THE BIRDBATH OF DOOM
FRODO: Where are we going?
GALADRIEL: cough
FRODO: Are we there yet?
GALADRIEL: cough
FRODO: Can I have some ketchup?
GALADRIEL: cough
FRODO: Do you need a lozenge?
Galadriel: starts to cough, then clears throat No. Look at this.
Galadriel entered a small hollow and approached a silver birdbath. She filled the basin with water from a silver pitcher. Frodo approached cautiously.
GALDRIEL: Will you look into the Birdbath?
FRODO: What will I see?
GALADRIEL: (irritated) Oh, don't worry. I cleaned it out yesterday.
FRODO (hastily): Ok, OK, I'll look!
The Lady was appeased. She continued her spiel.
GALADRIEL: It will show you many things. Things that were. Things that are. And some things...
FRODO: Yes?
Galadriel smiled cheesily.Rather taken aback, Frodo peered into the Birdbath for what he thinks is a polite amount of time.
FRODO: Ok. I'm done looking.
GALADRIEL: Was that not your life's most intriguing?
FRODO: I guess so.
GALADRIEL: Guess so! But you must know! What did you see?
FRODO: Water, and bird--
GALADRIEL: Frodo!
FRODO: Sorry.
Perplexed, Galadriel inspected the Birdbath then brightened and inserted a CD-rom into the Birdbath's base. Frodo looked on with interest. There were a few clicking sounds, and then Galadriel ejected the CD-rom. Finally she adjusted a twig on the ledge behind her.
GALADRIEL: THERE. Now Look. Much effort it took to re-establish the Internet connection, but 'tis done.
Reluctantly, Frodo peered in again.
GALADRIEL: Well?
FRODO: I see...Glarwenolas. And he's with a freaky purple dinosaur. They're talking. How come I can't hear anything?
GALADRIEL: The speakers were set for stereo and the Birdbath only does mono so it sounded weird. I sent them back to Walmart for a refund.
FRODO: Um-hum. Well, now I see.... RANDY!!!!!
Frodo burst into tears.
The Lady of the Wood saw that now was her chance
GALADRIEL: (wisely) I see you are troubled with much care
Dry thy tears with thy hair.
Lonely is a Ring to bear.
Chase those sorrows to their lair.
And present the Ring to Me,
This chance so rare
Comes only to those who dare to dare
A queen I'll be
So dark yet Fair
Give the Ring to Me!
I implore this of thee.
Sickened by the mother of all bad poetry, Frodo gaped.
FRODO: Here. I have an idea. Let's play a game. You guess which fist the Ring is in and I'll give it to you.
GALADRIEL: Really?!
FRODO: Really.
Galadriel stared at his fists, then pointed confidently at his left hand. Frodo opened it with an expression of mock horror.)
FRODO: Haha! You're wrong! The Ring is still mine!
GALADRIEL: That's not fair! You lied! You said it was the left fist!
FRODO: Yeah? Well it wasn't fair to start mind probing.
GALADRIEL: Alas! I will diminish, and raise tomatoes in the West! Sob
FRODO: There isn't a better occupation in the whole of Middle-Earth. Excuse me. I just remembered....I promised Lindy at K-mart to have my portrait taken for the store. I need my beauty sleep.
Frodo started to walk away, stopped and examined his reflection in the birdbath.
FRODO: And thanks for letting me use your Mirror!
GALADRIEL: (screeching) MIRROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
EVERYBODY IN LOTHLORIEN: Uh-oh.
FRODO: Was it something I said?
FRODO: Where are we going?
GALADRIEL: cough
FRODO: Are we there yet?
GALADRIEL: cough
FRODO: Can I have some ketchup?
GALADRIEL: cough
FRODO: Do you need a lozenge?
Galadriel: starts to cough, then clears throat No. Look at this.
Galadriel entered a small hollow and approached a silver birdbath. She filled the basin with water from a silver pitcher. Frodo approached cautiously.
GALDRIEL: Will you look into the Birdbath?
FRODO: What will I see?
GALADRIEL: (irritated) Oh, don't worry. I cleaned it out yesterday.
FRODO (hastily): Ok, OK, I'll look!
The Lady was appeased. She continued her spiel.
GALADRIEL: It will show you many things. Things that were. Things that are. And some things...
FRODO: Yes?
Galadriel smiled cheesily.Rather taken aback, Frodo peered into the Birdbath for what he thinks is a polite amount of time.
FRODO: Ok. I'm done looking.
GALADRIEL: Was that not your life's most intriguing?
FRODO: I guess so.
GALADRIEL: Guess so! But you must know! What did you see?
FRODO: Water, and bird--
GALADRIEL: Frodo!
FRODO: Sorry.
Perplexed, Galadriel inspected the Birdbath then brightened and inserted a CD-rom into the Birdbath's base. Frodo looked on with interest. There were a few clicking sounds, and then Galadriel ejected the CD-rom. Finally she adjusted a twig on the ledge behind her.
GALADRIEL: THERE. Now Look. Much effort it took to re-establish the Internet connection, but 'tis done.
Reluctantly, Frodo peered in again.
GALADRIEL: Well?
FRODO: I see...Glarwenolas. And he's with a freaky purple dinosaur. They're talking. How come I can't hear anything?
GALADRIEL: The speakers were set for stereo and the Birdbath only does mono so it sounded weird. I sent them back to Walmart for a refund.
FRODO: Um-hum. Well, now I see.... RANDY!!!!!
Frodo burst into tears.
The Lady of the Wood saw that now was her chance
GALADRIEL: (wisely) I see you are troubled with much care
Dry thy tears with thy hair.
Lonely is a Ring to bear.
Chase those sorrows to their lair.
And present the Ring to Me,
This chance so rare
Comes only to those who dare to dare
A queen I'll be
So dark yet Fair
Give the Ring to Me!
I implore this of thee.
Sickened by the mother of all bad poetry, Frodo gaped.
FRODO: Here. I have an idea. Let's play a game. You guess which fist the Ring is in and I'll give it to you.
GALADRIEL: Really?!
FRODO: Really.
Galadriel stared at his fists, then pointed confidently at his left hand. Frodo opened it with an expression of mock horror.)
FRODO: Haha! You're wrong! The Ring is still mine!
GALADRIEL: That's not fair! You lied! You said it was the left fist!
FRODO: Yeah? Well it wasn't fair to start mind probing.
GALADRIEL: Alas! I will diminish, and raise tomatoes in the West! Sob
FRODO: There isn't a better occupation in the whole of Middle-Earth. Excuse me. I just remembered....I promised Lindy at K-mart to have my portrait taken for the store. I need my beauty sleep.
Frodo started to walk away, stopped and examined his reflection in the birdbath.
FRODO: And thanks for letting me use your Mirror!
GALADRIEL: (screeching) MIRROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
EVERYBODY IN LOTHLORIEN: Uh-oh.
FRODO: Was it something I said?