CONFESSIONS:
FRODO: choke Hey! I'm okay guys! Haha! Fooled ya!
FELLOWSHIP: gasp
FRODO: Bilbo gave me some spear repellant. Pretty cool stuff. So, Sam, what was that moment I'll never know you've been waiting for?
SAM: Uhh...I just wanted you to know that...uhhh...we really love ya, dude. You're a great Ringbearer. And we all love ya.
FRODO: On second thought I wish I hadn't asked you. Why didn't you stay in Hobbiton and marry Rosie Cotton?
SAM: Gandalf wouldn't let me....gasp How did you know?
FRODO: Umm, you only talked about her 80million times a day, and then in your sleep that time you had the flu.
PIPPIN: Whewhoo! Sam's got a girlfriend Sam's got a girlfriend!
LEGOLAS: (sadly) I had a girlfriend once.
GIMLI(sympathetically) What happened?
LEGOLAS: She dumped me.
GIMLI: I thought you said you dumped her.
LEGOLAS: Oh yes, of course. Nobody dumps an Elf! Must have had too much ketchup. She dumped me. Humph.
BOROMIR: Actually, I suppose she was an Elf too. So even if you dumped her, somebody would have dumped an Elf.
MERRY: (defensively) He said Nobody. Leggy isn't nobody. He's somebody.
LEGOLAS: Actually, (takes another swig of ketchup) she wasn't an Elf.
BOROMIR: A human?
LEGOLAS: Nope.
GIMLI: Not...not an orc??!!!
GALRWENOLAS: Purple dinosaur?
MERRY: Dragon?
FRODO: Chipmunk?
GANDALF: Vala?
SAM: Hobbit?
PIPPIN: A cave troll.
LEGOLAS: Nope. All wrong. She was a Dwarf.
At this confession Gimli had a heart attack. The rest of the Fellowship stared blankly.
GLARWENOLAS: You...you called me a freak. But tell me, who's the bigger freak??
LEGOLAS: (gulping ketchup) I'm not a freak. I'm just not...not...
GLARWENOLAS: Normal.
LEGOLAS: Yes. No!
GANDALF: Time to go.
ARAGORN: What about the Cave Troll? Shouldn't we kill it?
FELLOWSHIP: Why?
ARAGORN: Why, because it's evil and, and...
Aragorn noticed he wasn't getting anywhere.
ARAGORN: (starting again) Because, once it's finished licking ketchup off everything it'll be addicted, and orcs can't feed it ketchup because they don't have any. And...and, well, life with withdrawal symptoms is worse than death!
FRODO: He. Not it. Don't you see it's an intelligent life form? He deserves a second chance.
BOROMIR: You called it an it.
FRODO: So did you.
Flutes were heard in the distance, interrupting the impending scuffle..
BOROMIR: Oh, just leave it...him. He's the orcs' pet anyhow.
The Fellowship followed Gandalf back out into the Great Hall, but Frodo lagged behind, enticing the Cave Troll to follow with ketchup. Half way across the Hall Gandalf turned around to see what the all-important Ringbearer is doing.
GANDALF: Frodo! WHAT are YOU DOING?!!!!
FRODO: I'm going to keep Randy as a pet.
FELLOWSHIP: NO! Stupid fat hobbit! Get rid of him! Now!
FRODO: I am NOT fat! Sam's fat. Can't anyways. He knows we have ketchup. Randy's short for Randalf.
In horror, the Fellowship stood and watched as Frodo fed his new pet ketchup. Soon they were surrounded by thousands of orcs, who luckliy were also engrossed in the fascinating performance. The orcs were disturbed by a great pounding and light in the distant halls, and scattered.
PIPPIN: What's that?
GANDALF: I'm not sure yet. Actually I am, but I'm not going to tell you.
The Fellowship turned to Glarwenolas.
GLARWENOLAS: I'm not telling either, but....RUN!!
FRODO: choke Hey! I'm okay guys! Haha! Fooled ya!
FELLOWSHIP: gasp
FRODO: Bilbo gave me some spear repellant. Pretty cool stuff. So, Sam, what was that moment I'll never know you've been waiting for?
SAM: Uhh...I just wanted you to know that...uhhh...we really love ya, dude. You're a great Ringbearer. And we all love ya.
FRODO: On second thought I wish I hadn't asked you. Why didn't you stay in Hobbiton and marry Rosie Cotton?
SAM: Gandalf wouldn't let me....gasp How did you know?
FRODO: Umm, you only talked about her 80million times a day, and then in your sleep that time you had the flu.
PIPPIN: Whewhoo! Sam's got a girlfriend Sam's got a girlfriend!
LEGOLAS: (sadly) I had a girlfriend once.
GIMLI(sympathetically) What happened?
LEGOLAS: She dumped me.
GIMLI: I thought you said you dumped her.
LEGOLAS: Oh yes, of course. Nobody dumps an Elf! Must have had too much ketchup. She dumped me. Humph.
BOROMIR: Actually, I suppose she was an Elf too. So even if you dumped her, somebody would have dumped an Elf.
MERRY: (defensively) He said Nobody. Leggy isn't nobody. He's somebody.
LEGOLAS: Actually, (takes another swig of ketchup) she wasn't an Elf.
BOROMIR: A human?
LEGOLAS: Nope.
GIMLI: Not...not an orc??!!!
GALRWENOLAS: Purple dinosaur?
MERRY: Dragon?
FRODO: Chipmunk?
GANDALF: Vala?
SAM: Hobbit?
PIPPIN: A cave troll.
LEGOLAS: Nope. All wrong. She was a Dwarf.
At this confession Gimli had a heart attack. The rest of the Fellowship stared blankly.
GLARWENOLAS: You...you called me a freak. But tell me, who's the bigger freak??
LEGOLAS: (gulping ketchup) I'm not a freak. I'm just not...not...
GLARWENOLAS: Normal.
LEGOLAS: Yes. No!
GANDALF: Time to go.
ARAGORN: What about the Cave Troll? Shouldn't we kill it?
FELLOWSHIP: Why?
ARAGORN: Why, because it's evil and, and...
Aragorn noticed he wasn't getting anywhere.
ARAGORN: (starting again) Because, once it's finished licking ketchup off everything it'll be addicted, and orcs can't feed it ketchup because they don't have any. And...and, well, life with withdrawal symptoms is worse than death!
FRODO: He. Not it. Don't you see it's an intelligent life form? He deserves a second chance.
BOROMIR: You called it an it.
FRODO: So did you.
Flutes were heard in the distance, interrupting the impending scuffle..
BOROMIR: Oh, just leave it...him. He's the orcs' pet anyhow.
The Fellowship followed Gandalf back out into the Great Hall, but Frodo lagged behind, enticing the Cave Troll to follow with ketchup. Half way across the Hall Gandalf turned around to see what the all-important Ringbearer is doing.
GANDALF: Frodo! WHAT are YOU DOING?!!!!
FRODO: I'm going to keep Randy as a pet.
FELLOWSHIP: NO! Stupid fat hobbit! Get rid of him! Now!
FRODO: I am NOT fat! Sam's fat. Can't anyways. He knows we have ketchup. Randy's short for Randalf.
In horror, the Fellowship stood and watched as Frodo fed his new pet ketchup. Soon they were surrounded by thousands of orcs, who luckliy were also engrossed in the fascinating performance. The orcs were disturbed by a great pounding and light in the distant halls, and scattered.
PIPPIN: What's that?
GANDALF: I'm not sure yet. Actually I am, but I'm not going to tell you.
The Fellowship turned to Glarwenolas.
GLARWENOLAS: I'm not telling either, but....RUN!!