IN'N'OUT'N'IN
What Gandalf's psychotic torch-waving did reveal were cobwebbed skeletons scattered about. Most of the Fellowship halted in utter disgust. Trotter refilled his pipe, but the others hastily took to the ketchup. Only Glarwenolas and Gimli were unmoved.
GLARWENOLAS: They were Dwarves, once.
Gimli hopped about, looking intently at the skulls of the skeletons.
LEGOLAS: Give it up, Dwarf. They're unidentifiable now.
GIMLI: To you, maybe. But to a renowned dentist—
Gimli stopped for maximum effect. The others merely blinked.
LEGOLAS: You're a dentist?
GIMLI: (modestly) Why, yes. Yes I am. A very good one too, I might add.
GANDALF: (muttering to the others) That explains why Gloin &co were so anxious to get rid of him at the Council!
GIMLI: Anyways, yes. Here is Bumo, and Sneezy the Last, and this is Tundin...
BOROMIR: This is no mine. It's a dentist's paradise.
GLARWENOLAS: We call it a well-populated tomb.
BOROMIR: Now let's get out of here! SQUIK!!!
In spite of Boromir's urgency, the Fellowship backed out but slowly.
FRODO: Eek!!! Something touched me!
Trotter was vaguely bemused.
TROTTER: You're psycho too. I like baseball games.
LEGOLAS: I like popcorn.
GLARWENOLAS: I like being psycho with popcorn at a baseball game.
Invertebrate arms resembling squid tentacles grabbed Frodo by the leg. The other hobbits attacked the tentacles, while the remainder of the Fellowship carried on a discussion about baseball, popcorn and the stadiums with the cleanest bathrooms.
FRODO: AAAAAAa!!!
SAM: I'm having calamari tonight!
Bravely, Sam hacked away at the tentacles and tossed the pieces in his backpack, with Merry and Pippin holding on to Frodo's arms. The mutilated tentacles retracted, then flung out again with reinforcements, simultaneously knocking down three hobbits but picking up Frodo with remarkable agility. With this turn of events Sam realized there was more calamari here than he had bargained for.
SAM: Trotter! It's a Squid-father!
MERRY: Boromir!
PIPPIN: Legolas! Gimli!
LEGOLAS: I strongly object to my name being used in conjunction with that of a Dwarf.
FRODO: aaa! Eek! SQUIK! Oooo! Help! Mwahahaaaaaa!!!
With cries of "To the rescue!", "Fear not!" and "Cowabunga!", Trotter and Boromir chopped off tentacles right and left, while Legolas shot the squid between the eyes.
GANDALF: Into the mines!!
There was nowhere else to go. For the few seconds the Fellowship need to run inside the squid-father sat paralyzed with fury. Finally, in the worst temper tantrum it'd thrown for the last two thousand years, it crumbled the Doors.
GANDALF: We have but two choices. Stay here, or go on.
FELLOWSHIP: We need ketchup!
GANDALF: Very well.
The Fellowship followed Gandalf's light. Trotter nudged Boromir and whispered
TROTTER: Look at that wretch.
BOROMIR: What wretch?
TROTTER: Frodo. What do we do? We risk our lives to save him. And does he thank us? No. Just goes along like nobody did nothin' for him. Wretch. Filthy, ungrateful, scrawny little wretch.
BOROMIR: You know, for a future king your English is rather wretched at times.
MERRY: Hey, I didn't even have to say "Close Sesame"!
What Gandalf's psychotic torch-waving did reveal were cobwebbed skeletons scattered about. Most of the Fellowship halted in utter disgust. Trotter refilled his pipe, but the others hastily took to the ketchup. Only Glarwenolas and Gimli were unmoved.
GLARWENOLAS: They were Dwarves, once.
Gimli hopped about, looking intently at the skulls of the skeletons.
LEGOLAS: Give it up, Dwarf. They're unidentifiable now.
GIMLI: To you, maybe. But to a renowned dentist—
Gimli stopped for maximum effect. The others merely blinked.
LEGOLAS: You're a dentist?
GIMLI: (modestly) Why, yes. Yes I am. A very good one too, I might add.
GANDALF: (muttering to the others) That explains why Gloin &co were so anxious to get rid of him at the Council!
GIMLI: Anyways, yes. Here is Bumo, and Sneezy the Last, and this is Tundin...
BOROMIR: This is no mine. It's a dentist's paradise.
GLARWENOLAS: We call it a well-populated tomb.
BOROMIR: Now let's get out of here! SQUIK!!!
In spite of Boromir's urgency, the Fellowship backed out but slowly.
FRODO: Eek!!! Something touched me!
Trotter was vaguely bemused.
TROTTER: You're psycho too. I like baseball games.
LEGOLAS: I like popcorn.
GLARWENOLAS: I like being psycho with popcorn at a baseball game.
Invertebrate arms resembling squid tentacles grabbed Frodo by the leg. The other hobbits attacked the tentacles, while the remainder of the Fellowship carried on a discussion about baseball, popcorn and the stadiums with the cleanest bathrooms.
FRODO: AAAAAAa!!!
SAM: I'm having calamari tonight!
Bravely, Sam hacked away at the tentacles and tossed the pieces in his backpack, with Merry and Pippin holding on to Frodo's arms. The mutilated tentacles retracted, then flung out again with reinforcements, simultaneously knocking down three hobbits but picking up Frodo with remarkable agility. With this turn of events Sam realized there was more calamari here than he had bargained for.
SAM: Trotter! It's a Squid-father!
MERRY: Boromir!
PIPPIN: Legolas! Gimli!
LEGOLAS: I strongly object to my name being used in conjunction with that of a Dwarf.
FRODO: aaa! Eek! SQUIK! Oooo! Help! Mwahahaaaaaa!!!
With cries of "To the rescue!", "Fear not!" and "Cowabunga!", Trotter and Boromir chopped off tentacles right and left, while Legolas shot the squid between the eyes.
GANDALF: Into the mines!!
There was nowhere else to go. For the few seconds the Fellowship need to run inside the squid-father sat paralyzed with fury. Finally, in the worst temper tantrum it'd thrown for the last two thousand years, it crumbled the Doors.
GANDALF: We have but two choices. Stay here, or go on.
FELLOWSHIP: We need ketchup!
GANDALF: Very well.
The Fellowship followed Gandalf's light. Trotter nudged Boromir and whispered
TROTTER: Look at that wretch.
BOROMIR: What wretch?
TROTTER: Frodo. What do we do? We risk our lives to save him. And does he thank us? No. Just goes along like nobody did nothin' for him. Wretch. Filthy, ungrateful, scrawny little wretch.
BOROMIR: You know, for a future king your English is rather wretched at times.
MERRY: Hey, I didn't even have to say "Close Sesame"!