Disclaimer: I own nothing, I make no money.
A/N: Thanks to all for the kind reviews so far. (There are no reviews for chapter 2 yet, heh heh.) I am trying to put myself in Harm's shoes in how he deals with his life. It was difficult to put myself into the position of making Harm's character go so low in the last chapter and I even know how the story is going to end J Sometimes things get worse before they get better. Now, on with the story:
The Fall and Rise of Harmon Rabb Chapter 3
I guess sometime during the night, I stopped crying and passed out next to my own vomit. Oh dear Lord in heaven, my head feels like it was run over by a C-130. I stumble across my apartment and head to the kitchen. 0230. I grab some aspirin toss three in my mouth and wash it down by sticking my face underneath the faucet. My mouth feels like shit flavored cotton. Note to self: Never, ever drink before shattering the woman you love. In fact, never ever drink again. If I skip my morning run, I can sleep until 0800. That should give me enough time to report by 0900. I open up a cabinet and grab the peanut butter. I pull a spoon out of the drawer and jab it into the jar. I stick the biggest scoop of peanut butter into my mouth that I can manage without choking. Mmm. Tastes much better than shit flavored cotton. I head for the head to relieve myself then flop face first down on my bed. I don't even bother to change clothes. It is then that I remember that my alarm is set to go off at 0530. Shit. I grumble as I reach over and change it to 0720. Better, much better. That will give me 40 minutes to hit the snooze.
The next thing I know, alarms are going off in my head. What the hell is that noise? I want to open my eyes and move but I feel like my body weighs 800 pounds. I finally realize my alarm clock is going off and manage to pry one eye open. I glance over to the clock. Shit! It is 0815. I am up with a jolt and jumping into the shower before I realize it. I turn the water on quickly. It is then that I realize my mistake. Cold, cold, cold! For the love of God that water is cold. I have a bitter flashback to dumping my Tomcat in the Atlantic before the water warms up. Well, no doubt about it, I am wide ass awake now. I still feel like shit though. I shower in record time. Pissed off Admirals motivate me to move more than a hangover pushes me to slow down. I jump out of the shower and towel dry off. I grab my shaving cream and razor. I look into the mirror before applying the cream. I catch sight of myself and pause. When the hell did I get so old? I know I didn't look this bad a year ago. I guess my life hasn't slowed down enough to really take a look at myself. I guess spending a month in the brig would age any man 5 years. Not to mention playing part in an impromptu anti terrorist squad, getting fired, joining the CIA and flying almost 40 missions in 5 months, getting fired again, and spending 7 months fighting with my best friend who also happens to be the woman I love. Jesus, my life reads like a TV show with writers who want to throw so much shit at the characters they are unrecognizable. It's like my show is being cast aside in favor of a spin off. I shave as quickly as I can without slicing my face into ribbons. I throw some bread in the toaster and run back to the bedroom. I have 15 minutes to make up for. I grab my uniform and throw on my blouse and trousers. I slip into my shoes and grab my cover. I ignore protocol and throw it on my head while inside and grab my toast and pour coffee from the coffee maker. Thank God for coffee makers with a timer. I am definitely not feeling the Lexus today. I hop into my baby let the top down, secure my cover. I am ignoring protocol again by not wearing it but I am going to be driving pretty fast to get to work on time. It wouldn't look good for me to show up without my cover because it is lying somewhere on the Beltway with tire tracks all over it.
I am halfway to JAG HQ before I realize I have not really thought of last night since… well, since I passed out on the floor. I am such a jackass. I can't believe I was so heartless to Mac last night. I guess it just proves my point, though. Two people that are capable of throwing that much crap at each other should not be friends. Maybe it just proves that men and women cannot work together. No, I worked great with Kate, and Meg. I even worked great with Mac, at least until I returned from the Patrick Henry. She criticized my defense of Sec Nelson's son. She just didn't understand I couldn't save that arrogant little prick by destroying his father and CO. With Mac it was always about winning. I have done many things to win, hell any man has pride, but my first duty was to the truth. I could not attack Sec. Nelson; I don't care how much he thought of me as Harmful Rabb. I think that is where the jabs we would throw back and forth really started taking a mind of their own. Even through that I hoped we could get past it, get back into rhythm. When I left to go back to flying I could almost swear she was in love with me. When we were on that ferry in Sydney, I thought the same thing. She asked me if I couldn't let go. I told her not yet. I told her not yet so I could get the Navy out of my system. I wanted to be free to love her with my entire soul. I wanted to fly that last flight, try that last court martial. It wasn't until the plane ride home how wrong I was. I couldn't believe she was wearing that Aussie jerk's ring. Even though she never married him and we never made it work, I thought there was still time. I thought Mac and I had a level of understanding that transcended all others. I hoped we were putting into practice what we never put into words: to slowly come together on a nice and easy path and ride off into the sunset. I thought relationships were built off of trust and we had that. I still get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time the memory of Mac kissing Webb in Paraguay enters my head. God, what a slap to the face. That hurt worse that the three slaps she gave me last night. I sure do hope you know what you are getting into with Webb, Mac. I never could bring myself to tell her how Webb set up her Uncle Matt to steal the Declaration of Independence. I wonder how she would feel if she knew she was sleeping with the man who had the most important person in her life thrown in the brig. Then there is Catherine Gale's baby. I swear that kid looks an awful lot like Clay's baby picture hanging up in Porter Webb's house. I didn't ask Catherine about it and she sure didn't offer. Who can blame her though?
I turn into JAG HQ and grab my cover before I am spotted. The guard searches my car. That's another advantage to driving the Vette instead of the Lexus. It takes half the time to make it through the checkpoint. My tires squeal as I skid into my parking space. No time to raise the top. I grab my briefcase and run into the building. I glance at the clock on the wall. 0903. Not bad but not good enough. Screw the elevator, I run up the stairs. I am getting too damn old to sprint up several flights of steps because my stupid ass is late for work again. My knees are creaking and popping as I enter JAG OPS. I try to slide unnoticed into my office when the sound of death approaches the airwaves.
"RABB! My office," he barks as he turns and enters into his torture chamber. I hand off my cover and briefcase to Harriet who gives me that look of pity that only she can. I attempt to smell my breath and hope to everything that is holy the Admiral is not pissed off enough to get nose to nose with me. I enter his office and come to attention. "At ease and have a seat." I sit down and breathe a sigh of relief. "Commander, Petty Officer Coates put in her change of address this morning. Upon questioning her, I am aware you are no longer the guardian to Ms Grace. I just wanted to let you know if there is anything I can do, let me know. I understand how tough it is to lose a daughter." What? What the hell? Who knew the old man still had a heart where I am concerned?
"Thank you, sir. There is something you can do for me. I would appreciate it if you can keep Mattie leaving between us for now. I still need to process it and accept the loss before everyone starts throwing pity around. That is not what I need." It's true. I need to process my feelings. I always have. My knee jerk reactions have never expressed what was deep down inside. The last thing I want to do is have a knee jerk reaction where Mattie is concerned. She means much more to me than that. "Sir, I was also wondering if I could take two weeks leave?"
"I don't see that as a problem, Commander. When do you expect the Jackson hearing to conclude?"
"Captain Sebring is reconvening tomorrow. I have only one witness left. I would hope this will be over by Wednesday, sir." I hope anyway.
"Take your 2 weeks starting Thursday. I do have to ask, Commander. Why do you need 2 weeks?" Damn AJ, I was afraid you were going to ask that.
"Sir, I am feeling out of sorts. With losing Mattie and Ma- uh, sir, I need to regroup, and figure out where I still fit in the Navy and how go about not blowing my career apart." Please let this slide, Admiral. I am not in the mood for a lecture today. I am heartbroken and hung over. For once in my time with you at JAG, give me the easy way out.
"I see, Commander," he says to me with is eyebrows raised. "Dismissed."
"Aye, sir!" I say to him as I snap to, about face and head for the door. I am doing my best to get out the door before he changes his mind.
"Oh, and Rabb, try to let your excitement over two weeks leave encourage you to report on time." Damn, he got me.
"Yes sir," I say to him as I exit his office.
I spend an hour hiding in my office before I feel recovered enough to show my face in Ops. I head for the coffee pot and pour myself a cup. I take one sip and I know Mac made the coffee. This is just what I need to help me kick start today. I glance over to her office and see her working. My heart pounds in my chest. She must sense something because she looks up and our eyes meet. I give her a small smile and a slight nod. She does the same. I can see her eyes are a little puffy from crying. Believe me Sarah, I feel the same way. I hope this can last. It would be nice if we can keep the peace. Maybe one day you and I can figure this out and be friends again. Maybe in a time that I can handle seeing you love someone else without wanting to die. Ha! That could take decades. I look over and see Bud and Harriet talking almost in a whisper. They both look like they lost their dog.
"Lieutenants, good morning; is everything ok?' I ask. The looks on both of their faces tell me something is very wrong.
"Good morning sir," Bud says. "I am afraid I received bad news. It seems that I am a candidate for a new prosthetic limb that could allow more mobility and make it possible for me to return to full duty. I received word today that the Navy will only fund the standard limb. They deem the new one to be experimental and therefore optional." What? My God, I should kick myself for thinking my life sucks. At least I can still see Mattie, and Mac. Poor Bud is about to be stuck on limited duty which puts him in danger of the Up or Out Clause more than me. Stupid red tape is going to destroy a fine officer. Bastards!
"That's terrible, Bud." I couldn't think of anything else to say. I talk to Bud and Harriet for a few more minutes and get some further details. I excuse myself and go back to my office. I know what I have to do. I pick up the phone and make my call. I have to do a lot of sweet talking but my mission is complete. I just hope I know what I am doing.
The morning runs into afternoon and I grab a salad from the cafeteria. I sit in private and pick at the wilted lettuce. I see Mac come in and grab a tray. I see her take a seat across the room and our eyes meet again. Another mutual nod and we go back to our own thing. I have a quivering in my stomach. I don't know if it is from Mac or from my upcoming appointment. Hell, it is probably both. I pick at my salad some more then give up in disgust. I glance at my watch and head back to my office. I grab my cover and head for the elevator. I tell Harriet that I have an interview this afternoon.
An hour later as I sit here, I hear a voice call me name, "Commander Rabb? Secretary Sheffield can see you now."
It's going to be a long day.
To be continued…