YOU HAVE NO NAMES, ONLY BLACK SUITS

In the mud pits underneath that tall, spindly obsidian tower that was obviously compensating for something, Saruman stood at a podium and shuffled through his notes.

SARUMAN: ROLECALL!!! For the Expedition in Pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.... wait a minute.

Saruman shuffled through his notes once more.

SARUMAN: For the Quest in Pursuit of Hobbits and Their Trinkets. Lurtz!

LURTZ: Hai.

SARUMAN: Sally!

SALLY: Hai.

SARUMAN: Discombob, otherwise known as Bob.

BOB: Hai.

SARUMAN: Tinkle Winkle.

T.W.: I prefer Ink!

SARUMAN: Just say "Hai".

INK: Hai.

SARUMAN: Smelly de la Shelly la Shcelly. Sh for short.

SH: Hai.

SARUMAN: Bobcomdisc, a.k.a. Bob...there's two Bob's?

BOB2: Hai.

SARUMAN: That's confusing. I'm going to name you Ugluk.

UGLUK: Sounds like ketchup.

SARUMAN: Kind of, yeah....but not really. Now. Each of you take 5 other Uruk-hai and go. You know what to do.

URUKS: Hai!

SARUMAN: And if you run into any of the Stinkin' Dark Lord's inferior versions, remember that you are the Hai-ing Uruk-hai 6.0!

URUK-hai 6.0: HAI!!!!