Once again, everyone remain calm. I don't own any of these people. Not Jaba
(sad), not Lord of the Rings people. No money being made here. No profits.
Heath isn't mine.
Contains some sexuality here! Homosexuality! Also some mild language and misbehaving rhinos. You have been warned.
...........................
The Partay
Later that evening, Eowyn went to her room to prepare for her dance performance. She was just about to dress up for the event when Grima Wormtongue entered the room. He smirked evily when he spotted her outfit.
"Planning to give a little show, tonight? Hmmm?"
"Yes...but...I don't know if it can be done."
"All you need to do is trust me, my little winter pansy. I'll give you the fame and recognition you deserve."
Eowyn looked deep into Grima's eyes. Perhaps he could offer her the help she needed...
"Of course...there will be a small price to pay." He licked his lips and nudged her.
"Dear heavens....you don't mean..."
"Oh but I do...just one kiss. That's all I ask for."
Eowyn bit her lip and debated the subject. What was one little kiss? He wasn't that bad, was he? Sure his teeth were green and his skin was white as pus. And yes his hair was as oily as a wet seal and his eyes were glazed like doughnuts. But if she closed her eyes, maybe...just maybe...it could be like Heath Ledger.
"You won't regret it, my wilting flower. You'll learn my secret."
Grima licked his green, greasy teeth in anticipation and leaned in for the kill. He enveloped Eowyn in a wet, awkward kiss that lasted for several minutes. When the kiss ended, Eowyn gasped as Grima's hideous appearance melted away to reveal the heavenly face of Heath Ledger. Before Eowyn could react, a disgruntled rhino stampeded through the hallway and trampled Grima to a bloody mass of cartilige and sorrow.
Eowyn gasped in horror but quickly regained her composure, and without a second thought she reached for a brush to smooth her golden strands of hair. Ignoring the festering carcass on her chamber floor, Eowyn proceeded to tie back her hair in a loose ponytail. She slipped out of her gown and into a French Maid's outfit and go-go boots. With a satisfied grunt, she examined herself in the mirror and applied her rouge and lipstick.
Within minutes, she had left the bed chamber and traveled down to the royal court where the fellowship awaited a performance. On her way out to the stage, Eowyn's ass was pinched by Jaba the Hutt. Eowyn spun around and with the evil, unloving fires of hell in her eyes, glared at the bloated creature. Jaba was so moved by her anger that he laid down and turned to dirt. A daffodil promptly grew where Jaba had fallen.
Strobe lights flashed as music drowned out the eager voices of the audience. Eowyn ascended the stage and made her way over to a wooden chair. She removed a tiny feather duster from her belt and began to dust the wooden antique. The docile French song played merrily as she dusted but was soon cut short as a loud drum rolled and the bass boomed. The lights focused on Eowyn and the chair. Every man in the audience leaned forward as "Twinkle, twinkle little star" began to play. Even Gimli seemed to be mildly interested, as he immediately stood up and jigged. Eowyn then ripped off her skirt and revealed to the audience the single most horrofic sight that anyone had ever cared to see.....
Somewhere in Paris, an old man danced. In Brooklyn, a butterfly landed soundly on a cabbage leaf. And somehow, through odd gaps in logic that cannot be explained, Elrond appeared.
A single can of drained oysters hit Eowyn in the eye as she continued her dance. She let out a cry of anguish, but Aragorn, who remained in the front row, threw one of his boots at her face. The smell alone made Eowyn yell and a single stinging tear drifted down her cheek.
"Get off the stage you Porky Orky!" yelled Frodo.
"Yeah you....you gay thing!" Sam wailed, and reached for a daffodil growing in the ground, as he was very hungry. Eowyn let out a scream of frustration and her eyes bulged to the point where several blood vessles broke. Then, with her various wild animals and whimsical appliances trailing behind her, she left the stage.
The room fell silent. Everyone was ashamed and disappointed with the way the night had turned out. Gandalf, quiet and undisturbed, smoked a pipe full of marigolds. Merry and Pippin sat on a wooden bench, gently holding hands and playing footsies. Gimli practiced throwing a couple of darts at two wooden cut-outs that looked suspiciously like the hobbit couple. Aragorn let out a long sigh, as he greatly missed his Arwen. He was about to commit suicide on his sword (as he had originally planned) when Legolas suddenly jumped on the stage. With a quick wave of his hand, his entire elfen costume disappeared to reveal a leopard speedo and out of sheer magic ''Sexy Thing" began to play. Immediately the crowd screamed with enthusiasm as Legolas began to girate on a pole. Elrond, who had shown up rather unexpectedly, waved a hankie and threw it onto the glittering stage. Legolas bent down and picked it up with his teeth, and then smiled devilishly. Aragorn, who had seen enough of this raunchy behavior, got up to leave the room. Legolas spotted his dear friend and ran over to him, pinning him to a chair. Aragorn was about to scream for the mother Mary but the hobbits had already gagged him with nachos. He let out a muffled cry as Legolas proceeded to give him what he was best known for: Elfen Lap Dances.
Meanwhile, inside the confines of her bed chambers, Eowyn cried softly about her flop as a professional stripper. She wiped her nose with the bills that Frodo and Sam had slipped her. She was about to continue crying when she heard a knocking at the door.
"Who is it?" She asked, being careful to wipe the snot from her chin.
The door opened. It was the rhino. The robust creature waddled in and lay next to Eowyn, gazing up at her with pleading eyes. Eowyn shed a single tear and when it touched the rhino's horn, the animal melted into a pool of crystalline water in which a trout jumped out and landed on a china plate. The fish cooked itself from Eowyn's own vibes of despair, and Eowyn wasted no time in gingerly taking a taste of the fine meal. After finishing her dinner, she removed a mop from the utility closet and made haste in sweeping up the remains of the rhino and Grima. Seeing Grima's disfigured reminants only prompted her to cry more, but when she leaned down and dabbed a bit of the goo on her finger to lick, she found it to be mildly sweet.
"Tastes like walnuts..." she murmured.
Back in the royal court room, the scene was discouraging. Legolas was dancing solo on his metal pole, rubbed smooth from his many years of girating. Gandalf, who had been generally quiet during the events of the night, waved a single dollar bill in hopes of coaxing Legolas to his lap. Aragorn sat trembling in a darkened corner of the room, still shivering from his brush with lust from Legolas' lap dance. Elrond sat on the edge of the dining table, putting multi-colored condoms on his fingers and making strange faces. Frodo and Sam were locked in a desperate drunken embrace, the both of them singing with such atrocious voices that the ceiling cracked. And Merry sat on his mighty throne, deeply kissing Pippin who was planted in his lap. Gimli twiddled his thumbs idly and tried to hide his enormous fascination with the romantically entangled hobbits. Most of the members of the room were wearing New Year's hats. Some were not.
Contains some sexuality here! Homosexuality! Also some mild language and misbehaving rhinos. You have been warned.
...........................
The Partay
Later that evening, Eowyn went to her room to prepare for her dance performance. She was just about to dress up for the event when Grima Wormtongue entered the room. He smirked evily when he spotted her outfit.
"Planning to give a little show, tonight? Hmmm?"
"Yes...but...I don't know if it can be done."
"All you need to do is trust me, my little winter pansy. I'll give you the fame and recognition you deserve."
Eowyn looked deep into Grima's eyes. Perhaps he could offer her the help she needed...
"Of course...there will be a small price to pay." He licked his lips and nudged her.
"Dear heavens....you don't mean..."
"Oh but I do...just one kiss. That's all I ask for."
Eowyn bit her lip and debated the subject. What was one little kiss? He wasn't that bad, was he? Sure his teeth were green and his skin was white as pus. And yes his hair was as oily as a wet seal and his eyes were glazed like doughnuts. But if she closed her eyes, maybe...just maybe...it could be like Heath Ledger.
"You won't regret it, my wilting flower. You'll learn my secret."
Grima licked his green, greasy teeth in anticipation and leaned in for the kill. He enveloped Eowyn in a wet, awkward kiss that lasted for several minutes. When the kiss ended, Eowyn gasped as Grima's hideous appearance melted away to reveal the heavenly face of Heath Ledger. Before Eowyn could react, a disgruntled rhino stampeded through the hallway and trampled Grima to a bloody mass of cartilige and sorrow.
Eowyn gasped in horror but quickly regained her composure, and without a second thought she reached for a brush to smooth her golden strands of hair. Ignoring the festering carcass on her chamber floor, Eowyn proceeded to tie back her hair in a loose ponytail. She slipped out of her gown and into a French Maid's outfit and go-go boots. With a satisfied grunt, she examined herself in the mirror and applied her rouge and lipstick.
Within minutes, she had left the bed chamber and traveled down to the royal court where the fellowship awaited a performance. On her way out to the stage, Eowyn's ass was pinched by Jaba the Hutt. Eowyn spun around and with the evil, unloving fires of hell in her eyes, glared at the bloated creature. Jaba was so moved by her anger that he laid down and turned to dirt. A daffodil promptly grew where Jaba had fallen.
Strobe lights flashed as music drowned out the eager voices of the audience. Eowyn ascended the stage and made her way over to a wooden chair. She removed a tiny feather duster from her belt and began to dust the wooden antique. The docile French song played merrily as she dusted but was soon cut short as a loud drum rolled and the bass boomed. The lights focused on Eowyn and the chair. Every man in the audience leaned forward as "Twinkle, twinkle little star" began to play. Even Gimli seemed to be mildly interested, as he immediately stood up and jigged. Eowyn then ripped off her skirt and revealed to the audience the single most horrofic sight that anyone had ever cared to see.....
Somewhere in Paris, an old man danced. In Brooklyn, a butterfly landed soundly on a cabbage leaf. And somehow, through odd gaps in logic that cannot be explained, Elrond appeared.
A single can of drained oysters hit Eowyn in the eye as she continued her dance. She let out a cry of anguish, but Aragorn, who remained in the front row, threw one of his boots at her face. The smell alone made Eowyn yell and a single stinging tear drifted down her cheek.
"Get off the stage you Porky Orky!" yelled Frodo.
"Yeah you....you gay thing!" Sam wailed, and reached for a daffodil growing in the ground, as he was very hungry. Eowyn let out a scream of frustration and her eyes bulged to the point where several blood vessles broke. Then, with her various wild animals and whimsical appliances trailing behind her, she left the stage.
The room fell silent. Everyone was ashamed and disappointed with the way the night had turned out. Gandalf, quiet and undisturbed, smoked a pipe full of marigolds. Merry and Pippin sat on a wooden bench, gently holding hands and playing footsies. Gimli practiced throwing a couple of darts at two wooden cut-outs that looked suspiciously like the hobbit couple. Aragorn let out a long sigh, as he greatly missed his Arwen. He was about to commit suicide on his sword (as he had originally planned) when Legolas suddenly jumped on the stage. With a quick wave of his hand, his entire elfen costume disappeared to reveal a leopard speedo and out of sheer magic ''Sexy Thing" began to play. Immediately the crowd screamed with enthusiasm as Legolas began to girate on a pole. Elrond, who had shown up rather unexpectedly, waved a hankie and threw it onto the glittering stage. Legolas bent down and picked it up with his teeth, and then smiled devilishly. Aragorn, who had seen enough of this raunchy behavior, got up to leave the room. Legolas spotted his dear friend and ran over to him, pinning him to a chair. Aragorn was about to scream for the mother Mary but the hobbits had already gagged him with nachos. He let out a muffled cry as Legolas proceeded to give him what he was best known for: Elfen Lap Dances.
Meanwhile, inside the confines of her bed chambers, Eowyn cried softly about her flop as a professional stripper. She wiped her nose with the bills that Frodo and Sam had slipped her. She was about to continue crying when she heard a knocking at the door.
"Who is it?" She asked, being careful to wipe the snot from her chin.
The door opened. It was the rhino. The robust creature waddled in and lay next to Eowyn, gazing up at her with pleading eyes. Eowyn shed a single tear and when it touched the rhino's horn, the animal melted into a pool of crystalline water in which a trout jumped out and landed on a china plate. The fish cooked itself from Eowyn's own vibes of despair, and Eowyn wasted no time in gingerly taking a taste of the fine meal. After finishing her dinner, she removed a mop from the utility closet and made haste in sweeping up the remains of the rhino and Grima. Seeing Grima's disfigured reminants only prompted her to cry more, but when she leaned down and dabbed a bit of the goo on her finger to lick, she found it to be mildly sweet.
"Tastes like walnuts..." she murmured.
Back in the royal court room, the scene was discouraging. Legolas was dancing solo on his metal pole, rubbed smooth from his many years of girating. Gandalf, who had been generally quiet during the events of the night, waved a single dollar bill in hopes of coaxing Legolas to his lap. Aragorn sat trembling in a darkened corner of the room, still shivering from his brush with lust from Legolas' lap dance. Elrond sat on the edge of the dining table, putting multi-colored condoms on his fingers and making strange faces. Frodo and Sam were locked in a desperate drunken embrace, the both of them singing with such atrocious voices that the ceiling cracked. And Merry sat on his mighty throne, deeply kissing Pippin who was planted in his lap. Gimli twiddled his thumbs idly and tried to hide his enormous fascination with the romantically entangled hobbits. Most of the members of the room were wearing New Year's hats. Some were not.