MORE THRASHING THAN CARING:
It wasn't long before the Fellowship was attacked by a great blizzard halfway up CAT. Legolas, who walked on snow, took frequent breaks, usually sitting under a rock while everybody else struggled to get as far as he. Boromir paid little heed to this, and Gimli expected no more, but Trotter was furious.
TROTTER: He could at least carry Sam.
FRODO: At least? Have you ever tried to carry Sam, Trotter?
TROTTER: I'm doing it right now. He's in my other arm.
FRODO: .......
BOROMIR: We cannot stay here! This will be the death of the hobbits!
Merry and Pippin obligingly started to shiver unconvincingly. At this point several different conversations began at once.
GIMLI: If we cannot go over the mountain, let us go under it. Let us go through the mines of Moria.
LEGOLAS: (dreamily) That was my ex-girl-friend's name.
PIPPIN: Name—word by which a person, place or thing is spoken of or to. To give a name to. A word that means any object or group of objects.
GIMLI: (sympathetically) What happened?
LEGOLAS: She said she didn't like the perfume I wear.
GIMLI: Neither do I.
TROTTER: Where's Glarwenolas?
FRODO: French leave. Two days ago.
TROTTER: Can't say I'm sorry.
GANDALF: Let the real leader decide.
FRODO: Who's the real leader?
GANDALF: Me. I'm a Wizard.
TROTTER: Me. I'm a future king.
FRODO: Me. I'm the KeyRingbearer.
SAM: Me. I'm deputy KeyRingbearer.
LEGOLAS: Me. I'm a Prince of Elves.
GIMLI: Me. I'm a Dwarf.
PIPPIN: Me. I'm a dictionary.
MERRY: Me. I'm a leader.
FRODO: Good point. Merry leads.
MERRY: Cool. What am I supposed to decide?
GANDALF: Whether we should go over the mountain or under the mountain or forget the mountain completely.
MERRY: Oh. Cool. As leader, I decree that we shall...follow Frodo.
FRODO: Goody! Anyone have any advice?
Silence.
FRODO: Oh. Okay. Boromir, one of your 9-sided dice, please.
Boromir's attempt to retrieve his dice from his horn (which he used as an auxiliary pocket) resulted in nothing but a squashed Pippin. Impatiently Legolas left his rock and shook out a 9-sided die.
LEGOLAS: Here.
FRODO: OK. Odd roll, we keep going, even roll, we go to Moria—
LEGOLAS: That was my ex-girl-friend's name.
FRODO: --and if it falls off the cliff we go through the Gap of Rohan.
Frodo tossed the die into the air. Gimli saw it land first and flipped it to 6.
GIMLI: Even roll!
BOROMIR: You touched it.
GIMLI: Didna—
FRODO: Time to go!
It wasn't long before the Fellowship was attacked by a great blizzard halfway up CAT. Legolas, who walked on snow, took frequent breaks, usually sitting under a rock while everybody else struggled to get as far as he. Boromir paid little heed to this, and Gimli expected no more, but Trotter was furious.
TROTTER: He could at least carry Sam.
FRODO: At least? Have you ever tried to carry Sam, Trotter?
TROTTER: I'm doing it right now. He's in my other arm.
FRODO: .......
BOROMIR: We cannot stay here! This will be the death of the hobbits!
Merry and Pippin obligingly started to shiver unconvincingly. At this point several different conversations began at once.
GIMLI: If we cannot go over the mountain, let us go under it. Let us go through the mines of Moria.
LEGOLAS: (dreamily) That was my ex-girl-friend's name.
PIPPIN: Name—word by which a person, place or thing is spoken of or to. To give a name to. A word that means any object or group of objects.
GIMLI: (sympathetically) What happened?
LEGOLAS: She said she didn't like the perfume I wear.
GIMLI: Neither do I.
TROTTER: Where's Glarwenolas?
FRODO: French leave. Two days ago.
TROTTER: Can't say I'm sorry.
GANDALF: Let the real leader decide.
FRODO: Who's the real leader?
GANDALF: Me. I'm a Wizard.
TROTTER: Me. I'm a future king.
FRODO: Me. I'm the KeyRingbearer.
SAM: Me. I'm deputy KeyRingbearer.
LEGOLAS: Me. I'm a Prince of Elves.
GIMLI: Me. I'm a Dwarf.
PIPPIN: Me. I'm a dictionary.
MERRY: Me. I'm a leader.
FRODO: Good point. Merry leads.
MERRY: Cool. What am I supposed to decide?
GANDALF: Whether we should go over the mountain or under the mountain or forget the mountain completely.
MERRY: Oh. Cool. As leader, I decree that we shall...follow Frodo.
FRODO: Goody! Anyone have any advice?
Silence.
FRODO: Oh. Okay. Boromir, one of your 9-sided dice, please.
Boromir's attempt to retrieve his dice from his horn (which he used as an auxiliary pocket) resulted in nothing but a squashed Pippin. Impatiently Legolas left his rock and shook out a 9-sided die.
LEGOLAS: Here.
FRODO: OK. Odd roll, we keep going, even roll, we go to Moria—
LEGOLAS: That was my ex-girl-friend's name.
FRODO: --and if it falls off the cliff we go through the Gap of Rohan.
Frodo tossed the die into the air. Gimli saw it land first and flipped it to 6.
GIMLI: Even roll!
BOROMIR: You touched it.
GIMLI: Didna—
FRODO: Time to go!