Author's notes: I don't own any part of Once and Again, I'm merely a fan that misses the show terribly. I don't own any part of the song Butterfly Kisses, I just love the song and found a bit of inspiration while listening to it one night. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy....
'There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven
and she's daddy's little girl...'
He picked up a picture of her and stared at it with a tear in his eye. She was around 5 years old. It was taken while she was in the backyard on the swing oblivious to the camera. Her hair was blowing and now as he closed his eyes, he could hear her childhood giggles. Even though Jake wasn't always there for her or her older sister as he knew in his heart he should have been, he remembers every moment they shared as if it were yesterday. Zoe was always his little girl and a tremendous blessing.
'As I drop to my knees by her bed at night,
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all... For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair...'
Jake can still hear her tiny little voice saying, "Daddy, will you sit with me until I fall asleep?"
"Of course sweetie" he would say and would sit beside her in her bed stroking her hair until she fell asleep. She'd ask him to hold her hand while she said her prayers. He was thankful every day that he had both of his daughters in his life and said a silent prayer as she spoke hers aloud. After they whispered amen, she covered his face with tiny little kisses...their butterfly kisses.
'"Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."'
"I'm hot Daddy. When will it be my turn?" Zoe was impatient and didn't want to wait any longer for the pony ride at the carnival. She loved the moments in her childhood where it was simply her and her daddy. "Don't leave me. Walk beside us and hold my hand, will you please? Thank you Daddy." He misses her calling him Daddy. She always knew she was completely safe as long as her daddy was there.
'"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
Grace and Zoe tiptoed up the stairs trying not to wake their dad from his nap. It was his birthday and in the special coupon book they gave him for father's day, there was one for a nap. Zoe started to giggle as Grace put her hand over her mouth. "Shh Zo, he's sleeping and he used a coupon now be quiet." They peeked inside the bedroom and he wasn't in the bed.
"BOO!" he yelled. The girls screamed. Grace ran down the steps laughing and Zoe tripped as she escaped. Jake scooped her up in his arms and swung her around as they both shook with laughter.
"Grace and I made a cake Daddy. It's lopsided and kind of crumbly but it tastes good and Mommy said that was all that mattered. That and it came from our hearts." He kissed her forehead and carried her down the steps. It was the best cake he had ever had.
'In all that I've done wrong
I know I must have done something right
to deserve a hug every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.'
The divorce was difficult for all of them. Jake knew in his heart it was mostly his fault but he still found ways to try to blame Lily. "Jake, those girls need you. Please be there for them," she would say. When they were with him, he always got butterfly kisses every night. He would stand in the doorway and watch Zoe sleep so peacefully. "How did I get so lucky?" he always asked himself. He got a hug every morning before she sat down for breakfast. With each hug and each year, she slipped further away.
'Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.'
"Daddy, I need you to take me to get my license now." Zoe pleaded. Jake gave her an uneasy glance. "Daddy you promised!"
Jake smiled. "I know. Are you ready? Now or never sweetheart, lets go!" They laughed, Zoe got her purse and with a huge smile, she and her father walked out the door hand in hand. "Here, take the keys...you drive us there."
"Cool" she said with a smile.
The two buckled up and as he looked over at his daughter, Jake realized she was no longer a little girl. She had grown up. Jake realized she looked more like Lily every day and then he noticed the make up. "Zo, do you have make up on? Is that perfume I smell? We are only going to go get your license, we aren't going shopping or out to eat or anything else you know."
Zoe smiled. "I know Dad but I have to look good. You don't know who might be there. I'm not the only one turning 16 today." Her smile was a little too wide and made Jake a little uneasy.
"You don't have a boyfriend do you?"
Zoe smiled again and softly said, "Of course I do Daddy. I want to drive the car next weekend on our date I just haven't asked you yet. And yes, you'll meet him first."
Jake sighed and muttered, "You have to pass the test first sweetheart. Don't forget that." His little girl had grown up.
'But I remember.. Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy,
But if you don't mind
I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong,
I must have done something right
to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.'
It wasn't long before she stopped kissing him at night because he was falling asleep before she got home. He still got his morning hugs. "Morning Dad. Did you sleep well?" She asked while fixing some toast and getting her juice out of the refrigerator. She buttered the toast, picked up her glass and sat at the table. She was reading a book while eating and he wasn't sure he would get even a hug. He sat quietly reading the paper waiting...hoping. She stood, threw her napkin away and placed her glass in the sink. She grabbed her books and walked toward the door. She stopped. She turned to her father, walked to him, smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek and a big hug. "I love you Daddy."
'All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly...'
"Are you sure you have everything? You didn't forget anything?" Jake asked with Lily at his side. This was their second time doing this and it wasn't any easier than the first time.
"Sweetie, you have the calling card right? Don't forget to call us." Lily felt tears slide down her cheek.
"Mom, Dad, I'm fine. I am not going to be that far away. It's just college. You survived Grace going away to college and I am not any different. Please you two...stop, don't cry. I cannot show up with my make up smeared all over my face. How can I meet any guys looking horrible?" Zoe smiled and gave her parents a hug. She got in the car and drove away as Lily and Jake watched through tears cascading down their cheeks.
"Jake, she'll be fine. I can't imagine how you'll be when our Maddie goes to college." Tiffany said with a smile as Jake answered, "No, she's not going away. She's not dating. She'll stay with us forever because I couldn't handle it."
Rick put his arm around Lily and wiped her tears. "Lil, your girls have gone out into the world. And you're going to survive."
'She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said, "I'm not sure-
I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over and gave me butterfly kisses
with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy - it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy?
Daddy, don't cry!"'
Jake placed the picture of Zoe swinging back on the table and turned to face his daughter. He watched Zoe as Lily helped with her hair and touched up her lipstick. Jake didn't know what to say as he watched his little girl slowly slip away. "Daddy, don't cry. What's wrong? This is a happy day for all of us. He makes me happy daddy he loves me. Don't worry."
Jake sighed while Lily began putting the tiny flowers in Zoe's hair. "I'm losing my daughters one by one and I'm just not handling it well at all."
Zoe smiled and with a sigh, she walked to her father and gave him butterfly kisses like those that she had done as a child. "I saw you looking at my picture. Do you remember our butterfly kisses at night Daddy? Remember these kisses today and keep them in your heart and they will last a lifetime. I won't be there every night anymore but I'll be there in your heart and so will my kisses and hugs just as yours will always be with me. I love you Daddy." Lily began to cry as Zoe took Jake's hand and said, "We need to go now. You have a job to do. Walk me down the aisle to the man I love."
They stepped into the doorway of the sanctuary as Jake whispered, "You're beautiful today sweetheart. I didn't always deserve your love but I thank you for giving it to me. I love you Zoe." She placed her arm in his and they walked down the aisle with tears falling down their cheeks.
"Who gives this woman to this man?" the minister asked. "Her mother and I" Jake answered. He lifted her veil and with a few last butterfly kisses, he stepped back and sat in the pew as she began the rest of her life with their hugs and kisses forever in her heart.
'Oh, with all that I've done wrong
I must have done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly kisses-
I couldn't ask God for more,
man this is what love is. I know I gotta let her go,
but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning
and butterfly kisses...'