Hello again. Just to recap here, Eowyn put on quite a show. Some lost
their lives. Others drowned their sorrows in the drink and kiss. Now the
fate of the world must be decided. Will the heavens take pity on the lonely
hearts of Rohan? Will they make themselves fine cocoons of silk, and turn
to moths of eerie beauty?
There is some homosexuality here, and language, a tad mild. . ................................ .
Lord of the Rings characters are not mine. I'm not making money off of 'em. I don't own Les Miserables or Armani either.
....................................
Eowyn spoke nothing when she reentered the common room where many a fine friend was seated. She was mostly full from some walnut puree anyway, although she couldn't quite remember where the puree had come from. She didn't even mutter a word when Sam eagerly pulled at her dress, begging for a franc to feed his daughter Cosette. No, it wasn't until she stumbled upon Elrond, who sat laughing gaily at his own hands when she quietly spoke.
"Just how many condoms did you obtain from the machine?" she asked sweetly, as if speaking to a disabled child.
"Oh the love! Twenty-five shillings....and a twinkle of a babe's eye!" he replied merrily, swinging his condom-covered fingers like a conductor. "A BABE'S EYE."
"Those were expensive!" Eowyn hissed and snatched away several unopened grape ones.
"Why don't you put them to good use then?" mumbled Aragorn from a darkened corner.
Eowyn blushed and gave her usual fake-ass laugh. "Hahahahohohoh!(rasp)ha."
Everyone in the room sighed, obviously annoyed. Merry shook his head in a condemning of Eowyn, and then turned back to stroking his dear Pippin's calves. Gimli watched with unbridled lust.
"Lord Aragorn...what ever is the matter?" she questioned softly, picking a fish bone out of her teeth.
Aragorn glanced around nervously. Legolas and Gandalf weren't around; they had gone outside to challenge each other to peeing contests. Maybe he had a chance to speak out against the intolerable cruelty that had been so unwittingly thrust upon him...
"Legolas waved his chenille loin cloth before my very eyes! It waggled to and fro like the very leafy trees of Gondor caught in a tempest's breath!" His eyes became wide like so many interstate highways.
"Oh my poor, poor man..." Eoywn cooed, and stroked Gimli's head instead. Gimli looked up at her anxiously.
"Is Sparky dead, mother?" he asked frightfully, and Eowyn only hugged him tighter.
From across the room Frodo surveyed the scene in wonder. Inspired by Eowyn's compassion, he did an interpretive dance, shed a single tear and licked a fluff off the floor. Elrond laughed heartily and broke wind. From the darkened left hand corner, Aragorn huffed. Trying to be discreet as possible, he slipped into a manhole and closed the lid. Safe within the Rohan sewers, he dialed on his cell phone.
"Arwen, baby...where are ya? The Armani Exchange? No, no honey everything's fine. I'm just trippin' a little, you know what I mean? Yeah. Come over and give daddy some lovin'. Bring Gladdy too."
He ended the call with a whistle, and seeing as no one was around, chased a frog into a rainbow culvert.
Above ground in the world where living things live, the so-called "party" continued. Eowyn sat on a windowsill, anxiously waiting for Santa Clause, with Elrond singing Christmas carols. Frodo and Sam had retired to a peaceful game of Swallow That Goldfish. Merry and Pippin were enjoying a séance over a half-eaten daffodil, and Gimli was nervously biting his nails, unsure as to whether or not he should become a pony.
From the cold wintry outside, Legolas and Gandalf strode in, laughing heavily with snowy bliss.
"Hoho, Legolas, the urine of old is no match for the urine of the cunning!" Gandalf boomed, the ceilings bending and the lights dimming.
Legolas shot Gandalf a shy glance and whispered, "You always were a pee-er of champions."
Gandalf only nodded solemnly, for he was experiencing a minor hot flash. Eowyn turned to both of them and opened her mouth to wish them a great return. "I hope.."
"Shut your mouth you fugly little wart! I'm a better "dancer" and you know it!" Legolas jeered, tossing a confused Aragorn at her. Aragorn only screamed in fear of another lap dance, and hid beneath a china plate engraved with the image of a trout. Eowyn tried to ignore that familiar serving piece, but soon images of rhinos and Grima weaseled their way back into the empty bean can that was her mind.
"You were wrong in many ways, Grima...but you had just enough purity to seek love and acceptance." Eowyn whispered to her palm, gently licking a bit of walnut paste.
Frodo and Sam watched with vacant expressions, and Merry and Pippin joined as well. Soon Aragorn and Gimli watched, alongside Gandalf and Legolas. Even Elrond was entranced. But soon enough it became evident that they were looking at a tire factory, and not Eowyn at all. A voice broke their reverie.
"Flip the remorse of blenders. Partake thy apples of sweltering joy. Chrysanthemum donkeys."
It was a familiar voice indeed, but Eowyn did not take notice of this. She was simply in another realm; eyes fixed upon nothing, heart slowly beating and chest softly heaving with grief. He may not have had a pleasing outside, but Grima was just a shell anyway. The true gem was hidden beneath the many greased layers of fur and slime.
"Children of Middle Earth...the world is full of laughter tonight. Mine own eyes betray me, your hearts are merry yet many sit in a drunken stupor. All except for one. Are you the wretched representation of what should be a human?"
It was Galadriel and she was prodding Eowyn's side with a sharpened stick. Eowyn cried out.
"Yes, yes stop that!" she gasped, and Galadriel only poked further.
"What...(poke).a.(poke).hideous.(poke) dress."
Eowyn glanced down at her burlap-and-taffeta ensemble, complete with rusty fish hooks and one inch of five-cent lace.
"I..I made it myself." She stammered, and her eyes filled with tears. Galadriel shook her head scornfully and dusted a fluff from her vinyl-and- cardboard moo-moo. Eowyn watched in horror as the entire fellowship surrounded Galadriel, complimenting her clothing and wishing her great joy. Only one turned to look Eowyn in the eye, and it was the monkey who had wandered into the lodge in search of ripe bananas. Eowyn promptly shooed it away.
The clock struck 10, and the residential herd of goats trotted slowly into the common room to view the commotion.
"Gladdy, um, where's Arwen?" It was Aragorn, and he was pulling at the hem of Galadriel's dress, nibbling on a cookie.
"Yes, yes where is Sparky mumsy?" Gimli inquired, suddenly overcome with chills of terror.
"Why, she died. Didn't I tell you? T'was almost three hundred years ago this day. Was ground into beef and served to the killer giraffes of Mordor. Did you not know?" She said in a snobby manner, sipping at her saketini.
"What?! I talked to her just minutes ago!"
"What? I thought you were talking about your great aunt Josephine."
Gimli burst into tears and ran to hide in shame beneath a table. Eowyn arose from a great arm chair and peered out the window. Arwen was approaching, it seemed, with many parcels in hand. As a kind gesture, Eowyn opened the door for the dark and mysterious lady. The elven maiden pranced in gleefully, and slammed the door on Eowyn's face. Everyone simultaneously cheered, and both Elrond and Aragorn ran hurriedly to kiss their dear Arwen, but only ended in kissing one another. Elrond batted his eyes playfully at Aragorn, who swore softly and pretended to ignore the signal.
Frodo and Sam nodded knowingly towards each other, and stuck LSD needles in their stomachs. Galadriel was quick to spot them.
"Bad, bad hobbits!" she cried and squirted them with a spray bottle. Sam did not throw away the needle, but did jump off the counter. Galadriel thought their behavior to be odd, and braved a stab of the strange liquid herself. Arwen just smiled lovingly and clutched Aragorn to her bosom. Merry and Pippin laughed.
"Look Merry! A man and a woman are together! How weird is that?" Pippin snickered.
"Hohohoho yes Pippin. Um.yes." Merry scratched his chin thoughtfully, contemplating the uncomfortable feeling of something being awry. He whispered "Something's not quite right....ah! The picture is crooked." He gently readjusted the photo of Grima, Eomer and Eowyn at the Grand Canyon.
"Legolas, you have fooled me once again." Gandalf chuckled from across the room in an old, weary way and set down the last chess piece. "You really do have a better loin cloth."
"Of course, my friend. Mine has daisies. See? See?" Legolas boasted and pointed at his favorite scrap of clothing. Gandalf just shot him his famous childlike innocence expression.
"Memorize your pancakes? Memorize your pancakes?! I'll *kindle* your pancakes! HOOZAH!" Galadriel was furiously playing the piano. "Shut up, shut up! I'LL KINDLE YOU TO HELL!" Her fingers pounded the keys with feverent emotion.
From a dimly lit corner, Frodo was sighing at a picture of macaroni and cheese. He gently wept from the overpowering emotion. Sam furrowed his brow and, seeing that Frodo was emotionally distressed, began to pet a chair. Frodo quieted immediately. Gimli's heart pounded at such frivolous passion.
Everyone was happy. Happy and merrily chatting. The hobbits were being ridiculous, and Aragorn and his mistress were enjoying a cuddle. Gimli seemed to be off in another world, for his bluish, pale soul could be seen leaving his dwarfish body. Gandalf and Legolas were both seated at a table with a chess board, their brows knit in concentration and their gazes firm and serious. They were having a staring contest. Galadriel and Elrond were partaking in a duet, with Elrond cursing madly alongside Galadriel, but only because he didn't know any better and he thought it best to kiss up to his mother-in-law. Eowyn watched the great party, and nearly flew from the room back to her chambers.
A streak of walnut laced the floor. She wept upon it and prayed.
"Oh woe! Oh jello-like woe! Why did you leave, Heath? No...Grima. Why? You tasted like walnuts!" she cried and fell into a state of pity. The goats howled mournfully at the moon.
...................................
Tbc? Wish to reply? Go ahead..
There is some homosexuality here, and language, a tad mild. . ................................ .
Lord of the Rings characters are not mine. I'm not making money off of 'em. I don't own Les Miserables or Armani either.
....................................
Eowyn spoke nothing when she reentered the common room where many a fine friend was seated. She was mostly full from some walnut puree anyway, although she couldn't quite remember where the puree had come from. She didn't even mutter a word when Sam eagerly pulled at her dress, begging for a franc to feed his daughter Cosette. No, it wasn't until she stumbled upon Elrond, who sat laughing gaily at his own hands when she quietly spoke.
"Just how many condoms did you obtain from the machine?" she asked sweetly, as if speaking to a disabled child.
"Oh the love! Twenty-five shillings....and a twinkle of a babe's eye!" he replied merrily, swinging his condom-covered fingers like a conductor. "A BABE'S EYE."
"Those were expensive!" Eowyn hissed and snatched away several unopened grape ones.
"Why don't you put them to good use then?" mumbled Aragorn from a darkened corner.
Eowyn blushed and gave her usual fake-ass laugh. "Hahahahohohoh!(rasp)ha."
Everyone in the room sighed, obviously annoyed. Merry shook his head in a condemning of Eowyn, and then turned back to stroking his dear Pippin's calves. Gimli watched with unbridled lust.
"Lord Aragorn...what ever is the matter?" she questioned softly, picking a fish bone out of her teeth.
Aragorn glanced around nervously. Legolas and Gandalf weren't around; they had gone outside to challenge each other to peeing contests. Maybe he had a chance to speak out against the intolerable cruelty that had been so unwittingly thrust upon him...
"Legolas waved his chenille loin cloth before my very eyes! It waggled to and fro like the very leafy trees of Gondor caught in a tempest's breath!" His eyes became wide like so many interstate highways.
"Oh my poor, poor man..." Eoywn cooed, and stroked Gimli's head instead. Gimli looked up at her anxiously.
"Is Sparky dead, mother?" he asked frightfully, and Eowyn only hugged him tighter.
From across the room Frodo surveyed the scene in wonder. Inspired by Eowyn's compassion, he did an interpretive dance, shed a single tear and licked a fluff off the floor. Elrond laughed heartily and broke wind. From the darkened left hand corner, Aragorn huffed. Trying to be discreet as possible, he slipped into a manhole and closed the lid. Safe within the Rohan sewers, he dialed on his cell phone.
"Arwen, baby...where are ya? The Armani Exchange? No, no honey everything's fine. I'm just trippin' a little, you know what I mean? Yeah. Come over and give daddy some lovin'. Bring Gladdy too."
He ended the call with a whistle, and seeing as no one was around, chased a frog into a rainbow culvert.
Above ground in the world where living things live, the so-called "party" continued. Eowyn sat on a windowsill, anxiously waiting for Santa Clause, with Elrond singing Christmas carols. Frodo and Sam had retired to a peaceful game of Swallow That Goldfish. Merry and Pippin were enjoying a séance over a half-eaten daffodil, and Gimli was nervously biting his nails, unsure as to whether or not he should become a pony.
From the cold wintry outside, Legolas and Gandalf strode in, laughing heavily with snowy bliss.
"Hoho, Legolas, the urine of old is no match for the urine of the cunning!" Gandalf boomed, the ceilings bending and the lights dimming.
Legolas shot Gandalf a shy glance and whispered, "You always were a pee-er of champions."
Gandalf only nodded solemnly, for he was experiencing a minor hot flash. Eowyn turned to both of them and opened her mouth to wish them a great return. "I hope.."
"Shut your mouth you fugly little wart! I'm a better "dancer" and you know it!" Legolas jeered, tossing a confused Aragorn at her. Aragorn only screamed in fear of another lap dance, and hid beneath a china plate engraved with the image of a trout. Eowyn tried to ignore that familiar serving piece, but soon images of rhinos and Grima weaseled their way back into the empty bean can that was her mind.
"You were wrong in many ways, Grima...but you had just enough purity to seek love and acceptance." Eowyn whispered to her palm, gently licking a bit of walnut paste.
Frodo and Sam watched with vacant expressions, and Merry and Pippin joined as well. Soon Aragorn and Gimli watched, alongside Gandalf and Legolas. Even Elrond was entranced. But soon enough it became evident that they were looking at a tire factory, and not Eowyn at all. A voice broke their reverie.
"Flip the remorse of blenders. Partake thy apples of sweltering joy. Chrysanthemum donkeys."
It was a familiar voice indeed, but Eowyn did not take notice of this. She was simply in another realm; eyes fixed upon nothing, heart slowly beating and chest softly heaving with grief. He may not have had a pleasing outside, but Grima was just a shell anyway. The true gem was hidden beneath the many greased layers of fur and slime.
"Children of Middle Earth...the world is full of laughter tonight. Mine own eyes betray me, your hearts are merry yet many sit in a drunken stupor. All except for one. Are you the wretched representation of what should be a human?"
It was Galadriel and she was prodding Eowyn's side with a sharpened stick. Eowyn cried out.
"Yes, yes stop that!" she gasped, and Galadriel only poked further.
"What...(poke).a.(poke).hideous.(poke) dress."
Eowyn glanced down at her burlap-and-taffeta ensemble, complete with rusty fish hooks and one inch of five-cent lace.
"I..I made it myself." She stammered, and her eyes filled with tears. Galadriel shook her head scornfully and dusted a fluff from her vinyl-and- cardboard moo-moo. Eowyn watched in horror as the entire fellowship surrounded Galadriel, complimenting her clothing and wishing her great joy. Only one turned to look Eowyn in the eye, and it was the monkey who had wandered into the lodge in search of ripe bananas. Eowyn promptly shooed it away.
The clock struck 10, and the residential herd of goats trotted slowly into the common room to view the commotion.
"Gladdy, um, where's Arwen?" It was Aragorn, and he was pulling at the hem of Galadriel's dress, nibbling on a cookie.
"Yes, yes where is Sparky mumsy?" Gimli inquired, suddenly overcome with chills of terror.
"Why, she died. Didn't I tell you? T'was almost three hundred years ago this day. Was ground into beef and served to the killer giraffes of Mordor. Did you not know?" She said in a snobby manner, sipping at her saketini.
"What?! I talked to her just minutes ago!"
"What? I thought you were talking about your great aunt Josephine."
Gimli burst into tears and ran to hide in shame beneath a table. Eowyn arose from a great arm chair and peered out the window. Arwen was approaching, it seemed, with many parcels in hand. As a kind gesture, Eowyn opened the door for the dark and mysterious lady. The elven maiden pranced in gleefully, and slammed the door on Eowyn's face. Everyone simultaneously cheered, and both Elrond and Aragorn ran hurriedly to kiss their dear Arwen, but only ended in kissing one another. Elrond batted his eyes playfully at Aragorn, who swore softly and pretended to ignore the signal.
Frodo and Sam nodded knowingly towards each other, and stuck LSD needles in their stomachs. Galadriel was quick to spot them.
"Bad, bad hobbits!" she cried and squirted them with a spray bottle. Sam did not throw away the needle, but did jump off the counter. Galadriel thought their behavior to be odd, and braved a stab of the strange liquid herself. Arwen just smiled lovingly and clutched Aragorn to her bosom. Merry and Pippin laughed.
"Look Merry! A man and a woman are together! How weird is that?" Pippin snickered.
"Hohohoho yes Pippin. Um.yes." Merry scratched his chin thoughtfully, contemplating the uncomfortable feeling of something being awry. He whispered "Something's not quite right....ah! The picture is crooked." He gently readjusted the photo of Grima, Eomer and Eowyn at the Grand Canyon.
"Legolas, you have fooled me once again." Gandalf chuckled from across the room in an old, weary way and set down the last chess piece. "You really do have a better loin cloth."
"Of course, my friend. Mine has daisies. See? See?" Legolas boasted and pointed at his favorite scrap of clothing. Gandalf just shot him his famous childlike innocence expression.
"Memorize your pancakes? Memorize your pancakes?! I'll *kindle* your pancakes! HOOZAH!" Galadriel was furiously playing the piano. "Shut up, shut up! I'LL KINDLE YOU TO HELL!" Her fingers pounded the keys with feverent emotion.
From a dimly lit corner, Frodo was sighing at a picture of macaroni and cheese. He gently wept from the overpowering emotion. Sam furrowed his brow and, seeing that Frodo was emotionally distressed, began to pet a chair. Frodo quieted immediately. Gimli's heart pounded at such frivolous passion.
Everyone was happy. Happy and merrily chatting. The hobbits were being ridiculous, and Aragorn and his mistress were enjoying a cuddle. Gimli seemed to be off in another world, for his bluish, pale soul could be seen leaving his dwarfish body. Gandalf and Legolas were both seated at a table with a chess board, their brows knit in concentration and their gazes firm and serious. They were having a staring contest. Galadriel and Elrond were partaking in a duet, with Elrond cursing madly alongside Galadriel, but only because he didn't know any better and he thought it best to kiss up to his mother-in-law. Eowyn watched the great party, and nearly flew from the room back to her chambers.
A streak of walnut laced the floor. She wept upon it and prayed.
"Oh woe! Oh jello-like woe! Why did you leave, Heath? No...Grima. Why? You tasted like walnuts!" she cried and fell into a state of pity. The goats howled mournfully at the moon.
...................................
Tbc? Wish to reply? Go ahead..