HOW THE OTHER THING HAPPENED
Pippin caught sight of a skeleton miraculously sitting on the edge of the chamber's well.
PIPPIN: Mwahahaa.
So while the Fellowship was occupied, Pippin picked up a small stone, and threw it a full 21 yards across the chamber at the skeleton. The skeleton predictably fell backwards down into the well with a great and prolonged clatter. Startled, the Fellowship stared at the well until the noise stopped and then at Pippin banefully. The hobbit was nonplussed.
PIPPIN: Beat that, Merry!
GANDALF: Why did you do that?
PPIIPIN: Because Merry bet he could throw a stone farther than I could. But he can't. I just threw one a full yard farther than he did!
MERRY: Across the lake! I said across the lake!
FELLOWSHIP: Stupid Merry! Don't make Pippin do stupid things like that!
MERRY: What! I—
Merry was interrupted by flutes in the near distance.
GLARWENOLAS: Our doom is at hand.
LEGOLAS: Orcs!
BOROMIR: Hey, Glarwenolas, how come you know so much about Moria and yet--
LEGOLAS: sob Moria! I shall never see her again!
BOROMIR: --and yet you never told us about the orcs?
GLARWENOLAS: I said it was a well-populated tomb. The census was one million, three thousand and four last time I read the almanac, but of course there could be more or less by now, considering the reproduction rate of the race in general and the incurable pugnative nature of the ork- folk.
FRODO: You spelled orc wrong.
Glarwenolas glared at Frodo. Boromir decided to go to the door for a breath of fresh air and was met by two arrows. He shut the door carefully and sauntered back to the group.
BOROMIR: In case you wanted to know, they have a pet cave troll, too.
ARAGORN: (Still very proud of his new name) No matter! We will face them, and they will fall.
GLARWENOLAS: Is your breath that bad? No, never mind! I don't want to know!
GIMLI: Let them come! They will find one dentist who still draws blood!
FRODO: Yeah. I think it's REALLY clear now why the other dwarves sent him with us!
Aragorn and Boromir blockaded the ramshackle door. Immediately the orcs chopped it down and poured through the gap.
FELLOWSHIP: Argh!
ORCS: PHEW!!!
The orcs were briefly beaten back by bad breath. The Fellowship looked at each other cheerfully. Suddenly a few brave orcs drug in an enormous Troll, complete with pink hair and bejeweled center. The Fellowship was prostrated by the horrific stench of violets emanating from the troll. The troll stupidly waved its mace around, crashing down, among other places, on Balin's Tomb. The smell from the tomb revived the Fellowship.
FELLOWSHIP: AAAAAA!!!
The Fellowship promptly dispatched the remaining orcs, glugging ketchup messily. Meanwhile the Cave Troll picked up a spear with the intention of picking his teeth, but ended up stabbing Frodo instead. Vengefully, Merry cut the Cave Troll on the finger with his knife, which was, predictably, covered in ketchup. In pain, the Cave Troll sucked his cut finger, tasting the ketchup. Without further ado the monster set out to lick every bit of ketchup it could find. With the cave troll occupied, the Fellowship turned to other matters.
BOROMIR: (re Frodo) Oh my goodness! He's dead!...Can I have the Ring now?
SAM: Over my dead body. I'm deputy Ringbearer. I've been with him through thick and thin. I didn't even ask to come on this mission. I've been waiting for this moment all my life...He'll never know...
Pippin caught sight of a skeleton miraculously sitting on the edge of the chamber's well.
PIPPIN: Mwahahaa.
So while the Fellowship was occupied, Pippin picked up a small stone, and threw it a full 21 yards across the chamber at the skeleton. The skeleton predictably fell backwards down into the well with a great and prolonged clatter. Startled, the Fellowship stared at the well until the noise stopped and then at Pippin banefully. The hobbit was nonplussed.
PIPPIN: Beat that, Merry!
GANDALF: Why did you do that?
PPIIPIN: Because Merry bet he could throw a stone farther than I could. But he can't. I just threw one a full yard farther than he did!
MERRY: Across the lake! I said across the lake!
FELLOWSHIP: Stupid Merry! Don't make Pippin do stupid things like that!
MERRY: What! I—
Merry was interrupted by flutes in the near distance.
GLARWENOLAS: Our doom is at hand.
LEGOLAS: Orcs!
BOROMIR: Hey, Glarwenolas, how come you know so much about Moria and yet--
LEGOLAS: sob Moria! I shall never see her again!
BOROMIR: --and yet you never told us about the orcs?
GLARWENOLAS: I said it was a well-populated tomb. The census was one million, three thousand and four last time I read the almanac, but of course there could be more or less by now, considering the reproduction rate of the race in general and the incurable pugnative nature of the ork- folk.
FRODO: You spelled orc wrong.
Glarwenolas glared at Frodo. Boromir decided to go to the door for a breath of fresh air and was met by two arrows. He shut the door carefully and sauntered back to the group.
BOROMIR: In case you wanted to know, they have a pet cave troll, too.
ARAGORN: (Still very proud of his new name) No matter! We will face them, and they will fall.
GLARWENOLAS: Is your breath that bad? No, never mind! I don't want to know!
GIMLI: Let them come! They will find one dentist who still draws blood!
FRODO: Yeah. I think it's REALLY clear now why the other dwarves sent him with us!
Aragorn and Boromir blockaded the ramshackle door. Immediately the orcs chopped it down and poured through the gap.
FELLOWSHIP: Argh!
ORCS: PHEW!!!
The orcs were briefly beaten back by bad breath. The Fellowship looked at each other cheerfully. Suddenly a few brave orcs drug in an enormous Troll, complete with pink hair and bejeweled center. The Fellowship was prostrated by the horrific stench of violets emanating from the troll. The troll stupidly waved its mace around, crashing down, among other places, on Balin's Tomb. The smell from the tomb revived the Fellowship.
FELLOWSHIP: AAAAAA!!!
The Fellowship promptly dispatched the remaining orcs, glugging ketchup messily. Meanwhile the Cave Troll picked up a spear with the intention of picking his teeth, but ended up stabbing Frodo instead. Vengefully, Merry cut the Cave Troll on the finger with his knife, which was, predictably, covered in ketchup. In pain, the Cave Troll sucked his cut finger, tasting the ketchup. Without further ado the monster set out to lick every bit of ketchup it could find. With the cave troll occupied, the Fellowship turned to other matters.
BOROMIR: (re Frodo) Oh my goodness! He's dead!...Can I have the Ring now?
SAM: Over my dead body. I'm deputy Ringbearer. I've been with him through thick and thin. I didn't even ask to come on this mission. I've been waiting for this moment all my life...He'll never know...