, ARGH!!! And I was like, ARGH!!! And then we break-danced.
Gandalf obliged the Council with a break-dance routine.
ELROND: Excellent! You leave tomorrow morning.
FELLOWSHIP: Noooo!
ELROND: I'll give you a bottle of the special Rivendell miruvor.
FELLOWSHIP: hmmm.
Elrond: Also all the ketchup you can carry!
GANDALF,FRODO,SAM,MERRY,PIPPIN: YESSSSSSS!!!!
The next morning at eight, there was a council. Elrond presided, and introduced the topic.
ELROND: The KeyRing is evil.
GANDALF: The KeyRing is awful
FRODO: The KeyRing is dreadful.
LEGOLAS: The KeyRing is appalling.
FIGWIT: The KeyRing is immoral.
GIMLI: The KeyRing is depraved.
TROTTER: The KeyRing is unscrupulous.
GLORFINDEL: The KeyRing is base.
BOROMIR: Let us practice the employment and manipulation of this corrupt syndicate!
ARGORN: Boromir, shut up. You make us humans look bad.
Elrond continued gleefully.
ELROND: Nine of you must destroy it. In the fires of Mt. Doom--
GANDALF: Also known as BOB.
ELROND:...in Mordor, where the shadows lie.
BOROMIR: One does not simply walk into Mordor.
ELROND: Who said anything about walking? Stumbling half alive would be more like it.
There was silence. Elrond coughed pointedly.
ELROND: Ah, well, since you know so much about it, you can be the first member of the Fellowship of the Ring's Destruction
GANDALF: Also known as FORD.
TROTTER: If I remember correctly, this is all a plot to get rid of me.
ELROND: Thank you for reminding me. You can be the 2nd member!
TROTTER: But—
FRODO: Aren't we getting a little ahead of ourselves with picking the members? I mean, like, who's gonna take the Ring?
ELROND: You. You volunteered. Remember?
Frodo was exceedingly perplexed at this revelation.
SAM: I'll be staying here.
ELROND: No, Samfool Ohgee. It's hardly possible to separate you especially when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not.
Sam stared at him as if he was seeing a corpse.
SAM: I was too summoned!
ELROND: Was not!
SAM: Mr. Frodo, we've been set up!
Elrond waved his hand airily. At once two security elves grabed Sam and stuffed him in a sack.
FRODO: Gee, was that really necessary?
GLORFINDEL: It's for your own safety, Mr. Baggins.
GLARWENOLAS: If Trotter is going, we must go too.
ARWEN: (from upstairs window) Bravo Glarwenolas!!
TROTTER: I object.
LEGOLAS: I object.
TROTTER: I really, really, Really object.
ELROND: In that case, Glarwenolas and Legolas will go with Trotter.
LEGOLAS: But—
GLARWENOLAS: Awesome!
TROTTER: Darn that psycho. I think Glorfindel should come too.
Glorfindel: I can't. I'm the Chief of Homeland Security. I head the Rivendell Baking Department. I am Head Steward of the Miruvor production. I am in charge of videotaping all—
In the midst of Glorfindel's list of duties, Merry and Pippin ran into the council.
MERRY: We're coming too!
PIPPIN: You'll have to send us pants tied up in a sack to stop us!
Elrond turned to Glorfindel nonchalantly.
ELROND: Say, Glory, what about that security business? So far I've had two hobbits and my daughter eavesdropping on a very secret council to destroy the world!
Sam escaped from the bag.
Sam: Three hobbits! We're being set up!!!!
The security elves stuffed him back in and sat on him. Elrond finally realized what he'd just said.
ELROND: I mean, my very secret council to destroy the world of Sauron!
Gandalf, who had been fairly quite during all the ruckus, looked down at his yellow notpad.
GANDALF: So, so far we have Boromir, Frodo, Sam, Glarwenolas, Aragorn and Legolas. We need one more.
GLOIN: (Helpfully) Don't you need a Dwarf?
ELROND: No.
DWARVES(in unison):Please take Gimli. He is wise, noble, brave, talented, charming, warm-hearted, funny, crafty, smart, wise, noble, brave, talented, charming, warm-hearted, funny, crafty, smart, wise, noble...
Gimli blushed and started flossing his teeth.
GANDALF: Very well. Good. Excellent The Fellowship is now complete. 9 Companions to crush the 9 Black Riders.
ELROND: I only see 7.
GANDALF: Glarwenolas equals 3 people.
ELROND: Nope.
GANDALF: (desperately) Here, Merry and Pippin want to go.
ELROND: 8.
GANDALF: But there's two of them!
ELROND: So? They only have brains for one.
GANDALF: In that case we only have two members of the Fellowship. Frodo, Sam, Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli--
LEGOLAS: I have A Problem with my name being used in conjunction with that of a Dwarf.
GANDALF: --only have brains for one, plus Merry and Pippin for another one. That equals two.
BILBO: (from an upstairs window) Bravo! Excellent addition acuity!
MERRY: I guess that means we're the brightest of the bunch, Pip.
PIPPIN: Did anyone ever doubt that?
GANDALF: I suggest that you, Lord Elrond, go to finish the tally.
ELROND: Me! My wife would never approve.
GANDALF: She's not here.
ELROND: Precisely. What would she think if I embarked on a hyper-secret mission behind her back? No. You go.
GANDALF: Me! You've no idea what I've just been through!
COUNCIL: What? Tell us?
GANDALF: My showdown with the Evil Wizard.
FRODO: Ooooo. Tell us!
Gandalf: Well, I was riding up to OrThank, you see. And my old friend Sourman comes down the stairs. And I'm, like, Hey dude! I've got this really bad Ring and I need to know what to do with it. And he was like, Dude, meddle not in the affairs of Wizards, for they are evil with purple ketchup. And I was, like, Wow, dude. What's with the psycadelic ketchup? And he was like, Dude, I am so, like, totally uniting forces with The Eye, so give us the Ring and we'll give you all the ketchup you can hold. And I was like, no way, Dude! And he was like, ARGH!!! And I was like, ARGH!!! And then we break-danced.
Gandalf obliged the Council with a break-dance routine.
ELROND: Excellent! You leave tomorrow morning.
FELLOWSHIP: Noooo!
ELROND: I'll give you a bottle of the special Rivendell miruvor.
FELLOWSHIP: hmmm.
Elrond: Also all the ketchup you can carry!
GANDALF,FRODO,SAM,MERRY,PIPPIN: YESSSSSSS!!!!