THE GAP(S) OF MORIA
The Fellowship ran obediently. At the first corner Boromir turned, rushed down a sort flight of stairs, and nearly tumbled into the abyss.
BOROMIR: Ahh!
LEGOLAS: Got you! Oh. Discriminatory.
BOROMIR: Huh?
The other members of Fellowship sequentially attempted to throw themselves into the abyss, but were stopped by someone else.
LEGOLAS: Discriminatory. That's the word I was looking for.
BORMIR: Whatever.
GANDALF: Lead them on, Aragorn! The Bridge of Carlsbad Doom is near.
Still feeling proud of his new name, Aragorn hesitated heroically.
GANDALF: Go! Ketchup is no more use here!
The Fellowship proceeded to their right, down stairs that were actually intact. But not for long.
PIPPIN: I have this overwhelming desire to tell a joke.
MERRY: What is with you and stairs and jokes? Get going!
PIPPIN: Can't. There's a gap in the stairs.
GIMLI: What are we going to do? There's a gap in the stairs.
The panic spread thoughout the Fellowship at the speed of toast being ejected from the toaster.
GANDALF: Calm down, calm down. This is nothing to the breach of '83.
FELLOWSHIP: So what are we going to do?
GANDALF: I don't know.
The Fellowship (except Frodo) stared at the gap for several minutes. Then Randy jumped across.
FRODO: See! He is an intelligent being!
Legolas followed the Cave Troll's example.
LEGOLAS: Gandalf!
GANDALF: No way am I jumping across that.
LEGOLAS: I'll tell you a secret.... and give you an extra bottle of ketchup.
GANDALF: Oh. 'k.
Gandalf jumped.
BOROMIR: Come on, little hobbits! Frodo and Sam...
MERRY/PIPPIN: Hey! We're your favorites, remember?
GLARWENOLAS: While you're stalling...
Glarwenolas jumped.
Boromir: Oh fine. Heave it your way. Boromir leaped across with Merry and Pippin. Aragorn, still proud of his new name, turned to the remaining short people heroically.
ARAGORN: Sam.
He tossed Sam before Sam knew what hit him. GImli eyed the procedure with distaste.
GIMLI: Nobody tosses a Dwarf!
MERRY: He is nobody!
ARAGORN: You're too heavy anyway. Jump for yourself.
Gimli measured the distance, and changed his mind.
GIMLI: Toss me? Please?
ARAGORN: NO!
Reluctantly, Gimli jumped, but didn't quite make it, and was caught by the beard by Legolas.)
GIMLI: Not the weird- (He lands safely)-o.
LEGOLAS: Did you say something?
GIMLI: No.
At this moment a 100-ton piece of rock from the ceiling smashed the stairs with conviction. Frodo turned to Aragorn.
FRODO: I want you to know that we are in a particularly precarious position.
ARAGORN: What does precarious mean?
FRODO: Pippin! What does precarious mean?
PIPPIN: Lean forward!
FRODO: It does?
Instinctively Aragorn and Frodo leaned forward, bringing their segment of bridge into leaping distance with the intact portion.
BOROMIR: (catching Frodo) I always liked you.
The Fellowship ran obediently. At the first corner Boromir turned, rushed down a sort flight of stairs, and nearly tumbled into the abyss.
BOROMIR: Ahh!
LEGOLAS: Got you! Oh. Discriminatory.
BOROMIR: Huh?
The other members of Fellowship sequentially attempted to throw themselves into the abyss, but were stopped by someone else.
LEGOLAS: Discriminatory. That's the word I was looking for.
BORMIR: Whatever.
GANDALF: Lead them on, Aragorn! The Bridge of Carlsbad Doom is near.
Still feeling proud of his new name, Aragorn hesitated heroically.
GANDALF: Go! Ketchup is no more use here!
The Fellowship proceeded to their right, down stairs that were actually intact. But not for long.
PIPPIN: I have this overwhelming desire to tell a joke.
MERRY: What is with you and stairs and jokes? Get going!
PIPPIN: Can't. There's a gap in the stairs.
GIMLI: What are we going to do? There's a gap in the stairs.
The panic spread thoughout the Fellowship at the speed of toast being ejected from the toaster.
GANDALF: Calm down, calm down. This is nothing to the breach of '83.
FELLOWSHIP: So what are we going to do?
GANDALF: I don't know.
The Fellowship (except Frodo) stared at the gap for several minutes. Then Randy jumped across.
FRODO: See! He is an intelligent being!
Legolas followed the Cave Troll's example.
LEGOLAS: Gandalf!
GANDALF: No way am I jumping across that.
LEGOLAS: I'll tell you a secret.... and give you an extra bottle of ketchup.
GANDALF: Oh. 'k.
Gandalf jumped.
BOROMIR: Come on, little hobbits! Frodo and Sam...
MERRY/PIPPIN: Hey! We're your favorites, remember?
GLARWENOLAS: While you're stalling...
Glarwenolas jumped.
Boromir: Oh fine. Heave it your way. Boromir leaped across with Merry and Pippin. Aragorn, still proud of his new name, turned to the remaining short people heroically.
ARAGORN: Sam.
He tossed Sam before Sam knew what hit him. GImli eyed the procedure with distaste.
GIMLI: Nobody tosses a Dwarf!
MERRY: He is nobody!
ARAGORN: You're too heavy anyway. Jump for yourself.
Gimli measured the distance, and changed his mind.
GIMLI: Toss me? Please?
ARAGORN: NO!
Reluctantly, Gimli jumped, but didn't quite make it, and was caught by the beard by Legolas.)
GIMLI: Not the weird- (He lands safely)-o.
LEGOLAS: Did you say something?
GIMLI: No.
At this moment a 100-ton piece of rock from the ceiling smashed the stairs with conviction. Frodo turned to Aragorn.
FRODO: I want you to know that we are in a particularly precarious position.
ARAGORN: What does precarious mean?
FRODO: Pippin! What does precarious mean?
PIPPIN: Lean forward!
FRODO: It does?
Instinctively Aragorn and Frodo leaned forward, bringing their segment of bridge into leaping distance with the intact portion.
BOROMIR: (catching Frodo) I always liked you.