GETTING PERSONAL
Some days later...
GANDALF: Woops! Time for our individual hero cameos. Look heroic everybody.
TROTTER: Out of a vague curiosity, who are we looking heroic for?
GANDALF: Them. Me. Yourself. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are surreptitious and possessed by ketchup.
Not much later, the Fellowship stopped for lunch in a very white boulder- rich countryside. The more senior members drifted together.
GANDALF: We must hold this course for 40 days to reach the gap of Rohan, where Sourman will be looking for us and the KeyRing.
GIMLI: Dude, that will take, like, forEVER. I say we just go down through my cousin Balin's mithril kingdom of Moria.
LEGOLAS: That was my ex-girl-friend's name. Moria.
GIMLI: (sympathetically) What happened?
LEGOLAS: She said she didn't like the perfumes I wear. So I dumped her.
Trotter coughed.
TROTTER: Actually, she dumped you.
LEGOLAS: Did not!
TROTTER: Did too!
LEGOLAS: Nobody dumps an Elf!
TROTTER: She dumped you.
There was silence for a few minutes. Legolas sniffed suspiciously.
LEGOLAS: Gimli, when was the last time you took a shower?
GIMLI: Um. I don't know exactly...a month before Rivendell...no, wait...about three weeks before the month before Rivendell I went to my hairdresser. So yeah. It's been close to three months.
TROTTER: At least he's honest.
GANDALF: There were plenty of showers in Rivendell.
GIMLI: Yeah, well, they didn't have my favorite soap. And besides, no elf can do a proper dwarf braid.
LEGOLAS: No one would want to...grease and lice and who knows what else...
Legolas' voice trialed off. He looked out to the south.
LEGOLAS: Crebain from Dunlend!
GIMLI: WHAT! Grease and lice in my beard there may be, but Crebain from Dunlend? Nev—
TROTTER: Hide!
The Fellowship crouched, blatantly obvious against the white rocks. The birds turned and flocked away.
GANDALF: They smelled of purple ketchup. The passage south is being watched.
FRODO: Speaking of which, I'm practically out of ketchup.
GANDALF: We must take the pass of Care-and-Thrash, also known as CAT.
Following Gandalf's glance, the Fellowship stared up at a distant, dismal looking mountain range. There was a universal sigh.
Some days later...
GANDALF: Woops! Time for our individual hero cameos. Look heroic everybody.
TROTTER: Out of a vague curiosity, who are we looking heroic for?
GANDALF: Them. Me. Yourself. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are surreptitious and possessed by ketchup.
Not much later, the Fellowship stopped for lunch in a very white boulder- rich countryside. The more senior members drifted together.
GANDALF: We must hold this course for 40 days to reach the gap of Rohan, where Sourman will be looking for us and the KeyRing.
GIMLI: Dude, that will take, like, forEVER. I say we just go down through my cousin Balin's mithril kingdom of Moria.
LEGOLAS: That was my ex-girl-friend's name. Moria.
GIMLI: (sympathetically) What happened?
LEGOLAS: She said she didn't like the perfumes I wear. So I dumped her.
Trotter coughed.
TROTTER: Actually, she dumped you.
LEGOLAS: Did not!
TROTTER: Did too!
LEGOLAS: Nobody dumps an Elf!
TROTTER: She dumped you.
There was silence for a few minutes. Legolas sniffed suspiciously.
LEGOLAS: Gimli, when was the last time you took a shower?
GIMLI: Um. I don't know exactly...a month before Rivendell...no, wait...about three weeks before the month before Rivendell I went to my hairdresser. So yeah. It's been close to three months.
TROTTER: At least he's honest.
GANDALF: There were plenty of showers in Rivendell.
GIMLI: Yeah, well, they didn't have my favorite soap. And besides, no elf can do a proper dwarf braid.
LEGOLAS: No one would want to...grease and lice and who knows what else...
Legolas' voice trialed off. He looked out to the south.
LEGOLAS: Crebain from Dunlend!
GIMLI: WHAT! Grease and lice in my beard there may be, but Crebain from Dunlend? Nev—
TROTTER: Hide!
The Fellowship crouched, blatantly obvious against the white rocks. The birds turned and flocked away.
GANDALF: They smelled of purple ketchup. The passage south is being watched.
FRODO: Speaking of which, I'm practically out of ketchup.
GANDALF: We must take the pass of Care-and-Thrash, also known as CAT.
Following Gandalf's glance, the Fellowship stared up at a distant, dismal looking mountain range. There was a universal sigh.